Female Jesse and the Psycho Pumpkin Mansion
by Greene Earth Productions
Summary: It's a night of terror and mystery! Bloodthirsty murderers, conniving thieves, people with dark secrets that must never be revealed, and a strange woman on a mission. Our hero, the cutesy, wonderful, and innocent Stampy, will need to tread a dangerous path through the web of crime and conspiracy to get out of this mess alive. Content Warning: rape, intense violence, torture, death.
1. Chapter 0: Prologues

**Prologue: Jesse.**

 _Knock-knock-knock-_ "Ohhhhhh, Jesse!" Lukas' voice calls, knocking on Jesse's chamber's door.

Despite it being the afternoon, Jesse was still in bed. She and her friends had developed some... nocturnal habits.

"Yesss, Lukas?" Jesse rises from her slumber, sitting up.

"Me and Ivor just returned from the market." Lukas informs her.

"Yesss, we have some WONDERFUL news!" Ivor's voice hisses.

"Ooh! I'll be right out...!" Jesse calls as she throws her blanket off of her naked sexy Hispanic self and walks over to the heap of purple and black armor lying on the floor, she eagerly grabs and puts on one article after the other, each piece chained to the others with a white string, until the entirety of the pile was resting comfortably on her, and she placed the end of the string to dangle on her chest from her left shoulder.

"Oh, guuuys! I'm coming out!" Jesse announces as she struts out of her chamber door.

Ivor grins, flashing a glance and nod with Lukas.

"Whatsa go'in on out here...?" an extremely tired Petra comes lumbering over to the group like a zombie, blinking her tired eyes and scratching her back like an ape.

"The new guy is proving his worth already." Ivor answers, turning to Lukas "tell them what you found out, young Lukasss."

"One of the contacts I used to work with before... you guys, has tipped me off to an opportunity." Lukas explains, pulling out a map "apparently, there's a secret party going down at this mansion..." he points out the location "this isn't small-time either, there's gonna be big names, it's an exclusive event for only the highest celebs."

"Celebs!?" Petra's interested "lousy, no good stuck-ups, always looking down on us little guys."

"This could be a good chance for them to look _up_ to us, with pleading, teary eyes..." Jesse grins, knowing where this is going.

"Yesss!" Ivor nods "that's exactly what I thought: think of how FUN it will be!"

"I've never fried fish this big before." Lukas admits, giving a sly smile "but there's a first time for everything."

"You got a plan to get us in?" Jesse presumes.

"Of course we do!" Ivor snickers "it's called... the front door."

"Or, if that doesn't work, the backdoor." Lukas adds.

"Or, if THAT doesn't work..." Ivor picks back up "...the sidedoor."

"And if EVEN THAT doesn't work, we always have windows." Lukas nods.

"Sound gud." Petra grunts.

"Alright, so it's a plan." Jesse nods, "just when is this going down?"

"Tonight." Lukas answers "if we're going to pull this off, we need to be ready soon."

"We look pretty ready right now." Jesse grins.

"Nuh-uh." Petra shakes her head and pats her tummy "I need to crunch somethin'."

"I would advise that we load up on... nutritional supplements." Ivor agrees "this could be a long, LONG night of fun, we'll need our strength."

"Can I have cookies?" Petra asks Jesse "or cake?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure they'll have plenty of hors d'oeuvres at the party, expensive, delicious ones, but I suppose we should have something before hand just the same..." Jesse thinks about it, "do we _have_ cookies or cake?"

"Got cake." Petra rumbles.

"Um, Lukas and I just brought back a variety of nutritious edibles." Ivor's a little annoyed "using the emeralds we, uh, gathered."

"How long will it take to prepare these... nutritious edibles?" Jesse inquires.

"Depends on which we choose to... devour." Ivor explains "if we eat pork, eggs, and toast, then not long, but if we eat carrots and beats, no time at all."

"Hm..." Jesse frowns at the idea of eating raw carrots and beats when they could have cake instead, "...we can have the pork and eggs."

"And cake?" Petra pushes.

"And cake for dessert." Jesse nods, "unless we want to save extra room for hors d'oeuvres."

"Petra will work up an appetite." Petra waves it off, turning away and heading for the kitchen by herself.

"Um..." Lukas raises an eyebrow, then leans close to Jesse "your sister doesn't always talk in the third person, does she? I swear I thought she referred to herself as 'I' before."

"Only sometimes, she flip flops." Jesse informs, "it depends on her mood, if she's tired and hungry, she'll talk in the third-person, but if she's more clear headed she tends to just talk normal, not always though."

"Shall we follow her?" Ivor asks, gesturing for his leader, Jesse, to lead the way.

"Come on, guys..." Jesse starts, "we've got a long night ahead of us-"

"WHERE PETRA CAKE!?" a booming voice sounds ahead.

 _ **BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM.**_ Petra comes stomping back like a rhino "WHO ATE ALL THE CAKE!?"

Nobody answers.

"...WHO DID IT!?" Petra demands, starting to point fingers "IVOR!?"

"NO, it wasn't me!" Ivor protests.

"JESSE!?" Petra moves on.

"I would have saved some for you!" Jesse defends.

Petra narrows her eyes, "...NEW MAN?"

"I was asleep!" Lukas starts, "Ivor woke me up, I've been with him all day!" he turns to Ivor "tell her!"

"Hrmph, he was." Ivor confirms, unhappily.

Awkward silence, Petra processes this information.

"IVOR!?" Petra starts the loop again.

"It, wasn't, me!" Ivor insists "I promise you!"

"JESSE!?" Petra returns.

"NO!" Jesse maintains.

Petra narrows her eyes, "...NEW-"

"I don't think it was any of us!" Lukas snaps.

"...sounds like something a guilty man would say." Petra's not convinced, folding her arms.

Just then, Jesse notices cake crumbs in Petra's hair.

"I think _I_ know who ate it." Jesse comments.

"You do!?" Petra's eyes brighten "who?"

"Look at the pretty red locks you still have on your head." Jesse advises.

Petra tries to look at her hair, she sweeps it with her hand and looks at the gathered crumbs, that's when the memory kicks back in and suddenly she remembers falling asleep on the couch, waking up in the middle of the night, munching the last of the cake, and collapsing onto her bed.

"...oh." Petra frowns "uh, I remember now: I ate the cake, and forget."

Silence.

"Sorry, new man." Petra finishes.

"It's fine." Lukas is okay with this "just remember this the next time you find the cake or anything else missing, don't make the same mistake twice."

"Come along now then." Ivor urges "Daylight's burning, most worlds would have gone to night already."

"Oh yeah, right, you guys aren't used to this world's time." Lukas recalls "you used to have what, seventeen-minute days?"

"Urghughugh." the three shudder.

"Thank goodness we're up to twenty-four hours now." Ivor expresses relief.

"I want fifty-six." Petra isn't satisfied.

"I'm sure we'll find one with fifty-six one day, Petra, but let's just take what we can get for now." Jesse waves it off, "so, breakfast?"

"Yesss." Ivor nods, getting impatient.

 **Prologue: Stampy.**

" _Awww, I'm Stampy Cat! Stampy Cat!_ " Stampylonghead sings to himself as he gets out of the shower, throws on his clothes complete with his epic cat hoodie and then heads outside " _Who's that cool cat walking down the street? it's STAMPY! Who's the greatest YouTuber you could meet? it's STAMPY! Who is the diamond minecart never gonna beat? it's STAMPY! Who's gonna check the mailbox and find a treat? IT'S STAMPY! Stampy Cat! Stampy Cat! it's Stampy! Stampy Cat! Stampy Cat!_ " he finishes by checking his mailbox.

"Ooh!" Stampy pulls out a special, important looking letter "what's this?"

Curious, he takes it back inside and opens it.

"Dear Stampy Cat." he reads out loud "you are formally invited to attend a secret meeting of elite Minecraft YouTubers this very night, only the best have been chosen to appear: yourself, LDShadowLady, StacyPlays, TorqueDawg, Captain Sparklez, and of course..." Stampy tenses and breathes in sharply as he finds the name of his arch-nemesis "...Dan the Diamond Minecart. Instructions on what time to arrive and where to locate the meeting mansion are included below."

Silence.

"Well! if DAN is going to this thing, you'd better believe STAMPY CAT will be there to show him up!" Stampy angrily crumples the letter in his anger and throws it at the floor, his false exterior of 'oh I'm happy Stampy Cat' having caved away to reveal his true, hateful nature "but what can this be about? HOW will I show him up?"

He stares at the floor.

"I guess..." he curves his brow, determined "I'm just going to have to be ready, for, ANYTHING." he turns away and goes about his business.

It's true that Stampy is a master of all things Minecraft, but even he would not, and in fact, could not, be ready for what will happen to the people who go to that mansion tonight...

Author's Note: remember, reviews are always welcome! we love to hear what you think.


	2. Chapter 1: Stacy's Secret

**BEGINNING OF MYSTERY ARC.**

 **Chapter One: Stacy's Secret.**

"There you go, guys!" Captain Sparklez cheers "teamwork, makes the dream work!"

"Ohhh!" Stampy whines "all of this danger talk has my stomach all queasy!"

"Stampy! come over here." Stacy invites him away "I need to talk to you about something."

"Lizzay, pssst! Lizzie...!" Dan coaxes LDShadowLady to join him at the table.

Cassie and the Captain take seats by themselves away from each other.

"Let's regroup." Lukas advises to Jesse.

"Yes, yes, of course." Jesse nods agreement.

Jesse, Lukas, Ivor, and Petra all gather away from listening ears.

"It looks like someone else had the same idea, huh?" Petra comments.

"I've used a similar tipped arrow trap before." Lukas remembers "it's okay, but there's lots of better traps."

"I like watching these young, arrogant little 'celebrities' scream and scramble with panic." Ivor remarks "that Captain fellow practically pissed his nice suit when the muscle-bound meathead turned himself into a pincushion... too bad that wasn't our work."

"Glad none of us wandered into it, we've never had to deal with these kind of surprises before." Jesse puts in.

"Meh, I would've saved you." Ivor shrugs "...but not TorqueDawg." he smiles smugly at the fact that TorqueDawg is only dead because Ivor didn't help him.

"What are we going to do, Jesse?" Lukas questions "you're the boss."

"Well, I certainly don't want to _leave._ " Jesse establishes, "we'll just watch where we step and hope for the best, besides, if TorqueDawg had so many enemies then he very well may have been the only target, and any other traps they had set up could be deactivated, so until someone else dies we're looking pretty good."

"Okay." Lukas nods "I'm cool with that, but what do we do next? for now?"

"Hmmm..." Jesse thinks it over "you guys just chill here for a bit, stay outta trouble, I'm gonna go get to know our... heh, heh, victims, a little better."

All three of her compatriots grin wide, raise their eyebrows, and nod.

Jesse turns around to view her options.

1\. Lizzie and Dan, who are talking.

2\. Cassie, sitting by herself.

3\. Captain Sparklez, going Cassie with it.

4\. Stampy and Stacy, who are... talking?

Jesse raises an eyebrow in interest, she creeps a little closer to the latter duo. They looked... kind of like they were talking, but there was something off about it, and as Jesse approaches, her heart beats with immediate arousal as she realizes that they're _kissing._

"Mwah-mwah...!" Stampy purrs as he smooches the girl of his dreams.

"Mmmmmm...!" Stacy hums as she smothers her long-time crush, the two of them had been secretly dating for a while, and it has been wonderful.

"EEEEEE! oh-my-god, are you guys, like, _a thing?_ " Jesse runs right up into their personal space and quietly asks them invasive questions.

"Uh! w-what!?" Stampy's very startled, "we, uh, well...!"

"You were KISSING." Jesse giggles "I, _**saw you.**_ "

"N-no we weren't!" Stacy blushes.

"Yes, you were, I witnessed it first hand." Jesse pushes, "what's the matter? is it a... secret?"

Stampy's and Stacy's eyes both go very wide, and their cheeks very red.

"...n-" Stampy starts.

"Yes!" Stacy hisses, knowing the jig is up and that Jesse isn't going to forget it "it is, okay? so what?"

"I want in." Jesse states.

"In?" Stacy repeats "you mean... on the secret?"

"I mean... can I join?" Jesse proposes, raising her eyebrows up and down flirtatiously.

Stacy's jaw drops.

"Whaaa!?" Stampy's shocked "join!? as in, j-join our, our kissing...!?"

"And anything that comes after." Jesse leans in close and stares into Stampy's shaky eyes.

"Um, excuse me?" Stacy doesn't like Jesse so close to Stampy "first of all, there wasn't going to be anything 'after', and second, why do you even want to?"

"I like the two of you." Jesse replies, "you're... sexy."

Stacy's eyes widen slightly, taken aback by such a straightforward response, and a little creeped out.

"A-are you referring to, BOTH of us!?" Stampy's surprised "I mean, I can get her, but... ME?"

"Stampy...!" Jesse looks at him seriously, "you're BETTER than Stacy."

Stampy gapes, "B-but I'm Stampy Cat!" he freaks "I'm supposed to be CUTE."

"Oh, you are, in the sexy way." Jesse assures.

"Oh... whew, thank goodness." Stampy's relieved by this.

"Well, I don't know how comfortable I am with that." Stacy asserts "we barely know you, Jesse, and we were only kissing a little."

"Add me, and you'll be kissing a lot." Jesse grins.

"Still not comfortable." Stacy rolls her eyes.

"Well, what about you, Stampy?" Jesse asks, "are you into it?"

"Ummmmmm..." Stampy's a nervous, sweating wreck "...n-n-n-no-o-ot r-r-real-l-ly, um, th-this isn't a g-g-good time."

"But are you... opposed, to the idea?" Jesse just won't take a hint.

"...I mean, uh..." Stampy's not sure how to answer, but he wants to keep her happy "I, g-g-guess I'm not... as long as Stacy isn't." he covers his bases.

"Stacy?" Jesse keeps pushing for something that isn't a flat out 'no'.

"..." Stacy thinks about her answer carefully, given their current situation in a mansion where people are dying, she really doesn't want to make Jesse upset, "Honestly, Jesse, I'm opposed to it right now, because we just met you, okay? maybe if we get to know you better I'll reconsider it, but at this time my answer is 'no thanks'."

Jesse heaves her shoulders in a sigh.

"For _real?_ " she questions.

"I just said-" Stacy grinds her teeth.

"YES." Stampy squeaks, his voice high-pitched from anxiety "for real!"

"Fine, fine, if you need space, I'll leave, but I do encourage you to consider my offer." Jesse finally gives in.

"WE WILL." Stampy nods enthusiastically, excited to finally see her leave.

"Thanks." Stacy acknowledges, not smiling.

"I'll see the two of you again later, have fun kissing." Jesse waves, then ducks close again to whisper, "take some time to imagine me while you're at it, you might be... surprised." then turns and walks off without another word.

"Uhhhuhhh...!" Stampy whines uncomfortably.

"Don't." Stacy instructs.

"I won't, I won't!" Stampy insists.

"Good." Stacy smiles a little, "now come here, let's get our minds off of her and pick up where we left off." she pulls Stampy into an embrace, feeling extra territorial of him now, after Jesse's advances.

.

Authors' Note: Hey, readers! do you like the story so far? if so, there's even more fun to be had! we're creating a poll so that YOU can vote for your favorite characters! the poll will provide a list of all the characters that appear in the story, you may select your top three favorites, to vote, simply go to our profile page and find it there, it should be right at the top.

The poll is just for fun and will not have any effect on the future of the story whatsoever, as such, we personally request that you vote only for your legitimate favorite characters and do not let whatever the poll's current results are sway your vote, we appreciate genuine, accurate results from you guys.

Alternatively! if you would like to save your actual vote for after the end of the story, why not include your list of top three faves in your review for the chapters? this works great for us, as we are particularly curious as to how your list may change over time as you read more and more. For instance, one chapter your favorites might be Jesse, Stampy, and Petra, but then you read the next chapter, and now the awesomeness of Lukas has blown him way up into the #1 spot! we greatly appreciate any and all of you who would be so kind as to document your preferences in this fashion.


	3. Chapter 2: Planting Seeds

**Chapter 2: Planting Seeds.**

"Hey, how's it going?" Petra asks Jesse as she returns.

"Did you learn who the killer is?" Ivor asks, urgently.

"Ooh, I found something better than that." Jesse grins.

"Better?" Lukas raises an eyebrow "what is it?"

"It looks like Stampy and Stacy have a little somethin' go'in on..." Jesse sneers.

"OOH." Petra's interested, her eyes widen and her smile stretches, she knows exactly what that means.

"Oh no..." Ivor rolls his eyes "here we go again..."

"Huh?" Lukas is confused by this "what do you mean? what's going again with us?"

"You will see soon enough." Ivor promises.

"Are they hot?" Petra inquires.

"They're fucking hot up the ass." Jesse assures.

"Gooooood." Petra nods "are they resistant, or cooperative?"

"Ugh, well..." Jesse starts, "they seem pretty adverse to the idea, but did tell me they'd consider it, so..." Jesse tilts her hand side to side as if weighing their chances, "about half and half, not too bad, not great, but we probably won't get too much trouble out of them."

"Is there one that you have... particular interest in?" Petra questions, taking this very seriously.

"Stampy, if I could get only one, I'd choose him in a heartbeat." Jesse informs.

"I'll remember that." Petra nods determinedly "we'll go for two, but if push comes to shove we'll seize what we can get."

"Agreed." Jesse concurs.

"Excuse me for interrupting, ladies." Ivor interjects "but I'm curious: is finding the killer even a priority anymore?"

"Nope." Petra shakes her head, "we'll get around to them eventually, no matter who it is, right, Jesse?"

"Of _course._ " Jesse insists, "besides, the longer we wait, the fewer suspects there'll be."

"Just as I thought..." Ivor accepts it, unimpressed "thank you for clarifying."

"I'm still confused." Lukas expresses.

"Wait, and all will be revealed." Ivor reminds him.

"Do you have a plan?" Petra asks her sister.

"Not yet, but I'm working on one." Jesse assures, "just wait, we'll get what we want, one way or the other."

"In the meantime, I'd advise speaking with our other victims." Ivor suggests "you never know what useful information might just... slip."

"Of course, you guys sit tight, I'll get more out of them and be back to tell you everything soon enough." Jesse nods, "see you then."

"Tch-tch!" Petra winks.

Jesse reassess her options.

1\. Lizzie and Dan, who are still talking.

2\. Cassie, sitting with her cat.

3\. Captain Sparklez, who is asleep.

 _I could wake up the captain._ Jesse thinks, chuckling.

After a moment of consideration, though, she decided to start lurking towards Dan and Lizzie, seeing if she could pick up on any consequential details of their conversation.

"And then it was just GONE, I know somebody had to have stolen it." Jesse hears Dan.

"Well, it wasn't ME if that's what you're thinking!" Lizzie responds.

"I know it wasn't you, it couldn't have been because you were doing a livestream at the time." Dan responds "I think it was Stampy, I'm asking you to work with me to get it back from him."

"...what's in it for me?" Lizzie questions.

"Next time Stampy steals something from you, I'll help get it back." Dan offers.

"Cheap." Lizzie snarks.

"OH-MY-GOD!" Jesse finally interrupts, suddenly leaning in between the two master YouTubers "are you two, like, _a thing?_ "

"Whoa!" Dan's taken aback and almost falls out of his chair in surprise.

"Jesse!?" Lizzie gasps "were you spying on us!?"

"What? no!" Jesse plays dumb, "I just saw the two of you talking, then I came running because I realized how _cute you are together!_ "

"Cute!?" Dan repeats "I-I'm not CUTE, I'm sexy!"

Meanwhile, Stampy and Stacy notice what's going on, they tense up, staring at the scene. Cassie also takes interest, as does Jesse's gang, and Captain Sparklez wakes up with a snort.

"You two are a thing!?" Cassie asks Lizzie.

"What!?" Lizzie reacts, turning her gaze between Jesse and Cassie "no! we're not! we're just friends, right, Dan?"

"I'm SEXY...!" Dan stresses, then turns to Lizzie "...oh, yeah, just friends."

"See?" Lizzie tells Jesse "we're not a thing."

"Well, you know what?" Jesse leans in closer, pushing to Lizzie's side, " _you should be._ "

Lizzie's mindfucked, she stares at Jesse, her mouth slightly agape and her eyebrows twisted. She couldn't believe that this stranger had the nerve to stick her nose into Lizzie's love life, and INSTRUCT HER on how 'it should be'.

"We should!?" Dan repeats in surprise, sharing an equally perplexed glance with Lizzie "why!?"

"Just look at each other!" Jesse insists, "don't you _want_ to be a thing?"

"I...!" Dan pauses to look at Lizzie, thinking about it "...I never really did, no."

"Same here." Lizzie agrees "I'm not interested in Dan."

"Oh, well thanks." Dan takes offense.

"UGH!" Lizzie facepalms "what I mean is that I'm not interested in a relationship right now, no offense to anyone."

"Well, same here." Dan folds his arms and looks away from Lizzie, bitter "I'm not interested in a relationship with you either, Lizzie, I already get all the ladies, what do I need you for? 'no offense'."

"What do you need me for!?" Lizzie gapes "how about getting back, YOUR ENCHANTED FLINT AND STEAL!?"

Stampy's eyes widen.

"Lizzie!" Dan freaks "I trusted you!"

"Enchanted flint and steal!?" Captain Sparklez reacts "you found it, Dan!?"

"SHUT UP!" Dan snaps at the Captain before turning back to Lizzie "how could you do this to me!?"

"Oh, I'm sorry." Lizzie's not actually sorry "maybe you should get your groupies to fix it, they're the only girls you need, right?"

"Urrrgh, Lizzie!" Dan stresses "that was just to get you back for what you said about me! I didn't mean it, and it CERTAINLY doesn't justify betraying my secrets! it was never supposed to go that far!"

"I said NO, OFFENSE." Lizzie reminds him "you're the one who decided to 'get me back' anyway! it's your fault we've gone that far."

"NOOO!" Dan protests "nothing I said was anything close to harmful! it was just banter, you took things to a whole other level, one that actually hurts!"

"Nothing close to harmful!? PAH!" Lizzie scoffs "you said you didn't need me for anything!"

"I...!" Dan pauses "wait... did that hurt you?"

Everybody looks at Lizzie.

"...I mean, it wasn't pleasant to hear." Lizzie admits.

"Were YOU hurt, Dan?" Jesse asks, grinning "when she said that she wasn't interested in sexy, sexy you?"

Everybody looks at Dan.

"Well..." Dan thinks about it "...it, uh, wasn't nice to hear."

"It hurt you." Jesse nods "and you hurt her, so, clearly you two care strongly about what the other thinks of you, which means...!"

"They are so into each other." Petra finishes with a nod.

"Are not!" Dan and Lizzie both snap simultaneously.

"They even speak in unison." Jesse observes.

"Even I, the world's greatest, most brilliant scientist..." Ivor boasts "...am overwhelmed by the complex chemistry between these two... _individuals._ "

Dan and Lizzie both huff in frustration and annoyance, turning away from Jesse's gang and looking down at their hands on the table. They were now embarrassed, regretful, angry, and of course, overwhelmingly, unbearably, sad.

They wished they had never come to this mansion.


	4. Chapter 3: Beauty Standards

**Chapter 3: Beauty Standards.**

"Come on, you guys!" Jesse puts an arm around Dan and Lizzie each, pulling them close together "stop pretending! we all know it's there, don't suppress your feelings."

"Watch the hair!" Dan struggles.

"Get off!" Lizzie orders, also struggling.

"No, no, no, I'm helping you, trust me." Jesse snickers "here, let's take a moment to relax and think this through, okay?"

"Fine!" Dan agrees "just let me go!"

"Lizzie?" Jesse turns to the other.

"Ugh...!" Lizzie rolls her eyes "whatever, sure, but I'm telling you: there's nothing."

"Good!" Jesse's pleased to see that they're... _**cooperating**_ "now, take a nice long look at Dan, Lizzie, and take a nice long look at Lizzie, Dan." she releases them, but gets up and turns their chairs to face each other.

Dan and Lizzie stare at each other awkwardly, Dan frowning.

"Don't you see how beautiful the other is?" Jesse eggs them on "Dan, don't you want to just, get lost in Lizzie's radiant blue eyes? aren't they so gentle and intelligent? framed by her soft, pale, powdery skin and long, silky, pastel hair, leading down to her delicate, curvy, small framed body, all draped in her many adorable, modern, practically fashion model outfits? that you, and only you, will be allowed to see her without?"

Dan doesn't react, he keeps staring at Lizzie, still frowning, as still and unwavering as a statue, Jesse's words seemingly having no effect.

"Hmm..." Jesse starts to frown, but then she notices _Dan's massive boner,_ "...oh." she grins, glad to see that her message was getting through, and very effectively.

"Dan?" Lizzie doesn't understand why he's not reacting.

"Ah! and as for you, Lizzie..." Jesse starts "there's a couple pretty nice things about Dan, but I think we can all unanimously agree, that his very best feature, without a shadow of a doubt, has to undeniably be his _gorgeous, vibrant, fluffy, delicious, fucking, HAIR,_ that stuff has been mercilessly dyed over and over again, _so, many, times,_ but yet, it's still not the slightest bit damaged, it's healthy, and clean, and strong, and so, _sooo soft,_ come on, Lizzie, you can't seriously expect me to believe that you don't want to touch, and stroke, and rub, and pull, and tear that gift from god right off of that man's scalp, and run away with it, and keep it as your own, forever, and wash and care for it, keeping it hidden away at the back of your sock drawer, where, at the end of each long day of obsessively thinking about it, you come home and retrieve it, and caress it, and smell it, and snuggle it, every, single, night, before you close your eyes, and blissfully let sleep take you, with your most prized, most treasured possession, grasped safely in your hand, unable to ever, ever leave."

Dan's and Lizzie's eyes are stretched wide, both of them thoroughly disturbed by this.

"...well?" Petra pushes, walking up to right behind Lizzie "don't you?"

"I...!" Lizzie has no idea what the hell she should say.

Dan's frown increases and he looks at her with large, sad, scared eyes.

"...I like his hair." Lizzie answers "but-"

"THAT'S A YES!" Jesse cheers "you DO want each other! ha-ha-ha!"

"What!? no! no, no, no!" Lizzie protests "Dan didn't even respond to you!"

"Oh, yes, he did!" Jesse corrects, "should've looked downstairs if you wanted a real answer!"

"Huh!?" Lizzie's just perplexed.

 _Errrch!_ Dan's chair sounds as he covers his crotch from view and turns away before Lizzie can look.

"..." Lizzie fully realizes what this means, and reacts accordingly: wide eyes, heavy blush. We're talking like, HEAVY blush.

"Congratulations." Petra smirks, bumping Lizzie on the shoulder "you're not single anymore, lucky..."

"..." Lizzie is too embarrassed to respond, she just wants to die.

Petra raises an eyebrow, "Oh, and by the way..." she adds "you know what you should really do? thank the fuck out of Jesse for making this happen."

"Ooh! that sounds like a good idea!" Jesse grins, "you wanna know how you can do that?"

"How...?" Dan groans, miserable.

"Let, me, _in!_ " Jesse cheers.

 _Smack!_ Stampy punches a fist into his hand in smug victory, nodding all satisfied. He's been enjoying the show, and he just KNEW it would lead to this eventually.

"...excuse me?" Dan blinks, legitimately not understanding.

"I want, two tickets." Jesse informs, "me and a plus one, going at it hardcore, whatever we want."

"We're good, Stacy...!" Stampy squeals, excited "Jesse's moved on! she's finding it elsewhere!"

"I'm sorry." Dan shakes his head "you must be confused, I don't have tickets for anything."

"Metaphorical tickets, Dan." Jesse explains, "you know what I mean, don't you, Lizzie?"

"NO!" Lizzie snaps, not even thinking about it due to wanting this experience to just be over "I don't know, and I don't care! m-me and Dan aren't-, we're not like that! you're not helping us, okay!? if you want to help us then find the killer, otherwise, j-just leave us alone!" she would get up and go home, but she's trapped with them, so she rests her arms on the table and stares straight ahead, away from Jesse and Petra, who she silently cursed for causing all this trouble.


	5. Chapter 4: Lipstick

**Chapter 4: Lipstick.**

"...well, okay then." Jesse nods "I respect your wishes, Lizzie."

Stampy and Stacy stiffly lift up clawed, tense hands at this blatant lack of the persistence Jesse had given them.

Jesse leaves Dan and Lizzie alone and miserable, regrouping with her gang in the corner of the room.

"Well, that was a bust." Petra heaves, frustrated.

"They're not as hot as Stampy and Stacy anyway." Jesse shrugs it off, "at least we still have a chance of convincing the two of them, and if worse comes to worse and they also refuse, we can always just... take."

"Since when have you two ever NOT wound up needing to take?" Ivor points out.

"I think there had to have been at least one time, right?" Petra sure doesn't remember.

"There's a first time for everything, Ivor, the important thing is that we're trying to get it the nice way." Jesse reasons, "at least we give the option of consent."

"Yes, and then they refuse, and so you put a gun to their heads and give them the option to consent to you overriding their non-consent." Ivor nods "and only if they refuse that do things get really ugly."

"I think I'm starting to understand this..." Lukas nods, his eyes narrowed as he thinks deeply about the subject.

"No." Ivor shakes his head "scratching the surface is what you're doing, there's a whole other set of levels you need to get through."

"So what do we do now, Jess?" Petra asks Jesse "do you wanna, ugh, just go back to looking for the killer?"

"Hmm... no, that will come with time." Jesse decides, as she stares across the room at Stampy and Stacy, "there's something else I wanna do first..."

"Cool." Petra nods.

"Ivor?" Jesse turns to the elderly man "do you still have that make-up stuff on you?"

"Why, of course I do, Jesse." Ivor nods "do you... require it?"

"Yes, yes, I think I do." Jesse replies, "particularly... the lipstick."

Ivor reaches into his coat and, after a moment, pulls out a dark crimson lipstick stick. He passes it to Jesse.

"Thanks, I'll be back soon." Jesse nods, popping the cap off and caking her lips with a thick, bold layer as she heads off in Stampy and Stacy's direction.

"EEEEEEP!" Stampy freaks out quietly to Stacy "SHE'S COMING BACK!"

"GAK!" Stacy chokes in panic, whipping around to find Jesse's face right in front of her's "AHHH!"

"Whoops! sorry, didn't mean to surprise you." Jesse smirks "how are you two holding up over here?"

"FINE." Stampy squeaks.

"Good!" Jesse smiles and nods "I was, tch, just wanting to talk to you about something, something... important."

"O-kay..." Stacy agrees reluctantly, taking a step back to put some space between her and the other girl "what is it?"

"Well, Stacy, I just, you know, I just noticed, that you, are wearing lipstick, and that, I too, am wearing lipstick, but... Stampy, just, doesn't have any lipstick, so then I got to thinking, maybe you, and me, should share our lipstick with Stampy!" Jesse proposes.

"Oh..." Stacy's not impressed, "well, uh, no thanks, Jesse, that's really not necessary of you."

"Oh, but it would be so nice!" Jesse presses, "and Stampy doesn't have any!"

"That's true, but it's okay." Stacy assures "he doesn't want any, and even if he did, then I'd just share mine with him, it's kind of you to offer, but I have enough."

"Oh, but if we added me to the equation there would be so much more to go around!" Jesse points out, "if you were to just share with Stampy alone then you would each only get half a coat, but with me we would all get two thirds, that's like, 16% more lipstick! for both of you! so, 32% more lipstick! that's a LOT more lipstick."

"Oh..." Stampy processes the information, "well, that is more lipstick."

"What, you _**want to**_ now!?" Stacy confronts him.

"Uh, NO!" Stampy realizes he didn't even know what he was saying, "I don't! I'm good with 50%, thanks!"

"Okay." Stacy nods, turning back to Jesse "thanks for offering, Jesse."

"Ugh...!" Jesse heaves her shoulders in frustration, "fine, fine, did you just wanna go without her, Stampy?"

 _ **BOOM.**_ Stacy's expression stiffens, an almost murderous fury burning in the pupils of her eyes as her mind fully absorbs what she just heard come out of this bitch's mouth.

"W-what!?" Stampy's not prepared for this.

"Come onnn, it'll be great!" Jesse encourages, "we can go farther than you and Stacy! we can just go and find a closet and do whatever we want! if there's anything Stacy doesn't let you do, I welcome it! I like getting weird! and the killer would never be able to get us in there! we'd be safe AND fulfilling your fantasies!"

"S-safe...?" Stampy's attention is caught with that one.

"NO, of course he doesn't want to!" Stacy tries to hold back her temper "right, Stampy!?"

"UH, y-yeah!" Stampy nods wildly "I'm good out here! I, uh, I love the danger!" he forces a huge grin.

"Ugh, Stampy! come on!" Jesse pushes, "you don't need to listen to her anymore, just come with me! here, here, it'll be so easy, you see this?" she grabs the white string hanging from her shoulder, "do you know what this does?"

"It, uh..." Stampy frowns "makes your suit... vibrate...?"

"Ooh, I like where you're going with that...!" Jesse grins, "but no, Stampy, you pull the string, and this all comes off!" she gestures to her suit of armor, "everything! all of it, with just one tug! that's all it takes! it's one of my brilliant inventions!" Jesse grabs Stampy's shaky hand and grasps it around the string, "just pull my string, Stampy, it's that easy..."

"Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-*SLAP*" Stampy slaps himself with his other hand to get a grip "y-you want me to strip you down to your skivvies in front of everyone!?"

"NO, Stampy!" Jesse stresses, "not to my skivvies, to my bare ass! it ALL comes off!"

Stampy tenses... then his hand holding the string starts to shake... then he grabs it with his other hand to still it... then he forces the hand to let go of the string... and then he brings his hands back to himself and presses them against his chest, all of this is done in an extremely slow fashion.

"I think..." Stampy gulps, highly disturbed, "I think I'll pass, thanks." Stampy is a bit of a prude, as a result of being so cutesy, innocent, and gentlemanly. And he is most certainly not comfortable with stripping someone he barely knows to the nude in front of a crowd, or having cheap sex with her and ruining the meaningful relationship he currently has with his actual girlfriend for that matter.

"Pass on the string, or pass on the...?" Jesse trails off as she dances her eyebrows suggestively.

"On... all of it." Stampy confirms.

"Ugh, _really?_ " Jesse mopes, "I made such an amazing, generous offer, and you just... _deny it?_ "

"I'm..." Stampy frowns, knowing Jesse really isn't gonna like this pathetic response "...sorry."

"Ughhhh, fine, whatever..." Jesse tries to get over it, then turns to Stacy, "how about you? same deal, and this way we both get maximum lipstick."

"WHAAAT!?" Stampy's immediately horrified, "without STAMPY CAT!?"

"You had your chance to pull the string, and threesome, you declined both." Jesse points out, "but Stacy hasn't...!"

"NOOOOOO!" Stampy's really terrified of this.

"Calm down, Stampy!" Stacy instructs, putting her arm around him tightly before turning to Jesse "no thank you, Jesse, we either do it with Stampy, or not at all."

"THEN LET'S DO IT WITH STAMPY!" Jesse cheers, jumping with intense excitement at getting an 'almost yes, but better'.

"NO." Stacy responds, firmly "Stampy already told you that he doesn't wanna, so we can't." her strategy from now on is to try to let Jesse down easy, hence the lack of a direct 'no' from herself.

"And, uh, y-you don't want to either..." Stampy points out "...right?"

"Well..." Stacy hesitates "being safe sounds pretty good-"

"YES." Stampy nods.

"Errrm!" Stacy's slightly irritated, because she knows this is getting Jesse's hopes up "BUT, this is no time to screw around, we won't actually solve the problem by hiding away, we'd just delay it, what we need to do is figure out who the killer is and lock them away."

"Nuh-uh-uh!" Jesse gleefully shakes her index finger in disagreement, "all we need to do is stay safe until morning comes, then all the zombies outside will be gone and we'll be free to go!"

Stampy and Stacy stare at her.

 _...Fucking hell._ Stacy knows she's been bested.

"That's, uh, actually pretty true..." Stampy admits, unhappy "we do just need to wait..."

"BUT!" Stacy clings onto hope "is it really any safer than just keeping everyone in the mansion together at the same time? the killer can't kill if we're all there with them, and the traps won't kill so long as we stay put and don't wander around like that idiot, TorqueDawg."

"Uh, that's true too!" Stampy nods "for all we know, wandering off to... make sweet love, will result in death by traps!"

"But, Stampy! there could still be traps in here as well, you would actually expect it to be a hot spot for them considering it's the main room, but people have still been wandering around it, and will only do so more as the night goes on and they get more restless, and speaking of restless, my guess is that the killer isn't just planning on sitting here all night, they probably already have some sort of plan prepared to shake things up, and are just waiting for the perfect chance to do so, and when that happens, we _certainly_ aren't going to want to be here for it." Jesse addresses, "if you guys come with me, I could have some of my friends follow us and guard the closet door, no one would be able to come anywhere near us without going through them first, and considering they have weapons and armor, we should be pretty well defended, I wouldn't be surprised if the killer just completely gave up on us and focused exclusively on other people, leaving us sitting pretty until dawn comes."

Silence.

" _Stacy...!_ " Stampy whines, "private talk, now!" he grabs his girlfriend and runs off a little ways.

Immediately, Jesse grins darkly to herself, relishing the sight of Stampy's scrambling away.

 _Looks like I've got him hooked now...!_ she thinks, _Sweet little Stampy, so concerned about making it out of here alive. I'd bet a dozen fuckpoints that the first words out of his mouth are gonna be 'I think we should do it'!_


	6. Chapter 5: the Romantic's Stability

**Chapter 5: the Romantic's Stability.**

"Alright, Stampy, what's up?" Stacy asks once they're safely out of earshot of Jesse.

"I think we should do it." Stampy closes his eyes and prepares himself for a berating.

"WHAT!?" Stacy reacts.

"Not because I WANT to...!" Stampy explains "it's just... self-preservation."

"Self-preservation!?" Stacy repeats in disbelief "for all we know, JESSE COULD BE THE KILLER."

"..." Stampy frowns.

"She probably is, actually! she doesn't seem the least bit scared, she's been wandering more than anyone, she's the only person here who keeps trying to isolate people, and she seems pretty _**confident**_ about what the killer has planned!" Stacy reasons "under no circumstances, can we become isolated from the others with only Jesse or her friends, okay?"

"B-but..." Stampy's on the verge of tears "if... she isn't the killer... then we could be safe with her until morning... while DAN gets slaughtered! so we're safe, the killer is caught, Dan's put in the ground, and I will FINALLY become the #1 Minecraft YouTuber of the world!"

"OR, we both die!" Stacy grinds her teeth with frustration.

"...true." Stampy slowly nods "alright, baby, we'll take our chances with the whole rest of the group."

"Good." Stacy nods, "thank you." she pecks Stampy on the cheek "I'll make sure we survive, okay?"

"Ohhhh, alright..." Stampy isn't very confident about their chances, but it's their best bet so he tries to suck it up "it's just... this isn't like any danger we've faced before, I know how to handle mobs and monsters, even griefers, but a cold and calculated killer... EEEGHUGHUGH, just thinking about it gives me the shivvies."

"Don't worry." Stacy comforts him "everytime you start to feel helpless, just remember: we have the skillset to get through anything. I have battle prowess, quick-thinking, and street smarts. You have doctorate degrees in Crafting and Building, a practical encyclopedia of minecraft knowledge and experience saved up in your head, and YOU, Stampy, are the greatest Redstone Engineer who has ever lived. Together, we are an unstoppable force."

"Uh, I... I suppose... we kind of are." Stampy realizes that everything Stacy just listed down was true, "but... that still doesn't mean any significant number of our skills will come into play here, heck, if you weren't with me I very well could have just wandered off to get murdered by Jesse, and while you managed to counteract that decision in time with the unstoppable duo thing and all, if the killer does have a plan to shake up the situation, then who knows what will happen then? If you get killed, or separated from me, then what if I make another stupid mistake, one that you can't stop? If things go really, really bad, then there's probably not that much we can even really do, there's just too much guess work, even if you and me were the two most brilliant, amazing people to ever live, Stacy, we could still die here tonight, no matter how many chances we were given to protect ourselves and get through it okay!"

"CALM." Stacy orders, pulling him into a hug "yes, even if we were the very best, that wouldn't guarantee our safety, but it helps, it doesn't matter that we can't be 100% safe, what matters is that we get it as close to that as possible. Breathe, Stampy, I need you to stay level-headed. We do our best, I'll fight for us and keep you from making dumb decisions, you can use your vast knowledge to cover my back when I don't know what I'm up against, and hopefully you can build or engineer our way out of traps or something. We play to our strengths and desperately cling to each other, if we wind up separated then we'll regroup somehow, and don't even consider the possibility of death, WE, ARE NOT, DYING. Neither of us, understand?" she hopes this snaps him out of panic mode.

"O...okay..." Stampy stifles the urge to cry and scream and freak out, "th-thank you, Stacy... I needed that..."

"And I need YOU, Stampy." Stacy informs him, her words stern and a little desperate "you're far from helpless, don't forget it."

Silence.

"So, are we just going to tell Jesse 'no'?" Stampy wonders, "and try to avoid her?"

"In... in a second..." Stacy answers, her voice was weak.

"Stacy!?" Stampy's eyes widen in concern, "are you alright!?"

Stampy realizes that Stacy's eyes are tightly shut and brimmed with tears, the hug intensifies to way past the point of comfortability.

"I can't..." Stacy hushes, "I can't... live... without you... again..." now that Stampy's breakdown was over, Stacy's mental barriers collapse and she teeters on the edge of falling into one herself.

At seeing her like this, and hearing those words, and feeling the crushing sensation of Stacy's arms around him, Stampy does what any other overly sensitive, anxiety driven, kitty youtuber would do, and bursts into tears, trying his best not to let the noise of his distraught wailing get to the point of attracting the attention of the entire room.

"NO, no, no, no!" Stacy immediately snaps back to herself, she loosens her grip on Stampy and looks him directly in the eyes "we don't have time to fall into all this again, come on, we're tough, we can handle it." she wipes away first her own tears, and then Stampy's.

"I... I was okay... before you started... crying _before me._ " Stampy can't believe Stacy broke into tears first, even though it was WAY more controlled, "I... I just had... trouble seeing you so... so... broken down..."

"It's because I love you, Stampy." Stacy explains, "I love you so, so much... but we need less emotion and more rationality right now, so I'll suppress my feelings and focus on the task in front of us, you should do the same." she breaks up their hug and straightens her shirt and sash "don't worry, it won't happen again."

"Alright..." Stampy nods, choking down his tears, "don't feel bad though, please, I... I was already pretty much about to cry anyway..."

"I'm fine." Stacy assures him, glancing back towards their... pursuer "we should probably go give Jesse our answer now."

"Do you wanna do it?" Stampy really doesn't wanna.

"No." Stacy replies, sighing "but I will..."

"Thank you!" Stampy is forever in Stacy's dept.

Stacy nods once in acknowledgement that she owns Stampy for eternity, and leads him back so they can face Jesse.

 **Author's Note: hey, Female Jesse fans! we here at Greene Earth Productions have decided on this story's upload schedule, we're going to upload a new chapter each weekend, each upload will either take place on Friday night or Saturday morning, you can follow (and fave!) the story to receive notifications of each post. (Or follow/fave us as a creator to receive notifications for ALL the epic shit we make, that works even better! heh-heh-heh.)**

 **We also welcome reviews! we love reading your thoughts and we respond to most, if not all, of them. Same goes for those who vote on our favorite characters poll. We appreciate all of the feedback you give us. Please send more! We wuv wou.**


	7. Chapter 6: Rejecting the Devil

**Chapter 6: Rejecting the Devil.**

"We've... discussed it." Stacy informs the patient nympho.

"Oh?" Jesse grins widely at Stacy's apparent reluctance to speak.

"And we've decided..." Stacy stands firm and braces herself "...that we aren't comfortable with the idea, and would rather remain here with the others."

Silence.

Jesse frowns, a cold, irritated disappointment in her eyes.

"Still no?" she asks, very little emotion behind her voice.

"At this time, it is." Stacy confirms "maybe... some other time."

 _But probably not._ Stacy adds in her head.

At this consolation, Jesse's grin returns.

"Well, thank you for considering it." she chimes, "if, at some point, you happen to change your mind/minds, I would just _love_ to hear from you."

At this, Stampy smiles back at her. "You're welcome!" he waves, having assumed that she would leave them alone now "the moment we're ready to go there, you'll be our first choice!"

"Ooh, and the two of you will be mine." Jesse grins, nodding agreement.

She doesn't leave.

"...soooooo, uh, was there anything else we could help you with?" Stacy asks, putting on a small, fake smile.

"Can you get Dan and Lizzie to sleep with me?" Jesse requests.

"...oh." Stacy's smile disappears "sorry, I don't know them very well, so I don't think I'd be much help with that."

"Annnd, um, Dan doesn't like me." Stampy adds "so, I reasonably doubt I would be anything but a hindrance, GOOD LUCK THOUGH!" he puts on a wide, gleeful happy face, throwing his arms out all cutesy.

"Why yes, I would like a hug." Jesse grabs and wraps her arms around the nervous cat boy, she then starts to whisper into his ear, "you know, even if Dan doesn't like you, that doesn't mean you can't help me. If we can get him to fuck me out of spite, as an attempt to anger or upset you, then that could work out quite nicely, don't you think?"

"Uhhhhhh..." Stampy drones, unsure of how to respond "I... guess it would... for you..."

"What are you two saying!?" Stacy demands, walking behind Stampy to stare Jesse in the face, leaning in to join the secret conversation within the secret conversation.

"Oh, I was just asking Stampy if he'd like to manipulate Dan to do it through his negative emotions, to hurt Stampy's feelings." Jesse actually tells the truth, since she didn't even care whether or not Stacy would hear it and just whispered so she would feel closer to Stampy than if she talked out loud.

Stampy nods to confirm it.

"Oh... okay." Stacy's cool "I don't think it'll work though." she slightly nudges Stampy.

"Oof!" Stampy reacts anyway despite it being nothing "what!?"

"Do you want me to tell her?" Stacy asks "or are you going to?"

"OOH! tell me what?" Jesse loves delicious information.

"Oh, alright!" Stampy gives in "it won't work because Dan doesn't actually have any problems with me as far as we know, it's ME who doesn't like HIM very much, but I hide it and pretend we're friends because I'm too nice to call him out on his BULLSH-"

"ERM." Stacy slaps her hand over Stampy's mouth, then turns to Jesse "you get the idea, Dan thinks they're cool, Stampy secretly dislikes him."

"Oooh!" Jesse is very interested in this, "would you like me to do something to him then? I could make him suffer, hard."

"Already made his dick hard..." Stacy mutters.

Stampy's eyes are wide and disturbed, "Uhhhhhh! n-n-no, n-not r-really, thank y-ou...!" he's terrified at the possibility that Jesse's the killer, and could be asking him if he wants her to KILL Dan. While it's true that Stampy would very much enjoy Dan's death, he doesn't want to be so directly, personally responsible for it. And most certainly does not want to be an accomplice to a psychotic murderer.

"What would you do?" Stacy raises an eyebrow, she was also thinking that this means Jesse's the killer, but she's handling it a lot better than Stampy.

"Oh, I could do lots of things." Jesse explains, "I could do more to embarrass him, I could make him uncomfortable, I could take something from him, I could hurt him emotionally or physically, I could accuse him of being the killer, I could try to get him to wander around and trigger traps, I could try to get him to confront other people about being the killer, which could be a particularly productive option..."

As Jesse goes on and on, Stacy's certainty that she's the killer rapidly approaches 100%. Stacy discretely moves her diamond sword, a shield, two health potions, a regeneration potion, her bow, and arrows into her hot bar. She prepares to select the sword, inching her hand towards it as Jesse obliviously rambles on...

"I could plant rumors suggesting that he's the killer, see? Tons of options, just take your pick." Jesse finishes.

"..." Stampy stares at her "... _ **tough choice.**_ " he seriously thinks it over "is there any way you can make him look dumb, and me really, really smart?"

"Oh yeah, of course!" Jesse nods, pleased to see that she has Stampy so interested, "I could bring up some random fun fact or trivial thing and make up bullshit about it, telling him that something against common belief was discovered or proved about it or whatever, and then we could shoehorn it into a later conversation with you and hopefully other people, where I'll try to get Dan to blurt out the bullshit and I'll act like he totally misunderstood what I had said, and then you come in and clarify the entire subject and tell everyone how it actually works in really good detail and look totally awesome."

"Jesse..." Stampy starts, extremely serious "if you can make that happen: I will play along perfectly to the very end, and love you for it."

Jesse grins super wide.

"Sounds like a plan!" she announces, "do you understand how rhino horns and elephant tusks work? and what they're made of?"

"What and what?" Stampy's lost already.

 _Time to end this nightmare...!_ Stacy thinks, having finished taking her sword out, she hides it behind her back as she leans to the side past Stampy, getting into the perfect position to suddenly stab Jesse with a fatal blow.

" _ **Ah-hem-hem-HEM!**_ " Captain Sparklez, having finished his nap, calls attention to himself "will everybody gather around the table, please!?"

 _Shing!_ Stacy immediately unequips her sword, "Oh! shit, gotta go!" She pulls Stampy away from Jesse "nice talking with you _byyye...!_ " she runs them to their seats.

"Huhhh..." Jesse sighs, heaving her shoulders with irritation at the interruption, then starts following the others towards the table.

 **Author's Note: hey, guys! it makes us very happy to see that so many people like the story so far. Incase any of you haven't realized, we respond to your reviews by posting follow-up reviews to the same chapters under the name 'Da Masters', so if you leave a review, you can come back later and most likely find that we have responded to it, thanks for all of your support!**


	8. Chapt 7: Sparklez in Your Cold Dead Eyes

**Chapter 7: Sparklez in Your Cold Dead Eyes.**

"Everybody, please take a seat." the Captain instructs.

"Who died and made him boss..." Lizzie grumbles, she was still miserable from Jesse's sexual harassment and her fight with Dan.

"TorqueDawg did, boo yah!" Petra's an asshole, she takes the seat next to Lizzie.

" _ **Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...**_ " Lizzie groans, because now she's stuck between Petra and Dan, and that's just great.

Jesse finds an empty seat just sitting there between Dan and Stampy.

"Oh fuck yes." Jesse grins, setting herself down and putting her arms around the sexy men.

"Gaaahhh!" Dan and Stampy both react in surprise, like twins.

"Relax, you guys!" Jesse giggles "it's just little ol' meee...!"

She grabs their cocks through their pants.

"EEEEEE!" Stampy screams like a girl, Dan grinds his teeth and his eyes shoot wide with surprise.

"Haha!" Jesse laughs, releasing them, "oh, you two are so much fun...!"

Stampy hyperventilates, on the verge of a heart attack. Immediately it falls on Stacy to try to counteract this RANDOM NEEDLESS TRAUMA.

"Oh shit, someone just grabbed yo' man by the balls." Petra points out to Lizzie "damn, I think he liked it."

"He's NOT my man!" Lizzie finally snaps at Petra "I'm single! AND HAPPY!"

"Ladies, ladies, calm down!" Captain Sparklez has been confused by all this, but now he's breaking it up "let's not let this get out of hand!"

"Too late." Jesse grins, holding up her empty hands "let 'em loose."

"That's enough 'playing around', Jesse." Ivor interjects, turning to the Captain "please, continue with what you were saying, Mr. Sparklez, you have our attention."

"Oh..." the Captain frowns at being referred to as Mr. Sparklez, but gets over it "thank you-... ummm..."

"IVOR." Ivor snaps.

"Ah, yes! that." Captain Sparklez nods, then addresses everybody "I've been thinking about our situation very deeply, and I've come to a conclusion as to who the killer is."

"Hmm!?" everybody's immediately interested.

"WHO!?" Stampy demands.

"Tell us!" Dan follows up.

"Is it Lukas!?" Cassie throws out.

"ME!?" Lukas reacts "I'VE NEVER HURT A FLY!"

"It was not Lukas..." Ivor states flatly, unimpressed and quite bored.

"Spit it out, Sparklez!" Lizzie pushes.

"Do tell!" Stacy nods.

"Well...!" the Captain starts, standing up in his chair "the killer is, without a doubt in my mind...!"

"L-L-L-Lu-!" Cassie pushes.

Stacy stares at Captain Sparklez intently, beggin' to hear 'J-J-J-Jesse'.

"Absolutely, with no chance of false accusation...!" Cap. continues.

 _D-D-D-Da-!_ Stampy prays.

"It must, when you add all the evidence up, be only...!" Cap. draws it out.

"G-G-G-Get to the point!" Ivor growls.

"COME ONNN!" Cassie screams "it HAS to be FUCKING LUKAS-!"

"S-S-S-Somebody! who is NOT HERE, tonight!" Captain Sparklez finishes.

Awkward silence, people blink and shit.

"You see...!" Cap. starts "I don't believe any of us are capable of being the killer, we're all such good, decent human beings. And TorqueDawg was killed by a trap, not a person. Therefore, I conclude that whoever it is who wants us dead is in fact absent from this mansion at this time. They probably WANT us to fight amongst each other, to point fingers and destroy ourselves. But if we don't play that game, then the only thing we need to worry about is the traps, which we can all easily survive, if we, just, work, togeth-*FLIP*-AHHHHHH!" his chair suddenly throws him back.

 _Whoosh!_ a trapdoor opens, and with a look of terror on his face, the brave Captain falls into it's dark depths.

"CAPTAIN SPARKLEZ!?" Stampy, Dan, Stacy, Lizzie, Cassie react.

"Oh-no..." Ivor says emotionlessly "a pit, how horrible."

PHWOOSH-PHWOOSH-PHWOOSH-PHWOOSH-PHWOOSH-PHWOOSH-PHWOOSH-PHWOOSH-PHWOOSH-PHWOOSH-PHWOOSH-PHWOOSH-PHWOOSH-PHWOOSH-PHWOOSH-PHWOOSH! sixteen sand blocks drop from the ceiling and fill up the pit.

" _ **AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**_ " everybody who isn't in Jesse's gang screams in horror.

"CAPTAIN SPARKLEZ!" Lizzie shouts after him.

"I'M COMING, CAPTAIN!" Dan tries to play the hero, leaping from his seat, dashing over, and digging his fist into one of the top sand blocks.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Stampy and Cassie sit on their asses, screaming and doing nothing.

"Hang on!" Stacy calls, as if the Captain could hear her, as she bolts from her seat and takes a place beside Dan, both of them working together to dig into the sand.

"Oh dear..." Ivor frowns "I was... not, expecting that to happen."

"Not bad..." Lukas asses the trap "but what makes it tick...?"

"Probably some nerd stuff." Petra shrugs it off "stupid nerds."

Jesse, meanwhile, doesn't partake in the chatter. She's too busy _formulating her new master plan!_

"Oh... my god." Jesse can barely contain her excitement "could this BE any more perfect!? oh yes, that's good, that's verrry good...!"

 _Poof!_ Stacy and Dan finally reach the bottom, the two of them now in the hole because that was fucking smart.

"What do you see!?" Cassie calls, trying to reach around for the button under the table.

"It's no good!" Stacy calls, her voice only slightly betraying her grief "he's dead!"

"IT'S HORRIBLE!" Dan cries.

"Oh-no...!" Cassie gasps, more and more impatiently feeling further down the table.

"The fuck are you doing?" Ivor asks her.

"EEK!" _-BAM!-_ "OW!" Cassie bangs her arm against the table as she tries to pull it back in surprise, she then turns to Ivor "I...! uh...! I had a thought!"

"Oh, I see the problem then." Ivor roasts.

"What's your thought?" Lukas inquires.

"I thought, well, maybe the killer pressed a button under the table to activate the trap!" Cassie explains "I didn't say anything right away because I wanted all of you to stay put."

Ivor and Lukas narrow their eyes.

 _*Gulp*...!_ Cassie knows that she's done been caught.

 **Author's Note: HELLOOOOOO, Female Jesse Fans! as you may have noticed, we've created a cover for the story! it features our foxy villainess Jesse, sitting with her famous stripping string, and winking towards you, her future victims, _please enjoy!_**


	9. Chapt 8: Pushing Buttons & Casting Votes

**Chapter 8: Pushing Buttons and Casting Votes.**

"What's that you're saying?" Stacy asks as she and Dan make it back out and rejoin the crowd.

 _DAMN IT!_ Cassie's pissed that she missed her chance.

"She believes there may be... buttons, under the table." Ivor explains "she suspects me and Lukas, so she wanted to find them in secret without telling us."

"Oh..." Stacy blinks "well, is there a button?"

"You fucking bet there's a button." Petra nods "I see one right here, where Dan was sitting."

"Oh heeey!" Jesse grins "you have one too, Stampy!"

"Uh...!" Stampy almost chokes "I-I do...!?"

"Yeah!" Jesse laughs "I could have jerked both of you off right into them! imagine that mess!"

"SHIT FUCKER!" Petra gasps "there's one even closer to me than the Dan one, right in front of you, Lizzie!"

"There's THREE buttons!?" Cassie gapes "I was expecting a max of two!"

"Well then, I guess I'm about to blow a big hole in your motherfucking mind." Lukas states calmly "there's a fourth button right here in front of me, I didn't press it though, honest."

"We'll see about that." Stacy remarks "come on, let's all stand back and hit each button one at a time to figure out what they do, hopefully they'll spring one-time traps and reveal who just killed Sparklez if he was murdered by one of these. Agreed?"

"Fucking yes." Petra grins.

"May I do the honors?" Ivor requests "I have a... problem, with buttons. Cravings that must be satisfied."

"Who was farthest away from any button?" Stacy asks.

"Well, these four are out!" Cassie growls at the four people who had direct button access, Dan, Stampy, Lizzie, and Lukas, "it was him...! it was him...!" she stresses quietly.

"Okay, Ivor was next to Lukas, Petra next to Lizzie, Jesse next to Dan AND Stampy, and I was also next to Stampy..." Stacy lists "...Cassie, you were the furthest away, with Ivor separating you and Lukas."

"HA-HA! now you all know it wasn't me!" Cassie cheers "I'm innocent! look in my eyes, you can trust me...! you caaan...! it was Lukaaas...!"

"Everybody stand far away from the table, and be prepared for anything." Stacy instructs "Cassie, get ready to push those buttons."

" _I'm ready...! I'll prove it was hiiim...!_ " Cassie hisses to herself.

They do as instructed, and Cassie pushes the buttons. Every single one just does the same thing, flip the Cap's chair and pour sand on his corpse, until there was a huge pile of sand.

"Well, that didn't solve very much." Ivor's unimpressed.

"At least we know it was one of them." Stacy gestures to all the button people except Stampy "unless somebody reached over and pressed their button without them noticing."

"IT WAS OBVIOUSLY LUKAS." Cassie just won't fucking let it go.

"HEY!" Lizzie protests "why didn't you point to Stampy!?"

"Because Stampy obviously didn't do it." Stacy asserts "he's god damn Stampy Cat."

"Oh, please!" Lizzie isn't taking that "listen, this might come as a shock to you, but we ALL FUCKING KNOW about your little romance, okay!? quit being favorably biased towards your little boytoy!"

"We can use that excuse for anyone!" Dan adds "I'm the Diamond Minecart, how or why would I do it!? why does Stampy get a pass, but not me!?"

"That's it, gooooood." Petra whispers to Dan "back her up, romeo, she'll drop her pants for you yet."

Dan blushes, his boner springs up again at the thought of Lizzie dropping her pants for him.

"HA!" Petra thinks it's fucking hilarious, having looked downstairs for a real answer.

"I have to agree with them, Stacy." Cassie informs her "don't get me wrong, I think Stampy's innocent, but he had just as much of a chance as the others."

"Who died and put you in charge anyway!?" Lizzie demands "we need a leader who isn't going to pick and choose which suspects are potentially guilty!"

"TO THE RESCUE!" Jesse cheers as she runs forward and physically shoves Stacy to the side, taking her place in front of the crowd "don't worry, everybody! I, Jesse, will lead us out of this alive, and find the killer! and I'll do it, WITHOUT BIAS!"

"Oh-no...!" Lizzie didn't want Jesse either.

"I second that!" Lukas votes.

"As do I." Ivor agrees.

"Jesse, or no one." Petra rumbles.

"Ooh! that's four votes for Jesse!" Jesse grins "one more, and I have the majority!"

"Do you REALLY promise not to be biased?" Dan asks, nervous about his prospects.

"Of course!" Jesse cheers "here, I'll even interrogate Stampy first! so you KNOW I'm not leaving him out like biased, corrupt Stacy would!"

"And what about Lukas!?" Cassie demands.

"Lukas!? I fucking disown Lukas, fuck Lukas!" Jesse announces "I barely know him anyway, no sweat, I'll treat him just as harshly as the other sick fucks." she gestures to Dan, Lizzie, and Stampy Cat "Ivor and Petra will be the only people I trust 100%, followed by you and Stacy, Cassie. The four of you will assist me in my... investigation."

"Listen, guys, I'mma spell it out for you." Lukas runs his condescending mouth "you either need to ALL vote for Stacy, or Jesse's taking over, so, do you want to do that? even after she LEFT OUT Stampy Cat? while Jesse on the other hand, has DISOWNED ME!?"

"I vote Stacy!" Stampy cheers, and then cheerleads " _give me a V, give me a O, give me a T, 'cause you know, we really, really need, to add a single E, and V-O-T-E Stacy! Vote Stacy! Stampy Cat, I'm Stampy Cat, and I'm voting for Miss Stacy! (Message approved by Stampy Cat!)_ "

"Awwwwww!" Jesse gushes "that's sooo cute! even when he knows it's useless, he tries."

"Fuck your bias!" Cassie screams at Stacy and Stampy "I vote JESSE!"

"BOOM!" Jesse, Lukas, Ivor, and Petra all cheer, "ah yeah! up high! gimme some!" they all start high-fiving, including Jesse and Lukas directly.

"...thanks, Stamps." Stacy sighs, defeated in the practically rigged vote.

"I really wish you won..." Stampy groans.

"Well of course YOU do!" Dan snarks "she was excusing you from even being inspected!"

Stampy breathes in sharply, his entire body tenses, forcing him to remain with his back to Dan, which is good, because that's what he wants, he needs to ignore him, stop the burning rage, before he does something that he'll regret, namely, kill the fuck out of Dan and paint himself as a likely suspect for the killer.

"Thank you, thank you, my darling people...!" Jesse gives a speech "I will now get right to work on figuring out which of these four murderous slimeballs killed our dear Sparklez. As I said before, to PROVE that I am not biased, like Stacy, I will now interrogate Stampy first! I will go over each and every suspect, and grind the truth out of them by whatever means necessary to ensure that the rest of us return home safe and sound, right now I will take Stampy into that other room over there, Petra will come along as a... bodyguard. Ivor, Cassie, Stacy, Lukas, I need you guys to keep Dan and Lizzie from trying to kill any more people or escaping, understood?"

"Yes, Sir!" Petra, Ivor, and Lukas salute.

"No...!" Lizzie's terrified, immediately seeing the blatant bias.

"D-did she just say-!" Dan is also aware.

"Come now, Stampy!" Jesse orders, she snaps her fingers and Petra forcefully grabs the kitten-man "we have much to discuss...!" she leads the way.

"Sit down, scum!" Lukas pushes Dan onto his ass "we're doing this Jesse's way now!"

"Agreed." Ivor sneers "you two better hope she finds Stampy or the other one of you guilty."

"What the hell are you-!?" Stacy starts.

"SILENCE! I am your commanding officer, both of you just do as me and Lukas are and help keep an eye on the two remaining suspects." Ivor orders Stacy and Cassie.

"Two remaining?" Cassie blinks "but-"

"Eh-hem, excuse me for saying this if I'm wrong, Cassie, but I'm reasonably certain that my ears detected a clear, direct order from him to you, tell me, Cassie, what did he say?" Lukas interrupts "don't worry, I know we can't all be perfectly competent, so that's why I'm here, to pay attention. I'll help you out, keep you on track, so to speak. So here's my reminder: Ivor clearly ordered you to help keep these two in line, now, what do you think would happen if you didn't do that, Cassie? there would be chaos, imagine if these dangerous criminals were allowed to just waddle around as they please, people would start dying again, and we really don't want that, so, I suggest you get on the job."

"..." Cassie stares at him.

"...what?" Lukas asks casually "you don't need to thank me, I'm just doing my part, it's my job to pick up your slack, don't feel indebted, it's just what people like you require."

"..." Cassie realizes that this has somehow gone horribly, horribly wrong.

"Fuck you." Stacy hisses at Cassie "you should've voted me!"

"...oh god..." Cassie breathes, the full weight of their new situation falling on her "I see that now...!"

But it was too late, Jesse was now in power, and there was no taking it back from her.

DUN-DUN.


	10. Chapter 9: Stampy's Interrogation

**Chapter 9: Stampy's Interrogation.**

Stampy was quickly turning into a nervous wreck as Petra sheppards him into the room after Jesse, the strong warrior woman shoves him stumbling forwards a ways and closes the door behind them, locking it shut.

Jesse can barely contain her enthusiasm as she approaches Stampy, he looks up at her, into her cool, hungry eyes, her hands rubbing together with anticipation.

"It's done." Petra announces "we're alone."

"Excellent...!" Jesse can't hold back her massive, gleaming grin "now, Stampy, tell me: do you know why you are here?"

"B-b-be-c-cause...!" Stampy whimpers, Jesse was scaring him "...I had a button."

"No, Stampy...!" Jesse slowly shakes her head "that has nothing to do with it."

"I-it... doesn't?" Stampy's not sure if this is a good or bad thing.

"Absolutely nothing." Jesse confirms "that's just the cover story."

"S-s-so... you, d-don't think I... you don't think I did it...?" Stampy questions.

"I don't know, did you do it, Stampy?" Jesse questions.

"N-n-n-no-!" Stampy stutters.

"SHHHHHH." Jesse silences him "I... don't... care."

"..." Stampy doesn't know how to respond to this, he just stares into her eyes, agape with confusion and doubt.

"You see, Stampy, it doesn't matter if you were the one who actually pushed the button or not, what matters is that, right now, I have the power to SAY you did." Jesse explains "your life is in my hands, and I can save it or end it, do you understand me?"

"... _ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!_ " Stampy lets out a quiet scream, this is DEFINITELY a **_bad_** thing.

"DO YOU UNDERSTAND HER!?" Petra barks, specifically directing it towards the door so that the people outside might hear it and think they're interrogating him.

"EEEEEEP!" Stampy's breaking down "YES! YES! P-PLEASE!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! calm down, Stampy! there's no need to be afraid, you have nothing to fear from me, okay? it's all just perfectly, happily, fine." Jesse claims.

"Wh-what do you want from me...!?" Stampy isn't the slightest bit comforted, and just wants to get out, out, out of there.

"Ooh, I think you know what she wants." Petra chuckles.

"..." Stampy doesn't respond, he just looks at Jesse, waiting for her answer.

"What I want..." Jesse continues to grin as she slides closer to Stampy "...is a deal."

Stampy blinks, actually slightly calming down, "a... deal?" he repeats.

"Yes!" Jesse nods "I'm in a position to HELP you, Stampy! and I want to, really, I do, so, so badly! but I can't just 'do it', you need to give me the right incentive! just do that, and we will both walk out of here happy, alive, and... satisfied."

Stampy knows exactly what she's getting at, "I...!" his face falls into one of despair "I'm... I'm sorry...! I c-can't, Jesse...!"

"You _can,_ Stampy!" Jesse encourages, "no one will ever have to know."

"B-b-b-but I'LL know!" Stampy freaks "I'll know, and it'll haunt me forever! y-you don't understand! I, I **_love_** Stacy, I could never do this to her!"

"What part of 'she won't know' are you not getting?" Petra scoffs.

"EVEN IF **_she_** doesn't know, it won't matter!" Stampy stresses "I'll know, and I won't be able to stand it, and then... and then... I'll wind up telling her because I can't live with the guilt! and then, and then...!" he bows his head down and cries.

"Hm..." Jesse thinks about this, because Jesse's a thinker, after a moment she looks at Stampy again, and then at Petra, then at the door, then back at Stampy, "but, Stampy, what if she just... already knew."

Stampy looks back up, astonished, "wh-what do you mean by that...?"

"I mean..." Jesse starts, a grin spreading across her face, "what if she... agreed to it?"

Stampy stares at her for a moment, and then hastily wipes his tears away before standing up straighter to meet Jesse at eye-level.

"If she... agreed to it..." he starts, widely frowning but no longer breaking down "then... I guess... **_maybe_**..." he can't bear her gaze any longer and glances away "you'd have a hell of a time convincing her though!"

"Oh? will I now?" Jesse isn't phased, "if, I somehow, _can_ convince her, will you do as I ask?"

Stampy knows there's only one answer to this.

"*sniff*!" he breathes in, wiping his watery eyes again "...y-yes. I will." he nods once.

"Good." Jesse smiles, "that's all I needed to hear."

Stampy feels ashamed, he huddles back down into a sitting ball on the floor, burying his face into his knees.

"Petra." Jesse commands "bring me... Stacy."

"Sir, yes, Sir!" Petra nods, turning away, "boy, you just gotta love diplomacy..." she comments as she unlocks the door.

 _Creeeaaak._ the door swings open.

"Hm!?" Dan, Lizzie, Stacy, and Cassie immediately glance to the open door.

"Ahhh, finished already?" Ivor's surprised "he's a fast one."

"Looks like it's my turn..." Lizzie heaves, not looking forward to what she thinks is going to be an intense interrogation.

"Where's Stampy!?" Stacy demands, noticing that it's Petra alone.

"Still being questioned." Petra answers "come, we require you."

"DAH! of course!" Ivor reacts "THAT'S what she's doing!"

"You require... me?" Stacy blinks.

"Is your name Stacy?" Petra mocks.

"Yep!" Dan calls.

"Then YES." Petra growls, impatient "we need YOU."

"What for?" Stacy stands her ground.

"What do you THINK, fucking dumbshit!?" Petra snaps "to CONFIRM if Stampy's telling the truth! you need to tell us your side of the story, and we'll just see if it matches up to his, and right now, Jesse is waiting for me, and I don't enjoy making her wait any longer than it needs to be, which is a GOD DAMN HARD THING TO DO, WHEN YOU SLEAZY, UNTRUSTWORTHY MOTHERFUCKERS, STALL FOR TIME, BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO GOD DAMN SKEPTICAL, OF WHY WE FUCKING NEED YOU!" she's flipped.

"GO, Stacy!" Lukas pushes "we need to get a move on!"

"If Jesse wants you, **_you go._** " Ivor adds "that's how it works."

"Errrh! whatever, fine, fine, I'll do it...!" Stacy gives in, sleeking to the door and looking into Petra's big, stern, frowning face "take me to her."

Petra just huffs once, and steps aside, gesturing for Stacy to head in, the adventuring girl does as instructed, and Petra once again seals the door behind them.

 **(The following was originally a brief update uploaded as it's own chapter and then removed.)**

Greetings, Female Jesse fans!

Since we like to be interactive with our readers, we're holding a new poll asking if you think Jesse will actually be able to convince Stacy to agree to the deal she proposed to Stampy!

The poll closes on Friday Night or Saturday Morning, and the results will be published in the new chapter, where the answer, **_will be revealed._**

So cast your vote, wait for the post, come over, read the chapter, compare it with the poll results, fist pump if you were right, it'll be fun-fun-fun!

Thank you to all who participate.

\- the Greene Earth Productions team.


	11. Chapt 10: Jesse & Stacy & the Sexy EULA

**Chapter 10: Jesse and Stacy and the Sexy EULA.**

Stacy walks forward, finding Stampy crying into his knees and Jesse fiddling with her string while she waits.

"Hello, Stacy." Jesse greets, grinning.

Stacy nods once in acknowledgement, "Jesse."

"Whaaah...!" Stampy's in hell, this causes Stacy's eyebrows to curve.

"Petra says you need me to tell you my version of a story." Stacy pushes this along "what is it?"

"It's quite simple, my dear Stacy, I simply want you to tell me your preferred version of **_this_** story." Jesse starts, "do I get to fuck Stampy and let the two of you run off happy and free, or am I going to be forced to bring you two to justice for the murders of TorqueDawg and Captain Sparklez?"

Silence, Stacy doesn't move or show any outward response, but on the inside, her heart almost stops.

"...I expected as much." Stacy admits, as the suspicion had been running wild at the back of her mind "I must say that I am very, very disappointed in you, Jesse. I was hoping that you were better than this."

"SHE'S NOT!" Stampy wails.

"You guys!" Jesse acts hurt, "I'm trying to _help_ you! This is just how things need to be!"

"Is it?" Stacy questions, having accepted that Jesse is 100% the killer "murdering two of our friends, and then sexually assaulting my boyfriend is 'just how things need to be'? simply not committing such crimes isn't an option for you? nice try, Jesse, but I understand that we wouldn't be in this position of 'needing your help' if it wasn't for you putting us here in the first place."

"Oh, no, no, no, Stacy!" Jesse shakes her head, "I'm not the killer, I'm just something far worse, that just so happened to also come here this night."

"It's true." Petra backs Jesse up "our group isn't responsible for any of the deaths so far, that's somebody else's doing."

"What...!?" Stacy has a hard time believing it "but... you admit that you are still killers? even if you're not THE killer?" she wants to be clear.

"As I said, we're _worse_ than killers." Jesse snickers "we kill, yes, but that's the tip of the iceberg, in fact, you could say it's the most sweet, merciful part of us."

"...I see." Stacy nods, despite her calm demeanor, she's freaking out on the inside almost as much as Stampy is on the out, hence her short, controlled sentences "but, you don't kill everyone you... encounter?"

"Not if they cooperate." Jesse flashes her shiny, iconic grin again.

"Uhhhhhh... huhhhhhh..." Stacy slowly nods, starting to inch for her weaponry because she is not very interested in cooperating.

 _SHING!_ Petra suddenly grabs Stacy from behind and puts her sword to the other girl's throat, "I wouldn't do that if I were you...!" Petra hisses, nudging Stacy's wandering hand away from her own sword's handle.

"Ugh, Stacy, Stacy..." Jesse rolls her eyes disappointedly, " _really?_ There's no reason for that. Just... here." Jesse walks over and takes the sword from it's sheath, "let's avoid resorting to such toys in the future, okay? I'll forgive that one, but if you try anything like it again, I'll have no choice but to close my offer."

Jesse hands the sword over to Petra.

"Hrmph." Petra grunts, taking the sword and letting Stacy go.

"D-d-d...!" Stampy stammers.

"Stampy!?" Stacy runs to her boyfriend "what's the matter?"

"D-d-do-don-on-on-n-n-'t, f-f-figh-ight th-the-em-m...!" Stampy pleads.

"Heh, your boyfriend's a smart guy." Petra comments "better listen to him, he's giving you wise advice."

"Oh yeah! by the way, Stacy...!" Jesse starts with delight as she approaches the couple "Stampy here is so truly, entirely, devoted to you! you should have seen it, he was, so, sweet. I made him the offer in private, but he refused to do it because he didn't want to hurt you, so I found this solution of bringing you in, so now you can give him permission, and play an important part of this lovely transaction. What do you say? just one little fuck, that's all I ask, you can watch if you want! in fact, I'd like you to, it would be... kinky. And for all you know, you might... like it."

"..." Stacy turns away from Jesse to focus on Stampy again "you refused to do her without my okay?"

Stampy nods.

"...anything else I should know?" Stacy inquires.

"Sh-she says she c-can he-elp us..." Stampy kinda half-shrugs "otherwise... w-we take th-th-the b-blame-"

"For the murders, I get it." Stacy finishes.

"She gets it." Petra grins at Jesse.

Stacy turns away from Stampy, looking at Jesse with a cold, emotionless gaze, "Congratulations, Jesse." she states "...you win, and I consent."

Jesse's face brightens up like never before, her wide grin and sparkly eyes gleam with victorious pride and satisfaction at the long awaited answer.

"You... consent?" she repeats, almost as if she just wanted to hear it again, "both of you?"

"I... g-guess." Stampy nods.

"Yes." Stacy agrees "BUT, before you or Stampy do so much as take off your shoes, we need to work out an agreement. I'm accepting your offer so far, since we don't have much of a choice, but I still need to be convinced that it's the best option. You two can start the moment I'm satisfied with what you're offering, otherwise I repeal my consent. So go ahead, tell me exactly, in detail, what me and Stampy get out of this."

"Ugh, still not a straight 'yes'..." Jesse's annoyed with the teasing, "well, anyway, Stampy fucks me, and I promise that one, I'll find Stampy innocent, two, we won't kill you if you're still worried about us doing that afterwards, three, I'll, if you're interested, find Dan guilty regardless of whether or not he did it-"

 ** _BOOM._** Stampy immediately looks up in interest.

"-for Stampy's spite reasons, four, by the time morning rolls around and the zombies are gone you'll be free to go, unless maybe we need to just quickly finish up, uh, anything else...?" Jesse stops to think about it.

"What will you do about the real killer?" Stacy questions "assuming it's not Dan."

"Well, if it's not Dan, then, theoretically, it should be either Stampy here, or Lizzie, and if we kill Dan after finding him guilty, and people keep dying, and it wasn't me or my friends, then we'll just throw Lizzie under the bus and say that she was less suspicious than Dan so we figured that she was probably okay, but apparently wasn't so too bad for Dan, but Stampy is totally 100% cool, so then we'd kill Lizzie, and at that point people should stop dropping off unless we explicitly kill them ourselves."

"Hmm, true..." Stacy nods "I haven't really fully thought about that, how I guess Dan or Lizzie really is the killer, that's weird, I was so sure it was you, and that Lukas had pushed the button..."

"Well, nope! we had nothing to do with that." Jesse explains, "it was either Dan, Lizzie, or, I guess, Stampy."

"...are you the killer?" Petra asks Stacy.

"What!?" Stacy's surprised "no! I most certainly am not!"

"Okay! just sayin', I mean, Stampy has the fucking grudge against Dan, and you guys are fine with working with monsters like us, so, maybe." Petra shrugs "I just thought, maybe this whole time it really was Stampy who pushed the button, because you and him planned to kill everyone."

"No." Stacy growls coldly "we're NOT murderers."

Petra holds up her hands for peace, albeit in a very dismissive, disrespectful way, "Whatever, Stace, was just a question."

"Oh, I liked it, I thought it was a good question." Jesse gives her support.

"Thank you, Jesse." Petra nods appreciatively "nice to see that somebody understands the concept of curiosity."

"Hrmph..." Stacy rolls her eyes, then goes back to the previous subject "...anyway, yeah, as we were discussing: Dan or Lizzie are trying to kill us, wow, I honestly didn't see that coming. If I had to take a guess at who it is though, I'd say probably Lizzie, because I can't think of any reason why Dan would want to kill us, he has it sweet, Lizzie could be jealous of us because we're mostly all bigger than her, I mean, I'M not, but whatever, Liz..." she shakes her head, disappointed "this really sucks for Dan though, honestly speaking."

"Hey, he could still be the killer." Petra scoffs "the lack of an obvious motive could be a way to cover his ass from suspicion."

"Oh hey!" Jesse perks up "Dan thinks someone stole his thingy right? maybe that's it, he's killing you all in an attempt to get it back!"

Stacy blinks, "...huh, good point." she agrees "now that you point that out, yeah, I think Dan is the real killer! mind blown."

"Well then, good on my corrupt conscience." Jesse shrugs, "you guys happy with all that? you need anything else?"

"Promise that you won't hunt us down and kill us later as a loophole out of the agreement?" Stacy ain't giving an inch.

"Huh? oh, yeah." Jesse nods, "if for any reason we ever track you down or run into you after tonight, I promise we won't kill you."

"Whew, good." Stacy expresses relief "thanks... I, guess that's just about everything, all that I can think of anyway."

"Soooooo..." Petra grins "...fucking time?"

"I..." Stacy hesitates "...Stampy! do you have anything to add?"

"Uhhh...!" Stampy thinks it over for a moment.

Silence.

"...I guess that's a-" Petra starts.

"I'M THINKING!" Stampy snaps.

Silence.

"...OH! OH!" Stampy gets something "I know: we can't risk getting you pregnant!"

"REJECTED! your dick's going in my pussy, Stampy." Jesse denies him "we can be safe about it, and we don't have to spend much time on it, but it's happening, when I say I wanna fuck you, I mean I wanna FUCK you, all the way or the highway."

"Awwwwww...!" Stampy groans "really!?"

"Come on, man, I've given you lots of shit." Jesse insists "time for you to start putting out."

"Urrrggghhhhhhhhh...!" Stampy's disappointed, because he really, really, really, really, REALLY does not want to get, her, PREGNANT.

"Fine, you can have it, so long as it's safe." Stacy concedes, recognizing that it would be wise to settle on this since Jesse's so adamant.

"Gooood." Jesse nods, appeased, "so, is that finally all?"

Stacy looks at Stampy.

Stampy nods.

Stacy turns back to Jesse, "Yes... I suppose that's everything." she steps forward, reluctantly holding out her hand "deal?"

" ** _Deal._** " Jesse hungrily jumps on board, grasping Stacy's hand and firmly shaking it up and down.

The deal... has been made.

 **Last Week's Poll Results are in!**

"Will Jesse be able to convince Stacy to go for it?"

1\. Yes, we all know how stubborn Jesse is. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

2\. No, Stacy refused earlier and she'll refuse now. 1 Vote(s). (100%)

3\. Yes, but Stampy will change his mind and break his word. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

4\. Plot Twist: Stacy is into it and has to convince Jesse to go further. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

Total Votes: 1.

Total Voters: 1.

By a landslide, people! Wow, were all of you wrong, right? Heh, anyways, thank you so much to the single person who voted, we hope you enjoyed the chapter and will participate again in future polls.

(We don't have a new pole for you this week, but you can still vote on the Favorite Characters Poll if you so desire.)

 **END OF MYSTERY ARC.**


	12. Chapter 11: Stampy Chokes It

**BEGINNING OF SEX ARC.**

 **Chapter 11: Stampy Chokes It.**

"Now, um, I hope this isn't too rude of me to ask, _but...!_ " Jesse giggles "could you please, just, say it again? that you consent, I mean."

Stacy resists the urge to roll her eyes and instead just nods agreement, "Fine..." she breathes in "I-"

"Wait, wait, wait!" Jesse stops her "...I want it in these words: Dear Jesse, I fully consent to you fucking my sweet, sexy man, Stampy Cat, like he's never been fucked before, in front of me, until satisfied, love, Stacy."

Stacy glares at her, tensed up, but compliant "...Dear Jesse, I fully-"

"AWWW, YEAH!" you better believe Jesse's getting off on this shit.

Stacy pauses, then shakes it off and continues, "...consent to you fucking my sweet, sexy man, Stampy Cat, like he's never been fucked before, in front of me, until satisfied, love, Stacy."

"Awww, I love you too, Stacy!" Jesse cheers "thank you so much for this gift, I promise you: it will be very much enjoyed."

"S-s-sooo..." Stampy starts to Stacy "y-you are going to, *gulp* watch us, do it...?"

Stacy breathes a long, tired breath, "I guess I may as well..." she decides "I don't want us separated again, and if it's going to happen, it's probably best that I'm there to witness it, that way we share the experience, and then I can support you, and like, help deal with any issues that might come up."

"O-okay." Stampy agrees "th-tha-ank y-you."

"Are you okay?" Stacy's eyes flash with worry "what's the matter? can you not do this?"

"Oh, he's _fine...!_ " Jesse assures Stacy "just getting a case of the about-to-fuck-jitters, happens all the time with my, um, other business partners."

"Yeah, the anticipation of bedding Jesse tends to do that to people." Petra adds.

"By the way, Stace, I just gotta tell you..." Jesse mentions "thanks SO MUCH for staying, you watching us do it is going to make the sex about 1.75x hotter than it would be without you, you're really turning this into the perfect experience for me, and I greatly appreciate it."

"You're..." Stacy struggles against the overwhelming urge to frown "um... very welcome, please, don't tease yourself any longer."

"Oooh! I won't!" Jesse giggles, turning to Stampy "are you ready, cool cat?"

Stampy knows that this is it, there's no way out, they've made the deal, and now he has to hold up his end, no matter how shot his nerves get. (So no, he's not okay.)

Stampy cracks a weak smile, and nods.

"Yessssss!" Jesse hisses with anticipation, creeping up to Stampy like a predator, she stands taller than him, mostly due to him shrinking back in quivering fear, Jesse slowly reaches out to him and takes one of his hoodie-strings in each of her hands.

"See, Stampy? I'll pull your strings... and you'll pull mine." Jesse instructs, savoring it.

"Ah-ah-o-o-k-ka-kay...!" Stampy agrees.

"Jitters still going strong." Petra laughs, budging Stacy "don't worry, they'll go away once he's partway through the process, they always have a breaking point, he'll learn to accept that being rigorously fucked by Jesse is just his life now, heck, he'll probably start enjoying it."

"Ooh, I know _I'm_ already enjoying it." Jesse puts in, starting to play, tugging on one string and then the other, alternating between them joyously.

 _I can't get away...!_ Stampy feels trapped, she could direct him anywhere she wanted with those strings, like a very small dog on a very short leash, _I'm...! I'm feeling very much like a puppet right now...! I always wanted to be a puppet, BUT NOT LIKE THIS!_

Jesse abruptly stops, and just pauses for a second, Stacy was about to ask what was the matter, right when Jesse forcefully pulls on both strings, hard, crossing one over the other, choking Stampy.

"GAK!" Stampy chokes, his eyes shooting wide with surprise, pain, and terror, Jesse's smug grin widens as she pulls even tighter, Stampy's little powdery paws start grabbing and clutching at his collar, but to no avail as Jesse gleefully watches him struggle for his life.

"HELL FUCKING NO!" Stacy flips her lid, about to charge forward, but Petra grabs her.

"Relax, she'll release him before he passes out." Petra instructs.

"FUCK YOU!" Stacy's not taking that shit, she then elbows Petra in the eye, hard.

 _WHAP-_ "DAH!" Petra lets Stacy go and clutches her face "SON OF A-!"

"Hey! Stacy, Stacy, Stacy, what's your problem?" Jesse asks, not stopping Stampy's suffocation.

"YOU'RE MY PROBLEM!" Stacy screams as she tackles Jesse, which inadvertently pulls the strings tighter around Stampy's throat, the three of them topple over into a heap on the floor.

"Ow! _**why!?**_ " Jesse doesn't get it, "I thought we had a deal!"

"YOU'RE FUCKING KILLING HIM!" Stacy screams as she grabs the strings and forces them out of Jesse's hands, releasing Stampy who immediately gasps for breath before rolling over and going limp.

"You're days are over, BITCH." Petra announces, having selected her bow and loaded it, she releases the arrow.

 _Whip-TCH!_ the arrow embeds itself into Stacy's knee.

"AHHHGH!" Stacy reacts, the lower half of her body collapsing, she rolls off of Jesse and clutches at her leg, she grips the arrow, pulls it out, and discards it, she is then immediately overpowered by Jesse, who holds her pinned to the floor, helpless.

"I wasn't going to kill him!" Jesse stresses, "I wasn't even going to hold it to the point where his eyes would roll into the back of his head and he'd lose consciousness, let alone until he dies! that would completely go against our terms and conditions!"

"You were...! choking...! him...!" Stacy grunts, still furious.

"*GAAAAAASSSSSSP*!" Stampy breathes in more air than he ever has before, his rapidly beating, terrified heart demanding oxygen.

"YEAH, as a kink!" Jesse's outraged.

"YOU...!" Stampy points at Jesse accusingly as he sits up and scrambles backwards away from her "YOU NEARLY KILLED STAMPY CAT!"

"YOU, WERE, _**FINE!**_ " Jesse's losing patience, "haven't you ever been choked out before!? what, did you never have siblings as a kid!?"

"Heh-heh! yeah, we would choke each other out all the time, wouldn't we, Jess?" Petra remembers fondly "those were good times... but not as good as THESE times! now the choking's a whole lot better!"

"NO! I'm an only child!" Stampy snaps, indignant, this moment of anger and confusion overriding his fear "and I have NEVER, not once, in my life, been choked by someone who was supposed to be trying to make love to me!"

"Who the hell have you been fucking!?" Jesse responds, "because they sound vanilla as _shit!_ "

Long silence.

"...no one but Stacy..." Stampy admits.

" _Ugh...!_ " Jesse just rolls her eyes.

"Well, looks like the deal's off." Petra shrugs, turning to Jesse "you want me to kill Stacy, and then you can force-fuck Stampy, and then we kill him?"

"Urgh, here, we can still figure something out..." Jesse gets up and dusts herself off, "you guys wanna re-evaluate the terms and conditions?"

" _ **YES!**_ " Stampy nods rapidly, this is the single best scenario he could think of, since he and Stacy clearly can't win in a fight.

"Okay then, you, Stacy?" Jesse asks, offering her hand to help her up as well.

"...just a sec." Stacy sighs, selecting one of her health potions, she uses it to heal her leg wound, which was intense because of Petra's hyper-enchanted-murder-bow, and then accepts Jesse's hand, allowing herself to be pulled up.

"So, I assume you guys wanna cut out the asphyxiation?" Jesse presumes.

"YES!" Stampy nods as he scurries to hide beside and behind Stacy.

"Vanilla bitches." Petra huffs.

"More than that." Stacy demands "you're not allowed to physically harm him, no choking, no twisting, no hitting, none of your 'kinks' that could leave his body at all damaged or temporarily cause him pain."

" _Awwwwwwwwwwww!_ " Jesse's disappointed, "none at all!?"

"That's bullshit...!" Petra snarls "ANY sex act has at least a small possibility of causing pain, even the most vanilla of them."

"But if he says 'ow' _you fucking ease up, got it?_ " Stacy enforces.

"Pah! doesn't sound like much fun for Jesse." Petra snarks.

"Enough, you guys." Jesse decides "I have a solution! how about we just remove all the kinks where the SOLE PURPOSE is to cause pain? so all my other acts are fair game, so no choking, because the purpose is to suffocate, and no hitting because the purpose is to inflict bodily damage, but anything where the PURPOSE is something other than pain is fine, and if it causes pain as I side effect, I promise to ease up, sound good?"

"..." Stacy thinks about it, then snaps her fingers "almost! we also need to remove anything that could prevent Stampy from conveying whether or not he's in pain, such as gagging him."

"AWWWWWW!" Jesse groans "I can't tie up his hands and stuff 'em in a bag!? fuck it, Stace, that's one of my favorite parts!"

"Um..." Stacy's weirded out "I... guess not, sorry."

"Great..." Jesse pouts.

"Cheer up, Jess, at least you can still talk dirty to 'im." Petra points out "call him every name in the book, that won't physically hurt him."

"No!" Stacy holds up her hand, "you can't do that either, anything really demeaning or blatantly disrespectful is also out, okay?"

"WHAT!?" Petra's outraged "why the fuck is that out!?"

"Because we deserve respect." Stacy explains, "if Stampy's willingly letting you do this to him you'd better as hell be nice about it."

"Ugh...!" Jesse's distraught, "I, oh, I _guess,_ but you guys are really taking a lot from me, you realize that, right?"

"Sorry...!" Stampy squeaks "b-but...!"

"It has to be done." Stacy finishes, nodding "alright, Jesse, I guess we're fair again."

"AHEM." Petra coughs "aren't you forgetting something?"

"No." Stacy responds coldly.

"Oh yes you are!" Petra insists, turning to Jesse "they're not putting anything more out for you!"

"Well..." Jesse thinks about it for a moment, rubbing her chin, then her eyes light up, "hey! I have an idea of what you guys can add!"

"Oh-no..." Stacy mutters "what is it?"

"You, Stacy, _**have to join.**_ " Jesse drops the bomb, "since you just limited my options for what I can do so much, we need to add another person to widen my range of possibilities again, and that person, is you, Stacy."

"And this way, you guys stay faithful to each other." Petra smirks "to be honest, we should've done this from the beginning."

"Yes, but we didn't because I was supposed to be with Stampy alone, but then we fucked that almost as hard as I'm gonna fuck them." Jesse reminds her, then turns to Stacy "and thank goodness we did! now I don't even care that much if I can't hurt you guys, threeway's are three ways better!"

Stacy slowly nods, she was cool with this idea because she's not a hypocritical bitch who would whore Stampy's ass out for safety but not her own, "Fine, I'll join, that's perfectly fair, and... you deserve it, Jesse." she forces the words.

" _Yeah!_ " Jesse's pumped to hear that, "okay then! it's a plan? I get to fuck both of you under the same pre-established conditions, all the restrictions placed on Stampy have been tagged onto you as well, Stacy, everything else stands as previously mentioned, agreed?" she holds out her hand to shake on the newly adjusted rules.

Stacy looks down at it, nods, and starts to reach out to shake, her and Jesse having resolved this issue together...


	13. Chapter 12: Three's a Crowd

**Chapter 12: Three's a Crowd.**

"NOT YET!" Petra protests, stopping Stacy from shaking, she then turns to Jesse, "you need to make these fucks promise not to fucking flip out and attack us if another problem arises, right?"

"Oh, yeah!" Jesse narrows her eyes, turning back to Stampy and Stacy, "even though it should go without saying, you guys can't do that anymore, just yell 'time out' or something next time and I'll stop what I'm doing to listen and work out whatever your problem is, okay?"

"Okay." Stacy agrees without issue, she then frowns, and tries to... ugh, apologize "I, uh, I'm sorry for doing it the first time... it's just, Stampy was hurting, you were causing it, and you were ENJOYING it, I got scared, and panicked, okay? I was just acting on instinct, you'd understand if you had a boyfriend like him."

"Whatever, I guess it's fine." Jesse waves it off, "if you have another potion though, I'd appreciate it if you gave it to Petra for her eye."

Reluctantly as all fuck, Stacy goes against her obviously better judgment, retrieves her other potion, and offers it to Petra.

"Heh...!" Petra laughs, grinning boastfully as she takes it "I don't really need this, you're weak, frail arm did nothing to my rock-hard eye, but I'll use it anyway, just to be... polite." she uses it.

"Y-yaaay...!" Stampy shivers as he puts on a big fake smile and spreads his arms wide "we're, all, f-FRIENDS again...!"

"Hell yes." Petra agrees, turning to Jesse "better kiss and make up with Stacy, eh?"

"Ohhhh, yeah...!" Jesse grins, turning to the youtuber girl, "come here, Stacy, don't be shy...!"

Stacy decides she'd better play it up to make Jesse happy, so she smiles back, making lustful, bedroom eyes as she enticingly steps up to the other woman, "Let me show you just how sorry I am..." she requests, wrapping her hands around the back of Jesse's head.

"St-Stacy...?" her acting is so good that Stampy's feeling threatened.

"Do it...! do it...!" Petra pumps.

Stacy pulls Jesse's head in for the kiss...

"Wait!" Jesse shoves her back, "oh my god, Petra! I'm so sorry, I didn't even think to ask if you wanted to join in!"

Immediately both Stacy and Stampy tense.

"I-I thought you wanted just us...!" Stampy points out.

"Isn't Petra your sister!?" Stacy demands.

"EW, _no,_ not like that!" Jesse's disgusted at the thought of incest, "she would just help me fuck you guys, we wouldn't do anything with each other!"

"..." Stacy and Stampy just stare, both frowning.

"...so do you want to join?" Jesse assumes Stampy/Stacy have accepted it.

Petra glances at Stacy and Stampy, looking their clothed bodies over, "Yeah, I'd join." she acts casual about it, though she had secretly been dying for Jesse to hurry up and offer.

Stacy curses profoundly in her head while Stampy cries in his.

"Then come on!" Jesse cheers.

Petra eagerly dumps her weaponry to the side and stomps over to join, "Okay, which of you pussies want me!?" she demands.

"I want Stampy." Jesse reminds her sister, "you can either have Stacy all to yourself, or we could share different parts of them."

"You know what they say." Petra grooves "sharing, is caring."

"Ohhh, yeaaaah!" Jesse nods in agreement, "you guys ready to get this party started?"

 _BOOM-BOOM-BOOM._ there's a loud knocking at the door.

"Aw, fuck!" Jesse's annoyed.

"*Sigh* at least we aren't naked yet..." Petra points out.

Jesse walks over and swings open the door.

"Want do you want?" she starts before it's even open.

She finds Ivor standing there, unhappy.

"May I come in and speak with you?" he requests.

"Oh yeah, sorry, Ivor, I thought you were one of the... others." Jesse apologizes, stepping aside to clear the way.

Ivor comes in and Jesse locks the door, he looks around at everyone, unimpressed, "I've come to tell you that the 'others' are getting most impatient, you four have been in here for ages, and they're starting to get restless, I don't know how much longer I can make these chickenshits wait." he turns back to Jesse "have you... finished?"

"No, actually, we're just about to start." Jesse explains, "you want a piece?"

"ERRRRRRM!" Ivor boils with rage "YOU, HAVEN'T, EVEN, STARTED!? what's been delaying you!? normally you're ready for the next batch in half this time."

"These peeps are special, Ivor." Petra informs him "they're not victims this time, we're going to work with them over the night and release them into the wild tomorrow."

"And they're the SEXIEST we've ever had!" Jesse adds, flashing Stampy and Stacy a grin "that's a massive compliment, considering how many we've gone through."

"Wait..." Ivor's surprised "you mean, they aren't sexslave-fucktoys?"

"Oh, no! they are, we're just not gonna kill them." Jesse laughs.

"Sexslave-fucktoys?" Stacy repeats, a hint of edge to her voice.

"That's our name for you." Petra explains "'you' being the people we fuck and demean all night long for our personal pleasure, normally the sex is very abusive and we try to break their self-esteem via constant insults and degrading them to the lowest measures of humanity, turning them into submissive, obedient slaves, whose emotions we play with like toys, and have tons of sex with, hence the fuck and sex parts, making them sexslave-fucktoys, literally just an object to us, something we own, and use for our own pleasure without consideration for them, all the way up until we grow bored, and eventually... dispose of them, HOWEVER, you two lucky bastards are gonna get the diet treatment, none of that nasty stuff on your time, which will make this a lot less fun for me, but Jesse's really into you particular targets for some reason, so whatever."

 _...It's true._ Stacy thinks, _They really are much worse than the killer._

"So..." Ivor narrows his eyes "we trust these two now?"

"They've been cooperating so far." Jesse shrugs, "wrote up a big ol' mental contract for them, shook on it too, once they serve their part it wouldn't make a ton of sense for them to turn on us, since that's when they'll get all their rewards, and they won't be able to do much against us until then, so I'd say we're lookin' pretty good."

"Alright then." Ivor nods "in that case, before I head back out to stall for even more time for you to... get started, I have some important information I need to share with you."

"Oh, really?" Jesse's mildly surprised, "what's that? did another one die?"

"Heh-heh-heh-heh!" Ivor laughs, breaking into a wicked smile "no, Jesse... _**I**_ was the one who pushed the button!"

Stacy's and Stampy's jaws drop.

"Oh, Lukas'?" Jesse asks.

"Yes." Ivor nods "that's a very perceptive boy we've found, he spotted the button and immediately informed me in secret, I asked him to show it to me, he did, and I waited for the PERFECT moment to cause some chaos."

"Well, Ivor, on one hand, that's really nice for you, because I know about your thing with buttons, and to be honest, it's really sweet to think back on Sparklez's death and know it was you who made it happen." Jesse comments, "however, on the other hand, we had already been planning things out for either Dan or Lizzie to have been the killer, so, if we execute one of them, and people keep dying, and then we kill the other one, and people _still_ keep dying, people are going to turn on Lukas and Stampy next, both of which we need to keep safe, so... you see the problem here? things could go sour pretty fast."

"Yes, but by that time, there will be six of us, and only one of them, Cassie." Ivor points out "so the killer is either Dan or Lizzie, who we killed, or it's Cassie, who we will kill anyway, or the killer simply isn't here, unless the killer was Captain Sparklez, in which case... he dead."

"Huh, yeah, that's right." Jesse agrees, "okay, good to go then, we've got nothing to worry about."

"Exactly." Ivor nods "now get to it and do your thing, I'd better get back out there before they decide to... rebel." he turns and heads for the door.

"Just tell them we're being... thorough." Jesse recommends, "oh, by the way, you never answered about whether or not you wanted to join."

Ivor glances back, slightly irritated, "You know I don't care to partake in your... endeavors, of this type."

"Okay, okay, it's still nice to ask though." Jesse points out, then suddenly snaps her expression wide as a previously unconsidered idea pops into her mind " _ooh,_ speaking of which, did you wanna ask Lukas if _he_ wants to come do it?"

"And leave me out there alone!?" Ivor's insulted "...sure, he'd probably like it, and he still needs to be... educated, on the practice."

"And what better way is there than personal experience?" Jesse grins.

"I will inform him of the... opportunity." Ivor promises, heading out the door and leaving, gone.

 **Good News: we've got a new poll, everybody!**

 **"What do you think Lukas will choose?"**

 **You know the drill. Go to our profile, select the poll, vote for your favorite choice, and soon we'll reveal the results and answer! It's fun for us, it's fun for you, everybody wins.**


	14. Chapter 13: It Begins

**Chapter 13: It Begins.**

"There we go! Lukas will be here in a moment I'm sure, we'll leave the door unlocked for him." Jesse turns to the others "in the meantime, you heard Ivor: let's, get, started!"

"S-s-so n-now the-ere's going to b-be THREE OF YOU!?" Stampy's horrified "a-and one of them is, another _man!?_ "

"Well, yeah! I mean, come on, guys, I've given you so much, and have been super receptive to all your requests, remember?" Jesse points out, "I just want to share the experience with my friends, this wouldn't be possible without them, you know, besides, what does it even really matter to you if you're fucking me, or if you're fucking somebody else? we'll all abide by the rules."

"You got some kind of a problem with fucking another man, Stampy?" Petra meanwhile continues being aggressive "Stacy has to fuck two other women, but you don't hear her complaining."

"UH, n-no!" Stampy just wants Petra to go away "I don't have a p-problem, no problem at all, j-just so long as he doesn't get Stacy pregnant." he still knows what's up.

"It's totally fine with me." Stacy informs Jesse and Petra, understanding that getting fucked nicely by a dozen people is better than being abused by one "just, I do agree with Stampy of course, that the no pregnant thing applies to everybody, the same restrictions we set on you and him cover Petra/him and me/Lukas as well."

"Yeah, I know, I was already gonna tell him that." Jesse waves it off, greatly pleased that it was so easy to convince them to let more people in, "so, that's all? everyone's good to get going?"

"Yes, I would appreciate it if we didn't put it off any longer." Stacy agrees.

"I... I guess so..." poor Stampy has been a nervous wreck this whole time and it just doesn't stop.

"Let's fucking DO THIS!" Petra cheers.

"Let's, get, _stripping!_ " Jesse calls, walking over to Stacy, "oh yeah, show me them titties...!" she grabs the bottom of Stacy's shirt, then quickly pulls it upwards to reveal Stacy's bra, " _ugh...!_ " Jesse's frustrated by this, but continues undressing her all the same, trying to forget about it and enjoy the rest of the satisfying process.

"W-what are you doing!?" Stampy's surprised by this, Stacy also had widened eyes, but was just rolling with it as Jesse finishes getting her shirt off, leaving Stacy standing in the oh-so classically sexy bra and jeans.

"What, you don't expect us to undress _ourselves,_ do you?" Jesse questions, "it's not fun unless somebody else is doing it."

"Yeeeaaah!" Petra nods, stomping over and grabbing Stampy "we undress each other around here, Stamps, it adds a whole other section of foreplay to the beginning."

"Don't be shy! it's fun! really! it's even clean fun, you should enjoy it!" Jesse advises "...of course, if you would rather Petra wait a moment so you could _watch_ me undress Stacy, we can do that." she grins suggestively.

"Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...!" Stampy thinks it over "...yes please!"

"Yessss..." Jesse hisses, "this is gonna be, so hot...!"

"Would you like me to...?" Stacy tries to act flirtatious, fiddling Jesse's string with her finger.

"No, no, no...!" Jesse shakes her head and then looks over to Stampy, "not alone."

Stampy's eyes widen, he knows what that means.

"Come on, Stampy!" Jesse calls him over, "you shall both pull my string, together."

Stampy knows better than to fucking disobey, so he comes shuffling over at once, his head slightly bowed to show his submission.

"How do you want us to hold it?" Stacy inquires.

"Stampy's hand on the string, and your hand over his." Jesse specifies, "then pull it really, really slowly."

Stampy lifts his quivering hand and closes it around the end of the infamous string, Stacy calmly places her not-quivering hand over his.

"Look our lover in the eyes while we do it, Stampy." Stacy instructs him, fixing her gaze with Jesse's.

Jesse raises her eyebrows up and down.

"Ok-k-k-kay...!" Stampy stutters as he forces himself to match Stacy, both of the youtuber couple were now gazing straight into Jesse's fierce, chestnut, psycho eyes.

"Slowly, and with compliments." Stacy orders.

Stampy starts to pull, "You're beautiful, y-yeah, we're going to enjoy this, ERM-HRM, thank you for allowing us to do this, what she said! we love you, really love you, I love you, I love you, love you, love you, love you, love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-!" they quickly run out of compliments and then just spam the 'love you' with increasing speed.

 _FUCKING DROP!_ Stacy thinks, "LOVE YOU."

 _Click!_ the string reaches it's end.

 _CLINK-DINK-CLANG-CLUNK-DANG-BANG-THUD-BASH._ every single piece of Jesse's purple and black armor disattaches from the others and clatters down into a heap at their feet, including the string, as Stampy immediately drops it.

Almost too afraid to look, Stacy slowly glances down from Jesse's eyes, going over her sleek shoulders, already aroused boobies, long, slim tummy, Stacy skips to the legs, and... they're legs, Jesse has kinda cute toes though.

"Uh, I r-really like the streak of red in your hair!" Stampy is looking for any excuse to not stare at Jesse's body, unlike Stacy who just went for it, but left the job incomplete.

"Oh thanks!" Jesse grins, "it's Petra's."

Awkward silence.

"Petra's... hair?" Stacy's weirded out yet again.

"Yeah!" Jesse nods "so a little piece of her will always be with me."

"Oh..." Stacy blinks "that's... actually really sweet."

"You know what else is sweet?" Jesse asks, "slowly revealing more and more of your sexy soft skin, that's what!" she grabs Stacy's bra and finally uncovers those titties.

Their sexytimes were finally underway.


	15. Chapter 14: Undressed for Success

**Chapter 14: Undressed for Success.**

 _Sproing!-_ "Bouncy, bouncy!" Jesse laughs as she cups Stacy's soft, supple boobs in her hands and smooshes them around, "ha-ha-ha-OH, hold on, how rude of me! I'm sorry, Stacy, I didn't mean to just take and not... give." she grabs one of Stacy's hands and forces it onto her right boob, "go on, feel me out, don't be shy." she suppresses further giggling.

Stampy's face is a ghost, shot pale and wide with shock as he watches his girlfriend be handled by their pursuer, poor Stampy Cat.

Reluctantly, Stacy gently squeezes Jesse's boob, it felt gross, she then runs her thumb over the nip, that also feels gross.

"I said, DON'T BE SHY!" Jesse gleefully orders, intensely rubbing her fingers over both of Stacy's nipples.

"OH!" Stacy gasps in surprise as she feels little signals of pleasure emit from her boobs, however, it's rather overshadowed by just how god damn weird and uncomfortable the situation is, "STOP!" she pulls away.

"..." Jesse blinks, confused "what the fuck?"

"I'm...!" it finally hits Stacy that she might not even be able to handle this "uhhh...!"

Stampy meanwhile, is smart enough to recognize that Stacy is suffering from the exact same problem as him, and in that moment, he decides to take action, to save his girlfriend and be the hero.

"GETTING TOO HORNY." Stampy screams.

"..." everybody stares at him.

"...uhhhhhh, I mean, Stacy is getting too excited, if you keep, uh, doing... that, then she, like, uh..." he's a mess "...WILL START TRYING TO TAKE OFF HER OWN CLOTHES!"

"...makes sense." Petra's surprised "for a moment, I thought you just wanted your girl and Jesse to stop getting it on without you."

"What!? oh, no! never that...!" this act of heroism has actually given Stampy the kick he needed to pull his shit together "I mean, I LOVE that! I could watch them all day!"

"Yes, thank you, Stampy." Stacy nods, turning to Jesse "we need to stick to stripping, otherwise we'll wind up getting ahead of ourselves."

"Oh, fine, I suppose the two of you are waiting on us after all..." Jesse shrugs it off, "time to see what kind of panties you wear!"

This time, instead of being rough and fast, Jesse goes slow and savory, she hooks her fingers under the rim of Stacy's pants on either hip, she then begins a rhythmatic, 'stripping dance', inching one side down about an inch, and then slipping the other side down about an inch lower than the first side, she switches between them, moving her own body in tune, sliding, slipping, tugging, she works Stacy's pants steadily down, from over the curve of her ass, to the bump of her knees, to the rims of her boots, holding the pants up most of the time to prevent them from just dropping.

"Does it turn you on?" Petra asks Stampy from behind.

"EEP!" Stampy's so easily freaked out.

Jesse looks up into Stacy's crotch, finding a perfectly normal, common pair of white woman's underpants, nothing special, nothing particularly sexy.

"Ugh, vanilla..." Jesse rolls her eyes "is there ANYTHING secretly hardcore about you guys!?"

"No." Stacy says flatly, not impressed and growing impatient.

"Fine, whatever, just kick off your pants and boots." Jesse isn't into feet.

Stacy does so, leaving her standing there, arms folded, dressed in nothing but her panties and socks, her soft, exposed boobs still looked good to Jesse, but Jesse knew she had to wait.

"Do you want to slip my socks off for me?" Stacy asks "or should I just do them?"

"Eh, I'll do it." Jesse guesses, getting all close and touchy with Stacy's legs as she grabs and pulls off one and then the other.

"Now...!" Jesse starts, looking up at the underwear, "it's time for the good bit!"

Jesse begins her dance again, starting out the same way she had done the pants, but then, to surprise everyone, she suddenly ducks in and bites onto the front of the panties. Using her teeth for the front and her hands for the back, getting a nice feel of Stacy's ass along the way, Jesse slides Stacy's panties off smoothly, getting a close-up, private-due-to-blocking-everyone-else's-gaze, hands-on view of the youtuber's pussy being revealed. Jesse, full of smugness, drops the panties once she'd felt the last of the ass, letting them fall to Stacy's ankles.

"There! all done!" Jesse's proud of herself, she gets up and walks around Stacy, getting a three-sixty view of her work as Stacy steps out of her panties.

 _Smack!_ guess what that was.

"Oops, does that count as hitting?" Jesse wonders out loud, not actually sounding very concerned, and in fact, almost pleased, "I didn't even think about it."

"It's fine..." Stacy grunts irritably, rolling her eyes "didn't hurt, and the point isn't to inflict pain, so no, it doesn't count."

"Well, in that case." _Smack!_ she does it again.

"Is twice enough?" Stacy asks, trying to mask the impatience in her voice "you can go as many times as you want, but I'd figure it would get boring fast."

"You'd figure wrong, but it's fine for now, I wanna see Stampy and Petra get their stuff going." Jesse grins over to her patient sister.

"My turn with the strings!" Petra grins as she grabs Stampy's hoodie-strings.

"Oh-no!" Stampy's traumatized with those now.

"Back! forth! back! forth! back forth!" Petra actually goes left-right-left-right-left-right "and X!"

"AHHHHHH!" Stampy screams.

"Juuust kiddin'!" Petra's an asshole "how about, down...!"

She grabs the bottom of the hoodie.

"...and up!" she pulls it over his head and off.

Jesse's jaw drops at the sight of oh sexy shirtless Stampy Cat, his hair ruffled due to Petra's rough treatment, his skin pasty white from lack of sunlight brought on by wearing his cat hoodie everywhere all the time constantly, and the way he shivered with anxiety, it was... spellbinding.

"I want him inside me..." Jesse breathes out loud to herself and Stacy.

Stacy looks confused, she may be Stampy's adoring girlfriend, but she sure wasn't turned on just by him being shirtless and scared.

"Get on your back, fucktoy." Petra orders "oh, I'm sorry, is the term 'fucktoy' too insensitive now?"

"That's just what they are, don't worry about it." Jesse waves it off.

"YEAH!" Petra cheers.

Stampy just stands there, shivering in his little bitch boots.

"I said..." Petra repeats, unimpressed "get, on, your, back."

"Y-you m-m-me-ean...?" Stampy points to the floor.

"Do you see a bed anywhere? YES, I mean the floor!" Petra snaps.

Stampy immediately gets down and lies on his back, "BRRR!" it's cold.

"Don't worry, bitch." Petra smiles "things are about to get HOT."

With that, Petra lifts up Stampy's legs, and roughly pulls his shoes, socks, and pants off of them.

"Get rid of this garbage." Petra snarls as she tosses her selection of Stampy's other clothes on top of his hoodie, kicking them all aside in a messy ball of laundry "I can't stand... packaging."

Stampy is now laying on the floor, dressed in nothing but his undies, staring at the ceiling.

 _And to think..._ Stampy frowns _...somehow, this is only going to get_ _ **wors-**_

 _BAM!_ the door flies open, and a dark figure proudly steps forward, his demeanor calm but confident, proud but not obnoxious, blonde but not dumb.

"Why, hello there, everybody." the figure speaks "I hear this is where the fun goes down?"

Lukas... has... arrived.

 **BOOM! There you have it Female Jesse fans, our wonderful story has FINALLY earned that 'M' Rating! (Don't worry, not every chapter after this will be 'M' Rated, only the spicy and gruesomely violent ones.) And what's more, Lukas is here! Which means that this is the last week you can vote on the poll. What Lukas decides, as well as the poll results, will be published next week!**


	16. Chapter 15: History Lesson

**Chapter 15: History Lesson.**

"Lukas!" Jesse's pleased to see him, "I'm so glad you're here! I trust Ivor gave you my message?

"Not exactly." Lukas shrugs "he just told me that you guys were having fun in here, and you wanted to talk to me about my potential joining in on said fun, he would've sent me sooner, but, heh-heh, he didn't want it to seem suspicious, right now, as we speak, the people out there think I'm checking on what's taking so long."

"Ooh, good job." Jesse nods her approval, then glances around at Stacy and Stampy's naked selves, "sooo, does this... fun, seem like something you'd like to be a part of?"

"I'm not sure." Lukas scratches the back of his head "depends on what it is exactly, is it us on them, them on them forced by us, or something I'd never expect?"

"Us on them." Jesse gestures to her lack of clothes, "Ivor doesn't tend to take part, but me and Petra love this shit."

"Ah yes." Lukas nods, briefly looking Jesse's naked body over, he didn't seem sexually interested "is it safe to assume that if I were to take part, you guys would reveal the rest of the iceberg to me? I'm still in the dark about most of this, apparently."

"Oh yes, you'd learn all about it, Lukas." Jesse assures, "although we're doing things a little different than the usual this time."

"Usually we break their spirits and turn them into submissive whores who beg for us to mistreat them, the status of which we deem as a 'sexslave-fucktoy'." Petra explains "but this time, we're going soft: they're closer to sexbusinesspartners-fuckhumanbeings."

"We've made deals with them." Jesse clarifies, "they let us do what we please with their bodies, and we let them go alive and kill Dan, Stampy's secret nemesis, and then maybe Lizzie and/or Cassie if people keep dying after we've finished with him."

"Oh? I see." Lukas immediately understands the situation "I suppose Ivor already informed you that it was in fact my button that was pushed?"

"Yep, we know all about that, and _you_ didn't push it." Jesse nods, "good job, you did well."

"Thank you." Lukas gives a small bow to her.

"So, you interested in the fucking? I could answer any questions you have, there's a few different rules." Jesse offers.

"Jesse, I was born ready for the fucking." Lukas grins slyly "I knew from the moment I joined you guys that you were crazy, I only hoped you could teach me how to be too, I am ready for my training to begin."

"What the fuck are you two going on about?" Stacy questions, while in the background Stampy cries as Petra teasingly wedgies him before tearing his undies off.

"Oh, I'm new." Lukas answers "I only just joined this group about five weeks ago, we met during one of their 'killer parties', I was invited, and intended to be a victim, but I won their hearts over when, to their amazement, I started killing the other party guests, all on my own! I may have been an amateur, but they recognized my raw, untapped potential to be just like them, and so I joined, turning our group into a pack of four."

"Ivor was new once upon a time." Jesse adds "it all started with just me and Petra, two sisters who grew up with the same goal: THIS."

"Oh..." Stacy understands "I... see... that's very... unusual... quite the life story you have there."

"It's very impressive, isn't it?" Jesse boasts, "how we've all done so many different things to so many different people, and yet, none of us has ever been caught."

"Pah! never been caught!? I've never even HEARD of you guys!" Stacy stresses "what, do you regularly just kill one or two total noobs at a time or something? because I think I'd be aware of it if there was an epidemic of big minecrafters being massacred at parties."

"Huh? oh no, Stacy, you seem to misunderstand me." Jesse shakes her head, "this is the first time we've gone after celebrities of any stature, we just massacre the normies bunch by bunch."

"Ah, alright then, makes sense." Stacy nods "you do just kill the noobs... but... then why did you go for celebrities this time? is it because you have four people now?"

"No, we just heard about the party and figured it'd be fun." Jesse shrugs, "that and Lukas was the one who found out about it, so whatever source he had wasn't available to us beforehand."

"In other words, it was because of me, but not because we had four people." Lukas adds.

"Yes, exactly." Jesse nods.

 _Smack!-_ "Get up, sexy boy!" Petra slaps Stampy's ass and makes him get to his feet "it's your turn to undress me, hop to it! and make it hot for fuck's sake."

"Y-y-y-ye-e-e-es, m-m-ma-as-ast-t-t-er." the nervous kitten gets to work, slowly undoing every piece of Petra's armor.

"So, Jesse, how does this work?" Lukas asks as he looks over Stacy's naked body with much more interest than he had over Jesse's "there's only two of them, and three of us, are two of us going to have to share one of them? and if so, who's with who?"

"Ooooooh! I'm so glad you asked...!" Jesse flashes a sinister smile "you see, Lukas, now that we have you, we've got a total of five people, correct?"

"Yes." Lukas nods.

"Well...!" Jesse can barely contain her excitement "five is also the absolute minimum number of people it takes to, heh-heh, create an incarnation of a very certain, very... _**sexy**_ invention of mine."

"FUCK, YES." Petra agrees from her spot a ways away, but doesn't move due to Stampy undressing her "it's been forever since we've had one of those!"

"Interesting." Lukas nods, tapping his chin with curiosity "what invention would this be, Jesse?"

"It's called...!" Jessie's entire body tenses up with ecstasy, her eyes go dreamy and her pussy moistens at just the thought of her magnificent, greatest, most incredible creation of all time "...a _fuckpuzzle._ "

 **The Poll Results are in!**

"What do you think Lukas will choose to do when he is presented with this "opportunity"?"

1\. Join Jesse and Petra in their endeavors of this type. 1 Vote(s). (33.3%)

2\. Remain with Ivor and guard the restless prisoners. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

3\. Something totally unexpected. 2 Vote(s). (66.6%)

Total Votes: 3.

Total Voters: 3.

OOH! Someone got it right! Lukas has chosen to join, so the correct prediction was #1. Though the idea that he would go rogue was obviously very popular. And NOBODY thought for a second that he would stick around guarding with Ivor, so at least you all called that out as not happenin'.

Special thanks to everyone who voted, we hope you enjoyed the chapter and will participate again in future polls.


	17. Chapter 16: Peaches or Cream

**Chapter 16: Peaches or Cream.**

"Sounds... fascinating." Lukas is on board "how does it work?"

"Basically, we find the most pleasurable and/or convoluted ways to fit EVERYBODY together in a giant network of sweet, juicy sex." Jesse explains with delight "however, the tricky part is getting it to fit together without any of us, the non-sexslave-fucktoys, fucking each other, OR the sexslave-fucktoys fucking each other, the bigger the puzzle, the better!"

"It's a very... um..." Petra thinks "what's the word?"

"Sophisticated?" Jesse suggests with a smug grin.

"Yeah! it's a very sophisticated invention." Petra nods "it requires thorough knowledge of, uh, all sorts of sciency things."

"And results in the best damn fuck anyone in any world has ever fucked!" Jesse finishes proudly.

"So..." Stacy frowns "the only one of us that I'm not allowed to fuck is Stampy?"

" _Yes!_ " Jesse nods, grinning.

"Great..." Stacy's not a fan.

"And no fucking conga lines allowed!" Petra's eyebrows curve irritably "we can't just go one guy in front of the next, it needs to be complicated! it needs to be a puzzle! it needs to be a MESS!"

"Yeah, we're not allowed to be linear with it, we need to interconnect things all over the place, like a spiderweb." Jesse agrees.

"Even better, now you can all do me at once." Stacy keeps being a downer "but no Stampy..."

"So, seeing as this is your first time, Lukas, I was wondering if you had any sexual preferences." Jesse addresses, "me and Petra really don't care that much, we're good with mostly anything, but if you like, only wanna fuck women or something then that's fine, it just makes putting the puzzle together that much more difficult, which, I _do_ enjoy."

"Hmmm, I'm not sure..." Lukas admits, thinking it over "I've never really done much when it comes to sex, I don't quite know what I like..."

"Well, then let's start with a simple choice." Petra shrugs "fuck a man, or fuck a woman?"

"...I'm really not sure." Lukas admits, turning to Jesse "which do you prefer, Boss?"

"Hmm... tough choice..." Jesse thinks about it "they're both so... sexy."

 _Literally all these fuckers swing to the middle of the road, don't they?_ Stacy predicts.

"Do you have a preference, Petra?" Lukas raises an eyebrow.

"Urgh, I don't know..." Petra heaves "ummm, if I had to choose, I think I'd probably have to go: a man. But not for the D, it's just that they're ever so slightly more satisfying to fuck in the ass."

"OH, me too! they totally are!" Jesse hops on board, "have you ever fucked a man in the ass, Lukas?"

"Honestly? no, but I've never fucked a woman in the ass either." Lukas admits "I have no idea how good either is."

"*GASP*! oh my god, for _real!?_ " Jesse can't believe it, "I know what we have to do...!"

"And what is that?" Lukas blinks, meanwhile, Petra gets distracted and stops paying attention to them.

"We have to get you to fuck both a man and a woman in the ass and decide which is better! before we even start trying to figure out the fuckpuzzle!" Jesse declares, then turns to the youtuber girl, "Stacy, can we use _your_ ass?"

"I would like that." Lukas comments, giving Stacy a subtle eyebrow flirt.

Stacy tries not to frown, but she does anyway, because this is just fucking miserable.

"We agreed that I would do whatever you wanted, so long as it meets my terms." Stacy reluctantly agrees, "and doing anal with Lukas does fall into that category, so, if that's what you wish, I'll put out." despite the words her mouth and brain was saying, she could feel it in her heart: doubt, doubt if she could really go through with it. Back when she had first made the deal it seemed like it would be so easy, just an act of survival, doing what's necessary to ensure her continued existence, she figured she would be able to take whatever amount or variety of sex they demanded of her, but now... she wasn't so sure.

"There's a good sexslave-fucktoy...!" Jesse's appeased, "there you go, Lukas! have at it, just be gentle and don't talk to her like a piece of shit and you're good to go, if you were fucking her pussy you'd have to be safe about it, but there's no need to worry about that here."

"Excellent! thank you very much, Jesse." Lukas thanks the wrong girl "I assume once I'm finished with her, my next victim will be-"

" _ **AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! AHHH-EEEEEE-AHHH-EEEEEE-AHHH-EEEEEE!**_ " horrible, bloodcurdling screaming sounds behind them.

Shocked, Jesse, Lukas, and Stacy all swing around, their eyes wide and panicked as they look to see the origin of such a traumatizing noise, and what they found, was terrifying...!

 **Heyyy, everybody: we've got a new poll!**

 **"What do you think the terrifying thing** **is** **?"**

 **Profile, poll, vote, and fun! The answer will be revealed in next week's chapter, so make your choice before then! We were REALLY happy with the number of people who voted on the last poll, _three_ of you. That is huge since the most we've ever had before then was a single voter. We hope all three of you choose to vote again, as well as some new folks. Thanks to everyone who does!**

 **...oh yeah, and also, since there's so many wildly fun and crazy options on this one, we're allowing you to pick up to FIVE out of the fifteen choices! So instead of struggling to pick just one, you just need to select the top five of them you like the most. This way is really great because it also gives us a more accurate reading of your thoughts. Observe.**

 **Person A likes Option A the best, followed by Option C, and continuing with D, E, and F.**

 **Person B likes Option B the best, followed by** **Option C, and continuing with G, H, and I.**

 **From this we can clearly see that Option C is the most popular choice despite not being anyone's favorite. If Person's A and B only had one vote each, we'd get the wrong impression that Option C is unpopular, this strategy fixes that right up. 👍😊**


	18. Chapter 17: Monster

**Chapter 17: Monster.**

PETRA WAS FUCKING STAMPY IN THE ASS!

THE HORROR!

" _ **AHHH!**_ " Stampy continues to panic.

"Erm! ergh! yeah, bitch! erm-hrmph!" Petra grunts as she rams her crotch against Stampy's asshole "fukin' U gud. BAM!"

" _ **EEEEEE!**_ " Stampy squeals.

"Cry harder for me, oh yeah...!" Petra has officially abandoned the rule of no disrespect "gunna make U cum, pussy bitch."

" _ **Petra!**_ " Jesse loses her shit, "what the fuck!?"

"Registering verbal complaint, please!" Stacy growls, resisting the urge to just attack and kill Petra.

"Erm-erm-erm-huh?" Petra stops thrusting, turning to look at the others "...what?"

" _That was for Lukas!_ " Jesse stresses, "oh, also you need to cut back on the shit talking."

Stacy's jaw drops, having expected the MAIN PROBLEM to have been the shit talking AND the fact that Stampy is SCREAMING WITH DISTRESS.

"For... Lukas...?" Petra asks, blankly "...OH, fuck! you were gonna give him Stampy's ass!?"

"YES!" Jesse nods, "now we can't do the comparison!"

"We can't?" Lukas blinks "why not? I mean, I'd rather Stampy be fresh, but he's still fuckable, right?"

"No! because Petra just fucked him!" Jesse tries to explain, "and if Petra fucks him in the ass, and then you fuck him in the ass right after, that's pretty much the same as you fucking Petra!"

"And that is NOT ACCEPTABLE." Petra nods, as she understands this entirely.

"Oh? is that how we roll? alright then, got it." Lukas has conformed.

"WHAAAH! WHAH-WHAH!" Stampy cries, huge streams of tears dripping from his face onto the carpet below.

"Stampy, what's wrong? we got her to stop." Jesse doesn't think the trauma should be that bad, she also fails to address the fact that even though Petra has indeed stopped thrusting, she is still physically holding him there, bent over with his ass ripe for fucking, locked into place by the firm grip of her hands.

"THAT...! WAS...! HORRIBLE...!" Stampy shouts "SHE'S RAPING ME!"

"Am not." Petra rolls her eyes "you consented, bitch, remember the deal?"

Stampy breaks into more tears.

"I'm sorry, Jesse." Petra looks back to her sister with genuine regret "I just... Stampy was right there, naked, and he just got my pants off, and then he was putting down my shoulder-pad, and as he bent over, I just... I just really wanted to fuck him, you guys were talking and I wasn't doing much else, so I figured it would be okay to just screw his ass for the time being, especially since we'd probably use his dick or mouth in the puzzle instead of his ass anyway."

"It's... ugh, it's okay, I just... I NEED Lukas to compare them, Petra! you understand..." Jesse's really crushed by this, "it was gonna be so awesome..."

Stacy breathes in frustratedly, not happy with herself for what she was about to do to cheer Jesse up.

"Jesse...?" Stacy asks for attention.

"Yeah?" Jesse looks at her, showing very little interest.

"If you wanted, Lukas could... fuck me... twice." Stacy forces the words "the second time, he could be looking at Stampy while he does it, to trick his mind into thinking he's fucking a man."

"Ugh, I mean... I guess it's something, but it's really not the same as if the ass actually belonged to a man for real..." Jesse considers it.

"I really am sorry, Jesse..." Petra frowns and mopes her way over, leaving Stampy to collapse to the floor in tears "if I could take it back, I would, I wish I could just... transfer that fuckpoint to Lukas."

"I know, Petra, it's okay, I get it..." Jesse acknowledges, "it just really sucks that it turned out this way..."

"Well, I'm not too disappointed." Lukas also tries to cheer her up "I'll do it for real some other time, and tonight I still get to experience your amazing fuckpuzzle."

"Yeah, it's just, if only we had another-" Jesse eyes widen with realization, and her mouth stretches into a grin, "hey...! you guys wanna just get Dan in here!?"

 _BOOM._ Stampy aruptly stops crying, his body tensed and alert at the mention of his archenemy, his eyes wide and his ears pricked in anticipation of where Jesse was going with this.

"Sure!" Lukas grins.

"Heh! problem solved, look at that." Petra nods "this is why you're the brains, Jesse."

"We can't bring Dan into this!" Stacy protests "you're supposed to kill him! not extend our deal!"

"Oh, but Stacy! don't you get it?" Jesse starts, "we'll just _tell him_ that we're extending the deal! we'll still stab him in the back and kill him after! we don't even need to give him any of yours and Stampy's restrictions! don't you see? this is WORSE for him than it was before! I'm pretty much just giving you guys extra! neither of you will need to fuck him, he'll add another number to the fuck puzzle, and Lukas will get to fuck his ass! all this does is sweeten the deal for everyone but him!"

"...at the cost of one more conspirator." Lukas points out "if we do this, then Lizzie and Cassie will literally be the only two people who still think that we're interrogating them to find the killer."

"Which works out great." Petra claims "we should promise him that we'll find Lizzie guilty, but then we just, you know, don't."

"My point is that the more people know the truth about us, the less safe we'll be." Lukas explains "that said, I fully support this plan, and I look forward to experiencing Dan's ass."

"Your blonde hair will go so good with his blue." Petra compliments "I can't wait to see you two guys fuck, it will be... beautiful, now I'm GLAD I fucked Stampy!"

"I'M NOT!" Stampy screams, suddenly rising to his feet.

Everybody looks at him.

"You violated me! I was just undressing you like I was asked, and the moment I was vulnerable, you took advantage!" Stampy storms over and practically spits in Petra's face "we were supposed to make love in a safe, well-communicated fashion! you were never supposed to just, GRAB me, and hammer away!"

"Stampy, calm down!" Jesse holds her hands up for peace, "I'm sorry that happened, okay? we'll add no surprise fucking to the list of restrictions for you and Stacy, and Petra will start being nicer about it." Jesse promises, turning to her sister, "right, Petra?"

Petra wants to say no, but she is actually still feeling guilty about almost fucking things up for Jesse, so she really just wants to keep her sister happy for now, "Alright, whatever, fine..." she agrees "no surprises, and I'll stop with every insult except bitch."

"Petra, you can't have 'bitch'." Jesse presses, "I know it's your favorite, and that the sexslave-fucktoys usually learn to love it, but you're not allowed to do it this time, not unless you're speaking to Dan exclusively."

"Urrrgh..." Petra groans "fine! I'll just use it excessively on Dan then."

"Good!" Stampy nods, then turns to Lukas "and as for YOU, young man! I have three words."

"Suck your dick?" Lukas guesses.

"No! that's mine!" Jesse squeaks.

"FUCK... HIM..." Stampy stresses, leaning in close "... _ **hard.**_ "

Lukas smiles, slightly surprised, "Oh? how strange, you seem to be almost enjoying this, Stampy."

"Fuck...! Dan...!" Stampy hisses "I'm not ENJOYING this experience in the slightest, but I'll be damned if THE DIAMOND MINECART is going to have a better time than STAMPY CAT! nuh-uh! you make sure he's more miserable than you could ever make me, understand!?"

"I like this side of you." Lukas nods "it's... dark."

"And sexy." Jesse flirts her eyebrows to Stampy.

"I respect your wishes, Stampy Cat." Lukas agrees "I will do my best to make Dan scream as I tear his lovely ass apart to pleasure my evil dick, and as a bonus, just to be nice to you and show my goodwill towards your cause and future, I will also try to take it easy on your girlfriend, not so easy that it's not enjoyable, but it won't be... Dan."

"See that you do!" Stampy sneers in semi-disgust, he then turns to Jesse "well? what are we waiting for!? get TDM's ass in here, AND HAVE MY MAN LUKAS FUCK IT APART!"

The darkness within Stampy has finally surfaced, below the happy, and further below the fear, a bold, nasty persona has lurked unseen for ages, but now... the beast has risen, and Stampy Cat was no longer a beacon of good and happiness faced against murderers and rapists, rather, as he looked into Jesse's wicked, pleased eyes, he saw himself within them, both as a reflection... and a monster.

 **The Poll Results are in!**

"What do you think the terrifying thing is? (Remember, the location and speaker of the scream was not specified, it could be in the room with them or outside in the hall, even outside of the mansion, and any character besides the three turning around.)"

1\. Petra fucking Stampy in the ass. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

2\. Captain Sparklez' zombified corpse. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

3\. Spider Attack. (Like in the game.) 3 Vote(s). (20%)

4\. Cassie killing Ivor. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

5\. TorqueDawg's zombified corpse. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

6\. Ivor killing Cassie. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

7\. Petra fucking Stampy in the pussy. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

8\. Some new characters just showed up... in the middle of the zombie horde. 1 Vote(s). (07%)

9\. Dan stubbed his toe. 1 Vote(s). (07%)

10\. Petra's screaming as a prank, there is no danger. 3 Vote(s). (20%)

11\. Lizzie noticed Dan's boner was back and pressing against her. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

12\. Petra's screaming because its not a prank, she just set off a trap, and now she's hurtin'. 2 Vote(s). (13%)

13\. Stampy's sanity just broke. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

14\. The White Pumpkin is here to chop a bitch. (Like in the game.) 2 Vote(s). (13%)

15\. Something totally unexpected. Yes, even MORE unexpected than these other options. 3 Vote(s). (20%)

Total Votes: 15.

Total Voters: 3.

All-right! Three people voted again, we are so happy with you guys. As you can see, unfortunately, the correct answer got a grand total of zero votes. All three of you thought that it would be spiders, Petra's prank, or something totally unexpected, which shows that great minds think alike. Two out of three of you also liked the Petra trap and White Pumpkin attack options. And one out of you three threw a bone to new characters in the zombie horde and, the most hilarious choice, Dan stubbed his toe.

Speaking of Dan, he's the NEW poll subject! "Will Jesse be able to convince Dan to go for it?" There's six options, and we've decided to keep the 1/3 vote/choices ratio! So you can vote for your TWO favorites!

Special thanks to everyone who voted, we hope you enjoyed the chapter and will participate again in future polls, such as the Dan one.


	19. 18 Danned If You Do, Danned If You Don't

**Chapter 18: Danned If You Do, Danned If You Don't.**

"Okay." Jesse shrugs, turning to Lukas, "you wanna do it? you're the only one still clothed."

"Standing in a room full of naked people, and being asked to leave and come back with someone to add to them." Lukas remarks "this was not how I ever expected one of my killing sprees to go, but like you always say, Jesse, it's good to be... surprised."

Lukas eagerly turns around and heads back out the door.

...

"Oh my god are you finally done!?" Lizzie demands as Lukas reappears.

"We have not finished." Lukas states coldly, no emotion in his voice or eyes whatsoever "come, Dan, Jesse has need of you."

"What!?" Dan and Ivor both react.

"I said, come." Lukas repeats "Jesse has ordered it."

"I-is Stampy and Stacy done in there yet!?" Dan demands "are you telling me to come because it's my turn now!?"

"NO, Dan." Lukas raises his voice "Stampy is still being interrogated, but Jesse requires you in order for it to be complete."

"Grrrrrr...!" Ivor has a hard time hiding his fury "you'd better go, Dan, apparently Jesse is changing things up, we'd best assume it is for a..." he has trouble forcing the words "...good reason." he knows it's because Dan's gonna get fucked.

Dan nervously gets to his feet, "Um, alright then, I guess..." he agrees "whatever I can do to help."

Lukas leads him away through the door.

...

"Hello! how can I hel-!" Dan starts, putting on an overly cheerful demeanor, but stops aruptly as he finds the sight of Jesse, Stacy, Stampy, and Petra all standing around naked "...WHAT THE FUCK!?"

"You can help by dropping your pants." Lukas instructs, locking the door behind them, trapping Dan.

"Wh-what!?" Dan looks at them all confused, from one to the other to the next "what is this!? what are you talking about!?"

"Welcome to the fuckclub, Dan!" Jesse greets him "where murder suspects like you can cut a fast deal, become a sexslave-fucktoy, and walk free! or you can refuse, get raped, and then die!"

"Take your pick." Stacy snarks "me and Stampy already made ours."

"Wh-wh-wh-w-wh-b-b-bu-n-n-n-na-nuh...!" Dan just stammers nonsense in fear and increasing panic, "HELP!" he screams "LIZ-!"

"Shhhhhh!" _**Stampy**_ silences Dan with a finger to the latter's mouth "don't scream, you'll lose your only chance."

"St-Stampy...!?" Dan can't believe this "what have they done to you!?"

"Fucked his ass." Petra laughs "heh."

"There's only one way out of this alive, Dan." Lukas continues "the offer is simple: you can refuse and we'll name you as the killer and you will be executed, or you can accept, get naked, and let us fuck you."

"It's really not so bad." Stacy informs Dan "if you do it, they promise to not expose you as the killer, even if you ARE the killer!"

"Th-then why did YOU do it!?" Dan demands "you're not a suspect!"

"Stampy is, and we're a pair, so I need to do it too, or else." Stacy explains.

"Th-this is wrong...!" Dan freaks, slowly backing away, shooting wild glances at all of them "this is SICK, you're supposed to be finding the killer, protecting us...!"

"I _will_ protect you!" Jesse stresses, "just fuck me for it!"

"I...!" Dan stutters, "n-n-NO! I won't! stay away from me! all of you-!"

 _CLUNK._ Lukas just clubs Dan in the back of the head with his armbrace, knocking Dan down on his knees.

"OW!" Dan whimpers.

"I understand that you're scared, Dan, so I'll excuse that last rejection." Jesse offers "but I really need you to understand: you don't have to be afraid of US, you only need to be afraid of what will happen to you if you don't comply, you see? we're not bad, or dangerous, or horrible, unless you give us no other choice, so... give us another answer."

"We took the deal, and look at us now." Stacy helps "we're naked, but nothing else has happened to us: we're not bruised, or crying, or dead."

"And I'm god damn Stampy Cat!" Stampy points out, coldly "if I can handle it, so can you."

"Besides." Petra chuckles "don't you want to release all that... tension, you've had for Lizzie?"

"Yeah!" Jesse laughs "just pretend we're Lizzie! problem solved, I win, you win, we all walk out happy!"

Dan frowns the biggest frown he has ever made, he slowly looks over each one of them again: relentless Jesse, obnoxious Petra, creepy Lukas, untouched Stacy, and the only person who had ever come close to matching Dan's status as the greatest minecrafter of all time, Stampy Cat. Every single one of them were telling him to take the deal, he didn't trust Jesse's gang's biased opinions, but he did respect Stacy's and Stampy's, if they could do it, and they really thought it was the best, or perhaps only, choice to make, maybe... he could do it.

Dan slowly stands up on shaky legs, "O-ok-kay...!" he shivers "I'm... I'm in."

"Gooooood...!" Jesse sneers, "welcome, to the fuckpuzzle."

"Fuck... puzzle...?" Dan can barely repeat the disgusting words, he could already sense that this thing, whatever it was, was pure evil, but it was too late, his deal with the devil had been made, and he already wanted to take it back.

"Oh, and by the way, Dan." Lukas starts "you'd better imagine Lizzie with a strapon, okay?"

"Huh!?" Dan knows what that fucking means.

"Because, pretty boy..." Lukas leans in close to whisper in Dan's ear "I'm going to fuck you, and make your ass my first."

At this, Dan starts quaking all over, he gently bats Lukas away, gasping for breath as he felt an anxiety attack course throughout his body, he sinks to his knees, then rolls onto his side, a heaving, quivering mess.

 **The Poll Results are in!**

"Will Jesse be able to convince Dan to go for it?"

1\. Fuck yes. She got Stacy, didn't she? Dan will crack like knuckles on brittle pavement. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

2\. Hell no. Stacy was at least offered health and safety conditions, none of that for Dan, he'll go back out and try to convince Lizzie and Cassie that he's innocent. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

3\. Nope! Screw this psycho bitch and her accomplices, he'll attempt to defy and kill Jesse's gang, and Stampy/Stacy too if they try to stop him. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

4\. This is way too much, he'll lose his shit and try to flat out run through the zombie horde to get away from this mansion. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

5\. He'll initially agree, but something will cause him to change his mind. Like, Lukas being creepy. 1 Vote(s). (50%)

6\. Something totally unexpected. 1 Vote(s). (50%)

Total Votes: 2.

Total Voters: 1.

AH, both wrong! Sorry, Voter. Dan did _try_ to go for the second way, but was stopped and ultimately gave in to the first. However, it does seem like he's on the edge of switching to the fifth, which you did vote for. That just might come true yet...

Special thanks to the one who voted, we hope you enjoyed the chapter and will participate again in future polls.


	20. Chapter 19: Undressed with Finesse

**Chapter 19: Undressed with Finesse.**

"Aw, fuck!" Jesse rolls her eyes "get up, Dan! we don't have all day, Lizzie and Cassie will grow suspicious of us eventually."

"Stampy took a few moments to adjust, and he had me, Dan's alone." Stacy points out "we should cut him a little slack, don't you think?"

"Fine, you wanna get fucked by Lukas while we wait for him to be ready for his turn?" Jesse proposes.

"Sure..." Stacy wants to get it over with anyway.

"No!" Lukas protests "I can't fuck Stacy yet!"

"Oh, sorry." Jesse apologizes for her hastiness, "why not?"

"Because, I need Dan to unclothe me." Lukas explains "Stampy and Petra undressed each other, I assume you and Stacy undressed each other, so Dan and I have to undress each other."

"Ohhh, I see, of course." Jesse nods agreement, then looks down at the shaking bundle that's TDM, "how long you think you're gonna be, Dan?"

"Maybe it'll help if I undress him first?" Lukas suggests.

"Fuck it, take the shot." Jesse permits it, "you want him to get up for it, or be all kinky and undress him on the floor?"

"Like Stampy Cat." Stampy bitterly remembers.

"Come on, Dan, I'm not so bad." Lukas calmly informs the shaking man, reaching down, grabbing him, and lifting him back to his feet "it will all be over before you know it, and you might even be... surprised."

Dan stands, tense and unmoving, as Lukas slowly takes away Dan's goggles.

"I have a pair too." Lukas points out "we could be... goggle buddies."

Lukas then slips both his hands under Dan's shirt, "Whoops, I don't want both layers, better go back...!" in order to take his hands out of Dan's shirt, Lukas slips them down his pants instead, firmly gripping his soft, pale buttocks "OOH, feels... nice, down there, I wonder what other treasures your pants hold..."

This is not helping Dan get over his anxiety.

Lukas then pulls open a wide gap between Dan's jacket and his shirt, "There we go! just the one, like I was trying for."

They stand there, paused.

Lukas then suddenly ducks his head down and shoots up into Dan's jacket, his face popping back out of the collar behind Dan's head, "Well! aren't things nice and cozy in here!?" Lukas grins smugly.

At this, Dan actually DOES stop being so scared: because now Lukas is making him ANGRY.

Lukas then slips back out and takes the jacket off properly, he then kneels down on one knee and starts fiddling with Dan's shoelaces.

"String is cheap." Lukas comments, cutting the shoelaces apart with a little knife from his toolbelt "you're supposed to be the greatest minecrafter who ever lived, right? you have no dire need of these."

Dan has to start trying to contain his fury as Lukas proceeds to tug off his shoes and socks, discarding them aside along with the little bits of what were once his favorite shoelaces, which have gold nuggets on the ends as aglets, Lukas hadn't even commented on the gold.

 _Why didn't he comment on the gold!?_ this really upsets Dan, _I got those things SO people would comment on them! they're so flashy and cool and rich, but he acts like they're not even there!_

Lukas then rolls up Dan's shirt along his sexy abs that Stampy Cat most certainly does not have, so that when he lifts it up over Dan's head it's in a tight hoop, that's when Lukas stops.

"...what are you waiting f-GAK!" Dan starts but is cut off as Lukas chokes him with the hoop of the shirt.

"Gasp for me...!" Lukas grins, a fiery, cruel, burning passion shining in his eyes: it was the passion, of a man who just wants to see another suffer.

Dan does as he's told, gasping and hacking and reaching and heaving desperately in an attempt to breathe, all the while the rest of the crowd stands there and does nothing to stop it, Stacy looks away, but Stampy intensely observes every second.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" Lukas laughs maniacally "HAAA, HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-okay that's good." he aruptly stops and throws the shirt aside.

"*Gaaaaaassssssp*...!" Dan breathes in, furious.

"That's a good sexslave-fucktoy." Lukas grins "no resistance, I'll be sure to treat you for that later."

Dan frowns and his eyebrows curve, but his self-control was too strong for him to lash out: after all, Dan hasn't survived this long in minecraft by being rash and emotionally driven.

"Now let's complete the... ritual." Lukas decides, getting down and sliding off Dan's pants, he does so without issue or delay, and then relishes stretching Dan's boxers' elastic out until it snaps, at which point he lets it fall, Dan steps out of them and stands before the group, the third, naked, sexslave-fucktoy, and perhaps, as established, the ONE and TRUE sexslave-fucktoy.

"Nice." Petra grunts.

"You look good, Dan." Jesse grins, "I think we'll enjoy having you here, just as much as we anticipated we would."

"And now, it's your turn to undress me!" Lukas reminds him "I'm... waiting."

Pissed off, Dan rolls his eyes, roughly grabs Lukas' goggles, and carelessly tosses them aside, he then starts firmly and unceremoniously trying to tug Lukas' jacket off.

"NO, NO, _NO!_ " Jesse freaks out, running up to stop them, "what the fuck, Dan!? would it _kill you_ to make it fucking _sexy for once!?_ put it back on, try again! do it slowly, and be touchy and seductive about it, damn it!"

"You asked me to undress him, this is how I'm doing it!" Dan refuses.

"Dan...!" Jesse starts, "I'd check my attitude if I were you, we can change our minds and fuck you over any time we want, if you're not going to cooperate with _this,_ one of the tamest, easiest parts of the service you're going to be providing tonight, then the sky's not looking all that blue for your future right about now...!"

"Son of a bitch! we don't have time for your bullshit, Dan, just get out of the way, I'll do it!" _**Stampy**_ snaps, pushing past Dan and standing face-to-face with Lukas and Jesse "is that fine with you guys?"

"Stampy!?" Stacy can't believe what she's seeing.

"Stampy!" Jesse's surprised, breaking into a large smile, "of, _course,_ I'm okay with you undressing Lukas! I'm so impressed that you would offer! and all by yourself, too! you're really coming along and getting into the spirit of things! what do you think, Lukas? he did a good job on you, didn't he, Petra?"

"Oh yeah!" Petra confirms "I especially liked the end."

"When you-" Lukas starts.

"When I fucked 'im." Petra also confirms.

"Sounds good to me." Lukas answers Stampy "so long as you're better than Dan's sorry attempt."

"I will be." Stampy promises "should I start?"

"Redress him first!" Jesse reminds them, "we need to have the whole process done properly."

Stampy nods, bending over to pick up the goggles, Jesse gets a sweet sight of his ass, she understands now why Petra did what she did.

Meanwhile, Dan's in shock, he takes a few steps away from the others, to be alone with just his thoughts.

 _Did... did Stampy... just... save me...?_ he wonders, _Oh my god...! and I, I was ready to fight him because I thought he stole my stupid flint and steel garbage...! holy crap... I... Stampy...! WHY? why did you do this for me?_

Stampy finishes redressing Lukas, "There." he smiles and nods at his job well done "now can I make him horny?"

"Go for it!" Jesse cheers.

Stampy starts putting the moves on Lukas, he slowly, gingerly removes the goggles, licking Lukas' ear as he does so, he also whips Lukas' ass with the strap before gently laying the goggles aside. Next, he starts detaching the shoulder plates and armbraces, frequently rubbing himself against Lukas as he does so, like a kitty. He then slowly peels Lukas' jacket off one arm and then the next, he briefly uses one sleeve to blindfold Lukas, asking "Do you like this?"

"Yes." Lukas admits "I d-ooh!" he gasps as Stampy grabs his dick.

"I can feel it." Stampy flirts, he then immediately drops the D as fast as he can and gets rid of the blindfold.

Stampy continues his flirty, overly-sexual undressing skit to completion: everybody watches in awe and arousal as he takes his time going over Lukas' shirt, pants, underwear, socks, and shoes, finally ending with Stampy kissing Lukas on the lips before turning to Jesse, "It's done." he reports.

"Stampy..." Jesse starts, "that was the fucking sexiest, smoothest, most amazing job I've ever seen anyone do with undressing someone else, you have pleased me greatly with your work."

"Thank you, Jesse, it was my pleasure." Stampy nods, satisfied, before shooting a glance at Dan "THAT is how you do it, Dan!"

He had done it.

He won.


	21. Chapter 20: And It All Comes Crashing

**Chapter 20: And It All Comes Crashing.**

"I, am so fuckin' ready for this." Lukas expresses, Stampy's work having made his dick large and hard, he turns to Jesse "I'm prepared to begin now, if Stacy is."

"You good, Stace?" Jesse questions the youtuber girl.

"Just one second, please!" Stacy requests, grabbing Stampy and running off to whisper to him "what... the fuck... was THAT!?"

"Wha!?" Stampy's taken aback "what's the matter!?"

"Are you fucking into this!?" Stacy demands.

"NO! oh dear lord no I'm not!" Stampy swears.

"Then WHY, Stampy!?" Stacy pushes "why did you volunteer to pleasure them when you didn't need to!?"

"BECAUSE...!" Stampy starts, frustrated "he's gonna fuck Dan!"

"...SO!?" Stacy doesn't get it "what does that matter!?"

"It matters EVERYTHING!" Stampy insists "so far, the one and only saving grace for me out of this entire horrible, miserable mess, is that DAN was going to get fucked worse than we are! he was jeopardizing that, if I hadn't stepped in they might have kicked him out and NOT fucked him! I was trying to KEEP THE PEACE!"

"You sure seemed to enjoy undressing Lukas an awful lot for just that." Stacy's skeptical.

"I had to make it believable!" Stampy counters "and I DID enjoy it, because it was FUCKING DAN OVER! I was showing him up! and I feel pretty good towards Lukas right now because he's the man who's gonna fuck him!"

"Lukas is also the man who's about to fuck ME." Stacy growls.

"I know that! and it's horrible, and I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to fuck Jesse, we both have it bad, but Dan, Dan has it WORSE! and that's all that matters!" Stampy promises "don't worry, I swear, if I could just, KILL Lukas, and Jesse, and the others right now, so that we don't have to fuck them, I would do it! but I can't, Stacy, so instead I just have to settle for this."

Stacy's silent, crossing her arms and slightly frowning, still upset.

"Also, I just thought it would be a really good idea to build as much favor with Jesse as possible, to further our chances of survival." Stampy adds "come on, I'm really not into it, I was crying like a baby earlier, remember? I still am on the inside, I'm just... toughing it out."

"Hrmmm..." Stacy hums irritably, but then starts to soften "...well, I suppose you never did get hard while undressing him."

"YES!" Stampy cheers at this saving grace "see!? I didn't, did I!? that's proof that I wasn't into it, I was just pretending!"

Stacy slowly nods, accepting this, "You're a good actor, Stampy."

"Thank you..." Stampy breathes relieved.

"I just hope you didn't get Lukas so riled up that it's gonna come back to bite you in the ass." Stacy expresses "or more specifically, ME in the ass, right now."

"It'll be okay...! it'll be okay...!" Stampy comforts her "no matter how bad it gets, _**it won't be as bad as Dan!**_ "

"That doesn't comfort me like it does you, Stampy." Stacy heaves "you know I don't actually hate D-"

"YES YOU DO." Stampy breaks, he becomes desperate "tell me you do..."

"We've been over this." Stacy rolls her eyes "I hate that you devote more of your time and attention to him than you do me, so in that sense I hate him, but as a person-"

"CLOSE ENOUGH." Stampy takes what he can get "just answer the question, yes or no: would you be happier, if Dan was dead?"

"YES, Stampy." Stacy gives in, but turns away bitterly "because then your 'love' for me wouldn't be living in the shadow of your hate for him."

Silence.

"St-Stacy...?" Stampy realizes what's up "is... is that how you... feel...?"

"I can't believe I needed to say it..." Stacy remarks with disgust, not turning to look at him.

"Stacy!" this immediately sends Stampy to the verge of tears, "I-I don't look at you guys like that! you're the most important person in my life! whether Dan is alive or dead, it, it impacts my life tremendously, yes, b-but Stacy, you need to understand, it, it, like, it..." Stampy has trouble letting the words out, "IT WOULD NEVER IMPACT ME AS MUCH AS IF _YOU_ DIED!"

By now the waterworks have not only started, but progressed to full swing in a matter of one or two seconds.

"Holy shit!" Jesse's immediately on this, she runs over and throws her arms around Stampy, "Stampy! what's the matter!? don't cry, baby...!" she comforts him.

 _BOOM._ Stacy is instantly jealous as fuck.

Stampy, on the other hand, just keeps bawling, at first he showed some resistance to Jesse hugging him by gently trying to push her away, but after that failed, since Jesse wouldn't take a hint, he just submitted and allowed her to stay there as he cried profoundly into her arm.

"Talk to me, Stampy!" Jesse pleads "whatever it is, I'll make it better, I promise!"

"WAAAAAAH-AAHH-AHHHH!" Stampy says nothing.

"Stacy!" Jesse calls "what do I do to get him to stop!?"

Instead of answering, Stacy suddenly lunges in and wraps her arms around Stampy as well, right beside Jesse.

"I'm sorry...!" Stacy cries into Stampy's ear, tears going down her own cheeks "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I take it back, don't be upset, please! it's all fine, I forgive you."

Stampy immediately switches his head and face to cry on Stacy instead, reaching and pawing at her with his little kitty arms in an attempt to hug her back.

The outside three watch in silence together as the two girls comfort Stampy.

"Hey...!" Lukas calls nervously "um, everything okay over there!? Stampy!? buddy!?"

"I love you!" he calls back to Lukas in his emotional overload.

"Oh..." Lukas wasn't expecting that "...okay."

"What about me!?" Petra demands.

"Fuck off! just let me cry!" Stampy rejects.

"Motherfucker...!" Petra's insulted.

 _ **Thirty... God Damn... Minutes... Later...**_

"*sniff*...!" Stampy holds back a tear, he and Stacy and Jesse were all laying on the floor, snuggled together "I... I think I'm okay..."

"Glad to hear it." Jesse smiles "now we can get on with-"

 _ **BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM!**_ there's intense knocking on the door.

"Uh-oh." Jesse knows this is bad.

"LET ME IN!" Ivor's voice can be faintly heard from the other side.

"..." Jesse looks at Lukas, and then Petra, not wanting to do it herself, her eyes wide and guilty looking from fear of what Ivor was gonna think or do when he finds them, a very unusual state to see her in.

"...should I let him in?" Lukas offers.

Jesse nods very slightly.

Lukas starts to head for the door.

 _Tap-tap-tap-tap!_ Petra suddenly runs past him and blocks it.

"What the...!?" Lukas is surprised.

Petra looks at him with wide eyes and shakes her head.

"Why!?" Lukas demands.

"Because...!" Petra keeps her voice low, so Ivor can't hear "...we done fucked up this time."

"Well, what are you going to do about it!?" Lukas asks "just keep him locked out!?"

"ALMOST DONE! JUST TEN MINUTES!" Petra screams through the door.

Silence.

Ivor leaves.

"...OK, we gud." Petra turns back to the others "we gud 4 10 mins U guyz."

"What happens when those ten minutes run out?" Dan questions.

"We either done." Petra frowns "or we REALLY done."

"Which means..." Jesse curves her eyebrows with determination "...we've got to go fast."

 _DUN-DUN._ Their time limit starts ticking.

 **New Poll Announcement!**

Now that our heroes have a time limit to do the shit, they need to make like Sonic the Hedgehog and speed their way to the win! Do you think they'll succeed in accomplishing everything within the time allowed? Will they do some but not all? Will they fail harder than Dan's undressing attempt? Vote now! The poll is only open for one week, so don't miss your chance.


	22. Chapter 21: Lukas X StacyPlays

**Chapter 21: Lukas X StacyPlays.**

"Come on, come on, get up, get up, get up!" Jesse frantically helps Stacy to her feet "you need to get fucked by Lukas! NOW!"

"Okay! okay!" Stacy agrees.

Stampy frowns.

"I'm sorry, Stampy, but we need to cut any future comfort time out." Jesse informs him "if you start crying again, we're gonna have to keep going as if you're just not, understand?"

"He'd better understand!" Petra's pissed "it's his fault we're even in this situation!"

Stampy frowns even more.

"Get hard, Lukas, get hard!" Jesse drags Stacy to him impatiently.

"I'm trying, Jesse, but, the stress of the situation is starting to get to me..." Lukas states perfectly calm.

"No, no, no! look, ass!" Jesse urges as she swings Stacy around, bends her over, and holds her firmly in place "uh, by the way, Stace, I'm sorry to tell you this, but I think Lukas might need to forget about being gentle: we need this done quickly."

"What!?" Stacy and Stampy both gasp.

"He can do his best to go fast, but if I start saying 'ow' or 'stop' _he'd better as fuck let up on me!_ " Stacy enforces.

"Ehhhhhh...!" Jesse awkwardly tilts her hand "more like, he goes rough and if it hurts a little bit, you suck it up, if it REALLY hurts, like, _**seriously,**_ then you can tell him and he'll go easier and never reach that hard again."

"..." Stacy stares gaping in disgusted disbelief, "if... I fucking say... that it hurts... _he'd, better, STOP, Jesse!_ "

"Bitch!" Petra glares at Stacy "it was your whiny boyfriend who made us need to resort to this fucking time limit, the least you can do is cooperate with us to compensate for his weakness."

"Petra!" Jesse jumps on the chance to try to make her sister look like the REALLY bad guy to make herself look better in Stacy's eyes "that's unnecessary and hurtful!"

Petra doesn't give a shit.

"I'm really, REALLY sorry, Stacy! I am!" Jesse insists "but if we want to make the time limit and ensure that you hold up your end of the deal, then we're gonna need you to take this one for the team!"

"It was in the contract, Jesse!" Stacy reminds her, "I have every right to not take it if it's hurting me!"

"Girls, girls, please!" Lukas enters "this is using up our precious time, and it's not an issue." he turns exclusively to Stacy "don't worry, Stace, I'm a gentleman, honest. I'll respect your wishes, Jesse could explicitly tell me that we're blowing off the deal and that I should hammer you with all I've got, but I wouldn't do it."

 _I would do it._ he thinks.

"Awww, how sweet." Jesse smiles at Lukas, then turns back to Stacy "alright, you get your way, but mostly just because you were lucky enough to get fucked by Lukas and not Petra, you should be very grateful to him."

"Damn straight." Petra snorts "we should repeal your right to protest as a penalty for Stampy dragging us down so far."

"Now, now, Petra, that won't be necessary, I'm pretty sure we've all forgiven Stampy's moment of sensitivity, let's just move forward and do what we can with the time remaining, alright?" Jesse keeps playing middle cop to Lukas' good cop and Petra's bad cop.

Petra rolls her eyes.

"Stacy?" Lukas asks for some form of acknowledgement "your thoughts?" he wants to hear her thank him.

"Yeah, yeah, okay, let's just hurry up." Stacy nods.

"Would you like her to slide around, or should I hold her in place for you?" Jesse asks Lukas.

"Let her move to meet me." Lukas requests.

"Whatever floats your boat." Jesse shrugs, dropping and pushing Stacy over.

 _Bap._ Stacy falls face-first onto the floor on her knees with her ass up in the air, "...ow."

"Oh-no...!" Stampy's afraid to watch, but he feels like he has to.

"Hammer her, Lukas!" Petra calls "you da man! you da... new man."

"It's time...!" Jesse announces "...for the gender ass comparison! female assfuck, GO!"

Stampy watches with wide, traumatized eyes as Lukas thrusts balls-deep into his woman, in-out-in-out in a horrifying rhythm, Stacy's pale cheeks bounced and squashed with each thrust, as she lost her ass-virginity to someone who wasn't Stampy Cat.

"Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Jesse and Petra cheer Lukas on.

"How is she!?" Jesse demands.

"SHE'S FUCKING GREAT!" Lukas grins as his fucking of Stacy intensifies.

The process was gross, horribly uncomfortable, and now slightly painful for Stacy.

Stacy rolls her eyes and tolerates it for the time being, since it was pretty mild, but notes in her head that if it gets any worse she won't hesitate to complain about it.

"It's even better when you get to call her a fucking slutbag whore who is barely deserving of a cock so great." Petra informs him.

"Erm!" Jesse silences her sister "don't ruin it for him...!"

"Nothing could ruin this!" Lukas laughs.

Dan, meanwhile, gets up and goes to sit beside Stampy.

"H-h-hey there, St-Stamps...!" Dan greets him.

" _What?_ " Stampy was already irritable, before Dan shoved himself in his face.

"I, uh, j-just wanted to say..." Dan can't bear to look at Stampy, so instead he watches the fuckshow "I... I'm sorry..."

Silence.

"...what?" Stampy doesn't get it, looking at Dan with almost insulted disgust.

"I'm sorry your girl is getting banged, bro." Dan just spits it out, still watching said girl getting banged.

"Is that why you came here, Dan?" Stampy doesn't drop his hostility, "so you could remind me of exactly what's happening while I watch it happen?"

"W-well, no, actually..." Dan admits "that was just... to kick things off..."

"Oh? really? well, then what's stage two, Dan?" Stampy asks.

"It's... well..." Dan starts, his voice getting more drifty as he watches the show.

Stampy notices Dan's boner spring up again.

"*SLAP!* Stay away from my girl, Dan! _stay away from my girl!_ " Stampy orders as he slaps Dan hard across the face.

"OWWW! fuck!" Dan reacts, it didn't actually hurt very much, "I'm not after your girl!" he retorts, angry "I'm not interested in her!"

"That's not what Mr. Dickens says!" Stampy snarls.

"I...!" Dan blushes "it's...! it's not HER, okay!? I was imagining... me and Lizzie, if you must know!"

Stampy seems to reluctantly accept this explanation.

"So you came here to talk to me about what's happening to my girl, while you _watch_ my girl, and imagine her being _a different girl!?_ " Stampy still isn't happy.

"NO!" Dan stresses "I already told you, that was just to kick things off!"

"So where was it going? were you just trying to get in good with me so I'd give you advice on how to make this happen for yourself?" Stampy gestures to the fuckshow.

"Hey! I can get ass anytime I want!" Dan glares sternly "I don't need any advice from you, I'm the #1 minecraft youtuber of the world, I could get dozens of girls begging me to fuck their asses by just asking for it."

"Then what _do_ you need from me?" Stampy just cuts to the chase.

"ANSWERS!" Dan demands "I have two questions, and I need you to tell me the truth!"

Stampy just glares at Dan for a moment.

"What's the first question?" Stampy asks.

" _ **Did you take my fucking flint and steel!?**_ " Dan growls, grabbing Stampy by the shoulders and getting all angry in his face.

" _NO!_ " Stampy spits, trying to push Dan off.

Dan calms down and gets back to his own space, but still looks at Stampy with suspicion.

"Okay..." Dan accepts "my other question is: why?"

"Why did I take your dumb thing I didn't take?" Stampy guesses.

"No." Dan shakes his head "why did you save me?"

"From the dangerous adventures that you were gonna go on with your flint and steel?" Stampy doesn't drop it.

"NO!" Dan's getting pissed off "why did you save me from Jesse and Lukas!?"

" _When!?_ " Stampy demands.

"When you volunteered to undress Lukas for me!" Dan snaps "why did you save me from that nightmare?"

"I just did that to pick up the pace so I could have a twenty minute emotional breakdown afterwards without people freaking out at me for taking up all their time!" Stampy snaps, "but they did it anyway!"

"BULL!" Dan calls Stampy out "there's no way you were PLANNING on that breakdown! that's not how breakdowns work! you saved me for something else, what was it!?"

"Maybe I didn't save you for anything, Dan! huh!? you ever think of that!?" Stampy hisses, "maybe I only did it because I saw another human being who was just crying on the floor get into a bad place and wanted to get them out of it just to be nice! not everyone constantly does everything for materialistic gain, asshole!"

"I wasn't crying on the floor!" Dan roars, furious.

"Then I shouldn't have saved you!" Stampy retorts.

"ERRRM! fine!" Dan spits, then turns away "forget I said anything then, just focus on the show! enjoy watching your girl get pounded, _bitch._ I know I will!" Dan grabs his sad little cock and starts jerking it "ooh yeah! get her, Lukas!"

"YOU SICK FUCK!" Stampy blows his shit and pounces on his blue haired nemesis, punching over and over at his face.

"AHHHHHH!" Dan screams as he struggles "JESSE! SOMEBODY! HELP!"

"OOOOOOH!" Petra takes interest, "bitch fight! bitch fight! bitch fight!" she cheers.

"Hm?" Jesse turns to look "ACK! Stampy!?" she runs over and grabs his shoulder "what are you doing!? we need to keep Dan pretty for Lukas!"

"He personally attacked me!" Stampy spits.

"DID...!" Dan gasps, wheezing from the pain of Stampy's fists "NOT...!"

"What did he do, Stampy!?" guess who Jesse believes.

"He came and started interrogating me about taking his flint and steel! after I convinced him I didn't have it he started bothering me about volunteering to undress Lukas, when I finally got him to stop he was angry and insulted me and started jerking off to Stacy and cheering Lukas on over it!" Stampy explains, still very upset.

"Oh, so it's okay with you if Lukas FUCKS her, but god forbid I wank to them!" Dan snarks "real impressive priorities, Stampylongshithead."

"Enough! Stampy, please get off of Dan, and stay off of him, thank you very much, I can't have you guys fighting like this." Jesse orders, "and as for YOU...!" she starts to Dan "you're not allowed to fucking touch your dick without my okay, got it!? I _**own you,**_ remember!? sexslave-fucktoys need to ask permission."

"Can I touch my dick?" Stampy asks to spite Dan.

"So long as you save enough energy for me!" Jesse winks at him.

"Hah!" Stampy laughs at TDM smugly.

"Ermph! ermph! ermph! ermph! _ermph! ermph!_ ERRRRRRRRRRRRMPH!" Lukas hums as he finally climaxes inside Stacy "...awww, all done this one!"

"Alright!" Jesse cheers "now fuck Dan!"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh...!" Lukas pauses "actually, ummm, I was wondering if I could maybe just... you know... take a breather? I need to get my stamina back up if I'm going to give Dan equal treatment."

"Oh, okay." Jesse agrees "I understand, take five."

"Thank you!" Lukas chimes with a happy grin.

" _ **That's half our fucking time!**_ " Stampy freaks, "Dan NEEDS to be fucked, Jesse! what if it's cut short, or we can't fit it in at all!?"

"Don't worry, the door will hold up and buy us another extra ten." Jesse strategizes "and if that fails... we always have windows."

 **Hello, Female Jesse Fans! Last week's poll is over, but the results can't currently be published as the correct answer is yet to be revealed. In it's place, we have the closely related question of 'Will Lukas finish his breather before the time limit is up?'. Vote now! (Thank you we love you. ❤)**


	23. Chapter 22: How Do Windows Help

**Chapter 22: How Do Windows Help.**

"...HOW DO WINDOWS HELP!?" Stampy demands.

"Fucked if I know, I just wanted to reference a moment we had earlier today long before we met you." Jesse shrugs "we have the door, and nothin'."

"I'll try to recover quickly." Lukas promises, "ugh!" he finally pulls out of Stacy.

 _Ew, ew, ew, ew, gross, gross, gross, gross...!_ Stacy cringes, starting to get up.

"I'm coming!" Stampy calls, running over and helping his girlfriend.

"Heh, so did Lukas." Petra's an asshole.

"..." Stampy stares for a second, but then decides to ignore her, because he has better things to do.

As Lukas lays down to take a fucking nap, Stampy leads Stacy limping and staggering away, until the two of them can speak privately without ASSHOLES like Dan or Petra ruining their moment, they sit down all cozy together.

"A-are you okay, Stacy?" Stampy asks nervously, "you're... not walking very well..."

"I..." Stacy breathes in "I'll be okay... I'm just... hurting a little..."

"But..." Stampy's eyes narrow, "the... deal...!"

"It only really hurt during the last couple big thrusts, and then there was no need to tell him to stop because the bastard was already finished." Stacy grumbles "I'm alright though, I'm mostly just sore, and... my legs feel numb, almost asleep..." her speech is slightly slurred "I feel heavy-headed as well, I think all my blood rushed to the top of my body because of the way I was laying, I'm getting better though..." she finishes by drowsily shaking her head.

"D-do you need water?" Stampy offers.

"Yes please." Stacy nods "that sounds nice..."

"I'll go get some, I'll be right back, okay?" Stampy stands up.

"Alright." Stacy approves.

Stampy walks over to his clothes and starts going through his inventory to get a bottle of water, he selects one and turns around to see...

"Hey, how ya' do'in?" Dan asks Stacy, "what was it like?" he doesn't wait for an answer "any advice before it's, ugh, my turn?"

"Get out of here, Dan!" Stampy storms back, "she doesn't wanna fucking talk to you about it right now!"

"Whoa! hey, dude, I'm asking nicely!" Dan defends, "we're all in this together, right? you guys are my fellow sexslave-fucktoys." he then turns to Stacy "I was just wondering if you could help me get through my turn easier."

"What's in it for her, Dan!?" Stampy hisses, "we don't just do things for free around here, remember?"

"You did, didn't you?" Dan snarks.

"But I shouldn't have because all it got me was YOU JERKING OFF TO MY GIRLFRIEND BEING RAPED BY LUKAS IN THE ASS!" Stampy retorts.

Stacy's jaw drops in shock, 'cause she had missed that entire ordeal.

"Rape!? she consented!" Dan snarls "AND I told you already that I was IMAGINING Lizzie!"

"Not after you asked me your questions you weren't!" Stampy points out, "you seemed pretty damn acknowledgeable at that point that it was Lukas and not you!"

"Well, I wasn't!" Dan argues "I was imagining Lizzie and myself the whole time! it's not my fault that you just couldn't get over the fact that it was YOUR girl getting fucked in front of you and not mine!"

"You yelled, HIS NAME!" Stampy's not taking that shit.

"Uh, yeah!" Dan nods "because I was telling you to enjoy the show! that wasn't part of my fantasy."

"Do you even hear yourself!?" Stampy can't believe it, "thanks so much for wishing me happy time while I'm watching THAT!"

"I...! I thought you liked it!" Dan claims "when I came to talk to you, you got all pissy with me for taking your attention away from them!"

"I wasn't mad that you were taking my attention away from it, I was mad that you were freaking _re-enforcing it_ by talking about it while I was watching it happen!" Stampy barks.

"BY APOLOGIZING!" Dan screams "to COMFORT YOU!"

"Oh, that was your plan!?" Stampy mocks, "apologize and comfort me first, and then grab me and scream and growl in my face about your stupid flint and steel that I didn't take!? topping it off by asking me why I saved you from undressing Lukas and expecting a fucking nice answer after what you did to me when you already knew I was going through a hard time!? THANKS, DAN!"

"I wasn't GOING to scream and growl in your face, but then you were all hostile about the apology!" Dan explains "after that, I decided: screw it!"

"Well, sorry! but the apology kind of ended up falling flat after you started imagining Lizzie and got Mr. Dickens so excited!" Stampy hisses, "not that it was real great in the first place, what with your whole intent from the beginning being to ask me if I fucking STOLE YOUR SHIT!"

"Well excuse me for trying to be a decent human being!" Dan growls "the idea that you might've took my flint and steel isn't enough for me to not comfort you."

"YOU a decent human being!?" Stampy gapes, "thanks a ton for practically spitting in my face after I had the goodwill to step up and take the undressing stuff for you when you were so emotionally troubled earlier!"

"WHEN did I ever spit in your face!?" Dan demands.

"Practically or literally!?" Stampy replies.

"EITHER!" Dan clarifies "and it needs to have been before YOU were hostile to me first!"

"If I ever seemed hostile that was just because I had only recently come out of my emotional breakdown and was watching my girlfriend get fucked by Lukas!" Stampy explains, "you wouldn't have been in a great mood either if you were in my position!"

"Oh? so asking me 'Is that why you came here, Dan? so you could remind me of exactly what's happening while I watch it happen?' wasn't explicitly hostile!?" Dan scoffs.

"I was fucking pissed off!" Stampy defends, "and you were reminding me of how bad I had it!"

"Well, now I'm pissed off!" Dan responds "and I'll remind you AGAIN of how bad you have it: YOUR SLUTBAG, SMALL-TIME WHORE GIRLFRIEND JUST GOT FUCKED IN FRONT OF YOU BY A PSYCHOTIC MONSTER, AND SHE PROBABLY LIKED IT BETTER THAN YOUR TINY KITTEN DICK! AND YOU ARE BOTH STILL MILLIONS OF SUBS BELOW ME!"

" _I'LL KILL YOU FOR THAT, MINECART!_ " Stampy lunges on top of him again, pelting him with his kitty paws.

"BRING IT!" Dan actually welcomes the fight, prepared for it this time "MY ABS ARE DIAMONDS, BITCH! WHAT'CHA GONNA DO!?" he screams as they hit the floor.

"HELP ME FUCK HIS SHIT, STACY!" Stampy calls on his girlfriend.

"Coming!" Stacy is all on board for this.

"Ugh!" Dan grunts, grabbing the bottle of water out of Stampy's hand "HAVE A DRINK!"

 _SMASH!_ Dan shatters the bottle against the side of Stampy's face, cutting it up and embedding glass into his flesh.

"MEOOOOOOOOOOOOW!" Stampy wails in pain.

"YEAH, MOFO!" Dan shit-talks "I DON'T MESS AROUND! FO' REAL!"

" _ **WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!?**_ " Jesse's voice sounds.

In seconds, Stampy felt himself and Dan torn apart and held up away from each other, Dan was held by Petra, and Stampy by Jesse.

Lukas was asleep.

"YEAH! get your other girlfriend to fucking save your ass!" Dan taunts.

 _Pt-pt-pt-pt-WHAM!_ Stacy runs up and kicks Dan in the nuts.

"GAHHH...!" Dan gasps and nearly collapses.

"Hey! we'll be using those later!" Petra growls, pulling Dan away from Stacy.

"Somebody want to inform me as to what the fucking shit you god damn fuckwads are doing!?" Jesse growls, furious.

"He dishonored Stampy Cat!" Stampy snaps through his bloody and somewhat teary face.

"He attacked me! AGAIN!" Dan calls, his eyes shut tight and his hands clasping his junk.

"Stampy...!" Jesse starts sternly "is that true!? I specifically told you not to start any more fights!"

"I only did it because he wouldn't leave!" Stampy growls, "he just kept bothering and insulting us! I just wanted Stacy to rest and drink her water and feel better, but then he came!"

"I was trying to have a civil conversation with Stacy, but then her violent, possessive boyfriend decided he didn't like that." Dan spits his retort "it's obvious that you have a lot of issues, Stamps, but taking your anger out on me isn't the answer!"

"Shut up!" Jesse shoots Dan down, then turns back to Stampy "Stampy, I'm disappointed, you should've known that the way to solve this was to come talk to me, not fight him."

"I couldn't leave him alone with Stacy!" Stampy protests, "and all it would have done anyway was make him treat me even worse for being a snitch!"

"Why couldn't you leave him alone with Stacy?" Petra raises an eyebrow, then grins "would he... fuck her?"

"No! probably not!" Stampy responds, "but Stacy wasn't feeling good and he was trying to get her to give him advice on getting through being fucked by Lukas! so he was actively reminding her of the trauma she just went through AND preventing her from getting proper rest!"

"Okay, we understand." Jesse answers for Petra "here, Stampy, I have a solution: would you like us to revise the terms and conditions for Dan to include a restraining order to keep him away from you and Stacy?"

"Yes!" Stampy nods rapidly.

"Alright then, it's done." Jesse nods, turning to Dan "stay away from them, or else we'll say you're the killer."

Dan gapes in disgust, "But I didn't do anything! HE attacked ME both times!"

"He antagonized Stampy into it." Stacy claims weakly, she was sitting on the floor again, clutching her legs and slightly shivering.

"BOTH times!" Stampy spits.

"No excuses, Dan, do you accept the new deal or not?" Jesse asks impatiently.

"FINE! whatever!" Dan rolls his eyes and waves his arms obnoxiously "I'll be happy to leave Stampy alone with his girlfriend who still has an ass full of another man's jizz, I hope he dwells on that fact deeply since I'm not gonna be there to distract him."

"I also want one of that bastard's health potions!" Stampy demands.

"Don't have any!" Dan claims.

"Check his clothes!" Stampy pushes.

"With pleasure." Petra nods, she lets Dan go and heads off to roughly check his shit.

"Go in the corner and wait for your big-dicked master to awaken." Jesse orders Dan.

"I like the corner!" Dan blatantly lies as he obeys.

"Don't see no potions here..." Petra observes, pocketing Dan's emeralds "no money either."

"What!?" Dan's shocked "b-but I had...! PEOPLE ARE STEALING EVERYTHING FROM ME!"

"Your ass-virginity is next." Petra informs him, finishing her search "sorry, guys, he really didn't bring any potions."

"Why would I!?" Dan snaps "this was supposed to be a FUN PARTY!"

"Oh, I don't know, Dan!" Stampy mocks, "maybe incase THIS HAPPENS!?"

"Since when has this type of thing EVER happened!?" Dan grouches.

"Well, from the sounds of things it's not as uncommon as you'd think!" Stampy references what Jesse told him about the noobs, "and maybe it's just _a good freaking precaution to take!_ "

"Well, I brought emeralds incase there was something I wanted to buy!" Dan growls "I could've bought health potions with those, if they hadn't DISAPPEARED."

"Oh, wow..." Jesse's not impressed "you could've bought super-overpriced health potions for way more than they're worth instead of just bringing your own! WHAT A GOOD IDEA."

"At least me and Stacy were smart enough to bring some!" Stamps growls back, heading over to his own clothes to retrieve a potion for his poor, beautiful, cuddly face that Dan had damaged so horrendously.

But as Stampy walked, he couldn't help but feel like, at this time, his face reflected his spirits.


	24. Chapter 23: the Warlock's Fury

**Chapter 23: the Warlock's Fury.**

"By the way, Stace, how are you doing?" Jesse asks, looking down at Stacy with genuine concern "you seem... awfully tame, is something wrong?"

"Stampy already said multiple times that I wasn't feeling well." Stacy points out.

"Well yeah, but I wanted to hear it from you." Jesse explains "and I wanted more detail."

"Can't fucking believe that idiot didn't bring any-" Stampy grumbles to himself as he heals his face back to normal, also carrying replacement water.

 _ **BOOM-BOOM-BOOM!**_ there's a knocking on the door.

"Snuckhuh!?" Lukas wakes up.

"OHHHHHHHHHHHH _**SHIT!**_ " Jesse and Petra freak.

"ARE YOU FUCKING DONE!?" Ivor demands.

"More like, done fucking, heh." Dan's pleased "so much for my ass getting a turn...!"

"Your ass IS getting a turn, one way or another...!" Jesse hisses at him.

"Oh man, aw shit, god help us...!" Petra breaks down "we're... REALLY done."

They had failed... the time limit.

To no one's surprise.

"IT'S BEEN FIFTEEN MINUTES!" Ivor roars.

"Really!?" Jesse's surprised "it felt like five, man...!"

"Should I let him in this time?" Lukas questions.

"NO." Petra stalls "w-we can escape...!" she starts looking for windows "we'll take on new names, he'll never find us!"

"Uh...!" Jesse thinks, "yeah, let him in, but, you know, let me do the talking..."

Lukas nods, and unlatches the door.

 _BAM!_ Ivor bursts in, the door narrowly missing Lukas as the elderly wizard furiously stomps up straight to Jesse "I have been, waiting for you, to finish up your... PUZZLE, for ages! I pray, nay, I beg, that you have a good explanation as to why you ARE, STILL, NOT, FINISHED."

"HIDE ME...!" Petra pleads, cowering behind both Stampy and Stacy to hide from Ivor's vision.

"W-well, you see, Ivor...!" Jesse starts nervously "you're a scientist, right?"

"What does THAT have to do with anything!?" Ivor snaps "...yes."

"Well, then you understand General Relativity, right?" Jesse suggests.

"..." Ivor narrows his eyes "...oh, you're good."

"You know it!" Jesse breaks into a grin "you see, it's FELT like five minutes in here, so, when I said 'ten minutes', what I REALLY MEANT was 'thirty minutes'!"

"Errrrrrm...!" Ivor growls, frustrated "that would have been... nice, to know."

"I'm sorry." Jesse makes adorable sad eyes "I didn't expect it to be so good that time would slow THAT badly..."

"Hrmph, must be the best you've ever... wait a second..." Ivor narrows his eyes again as he looks around "...Jesse?"

"Um, yes?" Jesse smiles meekly.

"Care to tell me why, exactly, you are not all IN THE PUZZLE RIGHT NOW!?" Ivor demands, then becomes even more furious with a second realization "AND WHY, IS EVERYBODY, SOFT AND DRY!?"

"Ehhhhhh...!" Jesse shies away "we... uh... *fake cough*... h-have..."

"...nooo." Ivor hisses "don't say it...!"

"Have, *fake cough*, uh, haven't... haven't..." Jesse forces the words "haven't... exactly... started yet...?"

Tense Silence.

"..." Ivor's eyes are wide, his eyebrows curved, face stiff, mouth frowned.

"..." everyone stares at him.

 _Creeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaak...!_ Ivor's neck sounds as his head slowly turns like an owl, carrying his straight, fixed gaze over all of them, including what he can see of hiding, shivering little Petra.

"..." everybody is immediately as terrified as Petra.

 _CRICK!_ Ivor's neck makes a snappy noise as his head suddenly turns sideways, his death-like, trance-laden eyes staring off into a void.

"...why?" Ivor's raspy, dark voice leaks out of his twisted throat "what... HAVE you been doing... if not... what you were supposed to."

"Well, honestly, we HAVE been doing what we were supposed to, we've just been doing it... _**really**_ slowly." Jesse explains.

"None... of you... have fucked." Ivor growls "don't lie to me... were you... chatting?"

"Uh, well, _two_ things..." Jesse starts, "first off, we, uh... have, been talking? but, you see, we _needed to,_ Ivor... maybe not necessarily for all of the time, but... it, it took some convincing to get everyone to agree to it, okay? that part took up a lot of time." she explains, "and secondly, we _have_ actually fucked, a couple of us, it would take a bit of explaining for-"

"Stacy still has Lukas' jizz in her ass!" Dan calls "you could probably dig it out if you want proof!"

" _Shut it, fucktoy, I didn't tell you to speak!_ " Jesse snaps, glaring harshly down at little Dan from across the room, then turns back to Ivor, bowing her head slightly in submission again, "Lukas and Stacy, and Petra and Stampy, both the former fucking the latter in the ass, that's all we've done, though..."

"May I speak?" Stacy asks.

"Oh, sure, Stace, go ahead." Jesse immediately okays it.

"Thank you." Stacy nods in appreciation "I would just like to add that you and me played with each other's boobs a bit, not very much, but that was still something."

"But then we stopped to get on with the other stuff!" Jesse forces a nervous grin to Ivor, hoping that this will appease him somewhat.

Ivor seems to process all of this for a moment.

"Here, uh, while you think, could I please continue with the plan?" Lukas asks both Ivor and Jesse "I'm rested and ready to go, just give the word and Dan's ass is wrecked, then there's only the puzzle left, right?"

Jesse just looks to Ivor for permission.

 _CRINNNK-CLACK!_ Ivor's head returns to normal "you leave me, out there, alone, for soooooooooooo long, waiting and waiting, and then when I come to you, and ask about the situation, you lie to me to send me away, and then I come back again to find that, to my horror, you have not completed even a minuscule fraction of what I had been lead to believe and hoped to find, and now, you ask to just... continue?"

"..." Jesse and Lukas stare at him.

"WELL!?" Ivor demands a response.

" _ **Ugh!**_ " Petra grunts with great remorse as she clambers out of hiding, " _ **I'M SORRY!**_ " she wails as she runs up to Ivor and slides onto her knees in front of him "IT'S MY FAULT! PLEASE DON'T BE MAD AT JESSE, SHE DID HER BEST! I WAS THE ONE WHO LIED TO YOU! AND I WAS THE ONE WHO FUCKED THINGS UP SO BAD THAT WE NEEDED TO BRING DAN IN! JESSE NEVER MEANT FOR THINGS TO TAKE THIS LONG, BUT I JUST KEPT DELAYING IT!"

Ivor stares down at the redheaded warrior.

"Um, that's not entirely true..." Lukas starts "Petra may be responsible for a large portion of the time wasted, but she is by no means the only person at fault. I, also, have been the cause of much delay: I could've just moved on with our plan, but I asked for a few minutes of rest, if I hadn't done that we could've used the time to progress significantly. Furthermore, if it wasn't for my lack of experience with anal, we could have simply got on with the fuckpuzzle right away, but I specifically asked Jesse if I could try fucking a man and a woman in the ass to compare their quality, a request that she granted out of the kindness of her heart, on the condition that it be done quickly, however, I was unable to meet that condition due to my poor fucking skills. So as you can see, Petra and myself should share the blame for this, but I agree with her entirely that Jesse is not at fault, and does not deserve your anger."

"No, no, you guys! don't!" Jesse can't take this, " _ **I**_ was the only one who even ever wanted to make Lukas do the ass comparison in the first place! after Petra contaminated Stampy's ass Lukas was completely fine with the idea of just waiting until another day to do it, but then I had to go and bring Dan in anyway! and I should have just made Stampy suck it up instead of cutting him the half hour trauma break! I was also the only one who really pushed the whole 'slowly undressing each other' thing! if we cut that out and just tore it all off this wouldn't have taken nearly as long!"

"SHE'S LYING!" Petra claims "and so is Lukas! it was ALL ME! I'm the only one who deserves whatever cruel and unusual punishment you're planning, whether it's turning us into chickens, or forcing us all to wear chastity belts, or whatever! I should be the only one!"

"Petra, Jesse said don't." Lukas obeys orders "Ivor, what Jesse said is true."

"Hrmph! it sounds to me like you're ALL at fault." Ivor comments.

"But since I'm in the leader position all their mistakes fall under me!" Jesse keeps trying to grab up all the blame.

"SILENCE!" Ivor's the boss bitch now "yes, you are obviously more at fault than either of them, but their mistakes are still partly their responsibility, all of you played a part in leaving me out there for so long, you are all guilty, and your attempts to excuse the others are futile."

Jesse frowns.

"...but on the other hand." Ivor starts, looking at Lukas "such attempts are highly admirable, especially in your case, young Lukas, as you don't have the life-long attachment to each other that Petra and Jesse share, I am impressed that your loyalty has become so strong so quickly."

"...thank you?" Lukas doesn't know exactly what to say.

"You have all shown that despite the wickedness in your hearts, you still have a sense of trust, faithfulness, and love, you are... a family." Ivor states, "and it reminds me of why I joined Petra and Jesse to begin with, because I missed that... connection, that I had been without for so long." he bows his head, sad "you three and our parties are all I have left to cherish in this world, in any world... you are... forgiven, for this incident, there will be no cruel and unusual punishment this time."

" _Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...!_ " Jesse, Petra and Lukas breathe as they all hug Ivor together.

"I LOVE YOU TOO, IVOR." Petra screams.

"I'm so sorry we left you out there with the fuckhead prisoners for so long!" Jesse apologizes.

"We'll just stop now!" Lukas offers, "...right?" he asks Jesse.

"I-I..." Jesse looks around longingly at all her hard work, "I... guess... for you, Ivor... but, do you think Lukas could at least tap Dan first? if you want I could... I could get my stuff on and follow you out to keep you company until they've finished."

"YES!" Stampy cheers "DO THAT!"

"PLEASE!" Stacy backs him up.

"Oh, fuck you guys." Dan scoffs "he's waited long enough, we should be done."

"No, there is... no need." Ivor says with calm, narrowed eyes "you may... finish, everything."

Silence.

"For real!?" Jesse grins.

"Yes, but I am not going back out there." Ivor confirms "I am going to stay in here with you, and force things along should they become... slow, again."

"Okay!" Jesse nods, "that works!"

"Uhhhhhh...!" Stampy starts nervously "a-are you, s-s-s-sure? I mean, the puzzle could take a long time, what about the rest of the crowd outside? won't they get impatient?"

"They'll be good, the door is locked and there's zombies outside, they won't go anywhere." Jesse waves it off.

"They're two fuckin' people, what are they gonna do? lulz." Petra chuckles.

What will they do, indeed?

 **POLL RESULTS!**

"How much of the stuff on their list will Jesse and friends be able to get done before the lava-loving-lunatic comes back and fucks their shit? (and not in the way they want.)"

1\. 100%: they succeed in fucking Stacy's ass, fucking Dan's ass, planning and doing the fuckpuzzle. 1 Vote(s). (33%)

2\. 75%: they succeed in fucking Stacy's ass, fucking Dan's ass, and planning the fuckpuzzle, but fail to do it. 1 Vote(s). (33%)

3\. 50%: they succeed in doing the ass-comparison, but fail to get onto the fuckpuzzle. 0 Votes(s). (0%)

4\. 25%: they succeed in fucking Stacy's ass, but fail to fuck Dan's and complete the ass-comparison, let alone the fuckpuzzle. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

5\. 00%: They waste all their *fucking time and get nothing done. (*Pun initially unintended, but then realized.) 1 Vote(s). (33%)

Total Votes: 3.

Total Voters: 2.

"Will Lukas finish his breather before the time limit runs out?"

1\. Yes! Five minutes is ONLY half their time. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

2\. No! Like Stampy said, five minutes is HALF their time. 1 Vote(s). (100%)

Total Votes: 1.

Total Voters: 1.

OOH, we got votes all over the place, but nobody chose the correct answer of 25%, they fucked Stacy's ass but did nothing else with their precious time. Luckily, Ivor has forgiven them and will now be there to help them along, however, this leaves the open question: Now that they've been left alone, what will Lizzie and Cassie do?

VOTE NOW!


	25. Chapter 24: Captive Conspiracies

**Chapter 24: Captive Conspiracies.**

Outside of the 'interrogation chamber', Cassie and Lizzie are sitting by themselves, waiting, as they have been for the better part of the night, ever since the end of Chapter 8.

"...do you think Ivor's coming back?" Cassie questions.

"Sooner or later, I suppose." Lizzie answers.

Silence.

"...Stampy's interrogation is taking a really long time." Cassie remarks "if all three of your interrogations take this long, it'll be noon tomorrow by the time we're finished."

"You realize Lukas isn't going to get a fucking interrogation, right?" Lizzie snaps, bitter.

"...yeah." Cassie admits.

"And you realize that Stampy isn't even being interrogated either, don't you?" Lizzie snarls.

Cassie looks at Lizzie in surprise, "What!?"

"You realize what Stampy IS doing right now, correct!?" Lizzie hisses.

"N-no!" Cassie stammers, backing away from Lizzie "what are you talking about?"

"Would you LIKE to know?" Lizzie asks.

"...okay." Cassie rasps.

"He's DEAD, that's what!" Lizzie growls, turning towards the door "it's bloody obvious at this point, you were right: Lukas DID push the button! he's the killer, and so is Jesse, Ivor, and the other girl, they've been picking us off one by one, Stampy's dead, Stacy's dead, and now Dan's dying... and _**I'm**_ next."

"W-why are you telling me this?" Cassie blinks "how do you know?"

"They've, been, 'interrogating' Stampy for HOURS, Cassie!" Lizzie spits in disgust "and they keep dragging other people in there, one at a time, never to be seen again! tell me, have we seen Stampy since he went in? no! have we seen Stacy? no! and have we seen Dan?"

"W-well..." Cassie thinks about it "we've seen... Ivor... he's gone in and out..."

"Ivor is WITH THEM, STUPID, I JUST SAID-!" Lizzie stops aruptly to try to get a grip "and have we HEARD them? the answer is actually 'yes', and what did we hear, Cassie?"

"We... did hear... um..." Cassie awkwardly remembers "some... screaming...?"

"Exactly, and WHY would they be screaming, Cassie?" Lizzie demands.

"Because... uh..." Cassie thinks about it "Jesse's being... thorough, in the... interrogation...?"

 _ **WHACK!**_ Lizzie slaps Cassie across the face, knocking her to the floor, "are you even listening to me!?"

"St-stay away...!" Cassie whines as she crawls backwards "oh god, you're the killer, aren't you!? don't touch me, if you kill me they'll know you did it! Ivor will be back soon, you'll never get away with it!"

"Fucking...!" Lizzie considers just taking out a weapon and killing Cassie if the redheaded dumbshit wasn't going to be any help, but she refrains "NO, Cassie, they're the killers, and I need you to work with me against them so we can get out of here alive, otherwise they're just going to kill me, and then they'll kill you right after!"

Little does Lizzie know it, but of course, CASSIE is the killer, and she's just playing dumb in order to make herself less suspicious, which is pretty unnecessary, since she's already flying way under the radar, but she feels like it just perfects the act if she can make herself seem so paranoid, so fear-stricken, that she'll make 100% certain accusations almost randomly and inconsistently.

"You wouldn't shut up earlier about how Lukas did it!" Lizzie snarls with contempt "and now that I come out and tell you that you were right, you switch to accusing me!?"

"N-n-no!" Cassie starts, glaring up at Lizzie "you attacked me!"

"I hit you because I thought it might knock some sense into that chaotic mindset you're displaying." Lizzie explains "I am NOT killing you, because I, am not, the killer! LUKAS is, remember Lukas!?"

"Uh... y-yeah..." Cassie nods "h-he is the killer...?"

"YES." Lizzie insists.

"B-but Jesse and the others aren't." Cassie asserts "they can't be."

"... _ **what?**_ " Lizzie hisses.

"There can only be ONE killer!" Cassie claims "the button was only pushed once!"

" _Because,_ Cassie, Lukas was the only member of their group who had a seat with a button at it!" Lizzie reminds, "they probably planned it out so that only one of them would have a button seat in order to deflect suspicion!"

"...oh." Cassie rubs the back of her neck uncertainly "well... we know Ivor can't be one of them."

"Why...?" Lizzie doesn't even know what the fuck anymore.

"Because, Lizzie, we've seen the good in him." Cassie explains "he doesn't know what they're doing in there either, he got so angry that they haven't finished, he kept knocking on the door, and the whole time he's been out here, he's... protected us."

"He's BEEN in there! of course he knows what they're doing!" Lizzie argues, "maybe they're taking longer than he wanted and he's afraid that we're gonna catch on and rebel, maybe he knew that they'd take this long and has just acted confused and frustrated to make us less suspicious, maybe he himself legitimately doesn't even want to have any part in the actual killing, but one thing's for sure, Cass, and that's the fact that he's seen with his own eyes what's been happening in that room, and has no intention of helping either us out of it, or even telling us what they've done, his one and only interest is to sit out here with us until they've finished with the others, and then usher in the last two of us, one at a time, and finish the job once and for all, do you understand?"

Silence.

"...what are we going to do?" Cassie questions, defeated "just tell me my job, and it's done."

"FINALLY." Lizzie's relieved "now here's the plan: when one of them, probably Ivor because he's the only one not covered in blood, comes out to get me, I'll start to obey, but then I'll suddenly resist, and we'll take him hostage, if we can use him to bargain our way out, we do that, if not, we slit his throat and fight our way through the others, are you prepared to do that, Cassie?"

"Y-yes, Lizzie." Cassie nods "I'll be ready, you can count on me..."

 **Poll Results!**

"Now that they've been left all alone and unattended, what will Lizzie and Cassie do with this newfound, private opportunity?"

1\. Wait and do nothing like good little bitches. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

2\. Try to kill each other. 1 Vote(s). (25%)

3\. Guard's gone? time to escape, zombies or not! 1 Vote(s). (25%)

4\. Plot to lead a revolution against Jesse's tyranny. 1 Vote(s). (25%)

5\. Get it on with some RLA. (Redhead Lesbian Action) 0 Vote(s). (0%)

6\. Something totally unexpected. 1 Vote(s). (25%)

Total Votes: 4.

Total Voters: 2.

WHOO! Congratulations, person who voted for #4! You got it right! They are plotting to lead a revolution against Jesse's group, but will they succeed? Only time will tell.

For now, why don't we go back to focusing on what everybody REALLY cares about? the GENDER ASS COMPARISON CONTEST! That's this week's poll! Which, for once, has a strict binary choice!

"Which ass do you think will win the gender ass comparison?"

Stacy's female ass vs. Dan's male ass.

Yes, that's right, folks, there WILL be a winner! No ties to be found here, no sir!

There's so much to consider! Whose skin is softer? Whose hole is tighter? Whose ass is more ecstatically pleasing to look at as it bounces on Lukas' cock? This is truly, a battle of legendary proportions. Vote now!


	26. Ch 25: Lukas X Dan the Diamond Minecart

**Chapter 25: Lukas X Dan the Diamond Minecart.**

"It's time...!" Jesse announces "...for the gender ass comparison! male assfuck, GO!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Dan screams in pain as Lukas' massive, hard dick stretches his ass apart "HOLY SHIT! STOP! IT HURTS!"

"It _should_ hurt! that's how you know Lukas is enjoying it." Jesse grins.

"Oh my god, that feels great...!" Lukas breathes as he gets balls-deep into Dan "this IS satisfying! extremely so!"

"Tear him apart! whoooooo!" Petra cheers.

"Shred him!" Stampy also calls.

"P-please!" Dan cries "you took things easy on HER!" he refers to Stacy.

"She was better behaved than you." Lukas states coldly.

"We don't have time for 'taking things easy' anyway!" Ivor asserts "fuck him exactly as rough as you need to in order to finish as quickly as possible, Lukas."

Stampy watches with a wide, happy smile as Lukas thrusts repeatedly into his nemesis, the once horrifying rhythm now music to his little kitty ears, Dan's even-more-pale cheeks bounced and squashed with each rigorous pounding, as Dan lost his ass-virginity to god damn Lukas.

"HAR-DER! HAR-DER! HAR-DER!" Jesse and Petra cheer Lukas on.

"Is he better than me!?" Stacy calls.

"YOU FUCKING BET!" Lukas shouts as his fucking of Dan intensifies "...NO OFFENSE!"

"None taken..." Stacy's cool with not being as good.

The process was gross, horribly uncomfortable, and REALLY FUCKING PAINFUL for Dan, who cries and pleads incessantly, but his begging falls only on uncaring ears.

"Talk dirty to him!" Petra seizes the opportunity.

"Urmph! you're my bitch, Dan! your ass is mine to fuck!" Lukas tries it.

"Urgh, that's noob dirty talk." Petra rolls her eyes "call him your slippery-wet fuckcunt, and say that milking your cock is the only purpose his worthless pussyass has in this world anymore, he's nothing without a dick in his ass, and he never wants you to stop! then make him repeat it all back to you in a submissive, admitting manner."

"Uhhhmmm..." Lukas slows down in his fucking "I... I'm sorry to say this, Petra, but... well, I don't know if I'm really into that."

" _ ***GAAAAAASSSSSSP*!**_ " Petra nearly has a heart attack "WHAT THE FUCK!? THE SHIT YOU TALKIN' 'BOUT, NOT INTO DAT!? HOW DA FUCK COULD U NOT B IN2 DAT!? IT'S FUCKIN' SEX ON A WHOLE NEW LEVEL, IT'S _**TRUE**_ SEX!" she turns to Jesse "JESSE, THIS MOTHERFUCKER BE SAY'IN THAT HE DON'T LIKE TRUE SEX! U GOTTA SET HIS ASS STRAIGHT, HOMIE!"

"Well, Petra, I mean, I like it, and I know you like it, but that doesn't necessarily mean that Lukas has to be into it." Jesse acknowledges, then turns to address Lukas, "did you like it when you were doing the noob talk?"

"A little." Lukas shrugs.

"Then you can just carry on with that, who knows, you might even grow into the more intense stuff eventually." Jesse suggests.

"Do continue." Ivor pushes.

"Alright." Lukas nods, "rest time's over, gimme some!" he laughs into Dan's ear as he resumes.

"B-b-but...!" Petra can't believe it "true... sex..."

"You know, I don't enjoy your 'true sex' either." Ivor reminds her.

"Yeah, but you don't even like diet sex." Petra scoffs.

"Yes I do!" Ivor argues "what I dislike is the other stuff, like the puzzles."

"Hey!" Jesse looks at Petra "my fuckpuzzles count as true sex, right? regardless of whether or not we dirty talk them?"

"Oh yeah." Petra confirms "anything super-extreme like that also counts, true sex is simply diet sex pushed to the point of absurdity."

"Well...! in...! that...! case...!" Lukas huffs as he fucks Dan's little ass "it sounds... to me... like I'll... LOVE... true sex...!"

"Probably, but not the type of true sex I was initially talking about." Petra sighs.

"Oh-oh-oh-oh! Lukas! pull his hair!" Jesse cheers.

"WHAT!?" Dan's head perks up in fright.

"Sure! let me get a grip." Lukas obliges, reaching forward and digging his fingers deep into the hair on the back of Dan's head, taking a firm hold of the sexslave-fucktoy.

"Nooo...!" Dan whines.

"Urm! urm-urm-urm!" Lukas thrusts his cock in and out of Dan's ass while holding Dan's head in place to stop him from being knocked forward and away "hey, I'm liking this position!"

"Stampy...?" Stampy's concentration is broken by Stacy talking to him.

"Uh! yes?" Stampy shakes his head out of the trance-like state it was in, suppressing his glee incase this was something serious and concerning.

"You're not actually enjoying this, are you?" Stacy asks, looking at him very seriously and with concern.

"I, uh, I... kind of enjoy that Dan gets a bit of what's coming to him...?" Stampy admits, "I would be horrified if it were to happen to somebody else, but, I mean... Dan's not... the _worst,_ like, if it were to happen to anyone, I'm pretty happy with it being him, so to speak."

"But are you taking direct pleasure in watching it happen? being glad that it's Dan is one thing, but rathering it be him than no one is another." Stacy pushes "would you rather he get it than nobody?"

"Like, if I were to directly chose between him getting it, or not getting it? without effecting anyone else?" Stampy clarifies.

"Yes." Stacy confirms.

Silence, Stampy immediately looks very guilty.

"Tell me the truth, Stampy." Stacy instructs "now."

"I-I'm... I'm sorry..." Stampy hangs his head, shutting his eyes tightly for her response, "he's my lifelong enemy, Stacy..."

Stacy shifts away from him.

"Please...!" he slides his hand across the floor towards her, still keeping his head down and eyes shut, "I swear, I'm not a monster... I... I-I wouldn't, ever, wish it upon somebody else... I just... it's just this one man, Stacy, I promise... I... I need you... please don't... leave me, for this... please..."

"Stampy..." Stacy breathes "...do you know _why_ I fell in love with you?"

"Because I'm Stampy Cat...!" Stampy nods, "I'm peaceful, I'm gentle, I'm everyone's friend, I wouldn't hurt anyone, ever, for anything..." he puts his hands over his face, "until you dig deep enough..."

Stampy feels Stacy lay her hand on his shoulder.

"Look at me." she requests.

Stampy puts his hands down and looks at Stacy with his shaky eyes, trying to resist diverting them from guilt.

"You're wrong." Stacy informs him "you ARE peaceful and gentle, all the way through, I know you are, this situation we're in, the environment, that's the problem, all this fear, and anger, and pain, it's corrupting your good nature, turning you into something you're not..." she leans in and presses up against him "dark experiences make bad people, and bad people make dark experiences, it's a self-sustaining loop, but it only happens if left unchecked, I need you to break the loop, Stampy, don't let our situation compromise your humanity, I'll try to help you as much as I can, but ultimately, you're the only one who can save yourself this time... please... be strong." she fully embraces him, slightly shivering.

"I love you...!" Stampy hugs her back, starting the waterworks.

"And I love you..." Stacy tries to hold back the tears "more than anything."

"Hey! is his dick hard!?" Lukas asks the audience "I want to know if he's getting off on this too!"

Jesse and Petra both crouch down, lean to the side, turn their heads upside down, and look at Dan from below, "...nope." Jesse reports, Petra shaking her head.

"Awww, are you not liking this, Danny-boy?" Lukas coos mockingly "don't worry, _I'm, al-most, there!_ "

"Tell your master what you want him to do." Petra orders Dan.

" _C-cum inside me, Master! I'm ready!_ " Dan will say anything to make this end faster.

" _ **ERRRRRRM,**_ _AWWWWW YEEEAAAH!_ " Lukas screams as his powerful dick finally releases it's load, "FUCK! UGGGHHH!" _-slap!_ he slaps Dan's hip, pulling out his still ejaculating cock and jizzing all over the blue-haired man's balls, much of it spilling onto the floor.

"OH MY GOD, FINALLY!" Dan cries out with joy and relief.

"Heh, sounds like he wanted it." Petra giggles to Jesse.

"Ohhh my looorrrd...!" Lukas breathes, caressing Dan's ass "holy fucking shit, Stacy's ass was good as hell, but this... this was heaven."

"Ooh! so then the winner of the contest is...!" Jesse grins.

"Stacy!" Lukas calls, "I just want you to know, your ass was the shit, I loved fucking you, but, I'm sorry." he expresses in an exaggerated, excited fashion "the truth is, there really ain't no contest, Dan was the perfect fuck, male ass wins big time!"

"What a stupid contest..." Ivor groans, the poor guy had never had the rules explained to him, so he had to piece it together, and now that he knows, he is disappointed.

"Yay!" Jesse cheers "male ass all the way!"

"Fuckin' right!" Petra concurs.

The gender ass comparison contest has finally been completed.

 **Poll Results!**

"Which ass do you think will win the gender ass comparison?"

1\. Stacy's female ass. 1 Vote(s). (100%)

2\. Dan's male ass. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

Total Votes: 1.

Total Voters: 1.

Only one voter on this one? Huh, that's surprising. We've been building this poll up since Chapter 16: Peaches or Cream. All well, guess the choices were just too close to call.

To the one guy who did show up: you are epic. And we are so sorry to have to tell you that you were, sadly, incorrect. Dan's male ass was the better fuck for Lukas, meaning that his opinion coincides with Jesse and Petra. But thank you so much for voting, you are our precious. :3


	27. Chapter 26: Making Peace

**Chapter 26: Making Peace.**

"Ugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...!" Dan groans as he slowly crawls a short distance away before collapsing onto his side and curling up into a quivering, miserable little ball, he was positioned just right so that Stampy was staring directly at his ass, balls, and thighs, which were a mess thanks to Lukas.

 _Does Stacy see this?_ Stampy wonders.

He glances to see that Stacy is also gazing at Dan.

"Have you started to feel better yet, Stacy?" Stampy asks, raising his hand to cut off her view.

Stacy looks at him sharply.

"Yeah." she nods, lowering Stampy's hand and resuming watch "what are your thoughts on... seeing _**him**_ like this? the mighty Diamond Minecart, #1 Minecraft YouTuber of the World, and your long-time rival, reduced to... you know." she breathes "I pity him."

Stampy looks back at the horrible wreck that is his arch nemesis.

"I... I'm not sure, actually..." he admits, "it's kind of, underwhelming in a way... I mean, he was on this huge pedestal, almost since he started... everyone just loved Dan TDM, always, and he's... he's what so many people have strived to be, on a level that all of us were always trying to meet, me included... he was regarded by everyone to be the very best there was, completely unstoppable, and utterly unmatched... but... he just... rolled over and died... like, I get it, we're in the same situation as him, and I know there wasn't really anything he could do... but after he showed so much resistance earlier I just... guess I didn't expect him to submit so totally, and disregard all of his self respect, and... I don't know, it was, strange... that egomaniac didn't even have the decency to swallow a drop of his pride to thank me earlier, and seeing him go from that to begging Lukas to climax in his ass was... really something, in a way it's... like, kind of humanizing, but in another way it's pretty pathetic and actually reinforces my idea of him only being so big and great because he got lucky, and that if he was in my shoes, and had to work a lot harder for his fanbase, then he never would have reached the level I did, but... again, I... I know he actually has it a lot worse than us as far as this goes, so I can't realistically look down at him too much for it, it was just... farther down than I thought I'd see him go, at least this quickly..."

"Hold onto that humanization, Stampy." Stacy instructs "I think... I think it's time you made peace with him, we've already set everything up so that he's dying tonight, so I know it's tempting to just remove all emotion from him because of that, after all, why would we want to feel for him now, when it'll hurt us? especially after he was such a douchebag to us earlier. But truthfully speaking, I think we need to, not even for him, but for us... because if we see him fall this far, and then die, and be gone forever, without you and him ever making peace, and you don't feel anything, or worse, feel good about it... then I'm terrified at the prospect of what we might become further down that road... like people always say, 'once you definitively step down the path of the dark side, there's no going back, it will consume you forever' and similar statements... I know it sounds foolish to put us into an emotional state where we'll be hurt, but if we don't feel that pain, we could become monsters..." she looks deep into Stampy's eyes, more serious than she's ever been "this isn't just about survival for me anymore, what happens after we survive has become just as, if not more, important. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"I... I think so..." Stampy nods, "I, guess we could try... I mean, if he's a dick and just spits in our faces about it, then we just... don't have to care, right? I mean, we'll give it a good solid try, and probably persist at it a couple more times after he spits at us, but if... if there's just no getting through to him and we did all we could, then we can just... let it go and be happy, can't we?"

"Hmmm..." Stacy thinks about it "...yeah, I think we can feel good about ourselves as long as we legitimately try, whether or not Dan accepts us is up to him, and has little bearing on our conscience."

"Okay..." Stampy accepts, "but what about the restraining order?"

"..." Stacy stares at him.

Silence.

"...fuck, we tried." Stacy shrugs.

"If you feel alright about it, then it's fine by me." Stampy agrees, "no need to upset Jesse by asking her to call it off for no apparent reason."

"I mean, yeah, exactly." Stacy hops on the excuse train "all calling the restraining order off now would do is, like, cause trouble, and we don't want that, better to not rock the boat, being good and forgiving is great and everything, but we do still need to make sure we escape with our lives, and this is just..." she shakes her head "too much of a risk."

"Well, yeah, like... we need to keep our priorities straight." Stampy nods, "and unfortunately it's just... not possible right now."

"Uh-huh." Stacy frowns "sorry, Dan... at least we're at peace with you in our hearts, I hope your spirit will realize after... the end."

"Yep." Stampy concurs.

They have both now officially dropped lower on the morality scale than they were before, they're not dark yet, but they're starting to slide more into neutral than light.

To paraphrase what just happened:

"We need to be better than this!"

"But that's kind of inconvenient right now."

"...well, at least we gave the prospect some consideration, it's the thought that counts."

"Yep."

"All good?"

"All good."

"We good?"

"We really good."

"We good people."

They have successfully made peace with exactly two people: themselves.


	28. Chapter 27: Something for Everyone

**Chapter 27: Something for Everyone.**

"Alright, so now that this... contest, is over and done with, what's the next step?" Ivor pushes things along.

"Well, I'd say that there's not really a whole lot else we can do at this point aside from just... designing the puzzle." Jesse announces to the room, then looks back at Ivor "you _sure_ you don't wanna join us?"

"So long as you're here, you may as well have fun." Petra recommends.

"I... believe I am quite sure." Ivor nods, a very slight hint of hesitance in his voice.

"What if we can think of something he likes?" Lukas asks Jesse, despite Ivor being right there.

"Ooh! _is_ there anything you'd like, Ivor?" Jesse immediately asks, "if there is, we could work something out...!"

"Well..." Ivor narrows his eyes as he looks down at Dan "...I am not into... that."

"More for me." Lukas shrugs, because he is VERY into that.

"I also don't like... the kitten man." Ivor continues.

"Stampy Cat!?" Stampy's head perks up.

"Do you just have a problem with dicks?" Petra asks.

"..." Ivor glares at her "back in my day, dicks weren't even an option, you either fucked pussy or you were a faggot, and would be ridiculed or killed as such, now, I'm not in support of those days, and I feel no love for them, but truth be told, their effect is still strong on me: the thought of fucking dicks is automatically rejected by my mind as an act of suicide, and that's all I associate them with, I honestly don't know if I would be into them or not, because my subconscious is terrified of even assessing the possibility."

"Sooo, is that a... yes...?" Petra asks.

"It is neither a yes nor a no." Ivor shakes his head "but what I do know, is that even if I was a hardcore... homosexual, I would not be attracted to the meowing, high-pitched, soft-voiced kitten man, nor THIS." he points at Dan's messy ass "especially the latter."

"Well, that's just fine, Ivor, Lukas already fucked Dan and Stampy's mostly reserved for me, so if you want just Stacy then that should work out perfect." Jesse points out.

"Great." Stacy rolls her eyes "now I have to be molested by Grandpa..."

"N-no...!" Stampy cries "they can't do this to me! they can't have my girlfriend take BOTH their men's dicks...!"

"Hmmmmmm..." Ivor frowns as he looks at Stacy "...this one isn't very attractive either."

"But good enough?" Jesse really wants Ivor to join.

Stacy looks up in surprise.

"Not... really..." Ivor squirms "I'm not very into brunettes..."

"YOU'RE a brunette!" Dan points out.

"You're a man." Lukas points out "does that mean you're attracted to me after all?"

"...whatever." Dan shuts up.

"If her hair was a lighter shade, and her body more... womanly, then maybe I could go for it." Ivor huffs "and an accent wouldn't hurt-OH, and someone who hasn't been USED already, thanks."

"Grandpa wants a god damn virgin!?" Stacy snarks "wow, and I thought you were creepy before all this..."

"I don't need a virgin!" Ivor snaps "just somebody who hasn't already had their brains fucked out by LUKAS."

"Hmm..." Jesse thinks about it, then her eyes brighten up, "hey! we could get Lizzie!"

"NOOO!" Dan protests "leave her out of this!"

"She's fresh, she's got the bod, she's got the hair, fuck! she's even got a British accent! it's like a fucking miracle!" Jesse cheers, "would you go for that, Ivor? for all we know she might even be a straight up virgin if you _are_ into that!"

"HMMMMMM...!" Ivor takes interest "w-well... I mean... if the stars are so perfectly aligned... then it seems almost... disrespectful, to not take the treat."

"So you'll do it!?" Petra asks gleefully "you'll fuck with us!?"

"This time... yes." Ivor accepts.

"OH MY GOD!" Jesse can't believe this is happening, "for real!?"

"Yes, yes, so long as we don't take forever." Ivor confirms hastily.

"Do you wanna go get her then?" Jesse (and her boobs) bounces in excitement, "you have clothes, so you'd be the fastest."

"Alright, I'll be right back with..." Ivor pauses.

They stare at him.

"...my piece of ass." Ivor finishes.

"YAAAY!" Petra cheers, happy at seeing Ivor loosen up.

Ivor proceeds towards the door.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Dan scrambles to his feet and runs inbetween Ivor and the door "YOU CAN'T! DON'T!"

"Out of my way, faggot!" Ivor growls, budging Dan aside with ease.

"Ugh...!" Dan grunts as he falls over, rolls over, and dies from Ivor's small shove "n-nooo...!"

"HEY, BITCH!" Stampy calls "my girl may have been fucked by Lukas, but your wannabe-girl is gettin' fucked by IVOR! at least Lukas is hot shit, Team Stampy wins again!"

Everybody stares at Stampy.

"...heh, sweet." Petra laughs.

 _Tap-tap._ Stampy feels Stacy tap his shoulder.

"What is it?" Stampy asks, grinning.

"What happened to peace!?" Stacy demands, hushed but stern.

Stampy's eyes shoot wide with realization, "I..." he stammers "f-for... I forgot that was a thing..."

Silence.

"Well... I suppose it's a hard enough habit to break, so relapses are kind of to be expected..." Stacy guesses, "but even still, it's really loser to include mine and Lizzie's suffering as an element in yours and Dan's petty feud, so I'm not very impressed about that."

"I'M SORRY!" Stampy pulls his one win-all trick: beg for forgiveness "I want peace, I really do, I just forgot! I take it back, (but not publicly: that'll cause trouble), I make peace again! I do! I'll try harder not to forget again, and if I do, I want you to punch me in the nu-FACE, make it face! or, uh, actually, we need to keep my face in top quality, so, uh, punch my shoulder, yeah, o-or, uh, actually, just, calmly inform me if I fuck up again, okay? I'll try to fix it...!"

Stacy smiles and shakes her head at him being a cutesy mess.

"...wait a second!" Stampy starts up again " _Dan_ always does it though! it didn't even start with me! this is all HIS fault! I was just trying to beat him at his stupid game, before I would always just leave you and anyone else completely out of it."

"...huh, true." Stacy realizes "okay, you're off the hook for that."

"Yay! Stampy Cat!" Stampy cheers.

"I'll be right back..." Ivor promises as he heads out the door.

 **Well, everyone, we're finally here. Ivor is obliviously walking straight into Lizzie's and Cassie's trap. Next week, _the revolution begins._**

 **Being ourselves, we have of course made a poll asking you how you think that entire situation will play out. Things are about to get tense and dangerous again; Lizzie is serious, Ivor is deadly, Cassie is a wild card, and there's a big room full of potential reinforcements for either side right beside them. We know we're excited for it, we hope you all are as well.**

 **RISE, brothers and sisters, Jesse's reign will finally be challenged.**


	29. Chapter 28: Lizzie's Revolution

**Chapter 28: Lizzie's Revolution.**

"Oh my god, you're finally back!" Cassie greets Ivor "what's going on? is everything okay?"

"Everything is... perfect." Ivor promises, then turns to Lizzie "you are required."

Lizzie and Cassie share a glance.

 _Oh shit...!_ Cassie's shaking in her little boots.

"Alright then, I suppose." Lizzie nods "I could use a little stretch of my legs anyway."

"Oh, I'm sure you could..." Ivor nods, trying not to think too pervertedly about her... yet.

"I assume you require my testimony?" Lizzie questions, getting to her feet "like you did the others?"

"Yes, of course." Ivor confirms "exactly like the others."

"Then shall we step inside?" Lizzie asks, taking the lead and approaching the door.

"We shall get inside, yes..." Ivor's having a tough time as he looks down at her ass.

"Then let's go GET HIM, CASSIE!" Lizzie screams as she suddenly whips around and punches Ivor in the face with her fist.

"ON IT!" Cassie calls as she draws her sword, grabs Ivor from behind, and places the tip against the center of his back "don't move, killer-scum!"

"Wh-what...!?" Ivor's dazed and confused.

BOOM-BOOM-BOOM!-"HELLO!? ANYONE IN THERE!?" Lizzie shouts and knocks on the door.

"LIZZ-" Dan's voice starts but is abruptly cut off.

"Dan!?" Lizzie's surprised to hear him.

"YEAH, DID YOU EVER SEE US COME OUT!?" Jesse's muffled sass can be heard from the other side.

"LISTEN UP, WE'VE GOT A HOSTAGE OUT HERE, YOUR PAL, IVOR!" Lizzie isn't scared "SURRENDER TO ME AND CASSIE, OR HE DIES!"

Silence.

"Take him over there, everybody get out of the way...!" Jesse instructs, shuffling everyone over to the door's blind spot, she takes her sword and slowly unlatches and opens the door a crack and peers out, hiding her naked body, " _what?_ "

"Your little group is in the middle of a hostage situation." Lizzie repeats "either admit defeat, surrender all your weapons, and come out one at a time so we can restrain you, or Cassie puts her blade through Ivor's heart."

Jesse blinks, then looks past Lizzie to Ivor and Cassie for a second, and then back at the pink haired rebellion girl, "uhhh... _why?_ "

"You know damn well why!" Lizzie snarls sternly "Cassie was right all along, Lukas was the killer, and so are you, Ivor, and what's-her-face."

"Petra...?" Jesse stares in disbelief.

"What about me?" Petra's voice sounds.

"Yes, her!" Lizzie snaps "now stop stalling, Cassie's arm is getting thrusty, either call it quits or watch your companion suffer."

"FUCK THEIR CORPSES, JESSE!" Ivor calls "don't worry about me!"

"Ivor, that's not helping!" Jesse calls back, then turns to Lizzie, "listen, I don't know what exactly you're going off of, or what's been going down out there, but there's been a mistake, none of us are the killer, we've been busting our asses _all night_ to find the killer, we've just been sitting around doing the interrogation like we planned, like we ALL planned, and agreed upon, and I would like to continue as soon as possible, so, before you make us all pack it up and come wandering out one by one to possibly be killed by you, since you're still a suspect, Lizzie, I would appreciate it if you were to just slow down a bit and express some of your different leads and suspicions about us first, okay?"

"No bullshit!" Cassie calls "send Lukas out, NOW."

"No!" Lizzie snaps, then turns back to Jesse "I heard Dan's voice, send him out first!"

"What?" Jesse doesn't get it, "didn't I _just say_ that I wanted more of your proof? why should I send out more hostages for you to kill before you even explain to me what's going on?"

"Dan won't be a hostage!" Lizzie snaps "he's one of us."

"LIZZIE!" Cassie freaks "now they'll just hold DAN hostage!"

"SHHHHHH!" Lizzie shushes her partner.

"Petra, put your knife to Dan's throat." Jesse orders.

"It's done!" Petra announces "confirm that you're still alive, Danny-boy, but don't say anything stupid."

"Lizzie!?" Dan's voice calls "I'm still alive! Petra's threatening me though."

"May we request your evidence now?" Lukas' voice adds "before either hostage gets slaughtered."

"NO!" Cassie screams "fuck you, Lukas!"

"SHUT, THE FUCK, UP!" Lizzie orders Cassie, then turns back to Jesse once more "if you're not the killers, then Stampy and Stacy should still be alive too, yes!? then why don't you make THEM say something, unless of course, you've already killed them!"

"Guys, just scream something." Jesse orders.

"We're still alive!" Stacy calls.

"Yeah! we were still doing my interrogation." Stampy confirms.

"...what?" Lizzie blinks, shocked.

"See!?" Jesse hisses, "would you let Ivor go now, please!?"

"NO!" Cassie won't shut her mouth "i-it could be a recording! I want to SEE them!"

Lizzie's too busy questioning herself to answer.

"Ugh, for real!? why don't you just make up some random shit for them to say, we couldn't have tape recorded that!" Jesse spits.

"FUCKING LISTEN TO ME!" Cassie demands, sinking the blade a little bit into Ivor.

"AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!" Ivor shouts in pain "sh-she's stabbing me!"

"I WANT TO SEE THEM, NOW!" Cassie pushes.

"FINE!" Jesse gives in, "just wait a second, don't kill him!"

Jesse turns to look at the group, "you wanna come first, Stacy?"

"We're alive! just let Ivor fucking go!" Stacy snaps as she pokes her head out into view of Lizzie and Cassie.

"...AND STAMPY!?" Cassie just doesn't give an inch.

Jesse shuts the door mostly and walks past it, leaving Stacy there alone, she grabs Stampy and pulls his hoodie over his head, leading him back to the door to look out.

"I'm right here!" Stampy also sounds annoyed by all this.

"See!? we're fine!" Stacy enforces.

"...let Ivor go, Cassie." Lizzie heaves, admitting defeat.

Cassie doesn't fucking let him go.

"Did you HEAR your partner?" Ivor growls.

"..." Cassie's stiff.

Cassie takes a deep breath, and then responds.

"Send... Lukas... out." she demands.

"Cassie-!" Lizzie starts.

"HE'S THE FUCKING KILLER!" Cassie screams "Jesse and Ivor and Petra are probably innocent, but he isn't!"

"He's FINE, I've known him all my life!" Jesse straight up lies.

" _ **Lukas, is fucking, GOOD.**_ " Petra, Stampy, Stacy, and even Lizzie snap.

"And even if he wasn't, I'M good." Ivor reminds her "so why kill me?"

Silence.

"...whatever!" Cassie sneers as she releases Ivor and pushes him towards the door "have him back."

Jesse firmly flips her off, then looks at her old man companion.

"You okay, Ivor?" she asks.

"Yes, come with me, Lizzie." Ivor instructs impatiently "let's leave Cassie alone to think about what she's done."

"Alright..." Lizzie follows him through the door.

And with that, Cassie is left out by herself.

"..." she stares after them "...well, what now?"

No answer, dumbshit.

Silence.

"...well, let's go for gold." Cassie shrugs, getting up, walking over to the door, and pressing her ear firmly against it.  
 **Poll Results!**

"What do you suspect will be the most likely results of Lizzie launching her revolution against Jesse's tyranny?"

1\. Lizzie and Cassie are both brutally slaughtered by Ivor, nothing changes for the others. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

2\. Cassie is brutally slaughtered by Ivor, and Lizzie is dragged back to the room to be raped. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

3\. Lizzie dies dramatically fighting Ivor, and her messianic death inspires the other youtubers to rise up and avenge her. 1 Vote(s). (9%)

4\. They successfully capture Ivor and use him to ransom their way out alive, leaving the others. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

5\. They successfully capture Ivor, ransom him, rescue the others, and get out alive. 1 Vote(s). (9%)

6\. Ivor is killed in the capture attempt, so Lizzie and Cassie fight the rest of Jesse's gang. They lose, and one is killed in revenge while the other raped. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

7\. Ivor is killed in the capture attempt, so Lizzie and Cassie fight the rest of Jesse's gang. They win with help from the other youtubers, (not necessarily without casualties), and the adventure is put to rest. 1 Vote(s). (9%)

8\. They successfully capture and ransom Ivor, but Jesse convinces them to just let him go and surrender. 1 Vote(s). (9%)

9\. Cassie, like an idiot, kills Lizzie by accident. Ivor wins. 1 Vote(s). (9%)

10\. Cassie, like an idiot, betrays and kills Lizzie, and stops the revolution right at the beginning. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

11\. Cassie, like an idiot, betrays Lizzie, but is killed like a bitch. Leaving Lizzie to attempt the revolution alone. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

12\. Cassie decides to back out of the revolution right before it's execution, and Lizzie is forced to call it off and goes with Ivor willingly. 1 Vote(s). (9%)

13\. Cassie decides to back out of the revolution right before it's execution, but Lizzie captures Ivor by herself anyway, and ransoms him for freedom. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

14\. Cassie decides to back out of the revolution right before it's execution, and Lizzie dies attempting it by herself. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

15\. Cassie decides to back out of the revolution right before it's execution, and Lizzie, like a badass, slaughters everyone. (Except maybe her fellow youtubers.) 0 Vote(s). (0%)

16\. They successfully capture Ivor and ransom him, but kill him out of spite the moment they're given their freedom and it's time to let him go. Prompting a quest of revenge for Jesse's gang. 2 Vote(s). (18%)

17\. Chaos, fucking, explodes. 1 Vote(s). (9%)

18\. Something totally unexpected. 2 Vote(s). (18%)

Total Votes: 11.

Total Voters: 2.

WHOOOOOO! We have a winner this time! Whoever voted for choice #8 got it right! Ivor was successfully hostaged, but the clever and devious Jesse convinced Lizzie to just give him back and surrender. But what will happen now that Lizzie is entering the interrogation room, and will thusly discover that while Jesse's gang aren't the killers, they are indeed evil as she suspected!? Will she accept Jesse's offer to cut a quick deal and bargain her way to safety? Vote now and find out next week!


	30. Chapter 29: Undressed all the Rest

**Chapter 29: Undressed all the Rest.**

"Alright, now let's strip." Ivor immediately states to Lizzie.

"...huh?" Lizzie doesn't even know what the fuck.

"Take it off!" Petra cheers.

"What are you...!?" Lizzie gapes as she looks around to find everybody but her and Ivor are naked, with Jesse gleefully stripping Stampy's hoodie back off.

"R-ru-ruuun...!" Dan warns her, shuddering.

Lizzie's face slowly stretches with horror as she looks down at poor little Dan, he tried to hide his messy ass from her, but it was no use.

"Wh-what did they do to you!?" Lizzie demands.

"Th-the-ey, f-f-fu-ucked, m-m-m-eee...!" Dan cries, pulling it together for the next sentence "and they'll fuck you next if you don't get out, run, Lizzie, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE."

"It's not so bad." Stacy shrugs, from behind Lizzie.

"EEP!" Lizzie's startled by this, turning to look at Stacy "St-Stacy...!?"

"Don't listen to Dan, Lizzie, it's in your best interest to just do what Jesse and the others ask." Stacy advises "they're going to see us out of here safely if we comply."

"You'll be okay, as long as you don't cause trouble." Stampy promises, he and Jesse walking over "Dan... he caused trouble."

"We really don't need much from you, Lizzie." Jesse promises with a grin "we're going to recreate my greatest invention ever: the fuckpuzzle! we just need you to partake in it, just that one thing, and then you're good to go, we'll pin the 'killer' title on Cassie, she'll die, and all the rest of us get away to live on into the future."

"Oh, and if you refuse the offer, you die instead." Stacy adds "it's a pretty easy choice."

Lizzie just stares at one of them in shock and horror after the other, progressing over the entire group.

"You will be in the fuckpuzzle with me." Ivor explains "but first, we need to strip each other, as is... customary."

"Please tell them that you accept." Stampy pleads "I really like you, Lizzie, I'd hate for anything to have to... happen to you."

Lizzie's face flushes and falls into that of even deeper shock and dismay.

"...do they usually do this?" Ivor questions.

"Yeah, but then we just fuck 'em." Petra shrugs "not this time though."

"Mm-hm, Dan was just about ready to fight us when we let him in, but he came around eventually." Jesse puts in her own answer.

"You don't want to wind up like Dan, do you!?" Stampy pushes Lizzie.

"Don't listen to them...!" Dan gasps "run, fight, resist! they're going to RAPE YOU, Lizzie!"

"Uh, no, no, no!" Jesse hushes, "we'll be nice, Lizzie, Ivor won't hurt or disrespect you as long as you cooperate, Dan didn't, that's the only reason why he's in the condition he is now, see? this is how it is, if you just work with us without fuss then there won't be any problem, just like with Stampy and Stacy, if you agree to our terms but give us trouble anyway, you'll wind up like Dan, and if you flat out refuse, we'll rape you silly and kill you afterwards, never to be seen again, make your choice, Lizzie."

Lizzie continues to stare, first at the psychotic woman threatening her, and then at the man she'd be giving herself to, the thug backing the former pair up, the last, mysterious man of their group, the two kind, happy people she had considered friends, yet now stand, smiling, before her, telling her to do as the monsters command, and finally, she looks once more at the sad, miserable, broken remains of the greatest man she had ever known, who she had just earlier been on a rollercoaster ride with, friends, enemies, friends, enemies... how petty that all seemed now.

Faced with all this information, Lizzie knew two things, first, that she should have never given up her hostage situation, and second... that there really was no real choice to this.

"I...!" as Lizzie speaks the first word, tears stream down her face and she bows her head "I... agree... to your terms..."

" _Noooooo...!_ " Dan laments.

" _Yessssss...!_ " Jesse grins widely.

"Good choice, Lizzie." Stacy encourages.

"Yeah! you're gonna live!" Stampy cheers, "yay, Lizzie!" he applauds "I'd miss you so much otherwise!"

"Now make her _**prove**_ her commitment." Petra demands "have her undress Ivor."

"Do it, Lizzie." Jesse instructs, "do it, slowly and seductively, it should be easy, and then we can get on with... other things, and it'll all be over, and you can go."

"My robes are very simple." Ivor encourages "it shouldn't take you long."

Nervous and reluctant as all hell, Lizzie obeys, slowly undoing every buckle along his robe, and then his belt, allowing his robe to unfold and open, revealing his boxers and striped undershirt, she tries to stifle her whimpering as she slides his robes off...

"This is taking too long!" Ivor snaps, impatient, he turns to Jesse "can I just undress myself? I'm really not into this anyway, I've only come this far out of respect for your tradition."

"No! just try a little more!" Jesse pleads, not wanting to give up on it yet, "Lizzie, make it sexier!"

"Grind his groin with your hips!" Petra suggests "tell him how handsome and sexy he is!"

It takes all of Lizzie's self control to not show her repulsion at this, swallowing her pride as she degrades herself to a level far below what she had ever reached before, she starts to do as Petra suggested, gently rubbing herself against Ivor and whispering to him, "I've wanted this since I first layed eyes on you..."

"Urgh, please...!" Ivor rolls his eyes "it doesn't do it for me if I know you're lying."

"Maybe she isn't, you never know...!" Jesse teases.

"I'm not stupid, and I don't like to play fantasy." Ivor asserts "I can see the repulsion in her eyes, the hesitance in her movements, none of it is convincing."

"Oh, fine..." Jesse gives it up, "just tear it off, Lizzie..."

Lizzie gets it all off as quickly as possible.

"Hmmm, my oh my...!" Ivor's surprised "this is way sexier! she's tearing off my clothes with legitimate... desperation!"

Ivor's long, thin, ghostly pale, slimy dick springs up right in front of Lizzie's face as she pulls his boxers down, immediately her eyes go wide, and the rest of her face red.

"You've gotten a lot of men to do that today!" Jesse points out "you must feel like the shit right now, huh, Lizzie!?"

 _I certainly feel SHITTY, that's for sure!_ Lizzie thinks irritably in response.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO...!" this just gets worse and worse for Dan, but he can't stop watching.

"Can we shut him up?" Stampy asks, annoyed.

"No!" Ivor commands "...I'm starting to enjoy hearing his anguish."

"Fucking, yes." Petra nods "Ivor knows what's up!"

"Jesse...?" Ivor hisses, curious.

"Yessss?" Jesse acknowledges.

"Before I even undress her the slightest bit..." Ivor starts, looking down at Lizzie, on her knees below him "can I slip it down her throat?"

At this, Lizzie can't hide her feelings, she pulls back away from him, fearful and disturbed.

"Well, we do tend to try to keep a move on and save most of that for afterwards, but, I mean, you've already had to wait outside for _so long,_ so, it only really seems fair to grant you this one, small request..." Jesse totally nods.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" _-bang-bang-bang-bang!_ Dan punches the floor, throwing a fit.

"Wait!" Petra barely stops it in time "but, Jesse, what about the puzzle!? I mean, if Ivor plans to ONLY have her suck him off, it's fine, but we need to find some way to connect the two of them to the rest of us, and I don't think Ivor wants to directly connect to anyone else, so we need as many options on Lizzie as possible, right!?"

"Oh..." Jesse realizes that that's totally true, "uh, yeah, right... sorry, Ivor, did you wanna hold off? at least until we know what we're doing?"

Ivor frowns, he had finally started to be excited about being a part of this, and now they cut him off, "...very well, if that's what's best." he lets it go.

"You ready to move on to taking off her super cute model outfit?" Jesse asks.

"Indeed." Ivor confirms "I will enjoy this part...!"

Lizzie cringes as Ivor's cold, clammy hands shift along her shoulders, touching her neck as they grip under her vest, he slides it off one arm and then the next, gently laying it aside before moving onto her striped blouse, which he pulls up, over her head, sweeping along her soft, pink hair, and free from her completely, leaving Lizzie in her skirt, socks, shoes, and bra.

 _Sproing!_ everybody hears Dan's dick spring up, most of them immediately glance over to see Mr. Dickens standing tall and hard, Dan was silent, staring intently at Lizzie's still-covered boobs.

"Hey, Ivor!" Lukas grins "it looks like my fucktoy still has the hots for your fucktoy!"

"Gross!" Lizzie gasps "how could you be attracted to me when I'm like this, Dan!?"

"Because he secretly loves all this horrible shit, that's why!" Jesse giggles.

"NO!" Dan claims "I...! I'm sorry! I can't control it, my body doesn't care about the situation, your... you are _just too hot,_ all on your own!"

 _Maybe he's 'imagining' things again._ Stampy scoffs in his head, _Stupid fucking Dan, hate that bitch._

"Well, let's see just how hot she is under the rest of this, shall we!?" Ivor suggests, eagerly undoing Lizzie's bra and whipping it off to reveal dem titties.

They're some pretty seriously hot titties, smaller than Stacy's and Jesse's, but very round, very soft, and very pale, with bright pink nipples that complimented her hair.

" _ **NOOOOOOOOOOOO!**_ " Dan starts freaking out again "SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FOR MY EYES ONLY! JESSE PROMISED!"

"Oh dammmn, Stacy!" Jesse grins to the other woman, strutting forward and puffing out her chest, "we've both got bigger racks than the hot girl!" she completely ignores Dan "you and me? we must be smokin' bitches!"

"Uh, yeah, of course..." Stacy nods, awkwardly.

"Aren't you the world's luckiest man, Stampy?" Jesse flirts her eyebrows again.

"Uh, 'cause I get Stacy, 'cause I get you, or 'cause I get you both?" Stampy doesn't even know exactly what Jesse's going for.

"Because you get us both, silly!" Jesse giggles "stupid, unlucky Dan doesn't even get Lizzie, and EVEN IF he did, her boobs are smaller than both Stacy's and my own, so, you just, own Dan in every way!"

Jesse knows how to please Stampy Cat.

"Mmmrrrph...!" Petra groans, frowning, her boobs were the smallest of all four girls.

"Oh! Petra, no! I didn't mean it like that!" Jesse immediately resorts to damage control, "you don't need big boobs! you have a more masculine fucking style to begin with, they would only really get in the way! they're the perfect size for you! and they're so adorable! and see? if it makes you feel any better, Stacy has mine beat!"

"OH-HO-HO!" Stampy can't help but laugh at this realization "meee-ow! good for Stampy Cat!"

" _No...!_ " Dan cries "no, no, no, no, nooo...!"

"It's okay." Petra shrugs her negative feelings off "I'm good with it... Stacy only slightly has you beat though."

"I know, right!?" Jesse's right back to being excited, swinging her arm around Stacy and lining their boobs up "we go so well together!"

Stacy's a little frazzled by this, "Um, thanks, Jesse." she tries and fails to get free.

"Anytime!" Jesse's havin' fun, "see? they're like, the same size, but different colors, like easter eggs or some shit."

 _Sproing!_ Stampy's dick gets hard for the first fucking time tonight as he stares at the boob line, Stacy notices, Jesse, thankfully, does not.

"Stampy sure seems to like them." Lukas ruins it.

 _BOOM!_ Jesse looks downstairs.

"EEP!" Stampy tries to hide his Mr. Dickens, but it was _**too late.**_

This, was not a good thing.

 **Poll Results!**

"Will Jesse be able to convince Lizzie to go for it?"

1\. Are you fucking kidding? Really, is this a serious question? She's already gotten Stacy AND Dan on board. Jesse's shown herself to be a master of persuasion, and has the pink-haired girl hopelessly outnumbered. Lizzie will accept it 100%. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

2\. Actually, no. Stacy was offered health and safety conditions, and Dan is just pathetic. Lizzie has so far not taken any shit from anybody. Her passion for the revolution will be reignited upon discovering the true darkness of Jesse's gang, and that she was right to resist them all along. (Besides, it's about time SOMEBODY told Jesse 'No!') 2 Vote(s). (100%)

3\. Something totally unexpected. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

Total Votes: 2.

Total Voters: 2.

Whoa, everybody was hardcore on the 'no' train, huh? Sorry, you guys, but nobody wins this week. The answer was 'yes', Jesse did convince Lizzie to agree. Though, as you can see, she did have a lot of help. Not only from her gang members, but Stampy and Stacy also seemed far too creepily up for it, leaving only ruined Dan for support against the group of monsters. Lizzie was in no position to refuse, so... she didn't.  
As for this week's poll: We now know the order of boob sizes. Stacy Jesse Lizzie Petra. But, we don't yet know the order of DICK sizes! However, lo and behold, every cock is either now hard or, in Lukas' case, was hard. So next chapter, the pecker pecking order will, be, established! Go now and vote, you get twenty-four choices, but unlike the manhoods, the decision is not hard. Simply think to yourself, "Who's biggest, who's second, who's third, who's last?" Once you've gotten that figured out, simply find your choice in the list and vote for it! You get the one vote, because we really want to see where your heads are at for this one. Simply choosing who's biggest is not enough, we desire the knowledge of where you think every man falls! Go and make your choice, as next week, the dick-measuring contest shall commence...!


	31. Chapt 30: Planning the Puzzle, Part One

**Chapter 30: Planning the Puzzle, Part One.**

"OHHH MYYY GOD!" Jesse screams, then looks at Stacy "did you see what we did!?"

"Saw it before Lukas." Stacy admits, frowning.

"Stampy!" Jesse turns to him "your cock is HUGE!"

"He's not that big..." Stacy rolls her eyes.

"Bigger than Dan." Jesse laughs.

Stampy's Mr. Dickens was in fact larger than Dan's Mr. Dickens, as Stampy had always suspected.

"Wh-WHAT!?" Dan reacts "l-let me see! he can't be that big, he can't!"

"Gay." Petra's an asshole.

"Lukas is bigger." Stacy points out to Jesse.

"Ick! gross!" Jesse shudders "that's Lukas, I don't care about where on the ladder he falls, he's not fucking material for me."

"Huh, you hear that, champ?" Lukas starts to Stampy "apparently I don't count, looks like you take home the prize."

"Stampy wins the dick measuring contest, first place." Petra remarks "congratulations, kitten-man, you've got the biggest dick."

"Out of a contest of him and Dan." Stacy snarks.

 _The only contest that even really matters._ Stampy can't help but think.

"Still beating that bitch in every way, Stampy!" Jesse cheers.

"Th-thanks-" Stampy starts modestly.

"Show us it again!" Jesse demands.

"Oh, look at that, it went soft, no stamina." Stampy tries to deter any more attention away from Mr. Dickens.

"His stamina is horrible." Stacy confirms.

"What!?" Jesse's eyebrows curve, "fuck that shit, let's build it back up!" she reaches over and smooshes Stacy's boobs from one side and her own with her other hand from the other side "look, Stampy! white chocolate and milk chocolate easter eggs! that's part of what really gets you, right? seems like your style, the easter bunny isn't so different from your orange cat gimmick."

"Uhhh...!" Stampy's not sure what to say, but this is making him both very aroused and very confused.

"Hard again yet!?" Jesse asks as she suddenly slides down and forward, _dragging Stacy with her,_ so that they're both on their knees in front of Stampy, Jesse then grabs Stampy's hands and pulls them apart to reveal his still totally hard cock "ha-ha! success!"

"Ow, fuck!" Stacy expresses her displeasure at having her knees burned from friction against the carpet.

"Look at it, Stace!" to Stampy's dismay, Jesse grabs his dick in her hand and turns it towards Stacy "do you usually get him like this, or are we pushing a new limit here?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh...!" Stacy blushes as she stares straight at her boyfriend's dick "this, um, this is normal!" she spits out an answer.

"Excuse me, Jesse!?" Ivor calls, irritated "may I continue with undressing this lovely young vixen, or are we putting it on hold so you can embarrass the poor kitty cat?"

"Alright, alright, I'm done." Jesse laughs, "soon...!" she swoons as she strokes Mr. Dickens.

Ivor continues undressing Lizzie, it's... rather uneventful.

"Finished." Ivor reports.

"Okay then! you guys ready to start figuring this out?" Jesse asks to make sure they're good.

"Yes." Petra.

"Yes." Lukas.

"Indeed." Ivor.

"Whatever." Stacy.

"Errrmmm...!" Dan.

"..." Lizzie.

"Figure what out?" Stampy asks "the, uh, f-puzzle?"

" _Yes,_ Stampy! we're finally going to figure out how to do the puzzle!" Jesse cheers.

"...okay." Stampy frowns, but then suddenly looks surprised, and then smiles, "okay!"

He thinks this is going to be the funnest part, so he may as well enjoy it.

"Now, the four of you can all just kinda sit back and do whatever while the rest of us decide how it's going to go, okay?" Jesse instructs the sexslave-fucktoys, "since this is for our pleasure we all need to make sure we're happy with it, but none of you really matter, so just wait up and do what we tell you to in the end, you got me?"

Stampy frowns again, "Oh... okay." he sadly walks off and sits down, Stacy follows.

"I do not desire contact with any individuals other than Lizzie." Ivor immediately establishes.

"I figured as much." Jesse nods, "how do you want to connect with Lizzie? fucking her pussy?"

"Yesss." Ivor nods.

"Okay, do you want anything else from her, or is that it?" Jesse inquires.

"...what else IS there?" Ivor's just stumped.

"You could fondle her boobs, fuck her ass, make out, oral, lots of things, but many of them would be hard to work into the puzzle, so if that's all you have particular interest in we could just leave the other options open to connect her to the rest of us." Jesse explains.

"...fondling her breasts sounds nice." Ivor concedes.

"Okay, we'll keep that in mind then." Jesse nods, "as for the rest of us, I'm obviously getting Stampy as my main contact, did either of you have any preferences?"

"Nope." Petra shakes her head "so long as I'm fuckin'."

"Can I just, like, fuck Dan in the ass again?" Lukas requests.

"WHAT!?" Dan perks up in fright.

"He's the best!" Lukas grins.

"Of _course_ you can have Dan more, Lukas!" Jesse grants, "that's an extremely generous request, since this leaves so many other possibilities open!"

"Oh? well you're all very welcome." Lukas accepts the praise.

"Does this mean I fuck Stace?" Petra questions.

"Unless you wanna pile up more on one of the other previously claimed people and have Stacy specialize in secondary contacts." Jesse presents alternatives.

"Hmmm..." Petra thinks about it "do I have any... invitations?"

"Dan could fuck you while I fuck him." Lukas suggests.

"Ugh! I don't want the smallest dick!" Petra rolls her eyes, annoyed.

"You could fuck Dan in the mouth while Lukas fucks him from the other side." Jesse proposes.

"Ummm, I don't know, I doubt he'd be any good at it, judging from his undressing performance..." Petra considers "...can I do that to Stampy instead?"

"Oh..." Jesse frowns, then looks a little guilty, "I... kinda wanted to do a couple different things with Stampy..."

"I think we should save all that's left of Stampy for Jesse, Petra." Lukas advises "he's, you know, special."

"Damn straight." Stampy mutters.

"Urrrgh, fine!" Petra gives up "let's start connecting people, we can figure out what I do later."

"Well..." Jesse starts, "if, you know, you don't wanna do anything with Dan, then I'd, uh... take the hair."

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooo...!" Dan whines, this just gets worse and worse for him "not the...! not the...! the HAIR...!"

"YES." Lukas agrees "you grip his hair, I fuck his ass, and there we go! Lukas, Dan, Jesse, and Stampy are all in."

"Ohh, yes... but how are we going to connect Ivor through Lizzie?" Jesse wonders, "did you want to connect to her, Petra?"

"Ehhhhhh, even if I did, I'd still have to connect to one of the other fucktoys as well." Petra's not sure.

"OOOOOOH!" Lukas' eyes go wide "I know what I want."

"Oh? what's that, Lukas?" Jesse inquires.

"I want, to be fucking Dan, in the ass, while ALSO making out with the girl of his dreams." Lukas asserts "that, is, so hot."

"Sounds good to me!" Jesse's totally up for it.

"Noooooo...!" poor little Dan.

"OH! and she needs to be using Dan's back as a prop to hold herself up to my level, she has to bend over onto him from the side, so Ivor can fuck her while we kiss." Lukas adds "assuming that's cool with you, Ivor."

"That connection is acceptable." Ivor agrees.

"It looks like... a go." Jesse grins at their satisfying progress.

"Nooo, no, no, noooooooooooo...!" Dan.

"Urgh, I'm tired of hearing him whine." Ivor growls "I was enjoying it before, but now it's getting annoying."

"Come on, let's go talk where he can't hear us." Lukas suggests "it will be... worse for him, that way."

They all shuffle along to right beside the fucking door, out of earshot of Dan and Lizzie, but within earshot of Stacy, Stampy, and now... Cassie, not that they knew.

"So that's how we're going to be positioned." Lukas nods, gesturing to himself, Ivor, Lizzie, and Dan "but how about you, Jesse? how do you want to be with Stampy while you clutch Dan's hair?"

"Well, as I've established already, there _definitely_ needs to be some cock in pussy action, but there could also be other things such as him fucking my ass, him sucking my tits, him sucking me off, me sucking him off, us making out, all that good stuff, but it also depends a bit on how Petra and Stacy are arranged, because, since Ivor doesn't want any more fuckpoints, and you're already pretty busy over with your stuff, it would probably be a good idea for Stacy to connect to me somehow, and then Petra can be connected through her, and I would like to say that she can also interconnect through other sexslave-fucktoys, but unfortunately they're all pretty well swarmed too." Jesse frowns a little, then looks at her sister, "does that sound okay Petra? or did you want us to try to rework things to get you a little more... in the heat of things?"

"I'm good with just Stace." Petra shrugs "I mean, this is going to be like the worst fuckpuzzle ever, so I may as well sit on the sidelines this time rather than next time."

"Hm..." Jesse obviously feels kind of bad, "well, you have first pick on Stacy, anything you don't want will just go to me."

"Well, I can't have her ass, thanks to Lukas..." Petra takes into consideration "...I could either fuck her puss with mine while you and her make out, or she can suck me off while you suck her off, whichever you'd rather." at this point, Petra has basically given up hope for her own enjoyment and has dedicated her efforts to instead making this as good for Jesse as possible.

"Hmm... make out, I think." Jesse decides.

"Ah, going Lukas with it." LUKAS states.

"You know, Petra..." Jesse starts, "even though you can't trash talk or hurt Stacy at all, you can still scream shit across the room at Dan."

Petra's eyebrows raise, "Huh... I will definitely keep that in mind." she nods "I can't wait to just scream everything I would at Stacy, but, just... add Dan's name at the end, perfect plan, Jesse."

"That's why I'm the leader." Jesse nods triumphantly.

 **Poll Results!**

"What is the order of the men's dick sizes, from largest to smallest?"

(We had all 24 possible combinations to vote for.)

 _ **Total Votes: 0.**_

 _ **Total Voters: 0.**_

WE NEED TO HAVE A TALK.

Why do you do this to me? What did I do? What do I _have_ to do? What will it take to get you guys to vote on the polls that matter the most to me? Do you have any idea how excited I was for this one? I was more excited than Stampy Cat was for white and milk chocolate easter eggs. Do me a favor, go back to the last chapter, go to the bottom, tell me, what do you see? I know what I see. " _the pecker pecking order_ ", " _you get twenty-four choices, but unlike the manhoods, the decision is not hard_ ", I see the work of a dick enthusiast. A man who believed that he was finally going to get his lifelong wish of seeing other people list which characters have what sized cocks. Doesn't anybody else care about whether or not Dan's gigglestick can compare to Stampy's pleasure rod? _Don't you people have souls!? WHERE'S THAT INHERENT PERVERSION OF HUMANITY I'M SO FOND OF!? **WWWHHHEEERRREEE!?**_

(I wuv wou, tanks for reading. The correct answer was 'Lukas - Stampy - Ivor - Dan', we never say in the chapter where on the scale Ivor lands exactly, but he's been described as long, and Petra didn't want Dan, who she referred to as having the smallest dick. Stampy and Lukas have both been established as large, with Lukas being dominant.)


	32. Chapt 31: Planning the Puzzle, Part Two

**Chapter 31: Planning the Puzzle, Part Two.**

"You, uh, never really answered my question though." Lukas points out "we know you want Stampy to fuck your pussy, while you grip Dan's hair and make out with Stacy, but what position do you want to be in while doing so?"

"I wanna lie on my back." Jesse informs.

"Okay, so then is Stacy going to be slumped across you, or-" Lukas starts.

"Spiderman kiss." Jesse knows what she wants.

"Wow, no hesitation." Ivor's impressed.

"And will Stampy be on top of you then?" Lukas keeps pushing along for more clarification "or will you be, like, laying on top of him so he has to fuck you from behind?"

"Oh, he was just going to be on top of me, but I do like the sound of the other option..." Jesse rubs her chin.

"Don't crush poor Stampy Cat!" Stampy calls.

"Ugh, fine, fine, it'll be more up in my face that it's you that I'm fucking with you on top of me anyway, so that's probably what I should go for." Jesse chooses one.

"You wanna make it kinky and have him wear his hoodie while he does it?" Lukas suggests.

"YES!" Jesse's all on board.

"Damn it..." Stampy knows there's no dodging that bullet now that it's been locked and loaded.

"'K, so let's recap." Lukas decides "Ivor will connect to Lizzie, who will connect to me, who will connect to Dan, who will connect to Jesse, who will connect to Stampy and Stacy, the latter of which connects to Petra, me and Ivor will be standing, Lizzie will be bent over using Dan as support, Dan will be bent WAY over in the most uncomfortable way possible, Jesse will be on her back, Stampy will be whatever on top of Jesse, Stacy will be, uh, on her side? is that the plan for her?"

"Uh, I don't actually know." Jesse admits, "did you have any real preference, Petra?"

"On her side would probably be the easiest for both you and me." Petra thinks out loud "that way she can lean her head over you for the spiderman kiss, while I have easy pussy access."

"Okay, I just pictured her being on hands and knees, where her face would be positioned directly over mine so I wouldn't have to crank my neck way over to one side, but we could do it the other way if you'd rather that." Jesse shrugs.

"If you'd rather she be on her hands and knees, you've got it." Petra just gives it away.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to be uncomfortable at all." Jesse hesitates from just taking it.

"I will make it work." Petra promises "you just enjoy yourself."

"Okay, thanks, Petra." Jesse nods her appreciation.

"So Stacy's on her hands and knees, and Petra's doing whatever to fuck her." Lukas finishes "alright, everybody, sounds like a plan."

"At last." Ivor heaves "may we finally construct this... monstrosity of perversion?"

"Actually, I am wondering about one thing." Jesse mentions.

"Ooh! please, do tell." Lukas is interested.

"I'm just wondering if Ivor should bother to pull out or not, since we never actually presented the terms and conditions that Stampy and Stacy got to Lizzie." Jesse assesses.

"I'm a scientist..." Ivor rolls his eyes "the practice of 'pulling out' has been scientifically shown to NOT WORK, so I may as well not, as we risk pregnancy anyway."

"Ha! as if." Petra scoffs "pulling out worrrks, it'll be fine, so long as you're not fucking stupid about it."

"And how do I go about being smart about it?" Ivor questions.

"You fucking pull out BEFORE you cum." Petra rolls her eyes "jesus becus, Ivor."

"But that's not how-!" Ivor starts.

"I'm sure it'll be fine, everyone." Lukas stops the bickering "I mean, even if Lizzie does get pregnant, why do we care?"

"Hrm, true..." Petra and Ivor both agree.

"Yeah, and I mean, the odds of it are already pretty slim, like, Ivor's probably not packing as much as he was a decade or two ago anyways, so we're looking pretty good in the long run." Jesse concurs.

"Though it is a FACT that pulling out works." Petra pushes "if he does that, then we'd really be good."

"It, does _not,_ _ **work...!**_ " Ivor growls.

"Who, gives, a shit!?" Lukas breaks them up again.

"Yeah, guys, it's really not even our problem, so let's just leave it alone and get with the party, okay?" Jesse suggests.

"Lets." Ivor immediately agrees.

"Okay, Jesse." Petra also agrees.

"We really need to finish up Stampy's 'interrogation' before Cassie gets suspicious and does something... unfortunate." Ivor continues.

"Tsk! crossed that bridge when you went out to get Lizzie." Jesse scoffs.

Ivor narrows his eyes, "I am aware of that, I simply mean that we should at least try to finish before she crosses the bridge a second time."

"Hey, uh, Jesse?" Lukas starts.

"Yessssss, Lukas?" Jesse acknowledges.

"Can we, uh, just, like, KILL Cassie? please?" Lukas requests "she's been really crazy, and it's been pissing me off, it would be... especially sweet, after her little stunt with Ivor AND the constantly accusing me."

"Oh, she'll die, after all of this has blown over." Jesse assures, "but first we need her to stick around so A: Dan won't freak out because there's no one left outside to take the fall instead of him, and B: so when we get out of here she'll give her testimony backing us all up and asserting that Dan was the killer." she explains, "after the dust settles and the case is closed, we'll sneak into her house at night and she, will die slowly for what she's done."

"Yessssssssssssssssssssssss...!" Lukas, Ivor, and Petra all hiss excitedly.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the door, Cassie's... heart... stops.

With TERROR.

 ** _New poll, everybody!_**

"What will Cassie do now that she's overheard the entirety of Jesse's plan?" - Indeed! Cassie now knows that there are no interrogations, instead Jesse is plotting to kill Dan, pin the murders on him, and play her, Cassie, _the fool!_ With the intention of murdering her as well later! This valuable information (naturally) has the power to shift and twist Cassie's entire view and understanding of the situation. She, must, do, something!

Following our "vote for 1/3 of the options" general rule, you can cast two votes for any of the six provided choices. Enjoy!


	33. Chapter 32: Checking the List

**Chapter 32: Checking the List.**

"So we all good then? nothing else we need to cover?" Lukas asks.

Ivor shakes his head.

Petra shrugs, "Dunno."

"I... think, that should be about good." Jesse can't think of anything else.

"Alright, shall we announce the news to the sexslave-fucktoys?" Lukas suggests.

"We can hear you." Stacy reminds them.

"I can't!" Dan shouts, having heard Stacy.

"Ohhh-ho-ho-ho-ho...!" Stampy can't help but laugh back at Dan "you don't WANT to know!"

Dan's face goes pale with fear.

"ENOUGH!" Lizzie finally snaps, breaking her long streak of silence "j-just tell us what to do already, so we can do it and get out!"

"Well, you still wouldn't be able to get out until morning anyways." Jesse points out, "but, we are ready to announce the... positions."

"Then announce them, so we can get this over with." Lizzie demands.

"Okay, okay, everybody ready to hear how we're gonna do it?" Jesse calls everyone's attention.

"YES!" Dan wants them to end the horrible suspense.

"Well, you better fucking be, 'cause I only wanna have to say this once." Jesse waves Dan off, "Ivor, will stand, and fuck you, Lizzie, hard in the pussy, and grope your tits, you'll be bent over and have your hands on Dan's back to prop you up while you simultaneously make out with sexy, sexy Lukas, while he fucks Dan silly in the ass some more, and Dan will also have his head all way down super uncomfortably so I can rip and touch all up on his hair, while I do that, I'll be lying on my back getting my brains fucked out by Stampy while I spiderman make out with Stacy, who'll be on all fours getting pounded by Petra, who, at the same time, will be slanderizing the living hell out of Dan from across the room!" Jesse declares, "any questions?"

Silence.

Dan very slowly raises his hand.

"Yes, lowest grade fucktoy?" Jesse calls him out.

"I-I-IIIIII..." Dan hesitates "o-only h-h-have, w-w-w-one que-question...!"

"Well, what the fuck is that?" Jesse questions, "was I not clear enough with my description?"

Dan shakes his head.

Jesse frowns.

" _What?_ " she asks again.

Dan takes a long, deep breath.

"..." he holds it for a second "... _ **WHY!?**_ "

"...this question, is not valid, next time you raise your hand, it better be for a good reason." Jesse dismisses, then turns to the other sexslave-fucktoys, "do the rest of you understand properly? or do we need Lukas to draw up a fucking diagram in his journal for you?"

"Ohhh, they don't want me to do that...!" Lukas hisses as he takes out his journal and strokes it lovingly "they'd never unsee all the dark secrets my baby contains."

"I UNDERSTAND." Stampy wants that journal to stay shut.

"Got it." Stacy nods.

Silence.

"Lizzie...?" Jesse starts, "you _do_ understand, don't you? you have a very simple position to fill, after all."

"MM-HM, MM-HM." Lizzie nods rapidly.

"Gooooood." Jesse nods, "so, are we all just about ready to begin?"

"YES." Stampy.

"Yes." Stacy.

"Mm-hm..." Lizzie.

"WHY!?" Dan.

"Dan, what did I just fucking tell you about that question!?" Jesse's getting pissed off.

"I neeeeeeeeeeeed to know...!" Dan whines "I spent so much time being appalled by what you're doing to us, that I didn't even think until now about THE REASON behind you doing it, so I need an answer: why are you tormenting us!?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Jesse replies, "we get off on it, each and every one of us four thirsts and craves after the suffering and distress of others, if we were to go without it, we would quickly become bored and unhappy, it's just the same as why anyone would do anything else they enjoy, we don't do it because we need to, or because others would look favorably upon us for it, we do it because it's fun shit, that's all the reason we need, and that's the only reason you're getting."

"B-but that doesn't answer me!" Dan protests "WHY do you enjoy it!? what could have possibly happened to you in your lives that would make you enjoy bringing harm to others!?"

"Nothing." Jesse shrugs, "for me and Petra anyway, we were simply born like this, I suppose Ivor and Lukas may have eventful backstories relating to it, though."

"I enjoy torment for the same reason I enjoy fucking your ass, Dan." Lukas answers "because my brain is hardwired to pressure sensors that emit feelings of pleasure when stimulated, one method of stimulation is fucking, another is tormenting, so when I'm fucking AND tormenting, like I am tonight, I get a very... special, level of pleasure."

"Ah, very... sciency, Lukas." Ivor nods "I appreciate that."

"It pretty much translates to 'was born this way', right, Jesse?" Petra points out.

"Oh yeah, just phrased in a way that makes Dan feel like he's actually getting more information." Jesse snickers.

"And you, Ivor?" Petra inquires.

Ivor's silent.

"You don't have to say, especially not in front of this fuckwhore-dumbshit." Jesse tries to give Ivor an out, gesturing to Dan, "if you'd like you could just keep it to yourself, or save it to tell us in private later, okay? but don't feel obligated to share it just because a motherfucking sexslave-fucktoy of all things asked, he can fucking go to the grave without his answer for all I care."

"Thank you, Jesse." Ivor acknowledges "it is a... long and... tedious... series of events, concerning most of my lifespan, I do not feel comfortable nor eager to relay such personal information to the... lowest level of human worth."

"Okay." Jesse nods, then turns back to the lowest level of human worth, "there's your answers, fun, weren't they?"

"NO!" Dan cries, miserable "that was completely unsatisfying!"

"Unlike your ass." Lukas jokes.

"Well, you were the one who bothered to ask." Jesse shrugs, "maybe next time you should pick a more satisfying topic?"

"Like your ass." Petra's an asshole.

"HA." Stampy laughs, his voice really high-pitched and cartoony.

"Are we finally good to start now?" Jesse asks the room.

"I've been ready since before we brought Dan in." Stacy remarks.

Everybody else signals their agreement.

Except for Dan.

"...that's a yes." Ivor claims.

"O- _kay!_ " Jesse cheers, "let's fuck this bitch!"


	34. Chapter 33: Fuckin' Dis' Bitch

**Chapter 33: Fuckin' Dis Bitch.**

"You want to be the first in position, Jesse?" Lukas offers.

"Oh, yes _please!_ " Jesse obliges, plopping herself down on the carpet in the middle of the room, "now, who wants to connect to me first?"

"OOH, we're putting the puzzle together!" Petra's excited.

"WHOA!" Lukas' eyes go wide "hold on a second! stop, stop, stop! we can't start yet!"

" _Why?_ " Jesse sits up urgently.

"Because..." Lukas stands tall and proud "I wanted to say a few words before we begin."

"Oh! well then, by all means!" Jesse encourages, getting back to her feet to better view the speech.

"Now, as I'm sure most of you are aware, this is going to be my very first fuckpuzzle." Lukas starts "I have heard, from a certain pair of sisters, that it is, the best shit."

"WHOO! damn straight! go, those girls!" Petra cheers.

"And I just wanted to take this moment to say thank you." Lukas continues "...but not, to the sexslave-fucktoys of course, for they had no say in the matter and if they did would have protested it, so to you sexslave-fucktoys, fuck you, and I will fuck you, with all of my heart, and all of my dick."

"But not meee!" Stampy laughs.

"I, sincerely hope, that when all of this is over, you will all die, yeah, I do, painful deaths, or even better, live miserably in a hole, unable to ever erase the memories of our encounter from your past." Lukas seriously pushes it "I hope, that one day, your children, should you pathetic, lowlife scum ever manage to breed any, are also, raped in a fuckpuzzle, by my children, or my apprentices, or best yet, myself." he grins "when I am, Ivor's age."

"May you live longer than I have." Ivor fucking loves Lukas.

"See, Petra!?" Jesse excitedly turns to her sister, "Lukas DOES love the fuck out of shit talking the sexslave-fucktoys! he just gets all of it done BEFORE he fucks their broken, pathetic asses! but it all has the same effect!"

"*GAAASP*!" Petra breaks into her widest grin, "TRUE SEX LIVES!" she cheers.

"Now that I have my message to you four out of the way..." Lukas turns away from the sexslave-fucktoys and to his gang members "I would like to thank all three of you, so, so much, for your love, your trust, your acceptance and inclusion, and all these wondrous new experiences you bring me."

"WHOO! WE'RE THE FUCKING SHIT!" Jesse cheers.

"I thank you, Ivor, for your wisdom and guidance." Lukas starts doing personal things "your advice has made assimilating into this group easy for me, and your selflessness in distracting the other sheep has bought me time to enjoy these activities without interruption."

"You're very welcome, young Lukas." Ivor bows.

"And I thank you, Petra, for your... strength, and your... fun." Lukas had a very weak idea of what to say about Petra.

"That's what the Petra is all about." Petra nods smugly.

"And of course, above all others, I thank, YOU, Jesse." Lukas finishes "for everything, ranging from your leadership skills, to your dedication, to your generosity-"

"GENEROSITY!?" Dan can't believe his ears.

"-to your adorable, evil sneer that brightens up my day every time I see it." Lukas really finishes, but keeps going "it's thanks to you that I now have three great friends, it's thanks to you that I was able to experience a gender ass comparison tonight, and it's thanks to you, in multiple ways, that I am given the opportunity to enjoy your greatest creation, the fuckpuzzle, tonight as well, before we begin, I just, really wanted to say, and express to you, in the closing words of my speech: I'm really excited to be a part of this."

"Thank you, thank you!" Jesse does multiple small bows from side to side, then stands straight, "none of this would have been possible without you either, Lukas, thanks to you, we get famous ass tonight, and I can honestly say, that I very, VERY highly doubt that we ever would have gotten to bed Dan the Diamond Minecart, LDShadowLady, StacyPlays, and of course, my precious, favorite Stampy Cat, if we were in your absence, you have brought all three of us so much happiness and fulfillment ever since we met you in that mansion all those weeks ago, we were so content with our lives before then, and I honestly had a hard time thinking of how things could get much better, but you, Lukas, you were the one thing missing, you complete our group and compliment the rest of us in so many ways, and I never, ever want to go back to how things were without you, not because they were bad, but because you are just that incredible, and you are, in every sense of the word, welcome, in our group, in our lives, for thanking us, and, last but not least, in, our, fuckpuzzle."

"YAY LUKAS!" Petra applauds.

"Awww, thanks, you guys." Lukas is touched "would you like to lie back down again, Jesse? so we can get this started?"

"Oh, of course, of course..." Jesse nods, setting herself back down in her previous spot, "who next?"

"Stampy Cat?" Lukas suggests.

"ALREADY!?" Stampy whines "second in!?"

"The guy who doesn't connect to anybody else? sounds good to me!" Jesse agrees, "hop on, Stampy!"

"Balls deep, my man." Lukas encourages.

"Fuck! her! fuck! her!" Petra chants.

All eyes on Stampy.

Stampy frowns, then looks at Stacy.

Stacy slowly nods.

Stampy whimpers as he steps around to Jesse's feet.

"Throw him his hoodie!" Jesse cheers.

Stacy calmly picks up Stampy's hoodie before anyone else can get their grubby hands on it, she walks over and presents it to her boyfriend.

Stampy sighs as he takes his beloved hoodie, pulls it over his head, flips the hood up so he has the cat face, and turns back to Jesse.

"Knock-knock." Jesse grins.

"..." Stampy just frowns, he knows this is bad "who's... there...?"

"A better question would be: why am I knocking when I'm the one inside the house?" Jesse giggles "don't worry though, I'll let you... COME INSIDE!"

She spreads her legs out for him.

Stampy knew it would be something like that.

"Here comes that contest-winning DICK." Petra calls.

Stampy is on the verge of just breaking down and crying as he gets down on his knees, leaning over onto his hands above Jesse, looking down into her cruel, gleeful eyes.

"What... *gulp*..." Stampy has to force the words "...about the pregnancy risk issue?"

"Pulling out works." Jesse assures "just do that, cum on my tits, it'll be hot, and safe."

"...I am so not happy with this." Stampy mutters, angry, as he finally thrusts his mostly-soft dick up Jesse's eager pussy.

"OOMPH!" Petra pumps "OH YEAH!"

"How is it, Jesse!?" Lukas calls.

"It's fucking sexy shit!" Jesse's totally into it, "fuck me harder, Stampy Cat!"

"Make meowy cat noises!" Petra demands.

"And YOU...!" Ivor points at Stacy "get down and start with the smoochums!"

Stacy does as she knew she'd have to, getting down on her hands and knees so that her head was parallel with Jesse's, but upside down.

" _Ohhhh, yeah...!_ " Jesse's having the time of her life, "come on, Stace, it's time for the three of us to finally do what we've been waiting for all day!"

"Make sure you give her a lot of tongue!" Petra orders Stacy.

Stacy visibly shudders as she closes her eyes, droops down, and locks lips with Jesse upside-down, finally shutting up our villain.

"Mmmm! _mm!_ " our villain doesn't actually shut up.

"TIME FOR PETRA!" Petra cheers as she stomps over and takes her place behind Stacy "let's fuck that pussy pussy's pussy's pussy!" she points at Stampy Cat.

Jesse reaches her hands up into the air, making clawing, grabbing movements.

"You're up, assfuck boy." Ivor informs Dan.

Dan doesn't wanna fucking do it, so Ivor and Lukas forcibly grab and shove him down, sending his soft, luxurious, incredibly well cared for, blue locks, into the Hispanic woman's ferocious grasp.

"YEEEEEEAAAOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Dan howls as Jesse pulls tuffs of his hair out of his scalp.

"Hey, Dan!" Lukas calls "guess what my favorite type of video game is!?"

"World simulators!?" Dan guesses.

"Ooh! fuck games!" Petra calls.

"Neither!" Lukas shakes his head, "PLUG AND PLAY." he rams his cock up Dan's ass once more.

" _AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!_ " Dan is in hell.

"OOOOOOH, YES!" Lukas certainly isn't.

"Now place your hands onto the Diamond Minecart's back, and prepare for me to enter you." Ivor instructs Lizzie.

Shaking, but determined, Lizzie obeys, placing her weight onto uncomfortable places along Dan's spine, increasing his agony.

She closes her eyes, and silently swears revenge on these people one day, as she prepares to feel the gross, horrid sensation of slimy old man dick slipping into her, taking... her virginity.

Taking, ALL the virginity.

She gasps as she feels it happen, and the precious fuckpuzzle that Jesse had been building them all up to over the course of this horrible night, was finally complete.

 **Poll Results!**

"What will Cassie do now that she's overheard the entirety of Jesse's plan?"

1\. Flip her shit and go completely insane upon the realization. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

2\. Charge in to revive Lizzie's revolution. 1 Vote(s). (50%)

3\. Run away and try to escape the mansion. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

4\. Stay where she is and just watch the fuckpuzzle happen. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

5\. Spring all the traps she has in the room in a desperate bid to kill everyone before going in there to fight any survivors. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

6\. Something totally unexpected. Not terribly unlikely, this is Cassie we're talking about here. 1 Vote(s). (50%)

Total Votes: 2.

Total Voters: 1.

Aw, sorry, man! Thank you so much for voting, but unfortunately neither of your choices were correct. The sad, hard truth is: Cassie ain't going nowhere, and the only thing she's planning to do is watch this beast of sexual activity run it's course.

But luckily, we have a new poll! And good news: there is no being wrong here! That's right, we're holding an opinionated poll. We primarily hold prediction polls, but we haven't forgotten the fun of simple opinion. This time, we want to know which sexslave-fucktoy you think has it worst! (Based on their decided positions and treatment.) Stampy, Stacy, Dan, or Lizzie. One vote. Four choices. All fun! Also, don't be afraid to leave a review detailing _why_ you believe your chosen hero has it hardest. (Literally, OR figuratively.)


	35. Chapter-Rule 34: the Climax

**Chapter/Rule 34: the Climax.**

"Hey, Jesse!" Petra calls "everybody's going now!"

"MM-HMM!" Jesse's pleased.

 _Don't be aroused, don't be aroused, don't be aroused...!_ Stampy orders himself as he looks down at Jesse's body, _If I never get turned on, then not only will this suck for Jesse, but it'll be complete and utter PROOF of my devotion to Stacy! I can't wait for her to find out that I never even got hard while fucking Jesse, that'll be the icing on my nummy cake... and the BEST PART: she won't get -_

Just then, Jesse snaps her legs closed around Stampy's waist, pulling him closer against her with her strong leg muscles that can overpower his entire body.

Using nothing but her lower limbs, the psychotic leader forces Stampy back and forth, thrusting him into her much harder than he had been doing, Stampy didn't even need to do anything, Jesse was driving their sex all by herself!

 _I'm like... a sex toy!_ Stampy realizes, shocked, but his shock quickly turns to horror as he feels himself becoming hard due to stimulation alone, which makes Jesse only intensify their fucking, which creates more stimulation, which makes his dick even harder, and keeps them going in this new, horrible loop!

It's not horrible for Jesse, however, who's bursting with ecstasy, she had finally done it, she had succeeded in bedding Stampy and Stacy, and now with Dan's hair to boot! this was, perhaps, the highest moment of her entire life.

And she wasn't alone.

"MMMMMM, fucking yes!" Lukas expresses his pleasure at Round 2 with Dan's booty.

"I had forgotten what this was like...!" Ivor breathes, shocked at how much he was enjoying himself.

"YEAH! FUCK YOU RIGHT IN THE PUSSY, WORTHLESS SHITWHORE! BEG TO ME TO FUCK YOU HARDER, IT'S ALL YOU HAVE LEFT IN THIS WORLD YOU PATHETIC COCK-HUNGRY-SUBBIE-FUCK!" Petra shouts "...Dan."

None of the sexslave-fucktoys are enjoying themselves in the least.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the door...

Cassie listens intently to all the shouting, her eyes wide and disturbed.

"I...!" she gasps as she shakes "I can't take this anymore! I, HAVE, TO, SEE!"

 _Crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak...!_ Cassie slowly opens the door a crack, leaning the top of her head over to peek her terrified little eyes inside. She was scared, but unable to stop herself from attempting to witness the mysterious-yet-terrible 'fuckpuzzle' she's been hearing these monsters speak of.

It was more terrifying than she ever imagined.

Straight ahead of her she could see Lukas' and Ivor's asses, completely untouched and unviolated as they plow into Dan and Lizzie respectively, Lizzie's hands were digging into Dan's back, Cassie could tell that must hurt, but not as much as what Jesse was doing to his hair just a little further away. And Jesse, Cassie could barely see her, but she knew who it was thanks to the Hispanic woman's skin tone, she was on her back, legs around poor Stampy Cat, forcing him onto herself as he cried and let it happen, it was difficult to tell what was happening with Stacy and Petra, but they were there too, furthest away.

Cassie's teeth grinded, her heartbeat sped up, her limbs became wobbly, this was the most twisted, painful, perversion of human nature and sexuality she had ever seen.

 _I may have been the killer, I may have killed people before and had been planning on killing all of these people tonight, but even so, I would NEVER, DO, THIS._ Cassie thinks, _These people, Jesse, Ivor, Petra, and... Lukas... they are all WORSE than me, why were they even here tonight!? I never invited them, they just, showed up and screwed over everything I had planned! and now there they are, making BIGGER VICTIMS out of the people that I had planned to victimize tonight!_

"Hm?" Lukas suddenly notices... something very interesting, "HA! hey, guys!" he calls "guess what!?"

"DAN'S YOUR BITCH!?" Petra roars.

"Well, yes." Lukas nods "but more shockingly, he LIKES it! _**his dick is hard again.**_ "

Lukas grabs Dan's dick and pulls it out of hiding from between his legs, "Have you learnt to love this, Danny-Boy?" the blonde sadist questions.

Dan doesn't answer, he just wanted to die, the reason why his dick got hard is only because he's focusing as much as he can on the fact that Lizzie's right above him, naked, and the fantasy that it is in fact he, not Ivor, pounding into her right now, but as you can see, this strategy, backfired, it backfired even harder than the effect it had on his junk which caused the backfire.

"Oh... my... god." Petra legitimately can't believe this "he broke THAT fast!?"

"Seems to me like you should..." Ivor starts "...step it up."

"With pleasure...!" Lukas grins evilly "...for me."

"*gasssp*!" Cassie chokes as she watches Lukas start fucking Dan's ass more violently.

"Ow! ow! ow! ow! ow! ow! JUS-S-ST ST-T-T-TO-O-O-P!" Dan cries out for mercy, but Lukas does not have any mercy in his small, dark, broken soul.

"How long will this last...!?" Cassie mutters to herself "oh, the humanit-" she of all people is about to start lamenting humanity.

"I...! CAN'T...! HOLD IT...!" Ivor stresses, and then promptly climaxes inside Lizzie, not pulling out.

"EWWW!" Lizzie can't fucking take this "WHAT THE FUCK!?"

"Whether or not I pulled out would have made no difference." Ivor states coldly "at least, this way, I enjoy it more."

"Speaking of enjoying things more, I almost forgot about kissing you, baby!" Lukas realizes, he leans in and forces his lips upon Lizzie, who is still pissed as fuck and quite unwilling.

"Jesse!" Petra calls to report "first cumshot of the puzzle just happened, Ivor, over!"

"MM- _HMMMM!_ " Jesse approves this.

"Well, that was pretty fun." Ivor nods, satisfied "I think I'll just go rest now." he finally pulls out, turns away, and goes to sit down, not noticing Cassie's peeking little face.

"I know I'm playing a dangerous game...!" Cassie breathes to herself, acknowledging how fucking close she just was to being discovered "but, no matter how much I try, I, just, can't, stop, watching!"

"Hey...!" Lukas pulls apart from Lizzie for a second "nobody's... fucked your ass yet, have they?"

Lizzie's eyes go wide, "Don't even-!" she starts to protest.

"Upsie-daisy!" Lukas laughs, grabbing her, turning her around, lifting her, and dumping her all piggy-back on Dan.

"Lizzie...!?" Dan's also afraid.

"Oomph! oomph! oomph! oomph! oomph! oomph!" Lukas starts switching between the two would-be lovebirds Jesse had tried to pair up, thrust into Dan, pull out, thrust into Lizzie, pull out, repeat.

"Jesse! Petra!" Lukas cries out in joy "I'm doing the contest all over again! IT'S AMAZING!"

"LET ME FUCKING SEE!" Petra leans over to look "HOLY SHIT THAT LOOKS HOT."

"MMMM!" Jesse pulls her face away from Stacy's and cranes her neck to look over at them, "fucking sweet! good job, Lukas!"

" _ **AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**_ " Lizzie screams in pain as Lukas goes way too fucking hard off the bat, "STOP! NO MORE!" she tries to straight-up quit.

"She has the same conditions as us, doesn't she!?" Stacy hisses to Jesse.

" _Yeah!_ and all the rest of you fuckthings!" Jesse laughs then ducks her head closer to Stacy to whisper, "no! we decided that she'll just be another Dan, only without getting fucked over and killed in the end! now don't say anything about it out loud again!"

"FUK DEM BITCHAS GUD, LOOKIS!" Petra cheers.

"I QUIT! GET AWAY FROM ME!" Lizzie shouts, trying to elbow and kick back at Lukas.

"IF YOU QUIT WE RAPE YOU BY FORCE AND KILL YOU AFTER, JUST WAIT IT OUT, LIZ!" Jesse tries to defuse the situation.

"I'M WITH YOU, LIZZIE!" Dan calls out.

 _RIIIP!_ Jesse tears out a big chunk of his hair.

"YEEEOOOWWWSAAA!" Dan cringes, going limp "AWWW! THE PAIN! DA PAYNE...!"

Lizzie bites her lip, shuts her eyes, and tries to just wait it out, understanding that her resistance would indeed just result in her death.

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Petra is seriously turned on by the failed revolution and Dan's suffering, she had also been getting more and more aroused from just watching Lukas fuck their little celebrity asses "HOLY SHIT YES! SAY IT AGAIN, LITTLE FUCKTOY!"

"Daaa paaayne...!" Dan whimpers.

"URRRRRRGH!" Petra's a climaxing asshole, she then falls flat on her back, leaving Stacy no longer currently connected to anyone "whoooooooooooo! that was GREAT!"

"Stace! keep it up!" Jesse urges, "also, meow while you fuck me with your cat dick, Stampy."

Stacy rolls her eyes and goes back to kissing Jesse, happy that at least Petra's done.

"M-m-meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooow!" Stampy has to force himself, the meow is long, lopsided, and unnatural.

"Mwah! more, Stampy! mmm!" Jesse isn't satisfied yet, stopping and continuing the Stacy makeout session to give him the message.

"Me-ow! meow! meeeooow! meeeeeeeeeeee-ow-ow-ow-ow!" Stampy starts spazzing out "MEOW-MEOW-MEOW-MEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMOWMWOWMWO-!"

"MMMMMPH!" Jesse's hardcore getting off to that shit.

"MAN! WOMAN! MAN! WOMAN! MAN! WOMAN! MAN! WO-MAAAAAAAAAAAAN! _**MAN!**_ " Lukas starts to cum inside Lizzie but quickly switches over so that Dan takes the majority, spilling a bunch of it all over his balls _exactly the same as before_ "ahhh yeah, there we go..."

"All is right in the world." Petra states with a big, relaxed smile on her face.

Cassie gapes at what she had just witnessed, having had the PERFECT VIEW of Lukas' actions, and then hearing 'all is right in the world'.

"Hey, Jesse!" Lukas grins down at her "want me to make Lizzie start sucking your tits!? we like, barely kissed at all, so I don't know if it counts."

"Mmmm... MM-HMMM!" Jesse thinks about it, figures it's just fucking kissing anyway, and gives him a thumbs up.

Lizzie gasps, forcing herself to resist protesting again, as Lukas slings her off of Dan and places her down between Dan and Stacy, positioning her over Jesse's boobs, which she, slowly and regretfully, begins to pleasure.

"I'm enjoying how, even though WE drop out of it, the sexslave-fucktoys are simply moved along to a new connection." Ivor remarks "is that how it usually goes?"

"YOU KNOW IT." Petra confirms "what else is there to do with 'em!? let them fucking sit out!? NO, not unless they've already been used in every asset."

"Wow, Jesse! you're laying there, by yourself, connected to ALL FOUR sexslave-fucktoys!" Lukas points out "that must be some sexy shit!"

" _MM-HMM!_ " Jesse fucking loves it.

"N-n-n-no-no-no-no-NOOOOOO!" Stampy cries, heartbroken, as Jesse's forceful, rapey, unsexy driving of their sex actually manages to make HIM climax first, in a desperate bid to stop himself from cumming inside her and face almost certain pregnancy, Stampy takes the only course of action his panicked mind can rush to in time: he knows her legs aren't going to fucking budge, so instead he forces himself forward _through_ them and further up on top of Jesse, tugging out his cock and bringing it swinging forward as well in the process, where, with a terrified squeak from him, it proceeds to blow his load all over Jesse's, Stacy's, and Lizzie's faces.

"STAMPY!?" Stacy shrieks in surprise.

" _ **EEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!**_ " Lizzie has had fucking enough, she now has cum all over her face, ass, and pussy, from three different men, one of which, is STAMPY CAT.

" _ **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**_ " Dan screams, devastated at the sight of STAMPY CAT blowing his big one all over his (Stampy's) girlfriend, his (Stampy's) OTHER girlfriend, and HIS (Dan's) desired girlfriend.

 _SLAP!_ Cassie slams her hand over her mouth in horror.

This was Dan's lowest point so far...

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!" ...and it's also Jesse's highest, as the devious leader's literally the only one remaining in the fuckpuzzle who's turned on by this, and she cums hard too, her eyes rolling into the back of her head super-freakily.

"THERE! ALL DONE!" Lizzie shouts, rising to her feet and throwing out her arms "each of you miserable bastards have finished, and even one of us FUCKTOYS!" she growls furiously at Stampy "I've held my part of the deal, this, sex, is, OVER!"

 **Poll Results!**

"Which sexslave-fucktoy is having the most miserable, most agonizing, most embarrassing time of all?"

1\. Stampy. Forced to stick his dick in crazy, and wearing his hoodie while doing it! 0 Vote(s). (0%)

2\. Stacy. Giving Jesse sugar while being manhandled by Petra. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

3\. Dan. Just... Dan. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

4\. Lizzie. Slimy old man dick taking all the virginity? Just kill me now! 0 Vote(s). (0%)

Total Votes: 0.

Total Voters: 0.

That's okay, we only had a mild curiosity for this. As for our opinion: Dan.

But we do have a new, much MORE interesting poll. "Which characters would you most like to see die?" OOH, now that's a fun one! We know from reviews that many of you would like to see everyone die, most especially Jesse. But as per our one-third choice system, you can vote for up to three people out of the nine remaining characters. Vote, now! Vote, now! We want to see!

 **END OF SEX ARC.**


	36. Chapter 35: Stampy's Secret

**BEGINNING OF ESCAPE ARC.**

 **Chapter 35: Stampy's Secret.**

"EEP." Cassie decides this is her time to bolt, she pulls the door almost closed again, but keeps just a tiny crack open for her ear.

"And it wuz gud." Petra muses.

"You can say that again." Lukas agrees.

"It was the first piece of ass I've gotten in over a thousand years." Ivor remarks, 'cause their days, and in turn, their years, are fucked, "I was practically a virgin once more."

(Dear readers, because we love you, we did the fucking math to figure out how long that really is:

24 hours = 20* minutes, therefore: 1,440 minutes = 20 minutes, therefore 1 unit of RLT (real life time) = 72 units of MCT (minecraft time), example, 1 RLT day = 72 MCT days

*We had earlier stated that Minecraft days were 17 minutes long, this is incorrect, I had read that daytime was 10m and nighttime 7m, I was unaware at the time that Sunset/Sunrise were separate from daytime and added 1.5m each.

365.25 RLT days in 1 RLT year = 26,298 MCT days in 1 RLT year

1,000 RLT years = 72,000 MCT years

We can now inverse the process of the last equation, and _divide_ 1,000 MCT years by 72 in order to learn it's equivalent in RLT years.

13.888888 RLT years = 1,000 MCT years, therefore: 5,073 RLT days = 1,000 MCT years

He has gone nearly fourteen RLT years without sex.)

"Ugggh, gross, gross, gross, gross...!" Lizzie hisses as she retrieves a spare map from her pile of clothes, using it to wipe away all the jizz from her body.

"Stampy? what was... that?" Stacy asks her boyfriend, gesturing to everything.

"I couldn't move, Stacy!" Stampy stresses, "she was holding me there, I couldn't just pull out like we planned! it was the only thing I could think to do! I didn't mean to hit you guys, but I couldn't just sit back and let it happen!" Stampy takes a breath, "she... she just couldn't get pregnant, under any circumstances..."

"Oh..." Stacy understands "alright then, it's cool."

"Oh, good..." Stampy's relieved, "did you wanna go get our stuff and get out now?"

"Yes." Stacy nods firmly "very much so."

"Okay." Stampy starts walking over to their piles of clothes, carefully pulling off his hoodie and placing it aside so he can put on his green shirt underneath it.

"Dan...?" Lukas starts softly, grinning as he leans over the crying mess "are you... okay, Dan? something got you down?"

Dan stops crying, but only so his eyes can go wide with immediate trauma, his entire body frozen as he listens to his worst tormentor.

"You know you don't have to cry anymore, Dan." Lukas soothes "it's over, we're all finished, you're going to... leave, soon."

"Go away..." Dan breathes.

"Excuse me?" Lukas' grin disappears, his eyes narrowing.

"GO, AWAY." Dan snaps "DON'T TALK TO ME AS IF WE'RE... WE'RE..."

"Lovers?" Lukas' grin returns.

"ANYTHING GOOD!" Dan finishes, distraught.

"Ooh, but we are something good." Lukas coos, loving the torment "we made beautiful, sweet love together, more than once if you'll recall."

"Dan! ignore him, just get up and get dressed!" Lizzie instructs while she reaffixes her skirt "the sooner we're all ready to head back out, the better!"

"Hey! sexslave-fucktoys don't give orders!" Petra protests.

"They do once the JOB IS DONE." Lizzie snarls, not giving an inch "I'm not your plaything anymore, that time's passed, from now on I'm Lizzie, a human being worthy of respect and dignity, and someone you are contractually obligated to protect."

"Damn, Lizzie doesn't fool around." Stacy's impressed, then turns to Stampy "I'll go throw my clothes on, be right back, 'K, sweetie?"

"Okay, baby." Stampy nods.

Stacy goes to gather her clothes, leaving Stampy pretty much alone in his little area of the room.

"Oh my god I can't wait to do this shit again...!" Jesse expresses as she gets to her feet, a grinning, wet, sweaty, sticky mess "each fuckpuzzle is better than the last."

"Yeah, I enjoyed it too, a lot more than I was expecting." Petra agrees, raising her hand "up high, sis?"

"To the motherfucking sky." Jesse hits Petra's hand with her own.

"ERRRRRRM." it burns Stampy up inside to see that sneaky bitch so pleased with herself, so far tonight most of his anger has been directed towards Dan, but that stunt he had to pull, and the fact that Jesse was a much bigger direct cause of tonight's misery, was finally making his anger towards her catch up.

 _She RAPED me! not even Dan has ever raped me! and she's repeatedly tried to bend or disregard the rules of our agreement, 'sorry, Stace, Lukas doesn't have to hold back', 'oh, don't worry, Stampy, we'll make sure the sex is safe', PAH! what a bunch of hooey! I hope the next group of people she does this to just kills her stupid gang, good riddance!_ he thinks as he gets dressed, finishing with angrily snatching his hoodie back up off the floor.

 _Clink-ding-dink._ the green enchanted flint and steel fall out of his hoodie's pocket, hitting the floor in full view of everyone.

 _ **BOOM.**_ instantly every single other person's eyes are on it.

"*gaaaaaassssssp*!" Stampy covers his mouth in horror at what he's done.

Jesse's gang seem mildly interested, but the other YouTubers are all staring in shock, most of all... Dan.

Stacy's shock is just over how HE JUST DROPPED THE THINGS IN FRONT OF EVERYONE, she already knew he had it.

"UMMM...!" Stampy starts sweating up a storm "wh-what the...!? how... how did THAT get in here!?" he pretends to gape in awe at his hoodie.

Dan's wide, shocked eyes, raise up from his stolen items, and narrow squarely on the deceitful cat burglar that wronged him so.

"Yooouuu...!" Dan grinds his teeth "I... _**knew,**_ it was you...!"

"Oh, did you now, Dan!?" Stampy screws his innocent act and gets aggressive "well, what are you gonna do about it, fuckboy!? offer your ass to me like you did Lukas!?"

" _ **I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!**_ " Dan screams as he grabs his nearby pants and pulls out a diamond sword "GIVE ME BACK WHAT'S MINE!"

" _Jesse!_ " Stampy calls, scurrying away, "Stacy!"

"Time to fuck his shit, guys." Jesse laughs.

"Al-right!" Petra cheers.

"What...!?" Dan's somehow surprised by this "are you crazy!? HE'S the thief! he might steal from you one day, help ME!"

"Sorry, Dan, but you see, we made an extra side deal with Stampy Cat." Lukas really wants to be the one to tell him "basically, you know the deal we made with you? total bullshit."

"It means nothing!" Jesse laughs.

"Our plan was to kill you from the start." Ivor adds coldly "after... using you, of course."

"W-WHA-AT!?" Dan stammers, growing terrified, at both his being outnumbered, and the realization that he took Lukas' cock for nothing.

"Oh, come on, Dan, it's pretty easy to understand." Jesse encourages, "you're just... never gonna leave, you'll die here, judged and found guilty of murdering TorqueDawg and Captain Sparklez, Stampy, Stacy, and Lizzie here will all go free, but you Dan, well, let's just say that _somebody_ has to take the fall."

"B-but I didn't kill them!" Dan protests "you'll be letting the real killer go free!"

"Sounds like an acceptable plan to me." Ivor shrugs "especially considering how... * _ **BOOM.**_ lightning bolt* _**I**_ _killed Captain Sparklez!_ "

"WHAAAT!?" Dan and Lizzie both gape.

"But you didn't have a button!" Lizzie points out.

"No, but my... acquaintance, did." Ivor snickers.

"I told you I never pushed my button." Lukas smirks "I just never said it wasn't my button that was pushed."

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!" Dan's getting really into the profanity "Cassie was right!"

"Yep, thanks for taking the fall for me, Dan." Lukas expresses his gratitude "by tomorrow, we'll have Cassie convinced that it was you, and it will be your name that she drags through the mud to the papers, I really can't express how much I owe you for this, it's thanks to your sacrifice that I'm going to go on to fuck another man's ass in the future, I hope he's as tight as you."

"Heh, dumb Cassie." Petra laughs "she got it right, but then she'll have it wrong, so dumb..."

"NEVER!" Cassie screams as she bursts through the door "it is YOU who has it wrong!"

"CASSIE!?" everybody reacts.

"How much did you see!?" Stacy questions.

"EVERYTHING! I saw the fuckpuzzle, I saw the... after the fuckpuzzle." she loses her groove.

"You did!?" Jesse gapes, not scared, or shocked, just frustrated "FUCK! if we knew you would just know about it anyway, then we could've just added you to it! we could've had a Petra sandwich!"

"SHITTY BITCH!" Petra curses "that would've been great!"

"Well... now I'll cut you! like a sandwich!" Cassie threatens, drawing her diamond ax "I've got your back, Dan!"

"Mmm..." Lukas hums "I'd like to cut some sandwiches and send them up into the sky."

"Then we'd have..." Jesse grins "heavenly sandwiches."

"SHUT UP!" Dan snaps, "for fuck's sake! just SHUT, THE, FUCK, UP! take us seriously, we're threatening you!" he then turns to Cassie "oh my god, thank you so much! I can never repay you for this, Cass."

"Gay." Petra's an asshole.

"Coming from the girl who just had lesbo sex." Cassie snarks "and wanted lesbo sex sandwich."

"Oh, you sassy bitch." Petra narrows her eyes.

"Well, I guess we'll be laying the blame on two people." Jesse shrugs "fine by me! we were going to kill you later on anyway, Cassie, just so you know."

"We hadn't forgotten what you almost did to me." Ivor growls.

"Stampy, Stacy, you two cutesies stay out of this, me and the gang will take care of the dweebs." Jesse offers, Petra handing her a diamond sword, all four of Jesse's gang were still naked as they arm themselves with diamond swords from Petra's armor heap.

"Tsk! fine by me." Stacy had been ready to kill Dan to protect Stampy, but this is fucking better.

"We'll just stay out of your way." Stampy agrees.

"LIZZAY!" Dan whines "are you with us!? PLEEEASE!"

"Come on, Liz!" Cassie urges "the revolution can still work out!"

"..." Lizzie silently bows her head, and steps away from them.

"Lizzie!?" they fret.

"Good girl!" Jesse chimes "I see someone who knows what they need to do to survive."

"Yes..." Lizzie nods "I must survive..."

"No...!" Dan whines "NOOOOOO-"

"And to do that, I must DO THIS!" _-twang!_ Lizzie suddenly whips out a bow and arrow, draws, and fires.

 _THWACK!_ the arrow embeds itself right into the middle of Petra's head.

"PETRA!?" Jesse's eyes stretch wide and her face flushes pale.

 **Poll Results!**

"Which characters would you most like to see die?"

1\. Jesse. 3 Vote(s). (37.5%)

2\. Petra. 3 Vote(s). (37.5%)

3\. Ivor. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

4\. Lukas. 2 Vote(s). (25%)

5\. Stampy. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

6\. Stacy. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

7\. Dan. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

8\. Lizzie. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

9\. Cassie. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

Total Votes: 8.

Total Voters: 3.

Wow! We all knew Jesse was king of the hate train, but now we see Petra is right up there too! How po-si-tively fa-ci-nating! Thank you all so much for voting! (Also, seems Ivor is the least hated out of Jesse's gang, but we gotta wonder, if you could vote for four, would he have gotten some votes, or is he the same as the fucktoys? Probably... the former.)

What an ending that one had, ey? Almost looks like you guys are getting what you want. XD Petra has been shot in the head by Lizzie, and now Jesse's gang are down a member! It's 3-on-3 next week as Jesse, Ivor, and Lukas take on Lizzie, Dan, and Cassie. But the big question on our mind (and our poll) is, "Which side will our heroes, Stampy and Stacy, decide to take?" The malicious but powerful Jesse's Gang, or the virtuous but disadvantaged return of Lizzie's Revolution!? Vote for your prediction now!


	37. Chapter 36: the Revolution Lives

**Chapter 36: the Revolution Lives.**

"OWWWWWW!" Petra screams, grabbing the sides of her head "HOLY FUCK CUNT THAT SHITS!"

"I CAN SAVE YOU!" Ivor declares, rushing over "don't yell! it'll only make it worse!"

"Lizzie...!?" Dan's face stretches with joy.

"They admitted they were planning to kill Cassie later, I have every reason to believe they would do the same to me." Lizzie explains that she's motivated by self-interest "plus, I want them dead for what they did to me."

"All of them!?" Dan asks gleefully "Stampy too!?"

"If he sides with them, then yes." Lizzie confirms.

"FUCK YOU, DAN! I HOPE THEY GRIND YOU INTO THE BLOODY DIRT!" Stampy barks at his nemesis.

"YOU _**DID**_ STEAL MY ENCHANTED FLINT AND STEEL!" Dan barks back "YOU LOOKED ME IN THE EYES, AND TOLD ME YOU DIDN'T!"

"THAT ONE'S ON YOU FOR BELIEVING ME!" Stampy spits.

"SO MUCH FOR THE HIGH AND MORAL STAMPY CAT! JUST DOING GOOD THINGS FOR PEOPLE WITHOUT EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN!" Dan roars "YOU'RE A LYING, THIEVING, MURDERING, EVIL SON OF A BITCH!"

"AND YOU FUCKING DESERVE ME!" Stampy returns, "DO YOU WANNA KNOW WHY I REALLY DID IT? WHY I REALLY SAVED YOU FROM LUKAS?"

"You wouldn't let it GO that you 'didn't' take it!" Dan snarls "sure! why did you really save me, since it WASN'T for the sake of being a good person!"

"I wanted to do the best job possible, I wanted to get Lukas to his motherfucking limit, so that when that glorious man fucks you hard and deep in the ass, he'd nearly kill you and make you regret ever fucking being born!" Stampy explains, "THAT'S why!"

Dan gapes, "A-are you RETARDED!? I wasn't the one he was going to fuck right after your little stunt, YOUR GIRLFRIEND was! you were getting him ready to nearly kill HER, don't you fucking realize that!?"

"Nuh-uh-uh, Dan!" Stampy waves his index finger, "I had my side deal, remember? that deal covered Stacy, none of them were allowed to hurt or disrespect either of us, so Lukas was gonna go nice and easy on her, she was pretty much a warm up for the rough fuck that was your turn."

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh...!" Dan squints his eyes furiously "you sneaky son of a-"

"AHA!" Ivor cheers, turning to Stampy "FANTASTIC JOB, kitten-man! you kept the fuckboy and his bitches distracted and talking long enough for me to fully recover Petra!"

"Thanks...!" Petra waves, okay again.

"Oh, it was my _pleasure...!_ " Stampy assures, bowing his head slightly to them.

"Stampy, stealing Dan's flint and steel was a bad thing to do, but it's nowhere near as bad as what these four have done." Lizzie does some god damn damage control "are you really sure that they're the lot you want to throw yourself in with? I don't want to fight you, Stampy, we should all work together to wipe Jesse's gang out of existence, so that they never, ever, EVER, hurt anyone like they've hurt us again, don't you think so?"

Her words do obviously get through to Stampy at least a little, his eyes widen slightly and he turns to look at Stacy.

Stacy's looking back at him, equally questioningly.

"HA! nice try, bitchwhore, but Stampy's mine all the way." Jesse boasts "he may act all nice, and sweet, and cute, and all that other 'Stampy Cat!' nonsense, but it's all fake! deep down, he's every bit as dark, twisted, and corrupt as the four of us are, hence why we get along so well! did you know that he didn't hesitate, not even for a second, to throw all the rest of you under the bus and ride the Jesse train out of here? your pleas are falling on deaf ears, and soon your begging will be silenced."

Stacy makes stabbing motions towards Jesse's naked back as a message to Stampy.

Stampy nods, then moves a diamond sword to his hot bar.

"That's fine! just one, or, uh, two more pieces of scum removed from Dan's beautiful world." Dan preaches "once we've taken out these four creeps, you're NEXT, Stampy! we'll slay you all!"

Stampy sends Lizzie a sympathetic look and tries to tell her with his eyes that he and Stacy have the same plan that she did with the surprise attacks.

"Come on! any one of you, just try it!" Cassie threatens, childishly waving her ax, it's far more embarrassing than intimidating.

"Urrrrrrrrrrrrgh..." Lizzie's tired of dealing with these idiots on her team.

 _SHING-_ "*gasp*...!" Jesse gapes with surprise and pain as Stacy suddenly ducks forward and stabs her in the back like they planned.

"JESSE!?" Petra's shocked.

"Ugh!" Stampy goes straight for their white mage, thrusting his sword towards Ivor.

"WHOA!" Lukas grunts as he catches Stampy's hand like a badass "what the fuck, Stamps!? Stace!?"

"Stampy is all MINE!" Stacy growls as she pulls Jesse away from the group, holding her hostage "kill the rest, Lizzie!"

"CHAR-!" Lizzie starts.

"WAIT!" Dan stops her "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!?"

"We're HELPING you!" Stacy growls, furious.

"Stace...!" Jesse gasps, her eyes shining with tears "w-why...!? we treated you so well, we were good, weren't we...?"

"Jesse, you're a monster." Stacy growls "and you need to be stopped."

"They've caught us with our pants down!" Petra freaks "what are we gonna do!?"

"A trade!" Lukas calls, taking Stampy's sword and putting it to the kitten-man's throat "give us Jesse, and we'll give you Stampy!"

"DEAL." Stacy is not fucking risking that game.

"DON'T!" Dan screams "let them kill him! they'll do it anyway, just take out Jesse, then it'll be four versus three, with us having the advantage!"

"Get meowing, kitty-cat." Lukas orders, allowing Stampy the ability to speak.

"Just do it! they'll need to heal Jesse anyways!" Stampy reasons, "even if they do still kill me, you'll have the upper hand!"

"LUKAS!" Jesse calls "whatever happens, don't kill Stampy!"

"What!?" Lukas, Ivor, Petra, and Dan react.

"I...!" Jesse heaves for breath "I... I love him..."

"Noooooo...!" Dan starts shaking his head.

"Really! just let him go, don't worry about me." Jesse pleads, then turns her big, shiny adorable eyes to Stacy "if you want to kill me, go ahead, you already broke my heart..."

"Awwwwwwwwwwww." Lukas, Ivor, and Petra are softies.

"...NO!" Stacy growls "no, no, no! don't do that! don't you fucking pull that shit now...!"

Jesse lets loose a single tear.

"...URRRRRRGH." Stacy feels her desire to kill slip away "you're horrible! be fucking horrible! for the first time I WANT you to do so, DO IT."

"Please just kill me..." Jesse cries.

"...SON OF A-!" Stacy roars, " _ **urgh!**_ " she kicks Jesse back into Petra's arms "now let go of Stampy!"

"Okay." Lukas lets Stampy go, complete with a pat on the head, on his hoodie.

"Stacy!" the kitty immediately flees back to his owner.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Dan stresses "YOU... RUINED IT!"

"I can't fucking believe I'm saying this...!" Stacy ignores him and continues to Jesse "I'm... SORRY, I take it back! we're partners again."

"YESSSSSSSSSSSS." Jesse hisses triumphantly "I fuckin' love you guys!"

Stampy just stares in awe, back and forth between Jesse and Stacy.

"GOD DAMN TRAITORS!" Dan snarls "I KNEW WE COULDN'T TRUST YOU!"

"Oh, fuck you, Dan!" Stacy snaps "you're a big part of why I flipped back, you didn't care about Stampy, you wanted him dead! if I didn't switch he'd be gone and you wouldn't care, you were probably planning on killing him after anyway!"

"What if we kill them and then Dan!?" Lizzie fucking offers "does that sound good to you two!?"

"WHAAAAAAT!?" Dan can't believe his ears.

"YOU GUYS, STOP IT!" Cassie flips out "the three of us, NO, the FIVE of us need to work together! they'll kill us all if we don't unite, we need to all focus on one, sole, common objective: KILLING LUKAS."

"You just don't stop, do you?" Lukas questions calmly "what did I ever do to you, Cassie? I mean, really, what was it?"

"You fucking killed Captain Sparklez, and I was right...!" Cassie hisses.

"That was MEEE!" Ivor stresses "stop stealing my cred, you ho! that's my rep you're steppin' on."

"FUCK, EVERY, SINGLE, PERSON, IN THIS ROOM BESIDES ME." Lizzie can't fucking take it anymore "all day, ALL, NIGHT, I have had to deal with YOUR whining, YOUR incompetence, YOUR flip-floppiness, YOUR deals, YOUR dicks, and ALL OF YOUR time-wasting mindless dribble! that is ENOUGH." she had gone from Dan to Cassie to Stacy/Stampy to Jesse/Petra to Ivor/Lukas and then all of them "YOU die, YOU die, YOU die, YOU die, YOU can die, YOU can die, and both of YOU can either fucking help me kill them, or you can ALSO hurry up and die!" she goes over all of Jesse's gang and then the lovebirds and then her teammates "at this point, BEST CASE SCENARIO for me, is I'm the only fucking person to walk out of this to live another day!"

Poor Lizzie, she's really not a bad person, but this is what she's been driven to.

"Lizzie...!" Dan sniffs "that... that really hurts!"

"Dan, are you going to be helpful, or are you gonna be a fucking pussy?" Lizzie states coldly "wipe away those useless tears, and get hacking with the weapons!"

"...*sniff*, okay." Dan fucking sucks it up for her "I'm ready, give me the order and I'll kill the fuck out of Stampy."

"I'd like to see you try!" Stacy hisses, pointing her sword at him, "come on, Stampy!" she drags her boyfriend behind her and leads him over so that they stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Jesse's gang.

"You _are_ going with them!? ERGH, fine!" Lizzie's annoyed "Cassie, you take Lukas and Petra, Dan, go ahead and claim your revenge on Stampy and Stacy, I'll take out their two most important people, the leader and the healer." she strategically sets it up so that she has by far the best chance of coming out alive "attack on my signal."

"You know, even with you guys making us outnumber them two-to-one, we're probably dead meat." Lukas comments to Stacy as he takes the lead beside her, armed with Stampy's sword "the four of us have no armor, and Jesse's hurt already, still, it's good to have you, thanks for double-betraying us, betraying the betrayal."

"Don't you ever fucking touch me again." Stacy rejects his friendliness "I'm doing this because Dan is a bitch, not because I like you."

"I like you." Stampy squeaks nervously.

"Ah! why thank you, Stampy, I like you back." Lukas flirts his eyebrows "sorry about threatening you, champ, heh, 'champ', I should call you Champy, fitting name, since you're da boss, seriously, dude, you own it."

"Uh..." Stampy doesn't know what the fuck, and part of him is seriously considering taking back what he just said, "...thanks?"

"You're welcome." Lukas grins "you've got a girlfriend with a freakin' amazing ass, cherish it, bro, you're a winner alright."

"...I'm sorry." Stampy just whispers to Stacy.

"Fuck..." Stacy heaves, whispering back "no matter what side we take, I find myself wishing we were suddenly on the opposite."

"..." Stampy can't help but glance down at that sweet, big ass Lukas just talked up.

 _...sweet._ Stampy shrugs, _I like her eyes better though._

"I wish we could just, like, NOT." Stacy stresses "but we have to be involved, as long as we're all trapped h-"

Just then, there's a long, hard, intense noise from outside, everybody turns to the window in surprise.

"Oh my god...!" Cassie breathes, dropping her fucking ax and running up to look at the outside world, seeing the sun rising and the army of zombies burning en masse "it's... it's morning! we wasted the entire night on this nonsense!"

The night of terror, has finally ended.

Now, for the MORNING OF DEATH.

 **Poll Results!**

"Which side will our heroes, Stampy and Stacy, decide to take?"

1\. Jesse's Gang! 0 Vote(s). (0%)

2\. Lizzie's Revolution! 2 Vote(s). (100%)

Total Votes: 2.

Total Voters: 2.

OOH, was that chapter ever twisty. At first it looked for sure like the voters were right that Stampy and Stacy were going to join Lizzie's Revolution, but then through the combined efforts of Jesse and Dan, they wound up siding with Jesse's Gang after all! Wow-oh-wow, what a show that was!

As for this week's poll, what do YOU think will happen now that the zombie army has burnt away to nothing, meaning our heroes (and villains!) are finally free to leave the titular Psycho Pumpkin Mansion? Vote now!


	38. Chapter 37: the Killer Revealed

**Chapter 37: the Killer Revealed.**

"MOVE." Lizzie orders, running over to see for herself, " _ermph!_ " she pushes Cassie out of the way.

" _Ahhh-_ OOF!" Cassie falls over onto her back, the impact shaking her inventory and making a few items spill out like Sonic the Hedgehog rings, one of which is a bright, white pumpkin mask, which rolls right to Lukas' and Stacy's feet.

"The fuck?" Lukas raises an eyebrow, he bends over and picks it up, examining the strange object.

" _ **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**_ " Cassie screams in horror as she sees him "CURSES, CURSES, CURSES! I've finally been exposed! FINE, I admit it! I, KILLED, TORQUEDAWG!"

"*GASSSP*!" everybody's legitimately surprised.

"It was YOU!?" Lizzie gapes "YOU'RE the killer!?"

"YES, YOU IDIOT!" Cassie snaps "you just caught me with the killer's fucking mask, did you not!? HELLO!? earth to fucking Lizzie!?"

"WE'VE NEVER FUCKING SEEN THIS IN OUR LIVES!" Lizzie points out, "we don't associate it with the killer at all!"

"...say what now?" Cassie's stunned "y-yes you have! the killer, the White Pumpkin, that's the killer's fucking name!"

"NOT AS FAR AS WE KNEW!" Lizzie stresses, "did you ever _hear_ any of us refer to them as that!? no! we've just been calling them 'the killer' all night! at what point would we have even had any indication that that's what the killer was called!? did you mean to drop it at some point with one of the traps or whatever and just fucking forgot!?"

"..." Cassie can't believe how much she just fucked herself over "...oh god..."

"HEY! i-if she's the killer, for real, then why don't we just kill her and forget about all the rest of this!?" Dan offers "none of the rest of us need to die, we'll just pin Sparklez' death on her as well."

"WHAT!?" Cassie gapes "Dan!? what the fuck!? I was the only one who came to your defense, you bastard!"

"You killed TorqueDawg!" Dan snaps.

"So what!? they killed Sparklez!" Cassie reminds him "everybody liked him, no one gave a shit about TorqueDawg, and they were WILLING to kill you even though you weren't guilty, AND THEY RAPED YOU, they're far worse people than I've ever been!"

"...yeah, you're right." Dan nods "I'm with you, sorry."

"Why did you even bother trying to kill us in the first place!?" Lizzie demands.

"I... uh..." Cassie shuffles nervously "I didn't do it for pleasure! that's important to note."

"Just fucking spit it out or you're done, Cassie!" Lizzie ain't takin' no bullshit.

"I wanted the fucking flint and steel, okay!?" Cassie admits.

"*BREATHES IN SHARPLY*...!" Dan reacts, his eyes stretching with immediate fury.

"I thought TorqueDawg might've had it, or at least ONE of you guys." Cassie continues "turns out, wasn't him, but I was still right! if I had just gotten to keep killing all of you idiots one-by-one I would've had it by the time Stampy Cat was put the fuck down."

"Wrong, bitch!" Stacy growls "if Stampy died, I would've just taken it!"

"Not if his shit was sucked up by my vacuums!" Cassie laughs "then it would be _MOINE!_ " she mispronounces the word 'mine' in a way that is typical of only our stupidest characters.

"It... was... MINE!" Dan breaks "NOBODY fucking touches it! I worked my ass off, I stormed the temple, I survived the traps, I recovered it, the enchanted flint and steel belongs, to, MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Click-clack!" Stampy teasingly taps Dan's flint and steel together.

"H-hey! I have a solution!" Cassie grins, sweating up a storm "how about, we just, uh, all SHARE the flint and steel!? the three of us, I mean, me, you Dan, and Lizzie! we're going to die if we don't work together, so why not split the reward!?"

"It, belongs, TO ME." Dan won't budge.

"I don't want anything to do with that fucking thing! people are just going to try to kill me for it! INCLUDING YOU!" Lizzie accuses.

"UH, okay!" Cassie accepts "it'll just be mine and Dan's then!"

"NO, IT, WON'T!" Dan turns his sword towards Cassie "IT'S, _ALL,_ _**MINE!**_ "

"It WAS all yours, now it's Stampy's!" Cassie argues "but with me, Dan, we can take it from Stampy, and make it OURS."

"She's just going to kill you after, Dan, she doesn't wanna fucking share it!" Lizzie has cut Cassie from their group.

"YES I DO!" Cassie claims "I was only killing people because they weren't sharing it! if Dan would share it with me, then I'd be happy with that, partial ownership is fine, I just didn't want zero ownership!"

"IT, WAS ALWAYS...!" Dan takes a really deep breath, " _ **...MIIIIIIIIIIIINE!**_ "

"...but, it could be ours?" Cassie asks meekly.

"FUCK, YOU!" Dan screams "I wouldn't even give you 1%!"

"Oh, fuck you, Dan!" Cassie growls "now I'll have to kill you!"

"I'll kill you first!" Dan hisses.

"That bitch just doesn't know when to stop making enemies, does she?" Petra asks.

"Dan! how much do you value this... trinket?" Ivor shuffles to the front of their group, asking with a serious, calculable expression.

"WITH MY FUCKING LIFE." Dan roars.

"Talk about possessive." Petra snarks "you know, the flint and steel has feelings too, maybe it likes Stampy, did you ever think of that? maybe that's why it allowed itself to be stolen by him."

Dan gapes, "...IT, DOESN'T, THINK!"

"That doesn't mean it doesn't feel." Jesse comments.

"Inanimate objects are 100% capable of feeling love." Ivor growls "that is a scientific FACT."

"Does the flint and steel have a name?" Lukas questions.

"NO!" Dan screams "IT'S A FUCKING OBJECT!"

"I think I will name you..." Stampy starts getting in on this, staring down at his little stolen precious, "Stampy Kitten."

"Alright then, excuse me please." Lukas pushes past Petra to lean over Stampy Kitten "Stampy Kitten, has Dan ever... hit you? or made you do things that you... didn't want?"

"Has Dan ever _touched_ you?" Jesse just goes the rest of the way, leaning over Stampy's shoulder, since she's in the very back now that Ivor has ran into the front.

"What does... uh, he...?" Petra looks at Stampy "or... she, say?"

Stacy just blinks in awe at all this.

"...he totally one hundred percent did." Stampy confirms.

"That bastard." Lukas growls.

"*gasp*!" Jesse covers her mouth "you poor thing!"

"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!" Petra screams at Dan.

"Don't worry, you'll never go back to him again, I promise." Lukas comforts Stampy Kitten, then steps in front of Stampy, between Ivor and Stacy "Stampy Kitten is under our protection, you'll never lay a hand on him again!"

"..." Dan just stares, shocked at what's happening "...NOOO! NO, NO, NO, YOU FUCKING RETARDS! don't you DARE go trying to steal the MORAL HIGHGROUND after you RAPED and MURDERED and STOLE your way into this position!"

"Funny, coming from you." Lukas remarks "considering how, you, Dan, had to steal Stampy Kitten from a temple, with traps, which means his former lovers did NOT want you to take him, but you did, and Cassie right there, the woman you're teamed-up with, killed TorqueDawg, and, oh, right, Stampy Kitten tells us that YOU raped him, so, Dan, it would appear that it is your side who has raped, murdered, and stolen."

"Are... you... fucking... serious...!?" Dan fumes "I, NEVER, FUCKING, RAPED, ANYBODY! you made that shit up! the flint and steel _**can't, fucking, talk!**_ "

"Oh, so it's 'flint and steel' now, is it?" Lukas asks calmly "so, you objectify Stampy Kitten down to his body parts?"

"You monster...!" Petra growls.

"Why don't I just call you Mr. Dickens!?" Stampy calls.

"YES, I, objectify, AN OBJECT." Dan growls.

"Dan, shut up already! you're just feeding them! the only reason they're doing any of this is to make you upset!" Lizzie spells it out for him.

"..." Dan's frozen, his face angry.

"...I knew that." he blatantly lies.

"Oh, no more fun time?" Ivor frowns "all well, as I was trying to say before..." he turns to Stampy "may I please have 'the object' for a moment, young Stampy?"

Stampy immediately looks at Stacy.

"...it's your thing." Stacy shrugs "I mean, it's super rare and I know it's supposed to be really powerful and stuff, but if you trust him."

Stampy seems to think for a moment.

"You... will give it back, right?" Stampy asks, "Jesse won't just let you take it from me forever, will she?"

"I promise, it will be returned." Ivor nods.

"To me?" Stampy jumps through the loopholes, "not to... him?" he tilts his head towards Dan.

"...yes, to you." Ivor's irritated "I would never return it to him!"

"Okay, you were just... asking about it's value..." Stampy explains as he places Stampy Kitten into the elderly warlock's pale hands.

"Thank you..." Ivor nods "I'm sorry to say, but my promise... was false."

"WHAT!?" Stampy's immediately upset, "you...! you can't actually be serious!"

"I will return him to you, if Dan makes the correct choice." Ivor promises, then turns to Dan "Dan, you will do exactly as I command, OR ELSE." he whips out a bucket of hot lava and holds Stampy Kitten over it, because he carries lava on him everywhere, even without his clothes.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Dan screams "DONT DO IT, DON'T DO IT, DON'T DO IT, DON'T DO IT, DON'T DO IT!"

"I'd rather not." Ivor insists "lets begin with... KILLING CASSIE."

"I... I'm sorry...!" Dan whines as he approaches Cassie.

"It's okay, Dan... it's okay..." Cassie responds, teary-eyed "I would do the same."

"URRRRRRGH, that's _**it!**_ " Lizzie snaps "I've TRIED working with you idiots, but this is going nowhere and you constantly turn on each other! fuck you, Cassie, fuck you, Dan, you can both stay here and do whatever you want, kill them, kill each other, die trying to get your stupid flint and steel, but I, am, OUT!" she turns and bolts through the door, running away into the mansion towards the front entrance.

"STOP HER!" Ivor roars at Dan.

"NO! me and Stampy will stop her!" Stacy volunteers, taking the opportunity to get out "the four of you handle Dan and Cassie, alright, Jesse!?"

"'Kay, come back with her head when you're done!" Jesse orders.

"Yeeeeeeah, uh, we won't be coming back." Stacy nervously admits.

"BYE!" Stampy snatches Stampy Kitten out of Ivor's hands and bolts for the door.

"Fuck you, bitch!" Stacy grunts as she runs up and kicks Cassie over on her way by, continuing after Stampy.

"DOW!" the bitch hits the floor, "Me!? why ME!?" Cassie groans.

"IT'S YOUR FUCKING FAULT ANY OF THIS EVER HAPPENED...!" Stacy's voice sounds from outside the room as she and Stampy take off, leaving just Dan and Cassie alone with Jesse's gang.

"I HOPE YOU DIE SLOWLY, DAN...!" Stampy's faint call can be heard, the last thing from them.

"Don't worry, Dan! we'll get him later, let them go, just less enemies for us!" Cassie orders, standing back up to face Jesse's gang, "...Dan?"

 _Pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-_ "I'll kill you...!" Dan's gone, screaming after Stampy.

"...DAN!?" Cassie's horrified.

"Oh-ho-ho! how you like..." Petra's an asshole "... _dem apples?_ "

"It would appear that you are at a disadvantage, foolish young Cassie." Ivor grins.

"Do you still hate me, even now?" Lukas asks the most burning question.

"I-I've killed people before, I can handle myself!" Cassie claims, shaking "you'd better not, uh, underestimate me!"

"Time to get assfucked...!" Petra laughs, slowly creeping forward.

And so was the beginning of the end... for Cassie Rose.

 **Poll Results!**

"What will happen now that it's morning and the zombies are gone?"

1\. Lizzie's side will continue to stand around bickering as they try to establish, keep, and break alliances. 1 Vote(s). (14.2%)

2\. Some people are gonna scream "Fuck this!" and try to run away. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

3\. Cassie will be revealed as the killer. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

4\. The battle will continue as planned, Lizzie's three clothed and strong people versus Jesse's (mostly) naked and weak six people. 1 Vote(s). (14.2%)

5\. Lukas will say the wrong thing, causing Stampy and Stacy to flip once more. 1 Vote(s). (14.2%)

6\. Everybody will just run out, with Jesse's gang chasing behind. 1 Vote(s). (14.2%)

7\. Jesse's gang will immediately block off the window and the door, keeping everyone still trapped in their little cage. 1 Vote(s). (14.2%)

8\. Stampy will finally remember about peace with Dan. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

9\. Something totally unexpected. 2 Vote(s). (28.4%)

Total Votes: 7.

Total Voters: 3.

POLL TWIST! This week, there was not one, not even two, but THREE correct possible answers! Lizzie's side DID bicker more, some people screamed "Fuck this!" and ran away, and Cassie outed herself as the killer! Unfortunately, nobody voted for the latter two options. But someone did correctly choose that Lizzie's side of bickering idiots would just keep on being as dysfunctional as possible! So we have a WINNER!  
(Also, as an unofficial fourth correct choice, "Something totally unexpected" is an excellent description of the Stampy Kitten skit, so two people pretty much got that right as well, even though it wasn't officially set as a correct answer.)

Speaking of Stampy Kitten, (the green enchanted flint and steel), that leads into our new poll! "Who do YOU believe should be the rightful owner of Stampy Kitten?" Quite a few people have made a lot of claims (and even killed!) to get their claws on it, but who truly has the right? Tell us what you think! And if you're torn, that's okay, because you can vote for up to three once again! _Vote now!_


	39. Chapter 38: Four-on-One

**Chapter 38: Four-on-One.**

"I'll finally tend to Jesse, you two spry young'ins go eliminate the... amateur killer." Ivor instructs.

"With pleasure." Lukas nods.

"WAIT! uh, why don't you let me join you!?" Cassie offers, forcing a smile "we're all psycho killers, right!? you let Lukas join up with you when he wasn't there originally, why not me!?"

"You!? absolutely fucking not!" Jesse rejects, disgusted "Lukas has the magic, a potential for greatness in him that I knew I had to cultivate, YOU, Cassie, not only lack such magic, but you REJECT it, you said earlier that you could never be as bad as us, that we're 'rapists' and 'kill for fun' while you kill only for personal gain, which, tsk, is the same thing by the way, but you don't enjoy it, you could never be one of us, Cassie, you just... suck."

"And she lacks intelligence." Ivor agrees, starting to heal Jesse "so far she has only been detrimental to whoever sides with her."

"Tsk! yeah! just ask Lizzie." Jesse concurs, "you simply have nothing to offer, Cassie, you're not smart-"

"Like me." Ivor.

"-you're not strong-"

"Like me." Petra.

"-you don't have any passion for the art-"

"Over here." Lukas.

"-you don't have any other particular talents or uses, none of us like your personality, and, if you'd remember, you threatened Ivor's life, repeatedly accused Lukas, and, until this very moment, you were dead set against our group and would only consider working with the other rebels, you had plenty of opportunities throughout your bickering to propose an alliance to us, but you never did, so, it's pretty much safe to assume that you wouldn't even have any loyalty, you would simply be a burden, a liability without any pay off or reward whatsoever for your crippling dependence, so that, Cassie, is why you suck, and why you will never, ever be one of us."

"Assfuck time now?" Petra requests.

"Ass that fuck hard, now." Jesse okays it.

"Errrrrr!" Cassie drones as he lifts her ax, ready but unwilling to fight Petra.

"Hey, Cassie?" Lukas distracts her.

"What!?" Cassie's instantly distracted.

"I'm going to kill you..." Lukas grins super-wide as he dons the white pumpkin mask " **...while wearing YOUR killer mask!** "

"NOOOOOO!" Cassie's horrified.

" **Huh? hey! this is doing something to my voice!** " Lukas realizes.

" _That's the fucking greatest thing ever._ " Jessie's instantly in love.

"And you LOOK totally fab!" Petra gapes.

" **I do!? sweet!** " Lukas looks himself over " **maybe I'll just... keep this.** "

"Don't you DARE!" Cassie demands "it's MINE! I made it! I designed it! I alone am the White Pumpkin!"

"Don't ever let it go for anything, Lukas!" Jesse stresses.

" **...oh, uh, okay.** " Lukas responds, nervous " **I was, um, just about to ask if you would like to try it.** "

"YES!" Jesse nods, "just don't fucking let _her_ have it!"

" **O-** kay!" Lukas' voice cuts back to normal as he takes it off, offering it out to Jesse.

"Oh my fucking god this is going to be the shit...!" Jesse take it, lowering it onto her head, "how do I **look?** "

"AWFUL!" Cassie calls "IT BELONGS TO ME, NOT YOU!"

" **You fucking sound like Dan, you know that right?** " Jesse comments.

"WELL, MAYBE DAN HAD A FUCKING POINT!" Cassie screams "IT, WAS, HIS!"

" **Oh? well then, how about we share it? it doesn't belong to you exclusively anymore, but maybe you can get a piece if you play your cards right.** " Jesse references Cassie's earlier attitude towards it.

"THIS IS DIFFERENT!" Cassie screams "Dan had to steal his flint and steel to begin with, but I physically MADE that fucking mask!"

" **Oh, I guess Dan** _ **didn't**_ **have a point, then?** " Jesse turns it around.

"...ummmmmm..." Cassie thinks "yes he did! it just, wasn't totally solid."

" **Well, he never got his flint and steel back, so it's only fair that you shouldn't either, maybe if he was here to help you things would have been different, but you already drove him away with your greed and pining after what was rightfully his, nice goin' there, Cass.** " Jesse snarks.

"Oh, fuck you!" Cassie growls "I offered sharing, but he just wouldn't fucking take it! AND NO, we can't share my mask, because Dan didn't create the fucking flint and steel, BUT I DID."

" **...wow.** " Jesse doesn't even know what to do with that, " **did you wanna fucking answer about why you hate Lukas, now? you've just been dodging that question over and over, and I wanna know why before I forget and we kill you without ever having that loose end tied up.** "

"You said earlier that it was because I killed Sparklez, but not only did I not do that, YOU were planning on doing the same." Lukas points out "and don't give me any 'you stole my kill' shit, because you said that you don't enjoy killing."

"...I'm not gonna tell you." Cassie spites them "not until you give me my mask."

" **You're gonna die a sad bitch, then.** " Jesse shrugs, " **you guys wanna just torture it out of her?** "

"Actually, I'm wondering something else..." Lukas raises an eyebrow "you wouldn't be stupid enough to actually just make a single mask, would you, Cassie? where are the others?"

" ***GASSSSSSP*!** " Jesse's yellow, silhouetted eyes stretch wide with realization, " **oh my fucking god...!** "

"U-uh-um...!" Cassie tries to hold it together "th-the others are gone!"

" **Bullshit.** " Jesse shakes her head, there was no getting her mind off of this now.

"HRMPH!" Petra suddenly ducks forward, kicks Cassie's legs out from under her, grabs the ax out of her hand, and runs behind her "ASSFUCK TIIIIIIME!" she shoves the handle of the ax up Cassie's ass, through her clothes.

"GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Cassie screams in surprise and pain "WH-WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME!?"

"Gunna fuk U gud." Petra smiles, pulling the ax out and tugging off Cassie's jean shorts, "oh yeah...!" Petra mounts her, fucking her ass good "gimme sum."

"AHHH! AH! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Cassie screams "y-you're raping meee!"

" **What's gonna get loose first, Cassie?** " Jesse questions, " **your lips, or your ass?** "

"Ass is _already_ loose." Petra scoffs "oh my god, was that not the first time that's been in there!?"

"..." Cassie blushes.

" **Oh jesus.** " Jesse can't believe it.

"I can't believe I fucking touched it! ewww!" Petra groans.

"You're FUCKING me!" Cassie turns on her "is that somehow NOT 'ew'!?"

" **Just because she fucks your ass doesn't mean she wants to touch your lonely sextoys.** " Jesse points out.

"Have I touched your ass with my HAND, stupid!?" _-SLAP!_ Petra growls, slapping Cassie across the face.

"OW!" Cassie gasps.

"Hold her steady, Petra, I'll check her pockets." Lukas instructs.

"Sure." Petra agrees.

Petra fucks Cassie hard while Lukas searches her inventory, grinning as he pulls out two more white pumpkin masks and showing them to Jesse and Ivor, no need for words, just his smug expression was enough.

" **Put those bitches on...!** " Jesse's obviously thrilled.

"BAM!" Lukas laughs as he forces one of the masks onto Petra.

" **OH!** " Petra gasps " **the IRONY.** "

"Heee **eeey, Cassie...!** " Lukas slips on the other mask " **time for you to suck dis cock.** "

"Wha-!" Cassie starts in fright, cut off as Lukas shoves his dick in her mouth.

Lukas, Cassie, and Petra fuck for a moment while Ivor works on healing Jesse.

"There, all finished." Ivor reports, dusting his hands "you should be good to travel, but don't push yourself hard, alright?"

" **Can I fuck?** " Jesse requests.

"Not if you're going to be bending or twisting your back at all." Ivor frowns.

" **...what if I just, don't?** " Jesse pushes it.

"Then you should be fine." Ivor confirms "might even help, to be honest."

" **Doctor's orders!** " Jesse runs over to the Cassie fuckfest, " **hey, you guys wanna force her to the ground and make her take it on her side so we can all have some?** "

" **Done.** " Petra agrees, doing so without Lukas' consent and making Cassie fall off of his dick.

" _HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!_ " Cassie screams out to the world.

" **Shut her back up, Lukasss.** " Jesse orders.

" **As you wish, Jesssse.** " he obeys, stuffing his cock down Cassie's throat.

" **You want her tits, Ivor?** " Jesse offers.

Ivor frowns.

" **...no?** " Jesse guesses, " **you can take her pussy instead if you want.** "

"I..." Ivor looks away "forget it..."

" **Do you want my mask?** " Jesse doesn't forget it, " **it's really** super awesome." she takes it off to offer it out to him.

"...YOU KNOW ME TOO WELL!" Ivor shouts, running over and taking the mask from Jesse "I would hug you, but **your baaack.** " he puts it on.

" **Funny, isn't it? how we can't help but change the way we say some words when we wear these.** " Lukas points out " **it's as if they're just... too good, of a voice, to pass up doing so.** "

"Yeah, I know." Jesse agrees, "where you wanna fuck, Ivor?"

" **Her tits will suffice.** " Ivor shrugs " **enjoy her pussssy, Jesssse.** "

"Okay, I just wish... we had one more mask." Jesse laments, trying to get onto the ground without crippling herself.

" **Maybe we can make her create a fourth one?** " Lukas suggests.

"...how long?" Jesse asks the redhaired killer girl.

 _Pop!_ Lukas pulls out.

"NEVER!" Cassie yells "I'd never make one for you...!"

" **Oh, but you will!** " Ivor growls " **we will keep you here, use you, break you, make you regret ever being born, and in the end, you will BEG to create it...!** "

" **Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeeeaaahhh!** " Petra grins " **finally! we can break in a REAL sexslave-fucktoy!** "

"It's only fair after all, what with you having cheated your way out of the fuckpuzzle." Jesse adds.

" **I...** " Lukas smiles wide as he slips his cock back in " **...am really excited to be a part of this.** "

They all go down on helpless, desperate Cassie, a massive, wriggling, pile of fuck.

 **Poll Results!**

"Who do YOU believe should be the rightful owner of Stampy Kitten?"

1\. Dan! he was the one who recovered it from the temple where it was lost for who-knows-how-long. 1 Vote(s). (20%)

2\. Cassie! she killed Torquedawg for that thing, his death can't be for nothing. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

3\. Stampy! he stole it fair and square. 1 Vote(s). (20%)

4\. Ivor! claimed it as his rightful bargaining chip. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

5\. Petra! she was the first to see him as more than just an item. 1 Vote(s). (20%)

6\. Jesse! because why not give her even more power? 0 Vote(s). (0%)

7\. Lizzie! just because she's not, fucking, crazy. 2 Vote(s). (40%)

8\. Stacy! she'd put it to better use than her cowardly boyfriend. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

9\. Lukas! just to spite Cassie AND Dan really hard. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

Total Votes: 3.

Total Voters: 2.

WOW! O.O Oh our lords, these votes were INTERESTING.

Dan getting a vote was to be expected, since, you know, "IT WAS HIS".

It's more surprising, but not shocking, to see someone want our precious Stampy to keep it, despite having had to steal the thing.

What WAS shocking, was PETRA got a vote. We did not expect anyone to take her acknowledging Stampy Kitten as having feelings very seriously.

And of course, despite having no connection to the flint and steel, and not even _wanting_ it, Lizzie took the win with two votes. Just, because, she isn't, frickin', insane. That is awesome.

We cannot express how proud we are of you voters this week, thank you so much for your contributions. :D

Stay tuned to find out where it actually winds up in the end! XD There's been no shortage of squabbling over that thing, and many characters are still vying for it.

Speaking of which, that relates to our new poll! "What will happen once Dan catches up with Stampy and Stacy?" The answer will be revealed next week, as these competitors for the enchanted flint and steel confront each other yet again.


	40. Chapter 39: a Heated Chase

**Chapter 39: a Heated Chase.**

(Important Note: this takes place at the same time as Chapter 38.)

Lizzie runs through the trees of the once zombie-filled forest, desperate and intent on getting away from this horrible place with her life intact.

Meanwhile, far behind her, Stacy and Stampy burst through the front doors, their eyes dazzled by the fresh, potent daylight shining down on them as morning begins to ripen.

"Whoa!" Stacy shades her eyes "heh, quite the difference from the dark, gloomy mansion room, isn't it!?" there was pleasure and an adventurous hint in her voice.

"I never wanna see this place again as long as I live!" Stampy remarks.

"Aye...!" Stacy grins deviously, "and you won't!" she holds out her hands "give me Stampy Kitten! or the fucking flint and steel, whichever you prefer referring to the inanimate object as!"

"I _have_ no preference!" he shoves them into her hands.

"Oh-ho-ho! then flint and steel it shall be!" Stacy laughs, "burn, baby! BURN!" she turns around and steps back inside the mansion.

 _Click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click!_ Stacy goes pyromaniac, setting the whole room on fire.

"What the...!?" Dan gapes in shock as he runs into the room only to find himself cut off from the door by flames.

"HA! were you trying to fucking get away, Dan!? hahahaha!" Stampy laughs at his nemesis suffering such peril.

"N-no...!" Dan breathes in horror, stepping back slowly as the flames spread "no, no, no, no, NOOOOOO! what did you fucking do!? you're BURNING it!"

"With YOUR flint and steel!" Stampy jeers, "bye, bye, now!"

"Yesss...!" Stacy hisses, sounding _exactly like Jesse, because the darkness has consumed them_ _ **just like they knew it would if they didn't stop it when they had the chance**_ "looks like Dan TDM is going to be Dan T-O-A-S-T!"

"And the mighty Dan TDM is _currently_ Dan Totally Damned Motherfucker!" Stampy adds, "come on, Stacy! let's leave this place to burn to the ground!"

"Of course! hahaha!" Stacy laughs as she backs safely out of the building, completely untouched by the flames.

"NO! WAAAIT!" Dan calls after them, running forward a bit, but not too far because he's STILL NAKED and fire fucking hurts "wh-why are you even still here!? what happened to hunting down Lizzie!?"

"Fuck that! that's Jesse's work, we're in it for number one and two, baby! Lizzie can go do whatever she wants for all I care, we're gonna burn you all to a crisp and run away laughing because _we're, going, home!_ " Stampy cheers, "have fun with the flaming hot psycho rapists, Minecart! I'll tell your subs you said goodbye!"

"World's number one Minecraft-YouTuber my ass!" Stacy laughs, swooning over to lean on Stampy "his throne is finally going to be yours, honey!"

"And you'll be queen by my side, StacyPlays!" Stampy holds the side of her head and passionately kisses her.

"NAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Dan flips at the sight of his worst enemy gettin' some while he's about to die.

"What are you gonna do about it!?" Stacy laughs evilly at him "call for help from your BOYFRIEND?"

"ERRRRRRRRRRRRM!" that burns Dan up deep down inside.

"Now for the candle on this cake...!" Stacy sounds more and more identical to Jesse by the minute as the darkness consumes her very soul "let's close the door on him, not watch him die, and assume it all just went perfectly according to freakin' plan!"

She has now just reached superspy movie villain status.

"Until next time, Minecart...!" Stampy laughs, putting his hand on the edge of the door in preparation to swing it closed, "ENJOY THE AFTERLIFE!"

 _SLAM!_ the door shuts violently from across the blazing room, leaving Dan alone, caught between smoldering demise, and the hopelessly cruel tormentors that held a fate worse than death, or, in this scenario, possibly the most horrible death he could imagine, what, oh what, will little Dan do now?

 _Click-click-_ "Ha-ha-ha!" Stacy chuckles as she sets both the left and right sides of the door itself on fire "I'd like to see him try to get through THAT."

"I love you so much, baby!" Stampy relishes Evil Stacy.

"Yesss, I love me too." Stacy nods "did you want to even bother the slightest bit with chasing Lizzie down? I'm good with just... blowing that off, I mean, Dan, Cassie, and Jesse's gang are all people I'd rather have die, and we've pretty much already ensured that, but we could still kill her and become the sole survivors of this if you want to."

Stacy before: we need to make peace with Dan! or else we'll turn EVIL.

Stacy now: we can KILL HER UNNECESSARILY if you wanna, I don't, but you're all the reason I need.

"Tsk! what do we care? we'll just leave her to do whatever she wants, hell, it could even take suspicion off of us this way, might seem dodgy if you and me are the only ones left." Stampy shrugs.

"And she KNOWS that it was Cassie, and Jesse's gang, so she has no reason to try to accuse us." Stacy agrees "especially if we blatantly help her escape by not going after her like we said."

"Hm-hm, we'll just let her be, no need to ruffle any more feathers." Stampy concurs, "did you wanna head home, now? we could make a lovely breakfast."

"I wanna fucking sleep for a week..." Stacy heaves, smiling slyly at him with tired, half-closed eyes "but a lovely breakfast with you sounds great too, Stampy."

"We could go out to eat, and collapse in bed by eight." Stampy proposes.

"Well, I suppose we ARE going to have to spend all those extra emeralds you're going to get when everyone jumps on giving you Dan's gigs on something." Stacy agrees "it sounds wonderful, honey, let's go."

"Alright, baby." Stampy nods, walking along with her, "I still can't help but envy Dan, though, he's going to sleep like the dead."

"HAAA!" they laugh like bastards as they leave "HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!"

 **Poll Results!**

"What will happen once Dan catches up with Stampy and Stacy?"

1\. Stampy and Stacy will use Stampy Kitten to create a flame barrier between themselves and Dan. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

2\. Stampy will shiver in the corner while Dan and Stacy swordfight. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

3\. Dan will cheap-shot Stacy and then he and Stampy will swordfight. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

4\. Someone will activate one of Cassie's traps. 1 Vote(s). (50%)

5\. Dan will reach the other two to find that they've already caught up to Lizzie. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

6\. Something totally unexpected. 1 Vote(s). (50%)

Total Votes: 2.

Total Voters: 2.

Apology Note: Due to technical and connection issues, we had to create this poll three times before it would work. The first time failed due to lost internet connection, the second time failed because fanfiction just kinda... broke. On the third time, we apparently forgot to flip the Allow Multiple Selection choice to 'On'. You were supposed to be able to select up to two options, because we're rather fond of our 1/3 system. We apologize for the mistake.

Thank you once more to everyone who voted, unfortunately nothing totally unexpected happened, nor did one of assfuck-bitch's little pussy traps get sprung. Instead, the correct answer was the flame barrier, as Stacy went more crazy with Stampy Kitten than Dan allegedly did on his creepiest nights. And now, the mansion is on fire!

The, MANSION.

Is, _on, **fire.**_

And Dan... is trapped inside.

Which leads us to this week's huge, shocking announcement.

We are proud to present to you, dear viewers, that we are now introducing a whole new level of upload awesomeness: _DAN TUESDAYS!_ For the next while, (though not forever), we will be uploading TWO chapters a week! That's twice the Female Jesse, just for you! We will upload a new chapter detailing Dan's solo adventures on either Monday night or Tuesday morning, while still keeping up the regular Friday Night/Saturday Morning uploads to show what's happening with the rest of our colorful cast! The first DAN TUESDAY chapter comes this following week, three days from now, as Chapter 40. Please, enjoy!

(The next chapter is also, still, happening simultaneously with Chapter 38. So both halves of the 39/40 side of the story get uploaded in the same week, which is nice.)

Our new poll is, of course, "How do you think Dan will escape from the burning mansion?" You only have THREE DAYS to vote, so be sure to do so before the time runs out!

 ** _DAN TUESDAYS._**


	41. Chapter 40: We Always Have Windows

**Dan Tuesday.**

 **Chapter 40: We Always Have Windows.**

(Important Note: still happening simultaneously with Chapter 38.)

Dan grinded his teeth as he's pushed further and further back by the approaching flames, lit by his own precious against him, he left the room, but the raging inferno spread from wood block to wood block, coming after him at a terrifying pace, this wasn't normal fire after all, this was magic blue enchanted portal-hopping flint and steel fire, and it was VORACIOUS.

"What do I do...!?" Dan asks himself "where do I go...!?"

He knew there was only really one way to go.

"Ohhh, my EMPIRE for a fucking PAIL OF WATER!" Dan groans as he turns and runs back towards the torture-rape room "if only instead of a billion subs, I had a billion CLOUDS, to RAIN all over this god forsaken FIRE!"

As he gets near the torture-rape room, he hears noises coming from it.

Stopping aruptly outside the door, Dan starts thinking out loud to himself, "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea..." but he wasn't sure, so he just... peeks into the room.

" **Put those bitches on...!** " Jesse's obviously thrilled.

"BAM!" Lukas laughs as he forces one of the masks onto Petra while she fucks Cassie in the ass hardcore.

" **OH!** " Petra gasps " **the IRONY.** "

"Heee **eeey, Cassie...!** " Lukas slips on the other mask " **time for you to suck dis cock.** "

"Wha-!" Cassie starts in fright, cut off as Lukas shoves his dick in her mouth.

 _NOPE!_ Dan looks away from the situation that HE caused the moment he left Cassie to fend for herself, _I'm not becoming a part of that! I don't even want to help any of them anyway, I fucking hate Cassie, bitch wanted my flint and steel, and Jesse's fucking group!? BURN THEM ALL! that's what I fucking want, so no, I won't warn them, not even to help myself escape, I'll find my own way out, and then they'll all DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE! heh-heh, thanks for HELPING ME get my revenge, Stampy and Stacy, you bloody idiots!_

He looks left, right, and then decides to run down a different path along the hall, searching desperately and desperately for another-

"WIIIIIINNNDOOOWWW!" Dan shouts triumphantly as he spots one "yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-YEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!"

 _SMASH!_ Dan jumps while repeatedly punching forward and successfully shatters the glass, he falls straight down and lands on the outside grass with a dull thud.

"Oof...!" he heaves "...YES, I'm free! freeeeee!" he gets up and goes running off into the wilderness, a crazy, screaming, naked man with no weapons or tools.

Things still do not look good for Mr. TDM.

Meanwhile...

Lizzie continues getting further and further away, but by now her stamina bar is almost completely depleted, she could no longer run, and it was only a moment before she would start losing health.

"Hah...! hah...! hah...!" she pants as she comes to a halt, gripping her knees as she breathes "phew! how far did I go?"

She looks behind her to see that she could no longer see the mansion.

"Good...!" she sits down, "hopefully... Dan and... Cassie... will keep them busy for a while... maybe even kill one or two of them for me..." she starts digging around in her pockets "it's a good thing I took charge and got my clothes back on when I had the chance, stupid naked Dan would be screwed even if he manages to somehow get away as well, but not me, no, Sir."

She takes out two breads and a beef.

"What the hell even was Lukas trying to say about the sandwich shit?" she shakes her head as she makes a beef sandwich "did he mean he'd be killing them by cutting them up? if so, that's dumb, that's _really_ dumb."

Authors' Note: Brando once had a hypnogogic hallucination where he saw Lukas (yes, this Lukas, from Minecraft: Story Mode) placing sandwiches on the ground with the intention and result of them rising up into the sky, Lukas then discovered that the sandwiches would rise faster if cut up first. This is the one and only reason for that entire 'joke'. You're welcome.

"Mmm! num-num-num-num." Lizzie hums as she eats up.

 _I have to finish fast, before they come after me._ she thinks while steadily eating.

 _Hicssssssssssss...!_ her ears detect a sudden hissing from behind.

"FUCK!" she leaps to her feet and dives forward.

 _ **BOOM!**_ the creeper explodes, wiping out the section of land she had been sitting on, making a crater in the ground, but Lizzie was too good, too fast, and too cool, she avoided it completely.

"Hah...!" Lizzie breathes, relaxing again "that was too close, I need to be more alert."

She looks around the forest.

"Even in daytime, there's still things I need to watch out for." she nods "psycho killers aren't the only danger, though they are the greatest."

"Num-num-num!" she scarves down the last of the sandwich "there, all better and ready to run again, I need to keep going until I'm safe with friends, REAL friends, and Jesse's group won't be able to touch me."

She keeps running through the woods on her way of escape.

 **Poll Results!**

"How do you think Dan will escape from the burning mansion?"

1\. He doesn't. He'll try something and it'll fail miserably. Probably burn his dick off. 1 Vote(s). (12.5%)

2\. He runs back to Jesse's Gang and works with them to escape the burning inferno. 1 Vote(s). (12.5%)

3\. He evades fire by climbing up the chimney. Smart. Like Santa. 1 Vote(s). (12.5%)

4\. He digs down into the Captain Sparklez sand pit and hides there where the fire can't reach him. He will later rise from the ashes like a glorious phoenix. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

5\. He finds a window and smashes through daaa paaayne of glass. 1 Vote(s). (12.5%)

6\. A new firefighter character shows up to the rescue. He saves Dan, but then gets killed by Jesse. No witnesses. 1 Vote(s). (12.5%)

7\. He just sucks it up and runs through the fire to escape out a burning hole in the wall. Gets burnt. 2 Vote(s). (25%)

8\. He actually finds a perfectly safe and easy route and doesn't get fucked up in the slightest. (Unlikely.) 0 Vote(s). (0%)

9\. Cassie gets away from Jesse's Gang and he teams-up with her again. (Unlikely on two accounts.) 0 Vote(s). (0%)

10\. He goes back to the kitchen, where Torquedawg's corpse is, and tries to find some god damn water. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

11\. He builds himself a suit of armor constructed out of bread, then runs through the fire like that. Gets toasted. (Likely.) 0 Vote(s). (0%)

12\. Something totally unexpected. 1 Vote(s). (12.5%)

Total Votes: 8.

Total Voters: 2.

Yay! Those were some good ones. Over half of the options got at least one vote, including the correct prediction, smashing through da payne. Both voters selected the just sucking it up and running option, (non-bread version), but Dan found a way around. The rest of the votes are all interesting as well, we particularly enjoy how one of you voted that he would probably burn his dick off. How very smart to our game you are.

And THAT was the first Dan Tuesday, everybody! In four days, we'll upload the next regular Friday night/Saturday morning chapter. We have a new poll for then! "What do you think will happen when the fire reaches Jesse's gang and Cassie?" Because, of course, Dan may have escaped, but the others are still inside the mansion as the magic flames rage on. Vote now!

(Also, dear readers, we would just like to remind you all that your reviews are always welcome. We're stoked to see you consistently voting on the polls, we really do appreciate that, but reviews always make us really happy too. We're currently at a very interesting part of the story, and if you've been reading all this way with us, 40 whole chapters and a Prologue now, then we're sure you must have some interesting thoughts about the story bouncing around in your heads at home. Even just taking the time to quote a line from the story and saying "That was hilarious!" gives us a boost of joy and encouragement. We're always thankful for all you do, whether it's reviews, poll votes, or just reading and enjoying the story. We don't want you to feel obligated to say anything, but if there are ever any thoughts you feel like sharing, we fully welcome it. Thank you so much, we love you.)


	42. Chapter 41: Fire with Fire

**Chapter 41: Fire with Fire.**

"MMM! MMHHMMHH!" Cassie makes noise from around Lukas' cock.

" **Ohhhhhh, Jesssse!** " Lukas laughs " **I think the sexslave-fucktoy has something to say.** "

"Ooh, better be good if she's interrupting _this._ " Jesse lays on the expectation, "let her speak."

 _Pop!_ Lukas pulls out.

" _KILL MEEEEEEEEEEEE!_ " Cassie begs "I can't take this anymooore...!"

"Oh, stupid Cassie, we can't kill you _yet,_ you still haven't revealed your secrets and finished your slave labor, remember?" Jesse reminds, "if you were to do that, then you could die anytime, but not now, not when you haven't done it."

"I'll... I'll talk..." Cassie shudders "just get yourselves off of meee...!"

"Please?" Jesse doesn't hear the magic word.

"PLEEEASE!" Cassie begs, losing all of her dignity "please, please, please, please, pleeease!"

"Lay off for a minute, guys, we'll see if she cooperates now." Jesse orders.

" **Awwwwww!** " Petra groans " _ **fine.**_ " she smacks Cassie's booty as she gets off.

" **This was getting boring anyways.** " Ivor shrugs, obeying.

Jesse tries to stumble to her feet without destroying her back.

"Okay! did you want to tell us why you hated Lukas, or make the pumpkin mask first?" Jesse lays out the options.

"I... hate Lukas... because...!" Cassie breathes "he... he pisses me off."

" _Ugh...!_ " Jesse is very much not pleased, "did you wanna say WHY? because if you keep up with this shit, you're just gonna get more fuckparty, and we just stopped that so you could tell us! so why is it? is it just the little kiddie school playground crap where you pick on the kids you like? is that it? you hate Lukas because he's sexy shit?"

"I... hate Lukas..." Cassie just repeats herself, more and more nervously "because... he's SO, GOD, DAMN, CALM! usually people freak out, and run around, and cause chaos, which makes it easy for me to kill them, but because you guys, and especially HIM stayed so calm and collected, I never got a chance to kill anyone else! I figured if I could get the others to kill him, then they'd panic easier later on."

"...for real?" Jesse asks, "that's really it?"

"At first I didn't hate him much, but it just kept BUILDING, and BUILDING, and BUILDING!" Cassie stresses "FUCK YOU, LUKAS!"

"...I think it's just about time we shut her back up, wouldn't you say, Lukas?" Jesse proposes.

"NOOOOOO!" Cassie interrupts "I didn't even want to talk about HIM, I wanted to give you the fucking fourth mask so you'll just kill me already!"

"Well, that sounds good too, but I think you deserve at least a little punishment for disrespecting your master so horribly." Jesse decides.

" **I'll just be a moment.** " Lukas giggles, grabbing Cassie's head.

"NOOO-!" she gasps as he shoves his cock right back in and starts roughly fucking her throat.

" **Me too!?** " Petra requests.

"Sure, may as well, right?" Jesse okays it.

Petra hops back onto Cassie's ass and gets ramming, the redheaded girl unable to squeal as she's tormented.

" **JESSE!** " Ivor gasps, grabbing his leader and turning her towards the door, which is covered in blue flames, " **FIRE!** "

"AHHHH! WHAT THE FUCK!?" Jesse jolts away from it, "GUYS! get off the ho!"

" **WHAAAT!?** " Lukas and Petra are both devastated.

" **BUT IT WUZ JUST GETTIN' GUD!** " Petra screams, frustrated.

" _But the fucking door is on fire!_ " Jesse argues, pointing back at it.

" **Urrrrrrgh, just put it out!** " Petra rolls her eyes " **we have buckets of water in our clothes, don't we!?** "

Jesse runs and retrieves the water bucket and hurries back to the door.

"Ivor! I can't reach the top of it, lift me up!" Jesse requests.

" **Ugh, this is going to kill my back...** " Ivor heaves as he runs after her and struggles to lift her higher.

"Ehhhhhh...!" Jesse reaches to da max and places the water block above the doorway, causing it to pour down onto the flaming door below, and then also spread across a massive section of the floor of the fucking room.

" **See? problem solved.** " Petra waves them off.

 _Fwoosh-fwoosh-fwoosh-fwoosh-fwoosh-fwoosh-fwoosh-fwoosh!_ several blocks in the wall around or near the door then burst into flames.

"GAHHH!" Jesse squeaks.

" **I'm coming-ERM, uh, make that the other kind!** " Lukas gasps as he almost abandons Cassie but then climaxes at the worst time possible.

" **MORE WATER!** " Ivor calls, heaving as he puts Jesse down and scrambles for his robes.

Jesse does the same, both members of the pair fuck their backs with the effort.

" **Fill her, Lukas! do it, do it, do it, do-ERRRM, YEAH!** " Petra's not giving a shit about the impending doom, instead getting off to watching Cassie's cheeks puff up like a chipmunk.

Ivor pulls out five more water buckets, Jesse pulls out one because they never think they really need THAT many and they take up fuckloads of space.

" **Alright, so we have six more buckets, and...!** " Ivor calculates, but he and Jesse turn to see the fire has spread and now the whole wall is blazing " **...AHHHHHHHHHHHH! WE CAN'T FIGHT THIS!** "

"We, uh...!" Jesse racks her mind, "could build a water curtain halfway from it!? or, OH, block it with cobblestone! that's a better idea!"

" **Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, okay, I'm good...** " _-Pop!_ Lukas turns around " **now, how are we do-OH... oh my... that's uh... pretty bad looking, isn't it?** "

" **OH, YOU THINK!?** " Ivor snarls.

" **Why is it blue?** " Lukas questions " **that's fascinating.** "

"It's also fucking FAST!" Jesse adds.

" **Hmmm, actually, now that you mention it, that is peculiar...** " Ivor acknowledges " **the only times I've ever seen blue fire is when it was magically lit using Jesse's enchanted flint and steel.** "

"...PAH!" Cassie's head shoots up, and she spits out Lukas' jizz "Jesse's WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY!?"

"Oh yeah, I have one too." Jesse takes it out from her pile of armor and flashes it "pretty sweet, right?"

Cassie gapes, "B-BUT THERE WAS ONLY SUPPOSED TO BE ONE! according to the legends!"

"Heh, well, your legends have pretty limited perspective don't they?" Jesse snarks.

"Oh my god...!" Cassie breathes "and it's... BLUE...!?"

"Yeah, even prettier than Stampy Kitten, isn't it?" Jesse's totally distracted from the fire issue.

" **ERM, ready to help!** " Petra announces, having finished climaxing all over Cassie's ass while the latter was talking with Jesse.

" **I don't think there's anything you can do TO help!** " Ivor groans " **even with inventories full of water pails, I doubt we'd be able to stop all of it if it leads back more than a few blocks further into the other side of the mansion.** "

"Should we just grab our shit and leave?" Jesse questions.

" **I'm curious as to where it all came from!** " Lukas announces, turning to his leader " **you don't think... Stampy, would have set it, do you?** "

"I don't know, maybe Dan actually caught him, and then he came back to screw us." Jesse guesses, "in any case, it's a pretty immediate problem."

" **Does it have any weaknesses, Ivor?** " Lukas questions the elderly wise one " **can we easily handle it with something obscure? like, I don't know, throwing milk on it instead of water? what about sandwiches? would the sandwiches act faster if we cut them first?** "

Ivor angrily tugs his mask off and wipes his sweaty brows, "NO! as far as I'm aware, this is simply super-fire, with no additional weaknesses."

" **Well, it's created by an enchanted flint and steel, right? we have one of those, can't you just, like, control it?** " Petra suggests.

Jesse looks down at her little trinket, then waves it around the fire a bit, then strikes it a couple times.

No effect, except lighting a new additional block by accident.

 _Plunk-_ " **That's just making it worse!** " Ivor growls after pulling his mask back on.

" **What if you FOCUS, Jesse?** " Petra asks " **what if you imagine you have control of the fire, then think about what you want it to do, and THEN you strike the thing?** "

" **This is nonsense!** " Ivor declares as he starts gathering up his shit " **we need to force our way out the other wall while we still can!** "

Jesse focuses, watching the flames sway back and forth, she imagines all the fire poofing out, leaving nothing but the clear room and desolated walls, and while still holding that image, and observing their rhythmic dance, she promptly strikes the flint and steel against each other again.

 _POOF!_ every single spark goes out.

"HA-HA!" Jesse's delighted, "you did it, Petra!"

" **WHAT!?** " Ivor can't believe it.

" **Oh yeah, who did it? who saved the day? who saved us all? uh, uh, uh, uh-I did! mm, mm, mm, uh-I did! if we did what Ivor wanted, we'd be DEAD, but who's the girl who got off her ass, used her thinker, and saved us all from peril? give her a P, give her an E, give her an A for effort today, insert a T between the E and the A, and then an R after the T for 'you R R hero'! oh yeah, it's Petra, you know it, it's PETRA!** " Petra's an asshole.

" _DIE, MOTHERFUCKER!_ " Cassie screams as she suddenly runs forward, grabs Petra's sword from the 'hero's' back, and _slashes it across Lukas' throat._

" _ **EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!**_ " the others scream.

 **Poll Results!**

"What do you think will happen when the fire reaches Jesse's gang and Cassie?"

1\. Jesse's gang will put out the fire, meanwhile Cassie takes the chance to escape. 2 Vote(s). (22.2%)

2\. Jesse's gang will put out the fire, and Cassie takes the opportunity to attack. 2 Vote(s). (22.2%)

3\. Jesse's gang will gleefully throw a Cassie barbeque, laughing as they watch her burn. 1 Vote(s). (11.1%)

4\. They all just move outside and continue tormenting Cassie there. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

5\. They're all so busy fucking around with Cassie that they don't realize the fire's there until it's too late and they all burn to death. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

6\. They fuck around with Cassie for too long and lose their chance to all escape safely, Cassie and one member of Jesse's gang burn to death. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

7\. Jesse and Ivor struggle to put out the fire while Lukas and Petra just fuck Cassie and contribute nothing. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

8\. Lukas and Petra struggle to put out the fire while Jesse and Ivor just fuck Cassie and contribute nothing. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

9\. Jesse and Ivor struggle to put out the fire, Lukas contributes nothing, but Petra ultimately saves the day. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

10\. Lukas puts out the fire with his water pails in five seconds. They all shrug it off and go back to fucking Cassie. 1 Vote(s). (11.1%)

11\. They're all so busy fucking around with Cassie that they don't realize the fire's there until it's too late. They almost all burn to death, but Stampy and Stacy come back to rescue their evil partners. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

12\. Cassie saves the day and puts out the fire, and as thanks she gets raped some more. 1 Vote(s). (11.1%)

13\. Cassie saves the day and puts out the fire, and as thanks Jesse lets her go. 1 Vote(s). (11.1%)

14\. Dan comes flying back in through the window because Stampy and Stacy found him and tossed him back. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

15\. Something totally unexpected. 1 Vote(s). (11.1%)

Total Votes: 9.

Total Voters: 2.

 _Dun-dun-dun-dun!_ We have some winners! This time, there were two correct answers. Number two: Jesse's gang deals with the fire and Cassie attacks, and Number nine: detailing _how_ Jesse's gang puts out the fire, which was with Jesse and Ivor struggling but Petra saving the day. Both voters guessed the former, but no one guessed the (implausible-sounding) latter.

Oh-no! Cassie has finally gotten her revenge on poor Lukas! But we'll find out what happens with them a week from now, in the meantime, let's shift the focus back over to DAN TUESDAY. When we last left him, little Dan was running into the wilderness with no resources. At this point, almost anything could happen to him, but can YOU predict the answer from the supplied options? Our new poll is "What do you think is going to happen next with Dan?" Vote now!


	43. C-42: Dan's Hitchhiking Adventure, Part1

**Dan Tuesday.**

 **Chapter 42: Dan's Hitchhiking Adventure, Part One.**

(Important Note: takes place at the same time as Chapter 41.)

"Oh my god they're going to kill me, oh my god I'm going to kill them, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, somebody is going to die...!" Dan heaves frightenedly to himself as he skidoos his little bare, jizz-covered ass outta there.

Not only did this man not put his clothes on, he never did ANYTHING to clean up after the fuckpuzzle was over when he had the chance, heck, he hasn't done anything to clean up since he was jacking off to Stacy.

"Those are some thick woods over there..." Dan notes as he surveys the landscape around him, he didn't know it of course but that just so happened to be the exact woods that Lizzie is currently running around within somewhere "I guess they'd provide good cover, but I could get lost since I don't have a map, and it would be a lot slower than pelting through the open, and, uh, the woods have all sorts of dangerous animals, I don't even have a wooden sword on me, I'm not fighting off a wolf, or a spider, or whatever else in this state! yeah, I'd better just stick to the wide, open fields."

Dan continues trekkin' his way across the long stretch of barren land, an obvious, easily spotted lunatic.

"How long will I need to run before I find someone who can help me...?" Dan wastes his breath thinking out loud to himself "the journey here seemed pretty long, and that was when I was fit to travel."

As if sparked by his words, his ass and general lower body area begin to resonate spikes of pain with his strides.

"OW! ow, fuck! ow, ooh, ah! no, stop it, don't-OW, ugh...!" Dan comes to a halt "OWWW, it fucking hurts!" he flops onto the ground and closes his eyes "wh-what did Lukas do to me...!?"

Lukas destroyed him.

"So... close...!" Dan whines, tears forming in his eyes as he fails to fight the pain "all... I need to do... is run... and I'll be free... but... I don't know if I can... it just... HURTS!"

He feels himself becoming weak.

"Can't pass out... not here...!" he gasps, trying to crawl towards the fucking woods "if I'm left in the open, Jesse... will find me...! I must... make it... to a... hiding... pl... a... ace..." the world begins to go dark in front of his eyes as he loses consciousness due to exhaustion and bodily trauma.

 **...**

"WHEEE-EEE-EEE-EEEH!" Dan's startled awake by the sound of a horse.

His eyes shoot open and he looks up to see the horse above him, but the majestic beast seemed to have little interest, instead, the face of it's rider was what stared down at him in shock and disgust.

And it was a VERY familiar face.

"N-no way...!" Dan breathes "... _T-TorqueDawg!?_ "

"No, fool! I'm TorqueDawg's twin brother, PwnKang!" PwnKang snaps "but WHAT, the holy hell, are YOU!?"

"O-oh my god...!" Dan huffs, relieved as he forces himself to sit up "I-I'm Dan, Dan TDM, the Diamond Minecart."

PwnKang gapes, "YOU, are the god damn Diamond Minecart!? but...! ohhhhhh, oh-no, I don't know what you think you're sellin', but I ain't buyin' it, Dan TDM is a legend, the greatest of the great they say, he sure as fucking fuck ain't some little curvy-ass noobie fuckboy bitch like you."

Dan shudders, knowing that his rep is gonna pay dearly for this, "W-well, whatever, I'm not him then, I'm just... Lukas, okay? could you help me, please?"

"Heh, there we go, Lukas, huh?" PwnKang buys it "to your credit, you do look a lot like the Diamond Minecart, probably tried to make yourself look as much like him as you could, didn't you, though? you some, #1 fan or some shit?"

"YES, I think he's the coolest." Dan nods.

"That's pathetic, boy." PwnKang shakes his head "but anyway, what you do'in sleepin' out here on your bare ass?"

"Uhhhhhh-" Dan drones.

"Wait! I got it, I know what's up." PwnKang interrupts "that party my brother went to? you went too, didn't you, boy? must'a been CRAZY wild for you to end up out here like this, what you get hooked up on? acid, right? gotta be."

Author's Note: the minecraft drug mod is active in this universe, so they have weed, cocaine, acid, heroin, meth, and da shrooms. All of those exist in this world.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaah." Dan just nods his head and plays along "things DID get really, really crazy! heh, heh, people even died!"

 _ **BOOM.**_ instantly PwnKang's happy expression turns serious, "People... died?" he growls.

"Yeah! heh-heh-heh-heh, Captain Sparklez got shoved under some sand blocks, and your brother OD'd hard!" Dan paraphrases what happened, likening TorqueDawg's death by POISON to that of by drugs "but I was wondering if you could just, like, gimme a lift over to the next town? please?"

PwnKang stares down at him, tense.

"My... brudda..." he growls "is DEAD!?"

"Well... yeah." Dan nods "I'm sorry, I tried to get him to stop, but, well, he ran off and did it elsewhere."

"...I need to see this shit." PwnKang growls.

"NO! don't go back there!" Dan gets in the horse's way.

"Why...?" PwnKang's eyes twitch.

"Because...!" Dan groans "ummm, UGH, fine, you can't go back because there's currently a gang of psycho killer-rapists holding the mansion, they killed your brother and the Captain, there never were any drugs."

"..." PwnKang glares down at the little Dan "...MOTHERFUCKER, WHAT DID YOU DO!?"

"I didn't do anything!" Dan claims.

 _WHAMP!_ PwnKang slaps Dan down onto his back, "You stay right here, if I find that you're responsible for any kinda bad shit that I don't like, I'll be coming back to settle it...!" PwnKang orders.

He then rides off for the mansion.

"...ugh!" Dan groans as he sits back up "what the fuck!? I told him the truth!"

Dan watches PwnKang get smaller in the distance.

PwnKang stops.

PwnKang fucking sees half the mansion burning up in smoke.

PwnKang turns around and comes charging back.

"WHAT, DID, YOU, DO!?" PwnKang yells as he approaches, clearly he believes Dan is responsible.

"EEEEEEP!" Dan turns and starts running away, his little ass cheeks flopping sadly.

"YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ME!" PwnKang calls, taking out a bow and arrows.

 _Twang!_ one shot flies past Dan, not very close because PwnKang sucks at archery.

"EEE!" Dan squeals in fear, he immediately stops, turns around, and throws his arms up "I SURRENDER!"

" _HMRPH!_ " PwnKang makes the horse ram into Dan.

"OOOOF!" Dan gasps as the wind is knocked out of him and he's sent rolling away across the grass.

PwnKang hops down off of his horse and he storms after Dan until he's standing above him.

"Oh, GOD...!" PwnKang reacts, staring down at Dan's ass "is that... man sauce? holy motherfucker, you GAY, boy!?"

"The killers fucked me there!" Dan cries "it was AWWWF-F-F-U-U-U-L...!"

"You listen to me good, faggot." PwnKang growls "I'mma ask you some questions, you either tell me the truth, or you keep lyin', what I do after is a surprise."

"..." Dan shuts up.

"Okay, now my first question..." PwnKang starts, oblivious to the fires on the mansion going out far behind him "did you have anything to do, at ALL, with my brother's death, and did you start that fire to destroy the evidence?"

"..." Dan slowly shakes his head.

"YOU LYIN'!?" PwnKang demands.

"NO, SIR!" Dan shakes his head harder.

"No to both? those were basically two questions, boy." PwnKang specifies.

"Yes! no to both!" Dan nods "I didn't do either, really! it was the killers!"

"..." PwnKang frowns.

"..." Dan stares at him.

"Boy..." PwnKang's eyes narrow "...you lyin'."

 **Poll Results!**

"What do you think is going to happen next with Dan?"

1\. He'll keep chasing down Stampy and Stacy, which won't be hard since they're just walking. 1 Vote(s). (16.6%)

2\. He's going to be attacked by a wild animal. 1 Vote(s). (16.6%)

3\. He's going to start gathering general resources so he won't be so obviously screwed. 1 Vote(s). (16.6%)

4\. He's specifically going to gather food, so he can eat and regain his energy. 1 Vote(s). (16.6%)

5\. He's specifically going to create a shelter, where he can rest and regain his energy. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

6\. He's specifically going to build weapons, so he can fight and defend himself. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

7\. He'll meet a new character, who will take him in and help him. 1 Vote(s). (16.6%)

8\. He'll meet a new character, who is nothing but trouble and will make his situation worse. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

9\. Something totally unexpected. 1 Vote(s). (16.6%)

Total Votes: 6.

Total Voters: 2.

Wow! Normally when you voters are allowed to pick a good few answers, then at least one choice will get overlapping votes from you. But not this time! With this poll, both voters had completely different ideas, very interesting indeed. Unfortunately, even though there were only three choices that not no votes at all, the correct answer was one of them: Dan has met our NEW CHARACTER, PwnKang! And unfortunately for little Dan, PwnKang ain't here to help.

Back over with the main story, violence has erupted! Lukas is dying, Jesse and Ivor aren't fit for battle, and Cassie's still armed with Petra's sword. Things seem to be going sour for Jesse and the gang, but they do still outnumber Cassie three-to-one. Our next poll is "Jesse, Petra, and Ivor VS. Cassie. How will this resulting battle unfold?" Due to how many different aspects there are to this fight, most of the choices are non-exclusive, and as such, more than just one may be correct. The answer(s) will be revealed Saturday, so vote now!


	44. Chapter 43: Cassie's Thorns

**Chapter 43: Cassie's Thorns.**

Lukas makes sputtering, desperate gagging sounds as he grasps his throat, trying as hard as he can to stop the bleeding and keep his mask clean.

"GIMMEEE!" Cassie shrieks as she shoves past Ivor and snatches hold of Jesse's enchanted flint and steel, but fails to tug it out of the Hispanic girl's hands.

Jesse doesn't even fucking look at Cassie, just holds on tight to the item while watching Lukas, all the while Cassie struggles (and fails) to take it.

" **HOLY SHIT!** " Petra's freaking out, " **IVOR! DO... IVOR STUFF!** " she grabs Ivor as he's getting back to his feet and throws him into Lukas, who makes a very unpleasant choking sound upon impact.

"FUCK _OFF,_ CASSIE!" Jesse's finally had enough of the lesser killer's futile but persistent attempts, she kicks her down with her right leg, and then scrambles over to Ivor and Lukas with the flint and steel, "is there anything we can do to help!?" she asks the old warlock.

" **Don't worry, a couple health potions will fix this easily.** " Ivor responds, bringing out two health potions from his robes " **just keep the culprit under control.** "

" _ **YOOOUUU!**_ " Petra turns on Cassie, a raging fire burning in her eyes instead of her pupils and irises " **YOU... HURT... LUKAS...!** "

"Fuck all of you! I hope he DIES." Cassie spits.

" **He won't!** " Ivor snarks over his shoulder.

"What if the potion spills back out of his throat while he drinks it!?" Jesse inquires.

" **I will prevent that, using, my, HAND.** " Ivor announces as he forces the first potion down Lukas' throat.

" **Petra...! KILL...! Cassie-fucktoy...!** " Petra roars a challenge as she draws another sword for each of her hands, big ones.

"Come here and try it...!" Cassie accepts.

" _Two on one!_ " Jesse gangs up, running at the prisoner and sparking her with flames from the flint and steel.

 _PWOOSH!_ Cassie burns.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-!" Cassie screams in pain as she runs straight to the water block and puts herself out "-awww...!"

She then turns around to face Jesse and Petra, equipping Petra's sword in her right hand and a stack of ender pearls in her left, "You two want to FIGHT ME!?" she yells, her eyes wild and crazy-ass "then let's, get, FIIIIIIGHTING!" she finishes by throwing one of the pearls at them.

 _Poof!_ it lands and she appears behind Petra, "GAAAH!" she thrusts for Petra's back.

" **Too...!** " Petra grunts as she easily leans sideways and avoids it, " **fuckin...!** " she drives her swords towards Cassie " **EASY!** "

 _Clang!-BAP!_ Petra knocks Cassie's (Petra's) sword out of her hand and then punches Cassie in the face with her fist, clenched around the handle of that hand's sword.

"DOW!" Cassie stumbles backwards, but she realizes what this is "n-no...! don't PLAY with me! take, me, SERIOUSLY! I will KILL YOU!"

"I got the thing, Petra!" Jesse waves her sister's/Cassie's sword around in the air.

" **Gud.** " Petra grunts.

"Ohhhhhh, you guys SUCK!" Cassie throws a tantrum, stomping down on the floor, hard.

" **Lukas has recovered!** " Ivor calls.

" **Uggghhh...** " Lukas groans as he sits up " **did you miss me, Cassssie?** "

"NOOO! NO, NO, NO, NO!" Cassie screams "you BASTARDS! he was supposed to DIE!"

"And _you,_ Cassie, were supposed to be raped brutally in the ass some more, and everywhere else for that matter." Jesse reminds, "but only one of those two things will actually happen, care to guess which one?"

"MYYY WAY WILL BE THE ONE!" Cassie screams, "YAAAAAARRRRRRG!" she starts throwing ender pearls all over the place " _ **behold,**_ the power of my ENDER STORM."

Cassie used: Ender Storm.

 _Poof-poof-poof-poof-poof-poof-poof-poof-poof-poof-poof!_ Cassie rapidly appears and disappears at various points around the room, dropping a TNT block with each teleport, surrounding Jesse's gang.

 _Poof-_ "HA-HA!" Cassie laughs as she finishes, appearing in the windowsill, "it's a shame I have to cause such damage to my dear, sweet mansion, but you will ALL die, one way...!" she takes out a fucking creeper egg "OR, AN-NO-THEEER!"

 _Smash!_ she throws the egg at them before breaking the window glass and leaping outside.

" **JUST RUN!** " Ivor takes to the window after her.

 _Poof!_ the creeper egg hits the ground and transforms into a creeper.

"My invention!" Jesse refuses to leave without her shit, running over to scoop up her armor.

" **Into the water with you!** " Lukas growls as he runs up and kicks the creeper like a badass, sending it toppling into the water.

" **Arrrgh...!** " Ivor stops himself from leaping out the window, forcing his legs to turn around and fucking run back " **FINE! everyone grab your stuff and gather around me!** "

" **Hrmph!** " _-clang-clank-bang._ Petra just kicks all the pieces of her armor over to Ivor's feet.

" _ **Coming...!**_ " Lukas chimes, bringing his stuff.

"Huh-huh-huh!" Jesse runs back with her arms full.

 _Hicssssssssssss...!_ the creeper angrily comes storming out of the water towards them.

As fast as he can, Ivor starts layin' down obsidian blocks, forming a small, uncomfortably tight barrier of them around the entire gang, but he left a single block unfilled, one facing the creeper.

" **Wait for it...!** " Ivor hisses, his arms shaky.

 _ **BOO-**_ _pt._ Ivor lets the creeper blow itself and fills the gap just in the nick of time.

Meanwhile, outside...

 _ **BOOM-OOM-BOO-BOM-OOM-BOOM-BOO-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-OOM!**_ Cassie watches the room blow the fuck up.

"HAAAAAA! HA-HA-HAAA, YESSS!" she cheers "I did it! I killed them ALL! mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha, MWAAA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!"

 **Poll Results!**

"How will the resulting battle unfold?"

1\. Petra will hold Cassie off alone while Jesse and Ivor try to take care of Lukas. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

2\. Petra and Jesse will hold Cassie off while Ivor desperately heals Lukas. 2 Vote(s). (16.6%)

3\. Petra will charge Cassie and attempt to steal her sword back, succeeds. 1 Vote(s). (8.3%)

4\. Petra will charge Cassie and attempt to steal her sword back, gets stabbed. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

5\. Petra will draw a new sword and swordfight Cassie. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

6\. Petra will draw two new swords and use them like a fucking badass. 1 Vote(s). (8.3%)

7\. Jesse will use her flint and steel mastery to send Cassie up in flames like a fucking badass. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

8\. Ivor will heal Lukas in five seconds and it'll be back to four-on-one. 1 Vote(s). (8.3%)

9\. Lukas will die and Cassie will face the full wrath of Jesse's gang. 1 Vote(s). (8.3%)

10\. Jesse and Petra, being swordless, will try to keep Lukas alive while Ivor uses his potions mastery to kick Cassie's ass. 1 Vote(s). (8.3%)

11\. Cassie will charge at Jesse, trip, and stab herself like an idiot. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

12\. Petra will fucking toy with Cassie and own her in seconds, causing Cassie to flip out with frustration. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

13\. Cassie will seize Lukas and hold him hostage, using his draining life to bargain her way out of the mansion. 1 Vote(s). (8.3%)

14\. Cassie will seize Lukas and hold him hostage, using his draining life to bargain for Jesse's enchanted flint and steel. 1 Vote(s). (8.3%)

15\. Cassie will seize Lukas and hold him hostage, and then she will rape him in revenge for what he's done to her. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

16\. Cassie will fight using her sword and nothing else, like an idiot. 1 Vote(s). (8.3%)

17\. Cassie will fight using the sword and her ax. 1 Vote(s). (8.3%)

18\. Cassie will fight using the sword and ender pearls. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

19\. Cassie will fight using the sword and her traps around the room. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

20\. Cassie will try to seize Lukas, but he'll still find a way to own her. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

21\. Something totally unexpected will prevent the fight. 1 Vote(s). (8.3%)

Total Votes: 12.

Total Voters: 2.

Well-well, that certainly was a ferocious battle! Out of everything listed in the poll, Answers that were correct include: 2. Petra and Jesse holds off Cassie (2 votes), 6. Petra draws two new swords (1 vote), 7. Jesse sets Cassie on fire (0 votes), 12. Petra toys with sad little Cassie (0 votes), and 18, Cassie fights with her sword and ender pearls (0 votes). That's five correct answers, with three votes between them. And BOTH voters got the first one right. Bravo!

And now do you know what time it is? It's time to once again, swing back over to:

 **D-A-N T-U-E-S-D-A-Y-S.**

When we last left DAN TUESDAYS, PwnKang had just given Dan one chance to speak the truth, Dan did as instructed, but PwnKang believed him to be lying anyway. And now, Dan is in for PwnKang's "surprise".  
NEW POLL: What do you think PwnKang's going to do to Dan? Vote now!


	45. C-44: Dan's Hitchhiking Adventure, Part2

**Dan Tuesday.**

 **Chapter 44: Dan's Hitchhiking Adventure, Part 2.**

(Important Note: takes place mostly at the same time as Chapter 43, just a little bit ahead.)

"AHHHHHH-OOF!" Dan screams as PwnKang catches up to him, grabs him, and forces his face into the ground.

"Runnin' ain't gonna save you from this, boy." PwnKang growls.

"D-DOOON'T!" Dan cries "pleeease...!"

"I told you not to lie to me, but you did, you done did and now you gotta pay the consequences, boy." PwnKang shakes his head _as he unzips his pants._

"NOOO! I told you the truth! I, SAID, THE, TRUTH!" Dan begs.

"Now I know this goes without sayin', but I'll say it anyway..." PwnKang remarks as he whips out his dick "TorqueDawg was the straight twin, and I... am the _gay_ twin."

"Noooooo...!" Dan tries and fails to resist "y-you can't! I've already been raped in the ass, twice last night."

"I can see that you like takin' it up there, boy, I have eyes, you got some man sauce all over your soft little cheeks already, what's one more load?" PwnKang questions.

"B-b-but...!" Dan whines "it'll be like you're fucking him!"

"...say what now, boy?" PwnKang blinks.

"The killer who raped me there twice, if you fuck me in the ass after he did already, then you're pretty much fucking him!" Dan explains.

"..." PwnKang frowns "wut, da fuk?"

 _BAM!_ he punches Dan.

"You talkin' nonsense, boy! who the hell ever told you that's how it works?" PwnKang demands.

"The killers did...!" Dan answers.

"STOP LYIN' TO ME, BOY!" PwnKang cannot fucking stand hearing anything relating to 'the killers'.

"I'M...! NOT...! LYING!" Dan screams at him.

"OOOH, YOU IN FOR IT NOW, BOY." PwnKang screams back "I'mma tear you apart!"

 _Wham!_ PwnKang thrusts his dick up Dan's ass.

" _ **GAAAAAAHHHHHH!**_ " Dan screams in pain, frustration, anger, and disbelief "NOOO! NOT _AGAIN!_ "

"Mmm! you feelin' pretty good on my dick, boy." PwnKang muses, thrusting in and out, fuckin' Dan's ass "a little loose, but that's to be expected judgin' from the jizz on yo' butt."

"NOT AGAIN!" Dan tries to twist away, "GET OFF!"

He does _**not**_ plan on just taking this like he did Lukas.

"Not until I'm done!" _-Bap!_ PwnKang snarls, kicking Dan in the stomach "now just be quiet and take it like a good boy."

"Gahhh...!" Dan groans, feeling himself go limp from the blow.

 _It-it's no use...!_ Dan realizes in horror, _I'm WAY too exhausted to deal with this right now! he's... too... fresh...!_

"Oomph! ooh! ugh! oh yeah! urgh! fuck! urgh! _urgh!_ " PwnKang grunts with each pleasurable thrust into Dan "shoulda just got down and fucked you when I found you, boy."

"Ugggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnn...!" Dan feels sick "WHYYYYYYYYYYYY!?"

"WHY!? you askin' fuckin' WHY?" PwnKang barks "because you fuckin' lied to me! and this is what men who lie to PwnKang get, a fine, good ol' fashioned, _assfucking!_ "

 _Why...?_ Dan thinks tiredly, ignoring PwnKang, _Why did I have the strength to fight this off, back when I couldn't resist, but now that I can resist, I don't have the strength to?_

"Mmph-mmph-mmph-mmph-mmph-mmph-mmph-mmph-mmph-mmph-MMPH-MMPH-MMPH-MMPH-MMMMMMMMMMMMPH!" PwnKang finishes quickly because he doesn't get much sex so he has low stamina, "OHHH YEAH!" he pulls out specifically to shoot his jizz all over Dan's asscheeks.

 _ **WHAAAAAAAAAAAAH!**_ Dan cries in his head, _HE FUCKING DID IT! HE FUCKED ME UNTIL CLIMAX DESPITE MY RESISTING! NOOO! I... I CAN'T BELIEVE IT...! SOME MONSTER JUST GOT PLEASURE OUT OF RAPING ME FOR THE_ _**THIRD, FUCKING, TIME!**_ _I should be KILLING these people, NOT PLEASURING THEM!_

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" PwnKang stretches relaxfully "whoooooo-whee! that was good, boy, mmm-hmm, now why don't you just take a moment to reflect on whether or not you wanna tell me the truth? I'm gonna go prepare myself..." his smile widens "for, ROUND TWO."

Dan gapes, "R-Round Two!?"

"Of course! you think I'm gonna be satisfied with that? hell no, we need to go it again, I'll take it easier on ya if you tell me the truth doh, just, think about it..." PwnKang snickers as he turns away and returns to his horse.

Dan rests, watching as PwnKang retrieves three porkchops from his horse's saddle and munches them up.

"I'm not going Round Two...!" Dan hisses quietly to himself "I'll die before I let a man get pleasure from raping me a fourth time...!"

Dan looks around, he had successfully ran from PwnKang far enough that he was at the edge of the woods, there was a large tree only a short distance away.

Groaning with the effort, Dan climbs slowly to his feet and starts limping towards it.

"You not thinkin' about runnin' away again are you, boy!?" he immediately hears PwnKang snap.

"N-no, Sir...!" Dan whines, glancing back "I was just... going to gather some apples to eat, if that's alright with you."

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, I guess so..." PwnKang allows, still suspicious.

Dan reaches the tree and begins tearing up the blocks of leaves, after a moment he digs up a couple of dirt blocks and uses them as stepping stones to reach higher.

"Hrmph." satisfied, PwnKang turns back to his horse.

The moment his tormentor is distracted, Dan frantically chops off a couple of the wood blocks that make up the branches of the tree, purposefully leaving the trunk intact, he scoops them up and hides them in his hot bar.

Author's Note: how we've decided this works is that when somebody has a suit of clothes on, they have their hot bar and inventory, but when they're naked, like Dan is, then they only have their hot bar.

Dan continues to dig through the leaves until he has a few apples, he sits down to eat them, glancing repeatedly over to PwnKang.

PwnKang notes that Dan is eating, and walks a little ways off, his back to Dan, to take a piss, right there, in the open.

Seizing his chance, Dan takes out his wood blocks and gets to work crafting.

 _Come on, I'm the #1 Minecraft YouTuber of all time! I can do this, put those skills and experience to use, you're the best, you're a diamond, Dan, YOU, ARE, A DIAMOND!_ Dan thinks as he turns the wood blocks into wood planks, and then some of the wood planks into a crafting table, _...and they will see you shine._

Dan breaks some of the wood into sticks, and uses his resources to craft a wooden pickaxe, he then runs over to the hole he had dug out with the dirt blocks, at the bottom he finds stone blocks and he works fast to grab up a couple of them, he then returns to his crafting table and forges up a stone sword, he then hides everything back into his hot bar and sits there eating his apples.

"Ahhhhhh, okay, boy, have you considered telling me the truth yet?" PwnKang inquires as he returns to Dan's side, his creepy rapey-eyes looking down at the young man hungrily.

"I've already told you the truth." Dan states calmly "a gang of four psycho killers crashed the party last night, they killed your brother, Captain Sparklez, and probably Cassie Rose judging from the last time I saw her, which was being raped by them like I had been beforehand, their names are Jesse, Petra, Ivor, and Lukas."

PwnKang frowns, "Boy..." he leans in close "you told me yo' name, was Lukas."

"...uh, yeah?" Dan nods "because at that point I was just going along with whatever you seemed to want to hear, I'm not Lukas, that was the only lie I told you, I, AM Dan TDM, Lukas is one of the killers, in fact, he's the one who raped me twice, you've pretty much fucked him."

"..." PwnKang stares at Dan, first surprised, and then steadily angry "grrrrrrrrrrr, _**WHY YOU LYIN' TO ME, BOOO-!?**_ "

 _Shing!_ Dan whips out his stone sword and stabs it right through the wide, open, 'boy' yelling mouth of PwnKang, the sword isn't very sharp so it doesn't go through the back of PwnKang's head, but it does jab deep into his sensitive flesh, and makes his eyes shoot wide in shock.

"This time...!" Dan growls "I shove my shaft, down YOUR throat!"

"I...!" PwnKang gurgles around the sword "n-never... touched... your throat, b-boy...!"

"Nobody did, but that doesn't matter, what matters is that I get my cool moment." Dan shakes his head "and really, you all pretty much did, it's like, a small difference."

Dan notices PwnKang's hand sneaking towards his hot bar.

"NO!" Dan grunts, ramming his shoulder into PwnKang and knocking the larger man over, "stay away from me!" he demands, pulling his stone sword out of PwnKang's mouth and backing away towards PwnKang's horse.

 _Shing!_ PwnKang pulls out his 'flashy' gold sword and gets to his feet, the stab in his mouth hurt, but it hardly impaired his body's fighting abilities.

"I told you stay the fuck back...!" Dan hisses.

PwnKang just walks towards him faster.

"Ugh!" Dan turns tail and runs, knowing that he can't take on an opponent who has superior armor and weaponry.

"Comin' for you...!" PwnKang grunts as he gives chase "then I'm REALLY gonna tear up that pretty little ass."

"Come on, come on, ride, ride, ride, damn it!" Dan hops onto PwnKang's horse and tries to get it to run.

"My horse is loyal to me, Lukas." PwnKang laughs "he'd never-"

 _Clop-clip-clop-clippity-clop-clop!_ Dan rides out of there on the horse.

PwnKang would scream, but that would be pushing himself too far.

"STOP!" Dan suddenly stops the horse, and turns it around to face PwnKang, refusing to just run off with what he can get "let's finish this...!"

Dan grabs PwnKang's bow and arrows from the horse's satchel, PwnKang bends his knees in preparation to dodge.

 _Twang-twang!_ Dan fires two arrows at PwnKang, one directly and one to PwnKang's left, PwnKang just rolls right and stands back up untouched.

"Ooh, you're good." Dan narrows his eyes.

"I'm the best, son." PwnKang snarls as he runs to close the gap between them.

"NO!" Dan flips out "THAT'S ME! I'M THE FUCKING BEST!"

"You's just a diamond minecart wannabe!" PwnKang taunts as he reaches Dan and grabs his leg.

"Oooh-!" Dan breathes as PwnKang pulls him off of the horse, "-oof!" he hits the ground on his back.

Dan is so fucked now.

"You shoulda just ran, boy...!" PwnKang growls as he slowly creeps down on his prey.

"SPLEEF!" Dan screams.

"...wut?" PwnKang's confused.

"I challenge you to a duel in Spleef!" Dan roars "if you're really the best, you should be able to beat me no problem, if you refuse, then you're just a coward!"

"Boy! I just beat you in dis!" PwnKang barks "you had my horse, you had my weapons, and I fuckin' beat you!"

"Do you accept, _my challenge?_ " Dan demands.

"..." PwnKang glares down at him, furious "...I hate you, boy."

"YOUR ANSWER!" Dan demands.

"Fine! I accept your muthafuckin' challenge!" PwnKang rages, turning away and kicking a flower "and I'll beat you too! and then we'll see who's the fuckin' best, agreed?"

"Done, and DONE." Dan nods, standing back up.

"Alright, we're gonna build the stadium out of dirt blocks, we fight with shovels only, no snowballs!" PwnKang decides.

"NO, a TRUE master would be skilled in both shovels AND snowballs!" Dan pushes "we shall use both!"

"URGH, how the fuck we gonna get snowballs out here then!?" PwnKang demands "I don't have any, do you!?"

"I am naked and have nothing!" Dan points out.

"I KNOW THAT, IT WAS A FUCKIN' RHETORICAL QUESTION, DUMBASS!" PwnKang rages "we don't HAVE snowballs, so we can't use any!"

"Urgh, fine then!" Dan rolls his eyes "shovels only, and what do we have under the stadium?"

"Fuckin' lava, what else?" PwnKang snarls.

"Do you HAVE lava?" Dan questions.

"O' COURSE! otherwise why would I fucking SUGGEST IT!?" PwnKang yells.

"Alright then!" Dan agrees "lets set this shit up!"

They get to work building the stadium.

 **Poll Results!**

"What do you think PwnKang's going to do to Dan?"

1\. Punch him in the face. 1 Vote(s). (33.3%)

2\. Kick him in the stomach. 1 Vote(s). (33.3%)

3\. He's just going to fuck him in the ass, that's what they always do. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

4\. Grab his leg and use it to swing him against the ground. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

5\. All of the above and below. (Except for Dan's escape of course.) 0 Vote(s). (0%)

6\. He won't do anything because Dan's going to escape. (Unlikely.) 1 Vote(s). (33.3%)

Total Votes: 3.

Total Voters: 2.

Oh-no! Poor little Dan, PwnKang did _everything_ to him! The correct answer this time, was ALL OF THE ABOVE! D:

Dan did ALMOST manage to escape, but he screwed that up. Luckily, he's bargained himself a fighting chance! What will happen when he and PwnKang go head to head in minecraft's most deadly popular sport!? Find out next week, in the epic, exciting, world-ending conclusion of DAN TUESDAYS! That's right, the next Dan Chapter... will be the **_last._**

In the meantime, let's steer the focus back over to our villains, Jesse and the gang, who have just survived Cassie's Ender Storm TNT attack using Ivor's obsidian blocks. As one might aptly figure, the new poll is about them! "What do you think is going to happen once the dust settles?" Vote now!


	46. Chapter 45: the Wilting of Cassie

**Chapter 45: the Wilting of Cassie.**

"Alright, it should definitely be safe to go out now." Ivor's voice sounds in the darkness, he had taken off his mask so they could tell it was him speaking "stand back, diamond pickaxe hacking here."

Outside...

"Hah...! hah...!" Cassie's finally done running around in celebration, (yes, she wasted all her energy running around screaming "YEEEAH!" that whole time), she comes back to the remains of the torture room, hops up a couple blocks, and climbs back in.

"Where are their bodies...!?" she eagerly looks around "where is my new flint and steel!?"

She immediately spots the big block of obsidian.

"..." she stares at it, then narrows her eyes "nooo...!"

"Ah!" Ivor's voice sounds upon breaking one of the blocks and seeing the light of the outside world "here we go, everybody, just one more and we can hop out."

"Uh...! uh...!" Cassie starts trying to decide what to do "I'm all out of TNT, um, I've got more ender pearls, I've got, uh, fish, and string, and...!" she spots her diamond axe laying in the crater that used to be the room.

She bolts for it.

"Hah!" Ivor huffs as the second obsidian block breaks "there we go, you hop out first, Petra, just incase that bitch Cassie is waiting to try to stab the first one of us who goes down there."

"' **K.** " Petra's cool with being the canary in the mineshaft.

Cassie scoops up her diamond axe.

"I can't believe they fucking stuck you up me earlier, or that Petra seriously figured out what we've been doing just from that!" she snarls, more to herself than to the axe.

" **Boo-yah!** " Petra jumps down, her back to Cassie.

"Boo-YOU!" Cassie leaps at Petra from behind.

 _Swoosh!_ Cassie chops her axe down, but Petra just somersaults forward and turns around smoothly, avoiding the blow and now facing Cassie.

" **You called it, Ivor!** " Petra announces.

 _Pt-pt-pt!_ the other three gang members drop to surround Cassie, Petra was still naked because she's lazy, but Jesse, Lukas and Ivor had reequipped their armor/robes.

" **Mmm, gonna enjoy fuckin' dis bitch some more.** " Lukas grins, flirting his eyebrows at Cassie.

"FUCK YOU, LUKAS!" Cassie screams, equipping her ender pearls "SUPER CASSIE TRANSPORT AXE-CHOP FUN TIME!"

Cassie used: bullshit.

Cassie pulls her one pony trick and starts throwing all of her ender pearls willy-nilly around the room, no rhyme or reason to it.

"Here we go again." Jesse shakes her head and rolls her eyes.

 _Poof-poof-poof-poof-poof-poof-poof-poof-poof-poof-poof-poof-poof!_ Cassie appears around the place, hacking her axe at them wildly but rarely ever hitting them, the only benefit to this was that they couldn't seem to hit her, and in fact none of them ever touch her even a single time.

"HA-" _-poof!-_ "HA-" _-poof!-_ "HA, you-" _-poof!-_ "can't-!" _-poof!-_ "WIN!" Cassie taunts as she continues her assault, not making any real progress.

"Ow, fuck!" Jesse grunts against a light strike against her cheek, the strike was essentially a miss, as it only barely grazes her.

"HA-!" Cassie laughs her last laugh, as her body suddenly goes limp and her eyes dead.

 _Poof-poof-poof-poof-poof!_ the last five teleports finish, ending with Cassie's corpse falling uselessly at Lukas' feet.

"Ha-HA!" Jesse laughs in realization, "oh my god! the fucking idiot! the dumb bitch used too many pearls at once and killed herself from the damage taken every time she teleported! some final attack!"

"It was certainly... special." Ivor snarks.

" **Oh, sweet, Cassie...** " Lukas shakes his head " **what would I have done with you?** "

" **I'm gonna pay my final respects.** " Petra states as she joins Lukas in standing over the corpse " **Cassie, I want to thank you for everything you've done for us, it was YOUR vote that brought us to power after all, so I'll pay you back with one small favor: I know you would've wanted to go out... with a bang.** "

Petra flops down onto the floor and starts fucking Cassie's corpse, " **urgh! YEAH, BITCH! how it feel!? you gettin' dis in the afterlife!? hope so, fuckhead! your ass is mine even in death! ugh, hell yeah!** "

"Okay, so while Petra let's out her urges of necrophilia on Cassie, what do you guys think we should do now?" Jesse addresses Ivor and Lukas, "I mean, the only reason we were hanging around here was Cassie, right? so now that's she's... come to a conclusion, where should we go with things? did you guys wanna run around outside and see if we can find the others, or did you wanna pack it up and head home, or did you wanna go to town and try to get our stories heard before anyone else's, or did you wanna book it off to somewhere that no one'll ever find us, or what? do you have any preferences?"

"I say we either hunt down the diamond minecart and kill him, or we boot it to another world." Ivor asserts "maybe Lizzie too, we can't have them exposing us when we're still around."

" **Ummm, Jesse?** " Lukas calls attention.

"Yes?" Jesse turns to him.

Lukas takes off his mask in a 'my god' manner, he was looking downward and to the side, "I think I just found Cassie's flower pot."

"...excuse me?" Jesse doesn't understand, walking over and following his gaze.

Jesse finds that the blocks down from this section of the crater part to reveal a drop into a dark, bloody, underground room, from here she could see what she recognized as TorqueDawg's inventory items just waiting to be picked up, and, much more exciting, two armor stands, both dressed up with full white pumpkin suits, including masks.

"*Gassssssp*...!" Jesse breathes, getting it now, "Ivor! Petra! we can't leave yet!"

"Why not!?" Ivor snaps, walking over to see for himself "...oh."

"Be right back." Lukas promises, he hops down carefully to the hole, and then drops the rest of the distance, he grabs one of the masks, turns back, and uses cheap blocks (dirt, cobblestone, etc.) to stack his way back up, he then approaches Jesse gracefully, bending down on his knees before her as he holds out the prized mask.

"For you, my wonderful leader." Lukas bows his head.

"Oh, thank you so much, **Lukasss!** " Jesse cheerfully takes the mask and places it over her head, her tiny cut having already stopped bleeding, and her sweet, adorable voice contrasting hilariously against the dark, gritty pumpkin mask version.

"Now that we all have these... wonderful things." Ivor hisses as he lovingly strokes his mask "shall we begin chasing after Dan?"

"The BEST sexslave-fucktoy." Lukas nods.

" **Yesss, of courssse.** " Jesse nods agreement, " **are you done, Petra?** " she turns to view her sister.

" **MMM, soon!** " Petra calls " **I'm getting off HARD to my fantasy of her feeling this in the afterlife!** "

" **I hope she** _ **does**_ **feel it.** " Jesse remarks, " **did the two of you want to put your masks back on in the meantime?** "

"Yessssss **ssssss.** " Ivor and Lukas comply.

" **Now we ALL wear these masks.** " Lukas remarks.

" **Will they be a new symbol of our unity?** " Ivor questions.

" **They already are.** " Jesse nods agreement.

" **Are we the White Pumpkin Gang then? is that our name?** " Lukas inquires.

" **Hmm... I** _ **do**_ **like the masks, but I'm not sure if I want to take the actual name in addition to them...** " Jesse's unsure, " **do** _ **you**_ **like the name, Ivor?** "

" **I am fond of 'Jesse's Gang'.** " Ivor shrugs.

" **That is a lot faster.** " Jesse concurs, " **I also feel like the masks are almost, MORE emphasized without the name, which, I do enjoy.** " she adds, then turns to call to Petra, " **Petra! do you want to change our gang name to 'the White Pumpkin Gang', or just leave it the same as it was before?** "

" **Taking... the masks... is one thing...!** " Petra calls back " **it's disrespectful to Cassie, us wearing them and making them our own, but, naming ourselves after them? no! that's giving them too much power, and starts to become RESPECTFUL of dis bitch instead of disrespectful!** "

" **I agree.** " Jesse nods, then turns to Lukas, " **I think we will leave it the same, Lukas, it was a nice thought, but I really like the masks to appear... almost random, to anyone who encounters us, and we wish to disrespect Cassie as much as humanly possible, so 'Jesse's Gang' it will stay.** "

" **I understand, no problemo.** " Lukas shrugs.

And that... of all the ways... was how Cassie Rose died.

 **Poll Results!**

"What do you think is going to happen once the dust settles?"

1\. Jesse's Gang are trapped inside the obsidian block. Cassie will escape while they try to dig their way out through the floor. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

2\. Jesse's Gang will quickly exit the obsidian block and start chasing after Cassie. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

3\. Quick exit out of the block and the battle continues. Cassie will kill nobody, and get slaughtered like a bitch. (Likely) 1 Vote(s). (33.3%)

4\. Quick exit out of the block and the battle continues. Cassie will kill one other person, and then get killed. (Kinda likely) 0 Vote(s). (0%)

5\. Quick exit out of the block and the battle continues. Cassie will kill two of them, and then get killed. (Not likely.) 0 Vote(s). (0%)

6\. Quick exit out of the block and the battle continues. Cassie will kill three of them, and then get killed. (Almost impossible.) 0 Vote(s). (0%)

7\. Quick exit out of the block and the battle continues. Cassie will kill all four of them and walk away the victor. (She can dream.) 0 Vote(s). (0%)

8\. Quick exit out of the block and the battle continues. Cassie will accidentally kill herself like a fucking idiot. (Very likely.) 1 Vote(s). (33.3%)

9\. Something totally unexpected. 1 Vote(s). (33.3%)

Total Votes: 3.

Total Voters: 1.

OH, SUCH TRIUMPH! The one voter got it exactly right! Jesse and her gang were totally unable to touch Cassie, but the fool caused her own death by teleporting more than her body could handle! This was truly, the most 'Cassie' way for her to go.

A CHARACTER JUST DIED.

That hasn't happened in a while!

But is there another death to come in the near future!? Why, scandalous sadists, it seems to be so! Because if we just swing back over to DAN TUESDAYS:

 _WHOOOOOOSH._

COME ONE, COME ALL

TUESDAY AT THE SPLEEF ARENA, YOU CAN SEE TWO LEGENDARY MINECRAFT YOUTUBERS BATTLE IT OUT HEAD-TO-HEAD, **_TO DA MAX_**

THE COMPETITORS ARE:

DAN THE DIAMOND MINECART (TDM)

VS.

PWNKANG THE GAY TWIN (TGT)

TWO MEN ENTER, BUT ONLY ONE MAN LEAVES, WHILE THE OTHER **_BURNS IN LAVA_**

ONE NIGHT ONLY

(for obvious reasons)

GET YOUR GAMEFACE ON, PLACE YOUR BETS, AND VOTE ON THE NEW POLL NOW

 **THEY GONNA PLAY SOME SPLEEF THIS TUESDAY**

 **AND THEY BE PLAYIN': TO STAY,**

 **ALIVE!**

 **AS DAN TUESDAYS COME TO A WORLD-SHATTERING END!**


	47. Chapter 46: the Duel

**Dan Tuesday.**

 **Chapter 46: the Duel.**

(Important Note: unlike the previous Dan chapters, this does not take place simultaneously with the previous entry, Chapter 45. It picks up right after.)

"Okay, boy." PwnKang closes the fence, locking him and Dan inside the battle arena "now we fight, and the best minecraft spleefer... wins."

"Hahaha...!" Dan laughs, his eyes crazy "heh-heh, you idiot, you should've just killed me, now I'm going to walk away alive while you burn!"

"Can't wait to smell your ass all fried and crispy." PwnKang gets his shovel ready "on the count o' three."

"Count o' two!" Dan pushes impatiently, taking out his shovel.

"Fine." PwnKang rolls his eyes "one...!"

PwnKang whips out a potion of fire resistance and downs it as fast as he can.

"WHAT THE-!?" Dan starts.

 _Smash!_ PwnKang throws the bottle aside.

"TWO!" PwnKang runs at Dan.

"EEP!" Dan starts cutting up the dirt blocks and cuts himself off on a little island.

 _Screech!_ PwnKang stops before he goes falling into the lava.

"COWARD!" PwnKang calls.

"Coming from the man who just made himself IMMUNE TO LAVA." Dan snarls.

"There ain't no way this is gonna work out for you, boy." PwnKang snarls back "there no one out here with us, I could jump into that lava, chop the dirt out from under you, watch you die, climb out, tell everybody I beat you fair, and no one would ever be the wiser."

"Then why don't you!?" Dan demands.

"I got somethin' better in mind." PwnKang chuckles.

"...!" Dan's eyes widen "what's that?"

PwnKang takes out snowballs.

"YOU SICK FUCK!" Dan screams.

"Like you said, boy, a REAL master would use both, that's just what I'll tell your friends when they find out what I done to you." PwnKang laughs "if you had any kind of a reputation, that's gonna be transferred to me."

"Then DO IT!" Dan demands "come on! throw 'em!"

"...why you so eager to die, boy?" PwnKang questions.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Dan grumbles.

"You quit with that emo shit!" PwnKang demands "tell me the reason!"

"You wouldn't understand..." Dan turns away "nobody understands me."

"BOY I TOLD YOU!" PwnKang snaps "QUIT, THE EMO."

"Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of my soul screaming in torment." Dan sits down, back to PwnKang "so, so sad..." he bows his head.

"...boy." PwnKang starts, tense "I'mma start throwin' if you don't fess up."

Dan just folds his arms and raises his head a bit, looking like a bitch.

"YOU DONE HAD YO' CHANCE." PwnKang roars.

Unbeknownst to PwnKang, Dan had put something in his mouth when his head was bowed, something he had stolen off the horse when he had the chance, something that he had in mind the moment he had suggested this duel... his own fire resistance potion, and now that he had his head lifted up, he silently gulped down it's contents.

 _Pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-pt!_ PwnKang throws snowballs to break the dirt blocks out from under Dan, who falls, (still sitting like a bitch), hits the lava, and disappears within it, his shovel burning up to nothing.

"Hrmph! totally unsatisfying." PwnKang grouches as he tries to spot Dan's body in the lava below "I shoulda just fucked his ass again, never did get that Round Two, such bullshi-"

 _Pt!_ the dirt block he was standing on suddenly breaks.

"DA FUUU-!" PwnKang gasps as he falls and hits the lava, "oomph!" he grunts as all his clothes, inventory items, and shovel are destroyed.

"The hell!?" he looks around wildly, standing perfectly fine and dandy in the lava "how did-?"

"BAM!" Dan shouts gleefully as he suddenly jumps on PwnKang's back from the depths of the lava, pinning the bigger man down in the stuff "I'm immune too, bitch!"

"You...!? what the...!" PwnKang weakly struggles in surprise "HOW!?"

"I snuck a potion for me." Dan grins.

"HA! did you now!?" PwnKang laughs "well, you didn't think this through did you, boy!? I drank my potion AFTER you, you're going to burn up first!"

"Well, a-...!" Dan stops himself, realizing his opportunity "...oh! uh, damn it! fuck it all!" he puts on the really bad act.

"Too bad for you, _but...!_ " PwnKang chuckles.

 _BAM!-whisp!_ PwnKang elbows Dan off of himself, turns, grabs the younger man, and pushes him to his knees.

"...I'm gonna enjoy this!" PwnKang cheers.

"NOOO! get off! don't-!" Dan pleads.

"URGH!" PwnKang thrusts his cock into Dan once again.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Dan screams "NOT...! AH...! GAHN...!"

"Urm-urm-urm-urm-urm-urm-urm-urm-urm-urm!" PwnKang fucks him.

"WHYYYYYY, IS, IT, ALL, WAYS, MEEEEEEEEEEEE!?" Dan cries out to the world "FOUR TIMES!? YOU FUCK ME IN THE ASS, _**FOUR TIMES!?**_ "

"Boy, this is only the second time I've ever plowed you." PwnKang points out "too bad it'll be the last!"

This goes on for two minutes, PwnKang doesn't worry about his time limit because he thinks Dan's going first.

"Heh, heh, heh, how long's it been?" PwnKang breathes "you still ain't gone? FINE WITH ME!"

 _WHAM!_ he punches Dan in the nuts.

"DAAAAAAOOOOOOWWWWWW!" Dan squeals.

"Any second now, boy, you gonna die! you gonna die with my wiener in yer-"- _SIZZZZZZZZZZZZ!_ PwnKang is PwnedToast "AIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE...!" he's quickly melted away into the lava, gone.

Dan gasps for breath, and flops onto his side, still in the lava.

"F-f-f..." he struggles "f-fiiin-na-nall-nally...!"

He shivers, despite the warmth.

"Took you long enough...!" he's talking to the fucking potion.

 _ **BOOM.**_ it hits him that he has like, fifteen seconds to live.

"EEEEEEP!" he scrambles to his feet, runs to the side, and starts punching at the stone wall containing their lava pit.

"Come on, come on!" he punches away "it takes, what, ten seconds to break one of these!?"

Ten, nine, eight seconds to live.

"Do it...!" Dan begs "break...!"

Five, four, three seconds to live.

"BREAK YOU MOTHERFUUUCKEEER!" Dan can't take it as the thing is nearly done.

One second just as the thing breaks.

"YES, YES, YES!" Dan swims his feet to the top of the lava and steps out just in time, throwing himself forward and landing on the soft, grassy ground "urgh...!"

Silence.

"...WAAAHOOO!" Dan leaps to his feet and starts dancing "oh yeah! oh yeah! who lives another day!? the D-man! the diamond man! the DIAMOND DAN! I won, I got out, stupid PwnKang, stupid PwnKang, he dead, he gone, he, is, OUT!"

Dan takes a moment to breathe.

"And he...!" Dan huffs, "is just the beginning!" he turns, eyes locked onto PwnKang's horse.

"Neeeigh!" the horse whines.

"Shut up, you bitch." Dan growls "your master had that coming to him, that's what he gets for taking on the diamond motherfucking minecart."

Dan storms over and forcibly climbs onto the horse, naked ass squishing into the saddle.

"PwnKang was a bad dude, and he got his punishment, but he was small fish compared to my other enemies." Dan narrows his eyes "I'm not letting this go, I'll hunt down all the rest of those who have done me wrong, I'll kill 'em, I'll kill 'em all, in order from least to most, I'll kill Cassie if she's still alive, Petra, Ivor, Jesse, LUKAS, Stacy, and of course..." he grinds his teeth "... _ **Stampy Cat.**_ "

He looks back towards the mansion.

"...no, not them yet." he shakes his head "there's too many of them and I'm too weak right now, I need to find and kill someone easier."

He looks towards the woods.

"I'm on a horse, they're on foot, I can still catch Stacy and Stampy." he plans "I'll get them next, yeah, and get my FUCKING FLINT AND STEEL back while I'm at it."

Silence.

"...what do I have?" Dan checks the bag.

He finds a decent assortment of things.

"Any FUCKING IRON, MAYBE!?" Dan roars, impatient, as he shifts through it.

He finds some iron ingots.

"FINALLY SOME GOOD FORTUNE." Dan doesn't sound very happy as he takes them, hops off the horse, and runs a short distance away, laying down his crafting table.

"Okay, I got sixteen ingots here..." Dan calculates "heh, I got, ingot, in got, Igot, heh-heh-UGH, uh, anyway, yes, a helmet needs five, a chestplate takes eight, pants seven, and boots take only four, that's twenty-four ingots needed for the full suit, DAMN IT, I'm eight short the full suit."

Dan thinks for a moment.

"Urgh, well at least I can get SOME armor, maybe I can fill in the rest with leather or something, jeez..." he starts laying the iron down "alright, let's see if I can at least use all of it, what combination of things would equal an exact total of sixteen used?"

He runs it through his head.

"...huh, eight missing, eight to make a chestplate." he shrugs "if I want, I can make a helmet, pants, and boots out of this, but my chest will be exposed."

He considers it for a long moment.

"Ugggh, _fine._ " he gets crafting and makes himself a suit of iron armor, missing the chestplate.

"There..." he equips it "that's 2 armor points for the helmet, 5 for the leggings, another 2 for the boots, so I currently have an armor rating of 9 armor points."

He goes running back to the horse and looks into the sack again.

"Come on, leather, leather, leather, leather, leath-YES!" he pulls out leather "how much!?"

Seven leather.

"...FUCK!" Dan throws it to the ground and starts stomping on it "FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! WHY!?" he screams at the world "WHY DO YOU TEASE ME LIKE THIS!? you make it look like things are finally going my way, and then you pull THIS!? as a matter of fact, this isn't the first time, either! earlier you made it look like I was going to be rescued, but instead I was just RAPED AGAIN! that's it, fuck you, universe! fuck, off!"

Long silence.

"...I don't feel any better." Dan mopes, sitting down "what the fuck am I supposed to do now!? I need to wreak my revenge!"

Silence.

Dan very, very slowly starts to turn around...

...and fixes his gaze on the horse.

"Mch... mch..." the horse is just casually munching, completely oblivious to Dan.

"...ohhh." Dan slowly nods "ohhhhhh, okay, I see what you're getting at, universe, I thought I was supposed to ride this horse to my revenge, but now I see, I'm really supposed to take my revenge, TO THE HORSE."

Dan takes a stone sword out of the horse's fucking bag, it's the best weapon PwnKang had in there, his best weapon at all was his golden sword, which melted with him.

"Makes sense." Dan smiles evilly "after all, you had a hand to play in what he did to me, didn't you?" he talks to the horse.

...

HE'S,

TALKING,

TO,

THE,

FUCKING,

HORSE.

"If you hadn't brought him to me, or had ridden away with me instead of letting him pull me off of you, then this might have turned out differently...!" Dan snarls as he lines up the sword with the horse's neck "instead, karma's come for your SOUL."

 _SLASH!_ Dan chops into the horse's neck.

"NEEEIGH...!" the horse makes the horse dying sound as it turns over and dies, poofing into a single piece of leather, it's saddle, and turning it's bag into a shulker box.

"Worth it." Dan nods, satisfied, as he picks up the leather.

He then goes and crafts a leather chestplate, throws it on, and stands there, looking over himself dressed in mismatched armor.

"Okay, I'm feeling the power." Dan flexes his muscles and plays a bit with the stone sword "now I just need a ride..."

Long moment of Dan pondering a solution to this glaring issue that didn't exist a moment ago.

"Oink... oink-oink..." a pig comes wandering out of the woods.

Dan can barely contain his beaming smile, "Thank you, Universe!" he screams as he picks up his crafting table, gets a carrot-on-a-stick out of the shulker box before picking that up too, grabs the horse's saddle, and eagerly runs for the pig.

 **Poll Results!**

"What do you think will be the result of the epic duel of spleef between Dan and PwnKang?"

1\. Dan drops PwnKang into the lava, and crazily runs away the winner. 1 Vote(s). (16.6%)

2\. PwnKang drops Dan into the lava, and walks away the winner. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

3\. One player cuts themselves off onto an island and it's a draw. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

4\. They both cause each other to fall into the lava. 1 Vote(s). (16.6%)

5\. One player stupidly causes themselves to fall into the lava. 1 Vote(s). (16.6%)

6\. Something totally unexpected. 3 Vote(s). (50%)

Total Votes: 6.

Total Voters: 3.

DUN-DUN-DUN-DUUUN! We have a winner! (And his name is DAN-) One of you successfully predicted the correct answer, as both combatants caused each other to drop into the hot fiery lava. However, they were both immune! (For a time.) And Dan walked away alive and... not so well, actually, but alive and that's what counts.

Also he got revenge on a damn horse for his own mistakes. That was something. That was... a, good way, to end DAN TUESDAYS, wouldn't you all say?

Now, even though we return to the main story on Friday, our new poll is keeping the focus on Dan, and by that we mean, we're asking "What was YOUR opinion of PwnKang as a character?" Wuzzee gud, or wuzzee shit? Vote now!


	48. Chapter 47: the Great Stampy Race

**Chapter 47: the Great Stampy Race.**

" **There he goes, Jesssse.** " Lukas comments as the four gang members watch Dan ride away on his pig in the distance.

" **He was out in the open!** " Ivor's pissed off by this " **we gave him forever to get away, he only goes THAT far, and he doesn't hide himself!? best minecrafter of this world my ass!** "

" **And where the fuck is Lizzie, Stampy, or Stacy?** " Jesse adds, " **judging from the logic of 'Dan's the best', they should all be lying right at our feet.** "

" **I don't know, but dead Cassie wuz guuud.** " Petra's an asshole.

" **I get the feeling that Dan was only 'the best' because of circumstance.** " Lukas theorizes " **Stampy seemed much more professional, and Stacy and Lizzie both seemed even moreso than he did, in any case, the three of them all handled what we did to them, and the general events of tonight, way better.** "

" **Did you wanna just run up and fuck him in the ass some more?** " Jesse asks.

" **HELL YES.** " Lukas is immediately excited, his boner springing up in his pants at just the thought of a round three with Dan, everybody notices but doesn't give Lukas any acknowledgement of it, let alone shit for it like they gave Dan.

" **Really!? a fourth time!?** " Ivor gapes " **where do you get the stamina!?** "

" **Fourth time?** " Jesse repeats, " **what, are you counting Cassie?** "

" ***Gasp*!** " Ivor's gape widens " **no! I was counting Stacy's assfucking round, before the fuckpuzzle, I completely FORGOT that he was also there with Cassie! this is round FIVE for you, Lukasss! I wish I could build HALF the machine you are!** "

" **Not to mention he fucked Dan and Lizzie at the same time the one round.** " Jesse adds.

" **Holy shit! that's like...** " Petra does the math " **...five whole fuckpoints!** "

" **Fuckpoints?** " Lukas raises an eyebrow curiously.

" **Fuckpoints are imaginary points me and Petra made up.** " Jesse explains " **basically, you get a fuckpoint whenever you FUCK somebody, each person you connect with in a round creates two fuckpoints, one for you and one for them, so for instance, you and Stacy each got a fuckpoint when you fucked her ass, and then you and Dan each got a fuckpoint when you fucked his ass, and then you got two fuckpoints when you fucked Dan's and Lizzie's asses together in the fuckpuzzle, give you another point for Cassie and you've got five fuckpoints so far today, counting last night as 'today' of course.** "

" **At the end of the day, we count 'em all up and see who's the champion!** " Petra smiles widely.

" **Normally it's, heh-heh, ME, but you've done really well, Lukas, you might be giving me a run for my money.** " Jesse brags.

" **It seems to me like there's a few people doing that.** " Ivor points out " **Dan, Petra, and Cassie have all had a fair share.** "

Jesse stares at him.

" **...shit!** " Jesse curses " **you're right! I've been too generous, I need to start fucking some more bitches myself.** "

" **You're all welcome to share Dan with me when we catch him.** " Lukas offers.

" **Pah! and make DAN the winner!?** " Petra scoffs " **we should catch up to Stampy and Stacy, they's what we need, Stampy has two fuckpoints and Stacy has three, we need to fuck them some more.** "

" **Sounds good to me!** " Jesse's into it.

" **Dan's getting further away as we speak.** " Ivor remarks " **he is already out of sight, we should give chase before we lose him completely.** "

" **Oh, yeah, I guess.** " Jesse agrees, " **you guys ready?** "

" **Ready to fuck him numb, right, Lukas!?** " Petra punches Lukas' shoulder.

" **My cock begs to be returned to it's home.** " that's a yes.

" **Okay then, let's set out!** " Jesse declares, " **let's comb these woods until we find Dan, roast his pig, take his shit, and fuck him sore! agreed!?** "

" **OI!** " the rest of the gang cheer.

" **Where do you think he's going?** " Lukas wonders out loud.

" **Ugh, I don't know, it's hard to guess when he hasn't bothered leaving until now.** " Jesse thinks about it, " **I would think that he's just kinda headed... away, but with all his strange behavior and, uh, projects...** " she gestures to the fucking spleef arena, " **I just really fuckin' don't know what the hell to think.** "

" **Heh, maybe we'll be lucky and he's leading us straight to the others, you know, because he wants to tag onto Lizzie's success.** " Petra suggests.

" **He did say he was going after Stampy and Stacy when he left, to try to get his stupid green flint and steel back.** " Ivor remembers.

" **Yeah, but if that was really his plan, you kinda would have expected him to have gone after them, oh, I don't know,** _ **ALREADY.**_ " Jesse pushes.

" **Maybe he just...** " Lukas tries to think of a logical explanation " **...no, I got nothin', he looks retarded.** "

" **Sweet Spleef arena doh.** " Petra nods " **maybe he ate some wild mushrooms, the... WRONG wild mushrooms, and hallucinated, and thought he had to play Spleef against somebody.** "

" **Hmm, maybe...** " Jesse rubs the chin of her mask, then her eyes widen a bit, " **where the hell did he get all that shit from, anyway?** "

Silence.

" **...son of a bitch.** " Petra huffs " **now we gotta solve a mystery.** "

" **Or, we could solve it the smart way, and just track his bitch ass down and force him to explain it to us.** " Jesse suggests.

" **I vote for that plan.** " Ivor ain't shitting around here for longer than he needs to.

" **You want to lead the charge, Jesse?** " Lukas offers " **and should we spread out a good distance from each other to search more woods?** "

" **Yesss, Lukasss, to both questions.** " Jesse hisses contently, " **if any of us run into any trouble, just scream, and we'll all rush to you, got it?** "

" **Ayyye, Capin'.** " she gud wit da cru.

" **Ready... set... INVADE!** " Jesse calls the word, sending them all rushing towards and into the woods, each scattering down a different makeshift route to search for the reoccurring victim.

And so! the Great Stampy Race is on, Dan is searching for Stampy, Jesse is searching for Dan, will Dan manage to catch Stampy before he gets fucked up the ass by Lukas? will Jesse and company be able to intercept Dan in time to save her lover from his wrath? all will be revealed, as the GREAT STAMPY RACE takes off!

 **Poll Results!**

"What was YOUR opinion of PwnKang as a character?" (You may vote up to two if you find your opinion to be split between multiple options.)

1\. I loved him! (Positive Level 3) 0 Vote(s). (0%)

2\. He was good! (Positive Level 2) 0 Vote(s). (0%)

3\. He was okay. (Positive Level 1) 1 Vote(s). (50%)

4\. I have mixed feelings. (Neutral) 0 Vote(s). (0%)

5\. He was meh. (Negative Level 1) 1 Vote(s). (50%)

6\. He was unlikable. (Negative Level 2) 0 Vote(s). (0%)

7\. I hated him! (Negative Level 3) 0 Vote(s). (0%)

8\. I loved to hate him. (Deliciously Negative) 0 Vote(s). (0%)

Total Votes: 2.

Total Voters: 1.

Welp, we only got one person's opinion, and they didn't even care for him either way! Looks like PwnKang was more like LukewarmKang, in other words, HE GOT PWNED. We, the creators, found him to be hilarious ourselves, but of course _**we**_ would, wouldn't we?

Our new poll is, of course, "How do you think the Great Stampy Race will end?" Vote now!


	49. Chapter 48: the Finish Line

**Chapter 48: the Finish Line.**

Stampy and Stacy are walking along together through the woods, holding hands.

"What's that beautiful smell drifting through the air? IT'S DAN BURNING! what's that beautiful song going through my ears? IT'S DAN SCREAMING! what's that beautiful feeling coursing in my soul? IT'S DAN LEAVING!" Stampy continues writing his songs.

"Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" Stacy fucking loves it "what's that object cluttering your pocket? IT'S DAN'S THINGY."

"HA- _HA!_ " Stampy laughs, "oh, that's perfect, baby!"

"Just like everything else we did tonight, right, Stampy?" Stacy flashes him a straight-up evil grin.

"Well, _judging from the results!_ " Stampy jeers, obnoxiously waving up his left hand in enthusiasm, the one that wasn't holding onto Stacy's.

'Make peace!'

'But work.'

'Well, we tried.'

'We done perfect!'

SOUNDS LEGIT.

...

You gotta love supervillain Stampy and Stacy. = ^ _ ^ = (- that is a cat... for Stampy. :3)

"We did it, Stampy!" Stacy cheers, turning and throwing her arms around him "we did more than just survive, we came out ON TOP."

"I know!" Stampy nods, "we're gonna finish up our scenic nature walk, get breakfast, sleep super soundly with our perfectly clear consciences, give our testimonies, _and live like fucking kings off the money of Dan's former subscribers for the rest of our lives!_ "

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Stacy squeals with joy as she lifts Stampy up off his feet and begins spinning him around.

"Hahahahahahhh!" Stampy laughs with glee.

"*deep breath*...!" Stacy pauses "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-"

 _Krick!_ Stacy's jeans catch on a branch of a sapling as they spin by it, the branch partly snaps but doesn't break, suddenly tugging Stacy out of her spin.

"-ahhh!" Stacy gasps as she loses her balance and she and Stampy go tumbling over and inadvertently rolling down the hill.

"Ooh-oof-ugh-urgh-oof!" they roll.

 _Poof!_ they gently land in a solid field of flowers at the bottom of the hill, sending a hundred small, sweet, romantic petals flying into the air around them, they had landed Stampy on top.

"Oh, Stacy..." Stampy lifts himself up on his hands and stares into her bright green eyes, "out of everyone in the world I could spend all of Dan's money with, I'm so glad I'm with you."

"Teehee...!" Stacy chuckles "you have petals on your hoodie ears."

"...is it a good look?" Stampy asks.

"It makes you go from a cute to an adorable." Stacy responds, sliding her hand up into his hood and weaving her fingers into the hair on the back of his head "you look... magnificent."

They stare longingly into each other's eyes.

Supervillain Stampy is _way_ less timid and anxiety driven than normal Stampy, and with his newfound supervillain confidence, he closes his eyes and moves in for the make out.

"Mmmmmm!" Stacy rises to meet him, the young couple's lips lock with passion.

They snog together, kissing, brushing, and snuggling, for minutes on end.

"We..." Stacy breathes as she lovingly rubs her nose against her boyfriend's "should probably... keep going before long... not because we're in danger, just so we can... sooner organize our new life."

"Yeah... yeah, of course..." Stampy agrees, "this'll just be... our final farewell... to the old days." he keeps kissing her.

"Mmm...!" Stacy gently pulls their lips apart again "when we get back, I... I want to stop hiding this."

"Oh, it'll go public, baby, everyone will know." Stampy assures, "hopefully it'll even be big enough news to jumpstart our success."

"I know, the sheeple love celebrity gossip." Supervillain Stacy chuckles, her eyebrows curved and smile evil "the news of our big get-together will draw enough extra attention to make us even more millions of emeralds, we'll be the most important people in the world! we will... CONTROL the world!"

"Ohhhh!" Stampy relishes hearing that, then strokes the side of Stacy's face with his finger, "I love the way you think...!"

"Laugh with me, Stampy." Stacy instructs "mwa-ha-ha, okay?"

"Okay, on the count of three." Stampy directs, "one... two... three!"

"MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA, MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA!" the two laugh wickedly together.

"That's it...!" Stacy grins as she suddenly pushes Stampy over onto his back and rolls on top of him so that their positions switch "Stampy, I've waited a long time for this..."

"For what, my love?" Stampy grins back evilly.

Stacy roughly tears a few of the flowers off their stems and tightens them into a bouquet.

"Stampy..." Stacy's eyes go big and shiny, her villainous side taking a moment's break "...will you..." she offers him the bouquet "...move in with me?"

"YES, BABY!" Stampy throws his arms around Stacy joyously, not actually taking the bouquet, "I never want to be separated from you again!"

 _Thwonk!_ an arrow suddenly shoots down at them and sticks into the back of Stacy's head.

"*gasp*!" Stacy's expression shoots wide with shock and pain.

" _ **AHHHHHH!**_ " Stampy screams like all shit.

Stacy shoves herself off of Stampy, turning to look back up the hill, Stampy's gaze follows.

"HAAA! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!" they find Dan, dressed in armor and riding a dumb pig, laughing maniacally at the top of the hill, his rioting hands struggling to load another arrow onto his bow "helloooooooooooo! I'm BAAACK! did you two small-time idiots actually believe that you could just murder the greatest of the great that easily!? of course I escaped! and now I've come for my property, and by property, I mean my flint and steel, but I also mean, YOUR HEADS!"

Dan... is the winner of the Great Stampy Race.

"Fucking MINECART!?" Stampy can't believe any of this.

"How the fuck...!?" Stacy breathes "where did you get all that STUFF!?"

"I crafted it from the land, like a true minecraft MASTER." Dan claims "when you go against me, you go against the can't-be-beat! and speaking of beats...!"

Dan slips off of the pig, puts on sunglasses, greases his hair back, takes out a book, opens it, looks down, and clears his throat, "And now... for the rap!"

"No...!" Stacy and Stampy gasp in horror.

" _I hope you two both know how to spit a dope rhyme, because that's the only way you'll be winnin' this time!_ " Dan teases, the rap begins " _one against the two of U is no prob fo' me, so let's get this go'in, yo', DanTDM Vs. Stamp-Stace-E!_ "

"The nightmare is real!" Stacy braces herself.

Stampy just stares in terrified disbelief.

Dan continues his rap attack. ('...' is him pausing for breath.)

 _So you thought you could just walk away,_

 _with my stolen findin's._

 _Tried to send me up in flames, (nuh-uh!)_

 _you can't set fire to diamonds!_

 _And that gem is what I am,_

 _I'm the best there ever wuz._

 _Run ahead leave me for dead,_

 _no way you can be seriuz!_

 _..._

 _I've slain a hundred ender dragons, more withers than you could count,_

 _found that ancient flint and steel every-one was talkin' 'bout._

 _My groupies lining up,_

 _to get a piece of this keeper,_

 _gonna suck and blow me harder,_

 _than a hopper-creeper._

 _More bone than a skeleton,_

 _and more compact than TNT,_

 _all the ladies want my dick,_

 _even you there, Stacy!_

 _..._

 _My subscriber base is huge, you have no hope to catch it,_

 _(None!)_

 _even adding Lizzie to your piddly scores cannot match it!_

 _I face every challenge head-on, I'm head-strong, I get along,_

 _but nothing will assert my awesomeness more than what I rap in song!_

 _..._

 _I spit hot lava, literally!_

 _I am the top celebrity._

 _Nobody can keep up with me._

 _I'm breaking you like blocks, can't you see!?_

 _Punch you into wood just like a tree._

 _If your security's a lock I've got the key._

 _You'd better get down onto just one knee,_

 _and beg me for forgiveness 'cause you're not home-free._

 _..._

 _Stampy, your cat hoodie is shit, man._

 _Stacy, your taste in guys is shit, ma'am._

 _Shit!_

 _Shit!_

 _Shit-shit-shit!_

 _Everyone except for Dan._

 _..._

 _So since when have you two been a thing?_

 _Probably not long, no engagement ring._

 _Did you fall in love, or is it all lust?_

 _A pact for power, maybe? yeah I hear what you discuss!_

 _Rule the world, you think? pah, don't be so stupid._

 _Your love can't save you from the wrath of this cupid!_

 _My arrow's struck one already, got Stacy in the head._

 _Next one through the kitten's heart, you'll be in love-I mean DEEEAD._

 _So here's a final statement,_

 _before I make your faces mushy:_

 _Stacy, you may be the woman,_

 _ **but Stampy is the pussy!**_

 _And I mean that in all the ways, don't pretend you don't know._

 _Now to finally end this rap, and finish, the, show!_

 _Thank you for listening, you've both played out your part._

 _Now chins high, it's time to die, TO THE DIAMOND MINECART._

Dan falls silent, and waits for their response.

 **Poll Results!**

"How do you think the Great Stampy Race will end?"

1\. Dan will manage to catch Stampy before he gets fucked up the ass by Lukas, and attacks ferociously without hesitation. 1 Vote(s). (25%)

2\. Dan will manage to catch Stampy before he gets fucked up the ass by Lukas, but just gets fucked by Stampy and Stacy. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

3\. Jesse and company are able to intercept Dan in time to save her lover from his wrath, and Lukas ravages his hole once more. 1 Vote(s). (25%)

4\. Jesse and company are able to intercept Dan in time to save her lover from his wrath, but Dan continues to pull his tricks and escapes. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

5\. Dan will accidentally find LIZZIE instead of Stampy. 2 Vote(s). (50%)

6\. Something totally unexpected. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

Total Votes: 4.

Total Voters: 2.

This week, the answer was finally, the most sought-after answer of all time: SOMETHING TOTALLY UNEXPECTED. Dan won the Great Stampy Race, but he did it with the one thing nobody would have ever saw coming: **_a rap battle._** Unfortunately nobody voted for Something Totally Unexpected this week, but thanks to how many votes it's gotten in the past, we know it's been a popular choice for ages.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM GREENE EARTH PRODUCTIONS. ❤ ❤ ❤


	50. Chapter 49: the Daring Escape

**Chapter 49: the Daring Escape.**

Stampy reels back and wheezes a bit at the fact that this seriously just happened.

"What the fuuuck...?" Stacy groans.

"That's not actually the end!" Dan calls "you two can try to rap attack back, but I doubt you'd be able to pull off anything as sick as what I just dissed you with, feel free to try though, I'm in no hurry to kill your stupid faces, we've got all day ahead of us, just me, and you, and you..."

"You shot Stacy in the head!" Stampy reminds, "I doubt she's in any mood for this!"

"...can, uh, we have a few minutes to plan out and write our lines?" Stacy requests.

"Sure." Dan giggles, smiling down at them playing his game.

"Sucker..." Stacy huffs as she pulls Stampy close to whisper to him "alright, how are we going to kill him?"

"Uh..." Stampy tries to erase Dan's rap from his memory to help him think, "do you, uh, still have your bow and arrows?"

"Yes." Stacy confirms "but he has armor, we don't."

"I know, I know..." Stampy keeps pondering, "well, it looks like we only have a couple different general strategies we can use, the... the first one is to try to fight him head on, which isn't looking good, so... unless we can, maybe, catch him off guard by actually doing the rap and using your bow and stuff as props in our performance or something and then suddenly aiming for a head shot, I think that approach is pretty much out, the other main idea is to just run away into the trees and hope he takes long enough scrambling to get his pig together for him to lose track of where we are, at that point we'll have a couple new options, one, is to just head home and hope for the best, and the other is to try to circle back and hit him from behind... ohhh, I don't know, what do you think we should do, Stacy? do you have any other ideas?"

"Hmmmmmm..." Stacy thinks it over "maybe... we should do the distraction rap idea, you can keep him focused mainly on you and then I'll suddenly shoot for his eyes, if we get a successful hit we should charge up the hill with our swords and hack him apart in battle, his armor isn't much of an advantage as long as we both go so it's two-on-one."

"And if the hit fails we run into the woods?" Stampy questions.

"Yes." Stacy nods "he can't shoot us if we're behind trees, and his dumb pig is wandering off right now as we speak, so he'd either have to chase us on foot or risk losing track of us in the time it takes to get the swine."

"Okay." Stampy nods, "and then do we swerve around to hit him in the back, set a trap where each of us hide behind a tree and we wait for him to come rushing and then we jump on him then, or do we just try to get away?"

"Well, we have no idea how well armed he really is, since last we saw him he was naked in a burning building." Stacy shrugs "he already has way more stuff than he should, who knows what else he has in his inventory, I swear he must've found Cassie's war chamber or something."

"So... get away, then?" Stampy asks.

"Get away." Stacy nods "BUT if we can hear him catching up to us, we should hide and wait to ambush him."

"Okay." Stampy agrees, "so... should we... start writing the rap now...?" he has to force the words.

"Urgh." Stacy cringes "yeah..."

They work on it together.

"Are you DONE yet!?" Dan snaps impatiently, his good mood fading as he's left waiting, bored.

"Eat your carrot!" Stampy snaps.

"I... NEED... the carrot...!" Dan hisses through his teeth.

"Stacy!" Stampy whispers urgently, "he only has one carrot...!"

"Oh my god." Stacy realizes "good job, Stampy, we take that thing out and he's left dead in the water."

"I _know!_ " Stampy nods, "we'll keep that in mind for the attacks."

They keep working on the rap.

They finish, nod, and turn around to face Dan.

"Ahhh, thank goodness." Dan breathes "finally finished? let's hear it!"

Stampy takes a deep breath, "...I need a mic."

"..." Dan stares at him "excuse me?"

"I can't rap without a mic, it's... wrong." Stampy shrugs "I won't be able to, uh, jazz, right, dawg."

"Urgh...!" Stacy grunts/winces as she tugs the arrow out of her head, making a trail of fresh blood run into her hair, "here, Stampy, use this." she offers him the arrow.

"Okay." Stampy frowns as he takes it.

"Here, I'll have my bow on my shoulder, it'll be like, our theme." Stacy suggests, taking out her bow and putting her arm through it "we be, like, Fly-Bolt and String-String, or some other stupid name."

"Ooh! I'm String-String!" Stampy smiles, gesturing to his hoodie strings.

"...I guess I'm Fly-Bolt then." Stacy agrees "I am pretty swag, so it fits."

"I don't care!" Dan calls "just get on with it!"

"FINE." Stampy snaps, "here it comes...!"

 _Pt!_ Stampy and Stacy go leaning back to back and support each other awesomely.

 _You want to battle me, minecart?_

 _Well this cat has claws._

 _I'll be playing 'round with you,_

 _like a mouse between my paws._

 _You think you're good at surviving? uhhh, not quite._

 _Let's take a look at how we all did last night._

 _Jesse's gang came looking to torture until they raved,_

 _you rolled over and died, while we got our asses saved...!_

Stampy passes the 'mic' to Stacy, who hands him back the bow, Dan tenses at this but relaxes when they don't try to pull anything and just go back to leaning on each other, Stampy twirls the bow instead of slinging it over his shoulder like Stacy had.

Stacy continues the rap attack.

 _So you think you're hot stuff, Mr. Fucked-In-The-Ass?_

 _I've got better things to do, let's get this done fast._

 _You say your dick is big, but we've all seen it, remember?_

 _Out of all the guys last night you had the smallest member._

 _Why would Stampy want groupies? I'm the hottest bitch of all._

 _("YEAH!" - Stampy)_

 _And he doesn't need cheap sex to make himself feel tall._

 _Unlike you Dan, he's not shallow and alone._

 _Thinking about Lizzie while you jerk your little bone._

 _You might have a billion subs, but we know love's true kiss._

 _The closest you've ever come to that was the love you got from Lukas._

 _("OH!" - Stampy)_

 _Your rap attack was pathetic,_

 _all your insults have no backing._

 _Your minecart might be diamond,_

 _but I find your track LACKING...!_

Stacy passes the arrow back to Stampy in exchange for the bow, which she starts twirling herself.

Stampy's second verse begins.

 _Meow! meow! meow! I am a precious kitten._

 _I'm soft and sweet and cuddly, ("That makes me smitten!" - Stacy)_

 _You are just an item, a rock some people enjoy._

 _I'm a PURRsonality, adored by every girl and boy!_

 _An animal with a brain, that thinks and feels and learns._

 _You just sit all shiny-like, forged denser by my burns._

 _As dumb as rocks, they say? sounds like you to me!_

 _You've gone and fallen in our trap, now_ DO IT, STACY!

Stacy aims her bow up at Dan and takes the arrow from Stampy.

 _Twang!_ Stacy takes the desperate shot at Dan while he still doesn't fully realize what's happening.

 _Donk!_ the arrow bounces off of the noseguard of Dan's helmet.

"FUCK! abandon the offensive!" Stacy curses, grabbing Stampy's hand and turning him towards the deep forest at the edge of the flower field "RUN, STAMPY!"

"I AM!" Stampy assures, pelting it fast, "HAVE FUN WITH YOUR PIG, DAN!"

"What the...!?" Dan can't believe they're seriously doing this "FUCKING BASTARDS! come baaack!"

They do not come back.

"Son of a-!" Dan swears as he turns around, his jaw dropping as he finds his pig nowhere in sight "-WHERE DID IT GO!? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THE PIGGY!?"

"Stay close!" Stacy instructs as she lets go of Stampy's hand when they reach the woods and scurry within the thick, tight trees, disappearing from Dan's sight.

"NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!" Dan screams as he runs around through the woods desperately, not finding any pig "WHERE ARE YOU!?"

" _ **Wheeeh!**_ " Dan hears a pig's dying shriek.

"No...!" he gapes, he runs towards the sound of the noise and, behind a tree, finds a wolf snackin' on pork chops.

"A wolf!?" Dan trembles "URRRGGGH! FUCK YOU, STACY! YOU AND YOUR FUCKING DOGS!"

"*huff*...! *huff*...!" Dan breathes to relax himself as he turns away from the wolf "it's okay...! it's okay...! just follow them, you don't need a steed, you've got enough food to keep you running all day, sure, my posterior may not be up to that, but we'll see how far I can make it, Stacy's ass was fucked too, so, yeah."

Dan takes off running in the direction he last saw Stampy and Stacy go.

 **New Poll!**

The choice to have this be the new poll was a no-brainer: "Who won the rap battle!?" Who's rap attack was more effective? Which side had the sickest burns!? We want to know, so VOTE NOW!


	51. Chapter 50: the Final Confrontation

**Chapter 50: the Final Confrontation.**

"Your rap fucking sucked!" Dan wastes his breath as he runs through the woods "I won the battle, no question! and now I'm going to kill you! here I come on my pig!" he bluffs in the hope that they'll stop running if they know he's faster than them.

"Oink! oink!" Dan makes pig noises in a sad attempt to help sell it.

Stampy and Stacy hear all of this.

"Trees?" Stampy hushes.

"Urgh, yes...!" Stacy groans "I should've just shot the damn pig."

"Or the carrot." Stampy points out the other option, then gestures to a couple trees coming up in front of them, "here?"

Stacy nods curtly, the moment they reach the trees they stop running, hide behind them with their backs to the trunks, and wait.

 _Shing...!_ Stacy takes out her diamond sword, which is a fucking hell of a better weapon than Dan's stone sword.

"Uh...!" Stampy realizes, "Lukas took mine!"

"Oh! um...!" Stacy searches her pockets "this is my only one, but I've got some other stuff."

Stacy puts down a crafting table and gets working, "Tell me if he starts getting really close." she orders.

"Okay." Stampy agrees, listening intently to the blundering idiot the ways behind them.

"Boo! are you here!? ugh, fuck." he hears Dan evidently not finding them and wasting his time.

"Done!" Stacy's finished fast, "catch!" she throws him an iron sword.

"Thanks!" Stampy scoops it up, ready for battle, "hey, can you make armor too?"

"I don't really have any leather, gold, or diamonds." Stacy shakes her head "and only so much iron, and armor takes a lot, maybe I could make helmets."

"I have a bit." Stampy points out, throwing her some.

"ARE YOU HERE!?" Dan's voice sounds, closer than it was before "damn it!"

Stacy asseses their combined amount.

Stacy's Iron: 14. (16 before making Stampy's sword.)

Stampy's Iron: 7.

"We've got twenty-one." Stacy reports "a full suit for each of us would cost forty-eight, we can't even make a full suit for one of us, but we can make, uh, two chestplates would be sixteen, and five left over for a helmet for one of us."

"Okay, do that." Stampy nods, "you can have the helmet, it's mostly your iron anyways, and I don't want to cover my hoodie."

"No." Stacy shakes her head "I've got the better offense, you should have better defense."

"...you know, I have a few leather too." Stampy brings up, throwing five leather to Stacy.

"..." Stacy resists the urge to snap that he should've brought it up already "...good, I have two, we can make leather pants."

"You want the helmet while I take the pants then?" Stampy proposes.

"BOO YAH!" Dan's getting closer, but still not here "...fuck, they're still just running aren't they?"

Stampy can't help but grin hugely and pump his fist.

"On it!" Stacy chimes, also happy at Dan giving up now of all times.

Stacy retrieves her leather from inside her shulker box inside her inventory, and puts it to use, she finishes crafting the leather pants, iron helmet, and two iron chestplates.

"Here...!" she calls, hushed, as she tosses Stampy his share.

Stampy nods his thanks and equips them.

Stacy also equips her armor and picks up the crafting table, nodding to Stampy that she's ready.

They wait.

"YES!" they hear Dan cheer "come here, little piggy!"

"Oink." they hear a pig.

"New steed, and I'm back in this!" Dan whoops "charge, my little swine, to Stampy and Stacy wherever they be!"

"What the fuck is he talking about!?" Stampy whispers to Stacy.

Stacy tenses, "He... he hasn't been on foot this whole time, has he?"

"He couldn't have!" Stampy stresses "we heard the pig, remember?"

"Maybe he's just trying to fuck with us." Stacy shrugs it off "whatever, we're ready for him, stupid pig or no stupid pig."

They wait.

 _Rummage-rummage-rummage-*snort*._ they hear the pig rapidly approaching.

 _BOOM._ they tense as the moment finally happens, and Dan comes riding the pig directly between the two trees instead of going around them.

"HAH!" Stacy stabs the pig immediately.

" _ **Wheeeh!**_ " the pig dies.

"AHH-!" Dan jumps in surprise as his mount dies under him, he falls onto his side on the ground.

"HELLO, MINECART!" _-Swoosh!_ Stampy greets as he swings his sword, slicing the carrot to bits.

"W-WHA!?" Dan's horrified and shocked by this sudden and brutal attack, his gaze snaps back and forth between the young couple standing over him.

"Should've just minded your own, Dan." Stacy growls "now you're gonna die."

"Oh god...!" Dan trembles.

 _Clang!_ Stacy takes a stab at him, but the desperate soft-haired boy deflects the blow with his sword.

"Ohh, you best just give up on that now, TDM, that piece of shit isn't going to do you any good against our weapons." Stampy gestures to Dan's weak ass stone sword dismissively.

Dan looks at his sword.

It's already taken a big chunk of damage from clanging against Stacy's, which is pretty much perfectly fine.

"...!" Dan's eyes widen with fear.

 _Maybe..._ Dan thinks, _...this wasn't such a good idea after all._

"Do it again, if you dare!" Stacy teases as she thrusts at Dan a second time, knowing that he'd be losing more even if he does deflect it.

"EEP!" Dan squeals as he tries rolling away, he avoids the blade and goes crashing into Stampy's legs, tripping the kitty man over.

"Urgh!" Stampy stabs at Dan as he goes falling.

 _Clang!_ Stampy's sword bounces off of Dan's iron armor leggings.

"Get away from me, Minecart!" Stampy snaps, trying to get back to his feet.

"ERRRM!" Dan desperately, DESPERATELY scrambles to his feet first "FUCK YOU!"

 _Swoosh!_ Dan brings his sword swinging down, aiming for Stampy's head.

 _Cling!_ Stampy just knocks it away with his superior blade.

"It's not going to be that easy!" Stampy scoffs, offended that Dan would even try for that.

"L-lucky block! that's all!" Dan lies to himself "I can beat you SUPER easily, Stampy! just like I always have!"

"This is the day I take your reign away from you, Dan! from this point on _**I**_ will be the ultimate Minecraft YouTuber!" Stampy declares, "once you're gone all of your subscribers will flock to me as their new favorite celebrity! and everyone will forget about you in a matter of years!"

"NO!" Dan snaps in defiance "I've fought too hard for this, today AND last night, I didn't let the White Pumpkin kill me, I didn't let Jesse's gang kill me, I didn't let YOU kill me, I DID NOT LET MOTHERFUCKING PWNKANG KILL ME, and now I'll survive you a second time! if I was going to die, it would've happened already, but it didn't! I'm meant to come out of this, I'm supposed to defeat you, IT'S, MY, DESTINY!"

"Fuck his shit and destroy his faith, Stacy!" Stampy commands, swinging his sword at his arch nemesis again.

Dan ducks the swing and slams the edge of his sword into Stampy's leg, the leather armor takes the blow and Stampy's fine, but Dan immediately pushes him over.

"Oof!" Stampy hits the ground.

"YEAH, BITCH!" Dan cheers.

 _Thwip-thonk!_ pushing Stampy over had only cleared the way for Stacy to shoot an arrow into Dan's chest.

"OW!" Dan flinches, the arrow having pierced through his leather breastplate and scraped his skin, he tugs it out "NO, MORE, ARROWS!"

"You're the one who started with them." Stacy reminds as she switches back to her sword.

"ARRRGGGHHH!" Dan roars like an animal as he starts charging at Stacy.

"Fuckhead!" Stampy grabs his leg, causing Dan to stumble and fall on his face. _Splat._

"..." Dan's face down on the ground "...MMMRPH!" he rises up and starts kicking back at Stampy "LET ME GO!"

"I'll chop your dick off like I did the carrot!" Stampy hisses as uses his free hand to stab towards Dan's flailing legs "time to DIE, Mr. Dickens!"

 _Bang!_ Stampy's sword bashes against the crotch of Dan's iron leggings, it doesn't break through, but it FUCKING HURTS.

"AUGH...!" Dan groans in pain "get...! the fuck...! OFF!"

 _BAM!_ Dan kicks Stampy right in the middle of his pretty little face.

" _ **Argh!**_ fuck...!" Stampy lets go to grasp the area.

"That's the last move you'll ever make...!" Stacy hisses as she grabs hold of Dan from behind, trying to line up her sword with his throat.

"Do it, Stacy!" Stampy encourages.

 _CLANG!_ Dan sacrifices his sword's health for his own, using his blade to narrowly avoid Stacy tearing his fucking throat out.

"HRMPH!" Dan moves his weapon to the side and bashes it against the underside of Stacy's forearm, creating a bleeding gash.

"ERGH! fuck...!" Stacy reacts, pulling her arm back out of Dan's reach.

"Stay the fuck away from my girlfriend, Minecart!" Stampy spits, getting to his feet and stabbing towards Dan.

"Heh!" Stacy chuckles as she holds Dan firmly in place, preventing his attempt to escape.

 _Swoowich!_ Stampy's sword stabs through the stomach of Dan's leather armor and squelches into his flesh.

" _AHHHHHHUGH!_ " Dan suffers the first serious wound of the battle.

"Yes! YES!" Stampy's eyes light up in victory, "we did it Stacy!" he cheers, "what do you think of _this,_ Dan!? huh!?" he twists it.

" _ **EEEEEERRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!**_ " Dan howls in agony.

"Not smart, making your weak point your entire torso area." Stacy shakes her head "the last of a series of huge mistakes, made by the late Diamond Minecart."

 **Poll Results!**

"Who won the rap battle!?"

1\. The Diamond MC (Dan) 0 Vote(s). (0%)

2\. Fly-Bolt & String-String (Stampy/Stacy) 3 Vote(s). (100%)

Total Votes: 3.

Total Voters: 3.

The votes are in! The viewers have decided the winning side, and it, is, FLY-BOLT & STRING-STRING! Whoo-whoo! And it was 100% unanimous. Sorry, Dan the Diamond MC, but it looks like Stampy and Stacy _did_ know how to spit a dope rhyme, Bcuz they sure won this time!

(On a personal author's note, I feel like I just barely prefer Dan's song purely because it is waaay too much fun to rap in real life, but my favorite individual part of either song was Stacy's line, " _Your rap attack was pathetic,_ _all your insults have no backing._ _Your minecart might be diamond,_ _but I find your track LACKING...!_ " It's so good.)

That, was fun. You viewers have no idea how much I loved that rap battle. I loved writing it, I love rapping it, I love reading it, I loved uploading it, I loved doing the poll for it and reading your votes. Thank you.

But moving on, OH-NO! The battle has erupted, and Dan is losing! What will happen next!? Vote for your prediction in our _new poll,_ then come back next week to find out!


	52. Chapter 51: Hateful Origins

**Chapter 51: Hateful Origins.**

"Look in my eyes, Dan..." Stampy requests, "I want the last thing you ever see, the picture your whole life led up to, the image burned into your mind for any experiences you may have after death, I want all of that... to be, my, eyes."

"...WHY!?" Dan demands.

"Because _**I'M**_ what did this to you, Dan!" Stampy growls, "not Cassie, not Jesse, not Lukas, not even yourself, I'M responsible for what happened to you today, you understand!? your murder is MY crime! _**I**_ am the human being that ended the life of the Diamond Minecart! remember my name and remember my face, TDM! because I left an impact! you'd still be breathing tomorrow if it weren't for me! I'm one of the biggest influences in your life, you got that!? if you ever catch sight of me in the afterlife I expect you to run for the fucking hills because Stampy's in town! I want to leave a permanent imprint of myself on you forever, Minecart! to teach you to never fucking cross Stampylonghead ever again!"

Dan stares at him in awe.

"B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-BUT I DIDN'T EVEN CROSS YOU A FIRST TIME!" Dan blubbers before spitting out "we've always gotten along before! we've been friends for YEARS, Stampy! why do you suddenly hate me!?"

"First of all, I put WAY more care and effort into my channel than you did, but your dumb throwaway crap got you MILLIONS more views and subscribers than I ever got through my genuine hard work making intelligent content, hell! mine was even childfriendly, unlike yours Mr. BoobsForClickBait, so I even had a wider audience range, and I STILL couldn't get anywhere near to matching your level of success!" Stampy actually starts to bitterly answer Dan's question, "that's where all my resentment started, and it boiled and festered inside me over the course of years, I even beat you during the building contest the one time, remember? proving I that I had superior minecraft skills, but despite that, you, purely for your popularity, were still considered the greatest of the great, and was ranked above me just the same as before, as if the event didn't even happen, you wouldn't have felt great about it either if you were in my shoes, but I had to just choke it down and carry on, filming and editing hours a day, making way less money, and getting way less love than you, but I would, of course, put on a happy face and be a good sport about it, and wouldn't ever directly disrespect you, but I was jealous, Dan, jealous of all you had that I deserved way more and worked far harder for, and I've carried that jealousy as long as you've known me, all the way up until tonight, and ohhhhhh, tonight _sure_ did not help your case any...!"

"St-Stampy...!?" Dan gapes "I...! I had no idea... that's... that's really how you feel?"

"Tsk! I didn't hide it that well, I'd still occasionally hint at it through my behavior, if you had just paid close enough attention you probably could have caught it." Stampy rolls his eyes, "besides, what does it matter how I felt anyway? if we were such good friends, then why did you think I took your stupid flint and steel?"

"Uh..." Dan thinks about it, "I mean... we were never really THAT good of friends... and you DID take my flint and steel!" his eyebrows curve "you bastard! do you know how much work it took to get that thing!? what the hell did I ever do to deserve that!? it's not MY fault I was more popular! blame the fans, not ME."

"Wow, nice way to treat your fans!" Stampy spits, "anyway, we're not talking about how horrible I was to have taken it, we're talking about how you apparently NEVER suspected me to have any ill will towards you, but I appeared to be your very first theft suspect after TorqueDawg was taken out of the picture, so tell me, Dan, why is that? why couldn't Stacy have taken it? why couldn't Lizzie have taken it? why couldn't Sparkles, or Cassie, or any of the other people we've never seen taken it? why was I the one to stand out to you so much when I never showed any spiteful or nasty feelings towards you? while the other people around were generally way more adventurous and outgoing and confident than me? don't you think one of them would have been a little more likely to steal the key to new dangerous worlds, than anxious, timid little Stampy Cat who's always seemed perfectly content just staying in his creative little safe-space building love gardens?"

Dan narrows his eyes, "Fine, you want the truth? I suspected you from the beginning because, honestly, I always knew you weren't as 'happy friendly Stampy Cat' as you wanted everyone to believe, there was something sketchy about you, and I knew that if you had a vendetta against anyone, it would probably be the only minecrafter bigger than you: me, and on top of that, I had that artifact as secure as anything could make it, I knew for an absolute FACT that whoever stole it had extensive, crazy-good levels of minecraft skill, a level that I believed could pretty much only belong to the second-place minecrafter who had previously bested me in certain subjects before, I don't believe Stacy could have pulled it off, or Sparklez, and especially not a noob like TorqueDawg, Lizzie was the only person besides you who could have maybe managed it, and I trusted her far more than I did you, Stampy, and I, was, RIGHT."

"Yeah, you were, nice job getting me for it though." Stampy passive-aggressively shrugs, "did you have any other final questions?"

"One...!" Dan nods "what would I need to do to make you go EAT A DICK!?"

Silence.

"...that was a bad question." Stampy comments, "do you have a proper one, or do you just want us to end it?"

"I'll end YOU." Dan growls.

 _BAP-SLICE!_ Dan throws his head back into Stacy's face, at the same time he grabs onto Stampy's arm with one hand and runs his stone blade across Stampy's wrist, with Stacy he had hacked into her, so it didn't do much, but by sliding the blade on Stampy he cuts much deeper, and Stampy's expression widens with horror as he feels not only excruciating pain, but also his fingers immediately going numb from loss of blood.

"AR **AHHHHH!** " Stampy screams, twisting in pain and instinctively trying to pull his mangled hand away, he immediately starts using his other hand to turn and jab his blade though Dan's stomach more in an attempt to make him stop.

"KILL HIM, STAMPY!" Stacy calls, her eyes shut tight and nose hurting from the impact with Dan's head, but her helmet kept her safe.

"Let GO!" Dan orders, hacking his sword at Stampy's other hand.

"URGH!" Stampy pulls the blade out and starts going for Dan's sword hand.

"Urgh-urgh-urgh-urgh-urgh-urgh-urgh-urgh!" Dan and Stampy both make pitiful attempts to harm each other's sword hands, they're both just going for the wrists and utterly failing, it's very childlike and unimpressive.

"FUCK IT, MINECART!" Stampy gets frustrated, clanging Dan's sword aside as hard as he can and going for the face.

 _SHPTZ!_ blood flies as Stampy maims Dan's pretty little face with multiple, deep slashes.

"WRIST!" Stampy goes back for the wrist.

"URGH!" _-Ding!_ Dan twists his wrist like fuck to block Stampy's attack with his own sword.

"Huh!" Stampy jumps back, cautiously eyeing Dan to assess his condition.

Dan's face is scratched up and he has a fucking stab wound, THAT'S his condition, there's no blood in his eyes because his helmet prevented Stampy from cutting anything higher than them.

"AHHH!" Dan screams at the blood dripping from his chin "YOU FUCKING CAT! I SHOULD'VE KNOWN YOU'D DO THIS!"

"Calm the fuck down for a second!" Stampy backs up more as he wipes away the tears of pain from his face using the sleeve on his upper forearm, then looks at his heavily bleeding wrists soaking into his sliced up hoodie cuffs, "ohhh, this'll never come out..."

"Is he dying!?" Stacy calls.

"Not quickly!" Stampy calls back.

"Fucking BITCH!" Dan roars, twisting his arm around and jabbing his sword into the back of Stacy's left knee, it easily rips through her jeans and bites into her sensitive tendons.

"ERRRGH!" Stacy grunts in response.

This was bad for Stacy, but it leaves Dan WIDE OPEN to Stampy.

" _YOU FUCK!_ " Stampy charges and stabs towards Dan's chest.

"HA-HA-HA-HA!" _-SHING!_ Dan laughs gleefully as he suddenly equips a second stone sword (the one he made himself, the one he's been using was PwnKang's) to his other hand and uses that to stab up at Stampy, not even trying to actually defend himself.

 _SWISSC!_ Stampy's sword plunges into Dan's chest, making another hole in his armor and dealing a second serious blow, while at the same time Dan's sword gorges along Stampy's face, starting at his chin, then going up across his cheek, continuing in a cut through some of Stampy's hair, and finally ending with ripping out of Stampy's hood, directly through Stampy's left cat ear, which is shredded.

"UGHHH!" Stampy groans as the force of his momentum makes him fall and collapse on top of Dan, his eyes shut tight against the hot, searing pain emitting from his face.

"Get...!" Dan breathes, furious but still pleased with himself "OFFFFFF!"

Dan shoves Stampy as hard as he can, knocking the large kitten to the ground and making him roll a couple feet away.

"Stampy...!?" Stacy's jaw drops in shock as she finally regains visual contact with her boyfriend, horrified to see his condition.

"YOU TOO!" Dan roars as he struggles and stabs back at Stacy with both swords, neither make contact, but Stacy is forced to lose her grip on him and go sleeking away to escape.

"FINALLY!" Dan snarls as he twists and scrambles to his feet, Stacy does the same, doing her best to not limp from her wound.

Silence, as both Dan and Stacy stare at each other, standing, facing the other directly, weapons raised and poised to strike, Stampy just cries on the sideline, trying to stop his face from bleeding out.

 _Whoooooo...!_ a small wind picks up.

"Like I said..." Dan growls, quietly, his hair blowing beautifully in the breeze as he stares determinedly into Stacy's eyes "I'm meant to survive, you will not kill me, not easily, not with a struggle, not at all."

Stacy's large, green, shiny eyes gleam back at him, she sniffs back a tear.

"Dan, I never hated you for the same reasons Stampy did..." she informs him, a hint of regret in her voice as her own long, brown hair ripples with the wind, "I hated you because as long as you were around to hate, Stampy would do it, and nothing would ever distract him, not even me, it made me feel small, insignificant, as if he cared more about secretly feuding with you than he did about our relationship..." she spares her eyes a quick glance at Stampy before returning her focus completely on Dan "...I no longer believe that was the case, what me and him have done to you today, and last night, gave me an epiphany: this whole time, I had wrongly assumed that his feelings towards us were mutually exclusive, it was my own, selfish, 'look-at-me' bias that made me fail to see the truth, he never neglected loving me for hating you, he was always trying to include me IN hating you, I just never had the motivation to feel like joining, but you showed me this truth, you _**gave**_ me the motivation, Dan."

Dan's eyebrow raises with interest at this curious turn of events.

 **Poll Results!**

"Stacy and Stampy are fighting Dan and the latter is losing. What do you think will happen next?"

1\. Stacy and Stampy will kill Dan. 1 Vote(s). (25%)

2\. Dan will fight back best he can and turn it around somewhat. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

3\. They'll make peace. 1 Vote(s). (25%)

4\. They'll stop fighting to have a chapter-long conversation. 1 Vote(s). (25%)

5\. Jesse and the gang will show up. 1 Vote(s). (25%)

6\. Something totally unexpected. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

Total Votes: 4.

Total Voters: 2.

What a surprise! What a triumph! Nobody expected it, but Dan has successfully managed to turn this fight around enough to give himself a fighting chance! (Don't worry, voters, ain't _nobody_ gonna judge you for voting against Dan. It was the most logical thing to do.)

And now, Stacy and Dan will face off in an epic showdown. It's a duel between two of the greatest minecraft Youtubers of all time, and those with the ability to compete impressively in such a match. (Stampy's combat skills leave a lot to be desired.) How will their battle end? Go to the new poll and vote for your thoughts now!


	53. Chapter 52: Battle of Lukas' Lovers!

**Chapter 52: Battle of Lukas' Lovers! Stacy VS Dan.**

"Ironic, isn't it? that you have such a large hand in your own destruction." Stacy continues "last night, you were horrible to us, not just Stampy, but me as well, we conspired against you together, we planned out your death, we were doing it, we were betraying you, killing you, ending your life regardless of whether you were guilty or not, I was expecting to regret it..." her face slowly spreads into a thin, wicked smile "but I found myself enjoying it, for the most part anyway, sure, watching you get fucked by Lukas was dull and unpleasant, and the drama with Lizzie was just sad, but the fire, oh my god, the fire..." her smile widens as she thinks back "Dan... I, _relished_ lighting the room up before you, setting it all to flame, watching you stand there, horrified, with nowhere to run, we taunted you, closed the doors on you, set the doors alight, and walked away laughing, singing about it the whole way into the woods, I thought I had killed you, Dan, we both know you survived now, but at the time, I honestly thought that I, personally, had just murdered you in cold blood, and it felt gooooood, and the best part, by far, was all the LOVE between me and Stampy when it was done, it turns out that spending his time hating you or spending it loving me was a false choice that I mistakenly assumed Stampy would have to make any time both options were present, but he's actually perfectly capable of doing both simultaneously, provided I'm willing to partake in it, we hated you and loved each other so passionately earlier, as hating you with me is also an act of loving me, thank you for opening my eyes, Dan, we had such a good time earlier, so good in fact, that I crave and demand more of it, so, heh-heh, I'm GLAD you survived the burning of the mansion, this just gives me a chance to kill you, _all, over, again._ "

 _Whoooooooooooo...!_ Silence, except for the strengthening wind.

"You're..." Dan breathes, awed "you're so... so..."

"So what?" Stacy snickers "Stampy got your tongue?"

Dan narrows his eyes, getting over his awe and reassuming battle position, his gaze solid, determined, and unwavering, "You're so..." he finishes "...evil."

"Evil?" Stacy giggles "really?"

"Yes." Dan nods "I won't regret what I do to you now."

"Wait-wait, I must know..." Stacy loves this "do you think this makes you good, then? if I'm evil? big, brave, heroic Dan? the man who abandons his friends, and jerks off to girls getting raped?"

Dan flinches a little bit, but stands firm, "No, I do not believe this makes me good..." he shakes his head "it just means you're not the moral person I thought you were."

"Morals?" Stacy scoffs "since when have they ever done anything but hold me back? if I was a moral person, I'd be dead right now, silly! I'm about survival, I'm about... winning."

"You are truly sick." Dan sneers in disgust "I did some things I'm not proud of, a lot of things I regret, but as bad as I may be, I know you're worse."

"Ha-ha-ha-ha, so be it, Danny-boy, if you want to try to be goody-goody Diamond Minecart, go right ahead, myself on the other hand, I agree with the age-old famous statement..." Stacy grins wide "...it's good to be bad."

"Enough talk!" Dan shouts, putting away one sword, pulling out a health potion, and downing it in one, massive, super-fast gulp "let's fight."

Dan's armor remains damaged, but his torso wounds heal.

"Ah! that's cheating...!" Stacy whines condescendingly "is wittle hero Dan to afwade of big bad Stacy to fight without wittle advantages?"

"How do I know you don't have one?" Dan snarls, taking out his other sword again.

"If you must know, I gave my last one to Petra." Stacy answers truthfully.

"WHAT!?" Dan gapes.

 _ **BOOM!**_ thunder sounds as it begins raining around them.

"True story." Stacy nods.

" _ **Why!?**_ " Dan demands.

"Long story, come on, forget about it, you said you wanted to _fight,_ remember!?" Stacy jeers, advancing forward and swinging her blade at Dan.

 _Clang!-dang!-bap!-cling!-skreet!-bang!-scrape!_ Stacy and Dan fence, the two were equally matched so far, neither landing a hit.

Dan has the advantages of full health and two weapons to direct.

Stacy has the advantages of better skill and a much more powerful weapon, which she can maneuver much more precisely than if she had two.

 _Skring!-crash!-clink!-_ "You can't win, Minecart!" Stacy claims as they battle in the rain "combat and adventure is my world, I might not be the best builder, or the best engineer, or the best brewer, enchanter, economist, etcetera, I'm good with animals and crops but I'm probably not the best farmer either, but I _**am the best**_ at anything that relies mainly on physical ability, I can run, climb, swim, jump, and of course, fight!"

 _Scrap!-dink!-_ "Maybe you can manage for a while, but sooner or later you need to give in from exhaustion and blood loss!" Dan retorts, backing away to put distance between them "how's the leg feeling!?"

"I've got a spring in my step as long as I'm slaying you!" Stacy chimes, prancing forward to engage him.

"Hmrph!" Dan grunts as he ducks to the side and trips her good leg out from under her.

"Whoooaaa-!" _-SPLASH!_ Stacy falls face-forward into a puddle of mud.

"Pah! you're pathetic...!" Dan snarls, raising both his swords high in order to bring them chopping down upon her.

 _Swoosh-splash!_ Dan's blades narrowly miss Stacy, who rolls aside, and splash into the mud, sinking deep into the ground.

"You idiot!" Stacy cackles as she rises to her feet, her face is covered in dark mud but her eyes are bright with glee "this is TOO EASY!"

"Urgh! come on!" Dan tries to tug his swords out of the ground, but the mud's suction effect make them rise slowly and resentfully.

 _Zip-RIIIIIIP!_ Stacy eagerly takes the chance to slide around to behind Dan, slip her sword in through the collar of his leather chestplate, and use the leveraged position to cut a line straight down the middle of the armor piece, tearing the back of the chestplate wide open. Also, such an act demands the tip of her sword run up along Dan's spine, it does so, ripping open his skin in a similar fashion to the chestplate.

" _ **AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGHHHHHH!**_ " Dan bellows in agony "GET, AWAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!" he finally pulls his two swords out of the mud and whips around to face her, but she's already backed off and moved a safe distance away, ironically obeying his order.

"See? told'ja." Stacy smirks "wittle Danny-boy can't win."

Dan heaves long, fearful breaths, he feels the leather chestplate slacking on his shoulders now that the back was torn open, he could already tell it's become a liability that could get in his way if it slips off onto his arms.

"FfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffUUUCK!" Dan rages, grabbing the chestplate and stripping it off, tossing it aside onto some wet grass "you won that struggle, but not the battle! with or without my chestplate, I'll make it out of here, I have to, I, NEED, TO!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, 'destiny', we know." Stacy mocks "delusions of fate and dreams of being special."

"We'll see who's standing at the end." Dan just doesn't give up, "YARRRGH!" he charges.

 _Clang-bash-BAM!_ Stacy deflects one sword, then the next, and then kicks Dan in his soft, exposed stomach, with her hurt leg.

"UGH...!" Dan instantly loses his breath and goes tumbling backwards.

"Here it comes...!" Stacy cheers as she takes after him, limping heavily.

 _SWOOSH-CLANG!_ Dan uses both his swords to block her attack, this impact was unusually loud.

 _Bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-_ "WHOO! keep them right there!" _-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang!_ Stacy takes the opportunity to rapidly grind her sword back and forth over both of Dan's while he's too out of breath and weak to react quickly, the effect is massive, rapid damage to all three weapons, but his at a far faster rate than her's.

"EEP!" Dan pulls his swords away, looking at them in horror, both blades were very near to the end of their lives now "god damn it...!"

"It looks to me like it's YOU who might last a little longer, but has to give in before long." Stacy chuckles.

Dan forces himself to calm down, and takes a long, deep breath, "If I must kill you with one of the next few attacks, then so be it."

All that panicking and time spent in fear he's done over the course of the story has really helped him build a bit of an immunity to such stressful situations.

"Then come, and give me your very best." Stacy invites, cockily throwing her arms out.

 _Pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-_ "YAH!" Dan engages her once more.

 _Clang-skrink-bink!_ Stacy specifically targets his swords instead of Dan himself.

"Ugh...!" Dan tries to adjust for this new issue, he was used to using the swords to protect his body, but now he suddenly has to protect both.

 _Twirrrl-_ _ **SMASH!**_ Stacy spins in a circle to build up momentum before slamming her powerful blade against her opponent's fragile pair, shattering them at last.

" _No...!_ " Dan's jaw drops as bits of stone fall to his feet, leaving his hands with useless handles.

"Oh! look at that." Stacy giggles "I completely owned you, who would've guessed?"

"STAY AW-" Dan starts, holding out a warning hand and trying to step back.

 _SLICE!_ Stacy gleefully cuts across his palm.

"AHHHHHH!" Dan pulls his hand close, curling it up and attempting to stop the bleeding.

 _Slick-whoosh-swissc-zut-swice-zwap!_ Stacy sadistically makes six long, deep gorges across Dan's chest and sides.

" _ **AAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIUUUUUURRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!**_ " Dan wails at the stormy heavens, his body in torment as his blood flows out all over himself and runs to the muddy ground.

 _Thud._ Dan falls to his knees, becoming light-headed from blood loss and trauma.

 _Donk._ Stacy tugs off his helmet and tosses it aside.

 _SLASH!_ Stacy finishes her assault with a long uppercut across the left side of Dan's face, specifically done to mimic what he did to Stampy, this blow sends large droplets of blood spraying up into the air in a horrible (glorious to Stacy) shower, while much of the stuff leaks down from her blade and onto her hands.

"Ha-ha-ha!" Stacy laughs as she watch's Dan's blood rain, quickly wiping aside a large lock of her soaking wet hair so she can observe it better "HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA!"

She had done it, she won.

Dan feels himself growing faint, he hadn't done it, he'd... lost.

 **Poll Results!**

"What do you think will be the result of the Stacy vs. Dan duel?"

1\. STACY WINS! Dan's taken two gruesome stab wounds already, and his ass is still wrecked. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

2\. DAN WINS! He's been fighting both her and Stampy at the same time so far and doing surprisingly well, imagine what he can do against just her alone. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

3\. IT'S A TIE! They will both equally hurt and tire out each other. 1 Vote(s). (50%)

4\. Stampy is the surprise winner! 1 Vote(s). (50%)

5\. Jesse and the gang will arrive and Lukas will become the big winner. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

6\. Something totally unexpected. (Do note that making peace is NOT an option, and is not included in Something Totally Unexpected.) 0 Vote(s). (0%)

Total Votes: 2.

Total Voters: 1.

The voter expected Stacy and Dan to be equally matched, but it's a sad reality for Minecart. Even with his wounds healed he was no match for the sadistic assault of Evil-Stacy, unhampered by neither her own empathy or having to try to coordinate with Stampy. She slaughtered Dan like she did his pig, meaning the correct prediction was: STACY WINS.

New poll is simple, "What do you think will happen now that the Stacy/Dan fight is over?" Vote now!


	54. Chapter 53: Stampy's Greatest Moment

**Chapter 53: Stampy's Greatest Moment.**

The whole time Stacy and Dan had been fighting, Stampy was only vaguely aware of it. He layed on his side, eyes shut, crying and holding the cut on his face, applying pressure and trying to block the flow of blood.

It wasn't working too well for him.

"P-potion...!" Stampy whines, taking one hand off and rummaging around in his inventory, his heart sinks as he remembers that he ran out of his precious lifesavers "ohhh...!"

But then his hand feels the bottle of _**a**_ potion.

"Hm...?" he pulls out it "oh bother, what are you? probably something useless."

He finds that it's his health regeneration potion that he had forgotten about.

"Oh..." Stampy's eyes light up in realization, "okay...!"

He pops the cap and gets ready to drink that sucker.

 _SWOOSH-CLANG!_ his ears catch the clear, loud sound of Stacy's and Dan's battle.

He pauses, and twists to gaze over at them.

It's hard to see in the darkness of the rain and his watery, pained eyes, but he see's Stacy's and Dan's swords beating the shit out of each other, Dan backs off and Stacy limps after him.

 _What if..._ the thought crosses Stampy's mind _...Stacy winds up needing this more than I do?_

He sits for a moment, looking down at the little regeneration potion, and thinks.

In their current conditions, Stacy had a smacked and shot through head and a stabbed knee, and Stampy was bleeding from both his wrists, and especially heavily from the wound on his head, however, even if the battle were to end right then with the both of them carrying on back home just as they were, Stampy knew that Stacy's knee injury was much more likely to persist and bleed the whole way back, that paired with the fact that Stacy was still currently fighting this very moment, made it pretty clear what had to be done.

"I'll save you." Stampy shoves the cork back onto the bottle, and places it into his hot bar, "if either of us get badly hurt or bleeds out too much, they'll use it as quickly as possible, if we wrap things up without further injury, Stacy gets it, if we both bleed out or get hurt bad, Stacy can have it then too, since she'd even have a better chance of getting me to a hospital or whatever then I would with her, so... yeah, yeah, I feel pretty good about this." he nods approvingly to himself.

He looks back over to the battle field, wiping his eyes to try to see clearer.

" _ **AAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIUUUUUURRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!**_ " Dan wails, falls to his knees, and gets his face slashed by Stacy, making it rain blood down as she laughs manically.

"OH-HO-HO!" Stampy immediately breaks into a grin.

"Look, Stampy...!" Stacy calls gleefully to him, walking around to behind Dan, grabbing his wet, messy hair and pulling his head up into perfect view "we did it!"

"YAAA-!" Stampy starts to cheer and then stops abruptly.

 _Boom, boom,_ _ **boom, BOOM.**_ Stampy's eyes widen as his gaze zooms farther and farther onto Stacy's face, her eyes bright with sick glee, her slasher-smile uncontrollably wide, her skin tanned with a layer of light mud, and a lock of her hair bright red with Dan's blood.

"Come on, Stampy...!" the woman he can only see as Jesse coaxes "let's finish this fuckboy! then we can finally go home, and live happily ever after, _**together.**_ "

Stampy swallows, frozen with fear and shock, his eyes flicker and twitch but don't dare move from the terrifying sight before him, his lips tremble, unable to speak.

"Did you wanna fuck him in the ass with this!?" 'Jesse' offers Stampy her diamond sword.

Stampy felt droplets running down his face, he wasn't sure if he was crying, or if it was the rain, or his own, or even maybe Dan's, blood, but he really, really couldn't care less.

What was he even looking at? he felt insane, perhaps he _had_ lost too much blood, maybe he should have just taken the potion himself, if _it_ was even ever real, what he saw seemed so authentic, but so surreal and impossible, and so horrible, that his brain couldn't fully process or accept it.

Not until he was wailing at the top of his lungs, anyway, which he was now.

" _ **WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**_ " Stampy loses his shit as he rolls onto his side, rocking back and forth in hopeless trauma.

"Holy shit!" 'Jesse's' immediately on this, she runs over, bends down, and throws her arms around Stampy, "Stampy! what's the matter!? don't cry, baby...!" she comforts him.

 _BOOM._ Stampy remembers.

" _ **AHHHHHHHHHHHH!**_ " he cries/screams even harder.

 _HOW!?_ Stampy thinks, blocking out the rest of the world and focusing on just his thoughts, _How is she JESSE now!? they're nothing alike! th-this doesn't make sense, NOTHING ABOUT THIS MAKES SENSE!_

Stampy's mind freezes, tense, but calm, as his panic triggers a series of memories.

 _..._

" _Truthfully speaking, I think we need to, not even for him, but for us... because if we see him fall this far, and then die, and be gone forever, without you and him ever making peace, and you don't feel anything, or worse, feel good about it... then I'm terrified at the prospect of what we might become further down that road... like people always say, 'once you definitively step down the path of the dark side, there's no going back, it will consume you forever'..." Stacy warns._

 _..._

" _Okay..." Stampy accepts, "but what about the restraining order?"_

 _..._

" _...fuck, we tried." Stacy shrugs._

 _..._

 _Oh... my... god._ Stampy realizes, _Sh-she warned me that this would happen, she said, stressed, that we would become monsters if we... if we didn't do the right thing... monsters... just like... the ones we were trying to escape from._

Stampy's heart sinks, his chest feels tight, and it becomes harder for him to breathe as the full weight of the realization hits him, that it was his own reluctance to put in the effort it takes to do the right thing, that lead to them blatantly doing the wrong thing, and NOT being good people as they lied to themselves as being. It was in fact, his fault that the woman he loved... had transformed into a second woman that he could never love.

As Stampy's entire body stresses with the guilt and horror at the consequences of his actions, a small, shining, beacon of hope comes to him in the form of the tiny, jolting realization that maybe, just maybe, since he was feeling this way now, it wasn't too late to change things yet.

He knew what he had to do.

"Get off! GET OFF!" Stampy cries as he shoves 'Jesse's' arms away from him and stumbles messily to his feet.

"Stampy!?" 'Jesse' doesn't know what the fuck is going on.

He walks weakly but determinedly over to Dan.

"Minecart!" Stampy grabs his arch enemy's bare shoulders and pulls him upwards, "stand up!"

"Oooh!" 'Jesse' grins, liking where this is going.

"Enjoy... your... blood-soaked... subs..." Dan groans, defeated and expecting those to be his last words "I hope... they were worth... your souls..."

"Drink it!" Stampy equips the regeneration potion and holds it forcefully out to Dan.

"Oh-oh-oh!" 'Jesse' raises her hand "what is it!? potion of slowness!? poison!?"

"Make me..." Dan refuses.

"Dan...!" Stampy's eyes widen seriously, "I'm SORRY, just drink it." he grabs Dan's hand and places it on the potion.

"Sorry?" Dan repeats "for... what? not... doing this... sooner...?"

"I'm not going to let you die, Minecart, not here, not to me..." Stampy shakes his head, looking into the superior celebrity's eyes seriously, "this was a mistake! this was _all_ a mistake! I never should have wished any harm onto you or anyone else! just drink it and go home, Dan!"

"..." Dan narrows his eyes, "oh you sick, little fuck... fine... I'll drink... your thing..." Dan takes the potion "but I'm... not falling... for your... act..."

 _Glub-glub-glub._ Dan drinks the potion of regeneration.

'Jesse' eagerly runs up beside Stampy to see what happens.

After a moment, Dan's eyes stretch with surprise as he feels his pain easing and his wounds regenerating back to their healthy, unharmed state.

"You...!" Dan breathes "why are you healing me!? what's your game, kittenman!?"

"YES! we're gonna torture you, ALL OVER AGAIN!" 'Jesse' cheers "thank you, Stampy! I love this shit!"

"Not anymore you don't!" Stampy snaps at her then turns back to Dan and drops to his knees, "see!? I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry, okay...!?" he's crying, "I know what I did was wrong and you have the right to fucking hate my guts and wish me to hell for the rest of your life, Dan, but please, just, if you can _ever_ find it in your poor, victimized, tormented, but hopefully still loving heart, to forgive me, then I swear, _I swear,_ I'll be your loyal friend and never do anything to hurt you ever again!" he takes out Dan's enchanted flint and steel and holds it out to him, "here! take this back! take it and go live your happy life back home or exploring different worlds! enjoy your fame, enjoy your fortune, get together with Lizzie, whatever you want! you deserve all of it! I hope nothing unfortunate ever, EVER happens to you again! I hope you pass away peacefully and painlessly from old age after leading a rich and fulfilled life of nothing but happiness and prosperity!"

Dan stares at him.

'Jesse' smiles.

"...HUH-HUH-HUH!" Dan snatches Stampy Kitten and runs for the hills, slipping and sliding across the wet ground and grass as he goes, slowly drifting out of sight.

"Heh-heh-heh." 'Jesse' chuckles "what are we going to do to him?"

"Nothing!" Stampy grabs her and looks into her eyes desperately, "come on, Stacy! I know you're still in there somewhere! you can't have been completely consumed yet! please...!"

'Jesse's' smile fades, "Stampy...?" she's confused "what are you talking about?"

"Remember what you said!" Stampy keeps trying to get through to her, "we CAN'T do this, Stacy! we can't kill Dan or we'll be slowly consumed by evil as we go down the path of darkness until we just flat out turn into monsters! that's what's happened to you! please just remember! it's me, Stampy! and not the corrupted one either, the original, sweet, innocent, lovey, everyone's friend Stampy! remember me!? I'm the man you fell in love with, Stacy! I'm still here! and I need you to come back! you can't be gone forever yet, just please, please...!"

"What!?" Stacy pulls away from him, her expression twisting with disgust "are, you, KIDDING ME!? _**what is wrong with you!?**_ you've waited YEARS for the moment that you would finally surpass Dan, and now that it's here, after _**I risked my life to get it for you,**_ you just, THROW IT AWAY!?"

" _You look... like..._ _Jesse!_ " Stampy stresses, pulling her by the shoulder towards a puddle so she could see her reflection.

"..." Stacy stares at it, silent.

"You ESPECIALLY look like Jesse when you're laughing and hurting people and _asking if I want to fuck Dan in the ass with a sword!_ " Stampy adds.

"...EWWWWWW!" Stacy reels back, immediately wiping her face clean with her arms as much as she can.

"YES! yes, baby, you're back!" Stampy throws his arms around her and smothers the side of her face with kisses, "mwah-mwah-mwah-mwah-mwah!"

"Get off of me!" 'Stacy' isn't completely back, so 'Jesse' roughly shoves him away "yes, I looked LIKE her, superficially, thanks to circumstance, but I am NOTHING like Jesse! I've never been! laughing is something almost everyone does, and hurting people doesn't put me on the same level as her! I am INSULTED, Stampy."

"But it was a sign!" Stampy pushes, "even if you didn't reach her level yet, THAT'S what's going to happen to you if we keep going on like this!"

 **Poll Results!**

"What do you think will happen now that the Stacy/Dan fight is over?"

1\. Stacy will execute Dan in yet another horrid act of brutality. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

2\. Stampy and Stacy will smugly boast about their victory as they watch Dan bleed out and die. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

3\. Stampy will fuck Dan's ass with Stacy's sword, 4 da lulz. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

4\. Stampy and Stacy will embrace, their displays of affection for each other serving as a final way to spite Dan as he dies alone. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

5\. Jesse and the gang will arrive just in time to see that Stampy and Stacy have finished off Dan, they gleefully greet their partners-in-crime and the group discuss what to do next. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

6\. Stampy will realize he has one potion left that can heal somebody, and he uses it to fix himself or Stacy while Dan helplessly watches. 1 Vote(s). (33.3%)

7\. Stampy will realize he has one potion left that can heal somebody, and he uses it to fix Dan up JUST so they can kill him a third time. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

8\. Lizzie will suddenly come to Dan's rescue, successfully distracting/crippling Stampy and Stacy long enough for her to heal Dan and just barely save him from death's doorstep. 1 Vote(s). (33.%)

9\. Something totally unexpected. 1 Vote(s). (33.3%)

Total Votes: 3.

Total Voters: 1.

Ta-da! Congrats, voter, you got it right! Despite the huge list of deliciously wicked and assfuckingly horrible things they could have done to Dan, the totally unexpected happened. Stampy realized that allowing themselves to end Dan's life this way would destroy not only what he hates most, but what he loves above all as well.

So Dan has been allowed to scamper off once again, but what will happen to him now? Smells like a NEW POLL to us! What will happen to Dan? Vote for your favorite choice!


	55. Chapter 54: Off the Rails

**Chapter 54: Off the Rails.**

"*huff*...! *huff*...! *huff*...!" Dan breathes as he runs through the woods "gotta get away, don't trust 'em, zigzag, be unpredictable."

He tries to run as wildly and with as little direction as possible.

"I know it's a trap, they wouldn't just let me go, that's bullshit, Stampy's just trying to torment me more, but I won't fall for it, heh-heh, no fucking way." Dan continues "I just need to be ready for them, who knows what they have in-"

 _BOOM!_ Petra leaps from the nearby shrubbery and tackles Dan to the ground.

" **FOUND 'IM!** " the wild Petra signals to her pack.

"GAHHH!" Dan yelps in terror.

" **Lu-kas! Lu-kas! Lu-kas! Lu-kas!** " Jesse chants as she comes jogging out of the bushes.

" **Where's his pig?** " Ivor questions as he follows after Jesse.

" **Maybe the fuck got hungry and ate it.** " Jesse shrugs.

" **WHAT!? no! I wanted to do that!** " Petra protests " **it's morning and I'm hungry.** "

" **Yeah, turns out they actually didn't have any fancy expensive hors d'oeuvres.** " Jesse remarks, " **stupid cheap Cassie.** "

" **I despissse Cassssie.** " Ivor shakes his head in disgust.

" **It came back to bite her...** " Petra growls " **Petra fucks harder when Petra hungry.** "

Petra's speech patterns are once again becoming crude as hunger gnaws at her belly.

" **Speaking of, 'fucking harder'...!** " a fourth dark pumpkin voice sounds as a shadow steps over Dan.

"A-a-a-h-ah-ah-a-aa-a-a-hh-h-h-hh...!" Dan's breath shakes, unstable as he looks up.

" **I wouldn't mind a Round Three.** " Lukas states, the yellow eyes of his mask glowing with anticipation.

"I...!" Dan gulps "I knew it...!"

" **Ohhh, you'll know all the better when Lukas is done with you.** " Jesse assures, " **now let's get those stiff, cold, uncomfortable iron leggings off of you, shall we?** "

" **Yoink.** " Petra states coldly as she tugs them off with no resistance, revealing Dan's naked lower body, since he never did get back his clothes, which, sadly for him, were blown up by Cassie.

" **Can't we just kill him and move on?** " Ivor requests impatiently.

" **We'll move on soon, Ivor, but Lukas has been very excited for this.** " Jesse reminds, " **do get a move on though, Lukas, we need to find food.** "

" **I will be done in ten mins, U guyz.** " Lukas laughs, unzipping his pants.

" **Is he just for Lukas, or can I fuck him too?** " Petra asks " **I want more fuckpoints.** "

" **Well, if we just all piled on Dan then he'll probably win, but I would kinda like to fondle his hair some more...** " Jesse weighs her options, " **eh, I don't know, where would you fuck?** "

" **I was thinking about finally giving his sad little dick some action.** " Petra answers.

" **Hmm, well then, if we wanted Lukas could have his ass, you could have his dick, I could take his hair, and Ivor could fuck his mouth.** " Jesse assesses, " **would you wanna do that Ivor?** "

" **...** " Ivor looks down at little Dan.

Dan frowns.

" **...fine.** " Ivor rolls his eyes.

" **Yes!** " Jesse pumps her fist, " **okay everybody, sex dog-pile on Dan!** "

" **Your cock belongs to me, bitch!** " Petra cheers " **I'mma use it however I want.** "

"B-but if you make me fuck your pussy, I'm practically fucking Stacy!" Dan points out.

Petra stares at him, " **...so?** "

" **The cross contamination of previous sexslave fucks don't apply to the fucktoys.** " Jesse enforces, " **we already proved this by having Lukas give his dick to you, Stacy, Lizzie,** _ **and**_ **Cassie.** "

" **Stampy's the only one clean of Lukas... for now.** " Lukas remarks, pulling out and showing Dan a checklist in his journal.

Dan's jaw drops in horror at the god damn checklist.

" **Come, Jesse.** " Ivor invites " **you and me are to go by his head.** "

" **Of courssse, Ivor.** " Jesse nods, following him to Dan's head.

" **Let's make a train.** " Petra gets down on her hands and knees " **put him on my back with his dick in my ass, then make Lukas put his dick in Dan's ass, it's an assfuck-train.** "

They forcefully drag Dan to his feet, push him on top of Petra, and get into position around him.

"Wait! before we start, I, I just have one request...!" Dan pleads.

" **No.** " Petra shakes her head.

" **You tend to ask a lot of questions, Dan, and many are rather... invasive.** " Jesse actually has the nerve to use that word to describe _him_.

"It's not a question, it's a statement." Dan pushes.

" **You said it was a request, requests are not statements, requests are asking things of others, in this case, you asking us.** " Jesse is not impressed.

"Well, whatever! I meant that before we start, I want to say one thing." Dan snaps.

" **Make it fucking quick, I wanna eat.** " Jesse has limited patience for his bullshit.

"STAMPY! STACY!" Dan roars "I KNOW YOU'RE WATCHING US, JUST COME OUT! I CALLED YOUR FUCKING TRAP!"

Silence.

" **Stacy and Stampy are nowhere near here, I think.** " Lukas states, confused.

" **We've searched to the sides and behind here already, if they're anywhere, they'd be forward, probably a long ways forward judging from how they left forever ago, and we didn't see them fucking about in the field with Dan.** " Jesse figures.

Dan's jaw drops, "You SAW that!?"

" **Pretty easy to see.** " Jesse snarks.

"And you just...!" Dan can't believe this "WATCHED it!?"

" **Yeah, and then came combing through the forest after you.** " Jesse nods.

" **Nice spleef arena.** " Lukas compliments.

"ERRRM!" Dan growls "you BASTARDS!"

" **Jeeze, you're touchy this morning.** " Jesse comments, " **did you guys just wanna get the fuck on?** "

"' **K.** " all three answer simultaneously.

 _WHAM!_ Lukas plows into Dan.

"YEEEOWWW!" Dan never stops hating this.

" **Errrm!** " Petra hums as she moves with Lukas to make things suck for Dan harder " **fuckin' U gud.** "

Ivor closes his eyes, imagines Lizzie, and shuts Dan's mouth around his slimy old man cock.

" _ **It's like fuckin' cotton candy...!**_ " Jesse loves the hell out of the hair, destroying it with her enthusiasm.

" **IIIIII loooooove thissssss ASSSSSSSSSSS!** " Lukas howls as the pack smother their prey.

 **...**

Dan's laying on his side, on the ground, a mess, all four of them having climaxed onto him, _Jesse_ included.

All four pumpkin-heads get redressed, Jesse also gathers up the tattered bits of Dan's hair she had torn out, to keep, forever.

" **Now, execute the worthless sexslave-fucktoy, he's supplied his worth.** " Ivor instructs.

" **Wait! weren't we going to question him about WHY he made the spleef arena, and where he got his shit?** " Jesse goes back to what they were talking about with him earlier, when they passed up their chance for answers.

"...!" Dan's eyes widen "... _what?_ "

" **Oh, yeah, we only caught the end.** " Jesse drops the bomb.

Dan stares at her, disturbed, "You... you DIDN'T ACTUALLY WATCH IT!?"

" **We watched you go into the woods.** " Jesse points out.

"...then, you didn't, WATCH IT, did you!?" Dan stresses.

" **Nope.** " Jesse shakes her head.

Dan stares at her, turning his head in disbelief, "THEN WHY, when I asked if you watched it, DID YOU SAY 'YES'!?"

" **I didn't wanna get into it then.** " Jesse gives the worst answer possible.

Dan stares, awestruck, then just flops over, acting dead.

" **Spit it out, Danny-boy, you don't wanna get punished by Lukas, do you?** " Jesse threatens.

"I was BEATEN, and RAPED, by TorqueDawg's gay brother, PwnKang!" Dan rages "because he thought _**I**_ was responsible for TorqueDawg's death, and the only way I survived, was by convincing him to face me in a death match in spleef! I won, he died, I killed his horse, took his stuff, and ran for the hills!"

" **...** " the pumpkin-heads stare at him " **HA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!** "

" **Wait... how did he know TorqueDawg was dead?** " Jesse asks.

"Because I told him! and the mansion was in flames!" Dan answers.

" **...fuck, sure wish we saw it, that sounds awesome.** " Jesse comments, " **whatever, put him down.** "

" **Goodbye, Dan...** " Lukas smiles as he draws his sword, walks over, and raises it above his victim " **before you die, I just want you to know: you were a** _ **really**_ **good sexslave-fucktoy.** "

Dan closes his eyes and prepares for it to all end.

" **Um...** " Lukas turns to the others " **actually, do we really need-** "

" **Yes.** " Petra's an asshole " **we have a VERY strict 'no witnesses' policy, if we fuck 'em, they die, end of story, we can't afford for them to come after us, or warn others about us, and even if they don't do either of dose dings, we'd probably never get to fuck them again anyway because they'd avoid it at all costs, build fortresses, stay in large, public areas if they ever have any reason to think we're around, and they'd probably be willing to kill themselves in order to escape us via cliff jumping or some shit.** "

"WHAT ABOUT STAMPY AND STACY!?" Dan demands "unless... are you planning to kill them too?"

" **No, Stampy and Stacy were a special case because we made a deal with them, and, as our accomplices, they get to go free.** " Jesse clarifies.

"Well then why can't I be that!?" Dan whines "I'll never tell anyone, I promise!"

" **We can't trust you, Dan, you've already shown way too much resistance."** Jesse rejects, " **whereas Stampy and Stacy actively came back to us when they were in the position to kill me.** "

"THEY, STABBED, YOU!" Dan reminds her.

" **And then they apologized and rejoined us.** " Lukas scoffs " **and after what we did, that took a LOT of trust, since they had every reason to think that we would just kill them after anyways.** "

" **Yesss, they proved their loyalty.** " Jesse agrees " **but you, Dan, you stabbed CASSIE in the back, and we're worse than Cassie, so not only are you disloyal, but you have more reason to betray us than you did to betray her, I'm sure you can figure out what that spells for you.** "

" **You REALLY were a good sexslave-fucktoy doh.** " Lukas 'comforts' Dan " **out of all the asses I've fucked, yours was the best, I wish we could let you live so I could fuck it again and again forever.** "

" **He's the FIRST AND ONLY man you've ever had, Lukas.** " Ivor snaps " **I'm sure we'll find many better asses for you in the future.** "

" **Yeah, Lukas, don't worry, it'll be fine.** " Jesse consoles, " **even if we took him back home as a permanent sexslave, his ass would get worn out after a while and he wouldn't be as good anymore.** "

" **Alright, guys, thanks.** " Lukas nods, then turns back to Dan " **farewell, my sweet.** "

 _SPURRZT!_ Lukas thrusts his sword through the center-left of Dan's chest, impaling his heart and pinning the YouTuber against the wet, miserable ground.

"Gah...!" Dan's tongue falls out and he goes cross-eyed.

" **WHOO! now do the same with your dick!** " Petra's an asshole.

That was the last thing Dan ever hears.

 _Fuck...! you...! PETRA...!_ Dan thinks as his world goes to black, and he dies.

 **Poll Results!**

"What do you think will happen to Dan next?"

1\. Jesse and the Pumkinheads will find him, fuck him, and end his life. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

2\. Jesse and the Pumkinheads will find him, but he'll escape. 1 Vote(s). (20%)

3\. He'll find Lizzie. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

4\. He'll go on a new adventure, meet a new character, and DAN TUESDAYS will start all over again. 2 Vote(s). (40%)

5\. He'll escape and live happily ever after, the top minecraft youtuber and heroic icon across the world, just like the good old days. His eyes will well with tears at achieving his glorious freedom, and he will return to his luxurious home. He will sleep a rich, gratifying thirteen hours. And devour three meals worth of the most delectable food. He will go to the hospital and receive the greatest medical care available, they will fix him, his face, his ass, and even his hair, somehow. Then he will address the people of the world, and tell the story of what happened to him in that mansion that night. There will be an uproar, front page news worldwide, everybody will be talking about it, everybody will know. There will be a massive hunt for Jesse and her gang, Stacy and Stampy will have no real choice other than to verify Dan's story, they will be hated by the public as collaborators, while the blades of justice see Jesse's quartet's heads removed from their shoulders. Dan will be a hero, he will receive medals and honors for his bravery and persistence, strength and resourcefulness, outspoken and outstanding behavior. His popularity will skyrocket, his subs will double, the populace will be gripped with Dan fever. He will become the richest person in the world, and be voted into the position of President of All Minecraft. Lizzie, who takes much longer to get back to civilization, will be amazed and taken by Dan's accomplishments. She will fall for him and they will get married, and Dan will finally moan with ecstasy as she eagerly deep-throats his cock. Her adorable eyes gleaming up into his as her lips slide up and down along his shaft. Afterwards, he will make her scream his name as he thoroughly fucks her tight, begging pussy. They will have a beautiful child together, one who is biologically his, NOT Ivor's, and ESPECIALLY NOT Lukas', despite their sperm having entered her first. Dan will live long, happy, and in every way he dreams, victorious. 1 Vote(s). (20%)

6\. Something totally unexpected. 1 Vote(s). (20%)

Total Votes: 5.

Total Voters: 3.

OH, that was a fuckin' good poll for a fuckin' good chapter. Sadly, this was the end of the road for Dan. He's stuck it out for chapter after chapter, horrible incidence after horrible incident, assrape after assrape, but he could only last so long. Farewell, sweet minecart.

Our new poll is, "What do you think of Dan's death?" Vote now! We want to hear YOUR opinion!


	56. Chapter 55: the Aftermath

**Chapter 55: the Aftermath.**

The rain slowly drizzles to a halt, the clouds moving on to reveal the shining sun, casting it's warm light down on our heroes, Stampy and Stacy, as they walk together, Stacy is limping and using the stick from Dan's carrot as a cane.

"I'm sorry..." Stacy apologizes "I should have pushed harder for us to apologize to Dan earlier."

"It's okay, I think we had already started slipping into it then." Stampy states.

You bet they had.

"That whole thing was..." Stacy continues, pausing to try to find the words "...really scary."

"I know..." Stampy agrees, then grabs Stacy's hand, "but we got through it, baby, both of us, with our lives, and our souls."

"Barely..." Stacy sighs "and only because of you, if I was on my own... I..." she bows her head in shame "I'd be... Jesse, right now..."

"But Stacy, you were the one who warned me about it in the first place, remember? you saved yourself, you just did it through me." Stampy consoles, "and if you were on your own then chances are you wouldn't have even gotten into any of the conflict with Dan either."

Stacy just shrugs uncertainly.

"I know _**I**_ also wouldn't have been able to get through it if I was by myself, not without getting choked and beaten and disrespected by Jesse, anyways." Stampy points out.

"Probably..." Stacy agrees "it's just... disturbing, how close I, or we, or whichever came to becoming... you know... the very thing that would've choked and beaten and disrespected you."

"Hm..." Stampy frowns, "we... didn't though, we acted in time, and... I'm sure we'll know better than to ever come anywhere near it again, at least..."

"Mm-hm." Stacy nods glumly.

Silence.

"I... guess we won't be having our fancy breakfast anymore..." Stampy comments, "did you just, wanna come to my house and cook up some eggs and toast?"

"Sure." Stacy answers.

"Did..." Stampy starts, "did you still want to move in together? and make our relationship public?"

"Of course!" Stacy nods vigorously, looking at Stampy in surprise "did you... not...?"

"NO! no, I did!" Stampy responds hastily, "I just thought... since that was, before..."

Silence.

"...WAH!" Stacy bursts into tears and hugs him "OH, STAMPY!"

"WAHHHHHH!" Stampy follows suit.

"I...! I _**enjoyed**_ being evil!" Stacy admits "I'm ashamed of it, BUT IT'S THE TRUTH!"

"I know, baby, I loved it too!" Stampy nods, "it was... it was just so... _**delicious...!**_ "

"But unhealth-th-thyyy...!" Stacy cries "just like EVERYTHING else that's that delicious! I want to eat it, but it'll kiiill m-meee...!"

"Stacy...!" Stampy looks Stacy in the eyes, "screw the eggs and toast, I'm going through withdrawal! we... we need to eat other unhealthy toxic foods, like doughnuts, and fried chicken...!"

"YES!" Stacy cheers "lets eat our troubles away until we no longer feel the desire for cruelty to our victims and bloodshed of our enemies!"

"Uh..." Stampy groans a bit, already feeling the diabetes coming on, "maybe just for today, though..."

"Well of course." Stacy agrees "I meant just today, we need to maintain our perfect, toned figures."

Since this is in minecraft, the two of them have the same base figure. They actually look almost like twins, as they are both skinny with brown hair and green eyes.

"Mm-hm!" Stampy nods.

" **Sounds gud.** " a deep voice sounds behind them.

"AHH!" Stampy swings around in surprise to find Petra following in his footsteps just four feet away, the rest of our villains also there, all four wearing their masks.

"HOLY FUCK!" Stacy reacts, grabbing Stampy and shoving him behind herself, "what do you want!?" she demands as she holds up her little stick in the most threatening way she can manage.

" **Petra want food.** " Petra answers simply " **fried chicken donuts.** "

"Why are you all wearing Cassie's mask!?" Stampy questions.

" **Because it's awesome.** " Jesse obviously grins.

" **Snuck up on you well, didn't we?** " Ivor asks proudly.

"What...!" Stacy grinds her teeth "do, you, want!?"

Petra starts to raise her hand in a way that implies she's opening her mouth.

"BESIDES FOOD!" Stacy snaps.

Petra waits a moment, then finally lowers her hand again.

" **We just came to visit you, baby!** " Jesse explains " **we never got to give you a proper goodbye.** "

 _That means 'death'._ Stacy thinks sharply.

"Goodbye, then!" Stampy forces a grin.

" **Oh, we came for more than just that, saying goodbye is just one reason.** " Jesse shrugs " **why are you so tense? OH, is it the mask!? sorry, I forgot NOBODY associates it with the murderer, heh-heh, okay I'll take it off.** " she takes it off, releasing her soft, fluttery hair and warm, smiling face.

" **Hello, my man, Stampy.** " Lukas greets " **how are things going with you?** "

"Uh, good!" Stampy puts the grin back on again.

" **Is your mouth clean?** " Lukas ain't wasting time.

"Um... what?" Stampy doesn't know what the fuck Lukas just said.

" **Did you suck a dick or eat a pussy within the last twenty-four hours?** " Lukas specifies.

Stampy's face goes very pale.

"...no?" he spits out.

" **Oh good!** " Lukas nods, leaning forward with his hands together pleadingly " **could you, just like, suck me off, bro? please?** "

"You... fucked Dan... in the ass..." Stampy frowns.

" **I know.** " Lukas acknowledges " **it wuz gud.** "

"He's asking because he's gotten to fuck every single one of the sexslave-fucktoys except you, Stampy." Jesse explains "it would mean a lot to him if you would complete the set."

"Couldn't... we just... make out instead?" Stampy questions.

"No, they've specifically had his dick." Jesse answers for Lukas, who nods.

"But I... thought we were _done._ " Stampy points out.

"Oh, we are!" Jesse assures him "you can just not if you want, but it would make us real happy if you do."

"I would... rather not." Stampy glances at Stacy for support.

" **How about you just jerk it for a few seconds? I don't need to climax.** " Lukas suggests as Stacy opens her mouth.

Stampy keeps looking at Stacy.

"Deal's done, Stampy said no." Stacy enforces.

" ***Sigh*... alright then...** " Lukas retreats.

"Aw well, it was worth a shot." Jesse comforts him, then turns back to our heroes "so, I'm assuming you two wrapped up our little pink-haired problem?"

Stampy's eyes are immediately on Stacy.

"Dan wasted our time, she got away." Stacy reports/lies coolly.

"Awww! that's a shame." Jesse shakes her head, honestly disappointed in them.

" **It okay.** " Petra shrugs " **not everybody can be as gud as Petra.** "

"I'm guessing Dan got away too?" Jesse asks, holding back her grin.

"Unfortunately." Stampy nods.

"Hmm, well, I guess we'll just have to-...!" Jesse gets ready to pull out her big thing of Dan's hair, but then pauses, astonished and horrified "OH MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED!?" she rushes forward, budges Stacy out of the way, grabs Stampy, spins him around, and looks at the tattered remains of his cat hood.

"Oh! uh, Dan fucked it." Stampy keeps blaming Dan for everything.

"That bastard...!" Jesse growls, furious "did he do all of this!?" she points to all of Stampy's and Stacy's battle wounds.

"Yeah, we screwed him up pretty bad too, but he kept pulling health potions." Stampy fabricates.

" **PwnKang's health potions.** " Ivor deduces.

"Son of a bitch." Jesse shakes her head in disgust, but then goes back to her signature grin "luckily, however, we won't need to worry about HIM ever again!" she laughs as she whips out Dan's fucking cut-off scalp and shows it to Stampy and Stacy, complete with all the remaining hair he had on it.

Horrified silence.

"Uh, w-wowwwwww...!" Stampy can only manage to force a tiny smile, "that's, uh, really good work, Jesse! did, uh, you do that...?"

"Well, Petra caught him, Lukas stabbed him to death, and Ivor cut this thing off, but yeah, it was all under my orders, so I did this, it was me." Jesse nods "me alone."

"Great! ah-ha! *cough* um, uh, _where,_ did this happen?" Stampy wonders.

"Just a little ways back from here, we caught him when he was running like his life depended on it." Jesse shrugs "he told us that he had just come from you guys, and pointed us in the right direction, that's how we found you by the way, his last words were: I'll never tell anyone, I promise, they stabbed you, gah."

" **He also kept yelling crazily for you to come out, he was convinced that this was somehow a 'trap'.** " Lukas adds.

"Oh! well, he uh, got hit in the head pretty hard a couple times." Stampy makes up, "and um, even if that wasn't it, he's just kinda loony to begin with."

"Well obviously! did you see him last night!? the guy was a wreck, he spent most of his time breaking down on the floor." Jesse reminds them.

Immediately everybody gets the mental image of Dan's messy ass and balls hiding the rest of his quivering body, which they could see from anywhere in the room they went, it was like a god damn portrait with the eyes that stare at you wherever you go.

"So! um, was that all you wanted?" Stampy snaps out of it.

"Pretty much, yeah." Jesse nods "we need to eat, but I think we'll go find food elsewhere, unless you wanted to invite us to breakfast."

"Uh, I think we were hoping to have a quiet, private meal just the two of us, right Stacy?" Stampy turns to his girlfriend.

"Totally!" Stacy nods "and a nap after, so no additional company would be ideal."

"Alright then." Jesse concedes "I hope you enjoy your time together, I guess this is... goodbye."

"Byyyyyye!" Stampy grins and waves, grabbing Stacy's hand and trying to gently pull her along away from Jesse's gang.

"W-Wait...!" Jesse calls, flustered "I wasn't done!"

"Oh, uh, okay..." Stampy forces himself to stop and stare more at the terrifying psycho woman.

"I got..." Jesse holds up three fingers "three things to say."

"...okay." Stacy accepts.

"First off..." Jesse wanders right up into their personal space, "goodbye, Stacy! appreciate that sexy, sexy man of yours... _mmm!_ "

Jesse grabs Stacy, kisses her, and slides her hand down the front of Stacy's pants in front of everyone, Stacy's in too rough shape to resist the strong, healthy villain.

"Petra!" Stampy gapes, "what about _Petra!?_ "

"Don't care..." Jesse shrugs as she breaks the kiss and slips her hand back out, she then turns to Stampy "and goodbye, Stampy! don't let Stacy grow old with many cats who aren't you..."

Stampy knows what's coming now, so his eyes shoot wide and he starts retreating backwards.

"MMM!" Jesse forces herself on him, smothering his mouth with wet kisses and sliding her hand down his pants to feel up and squeeze his junk.

It hurts.

"And finally...!" Jesse grins as she retreats from Stampy "to both of you: it was a true pleasure doing business together last night, you are my favorite clients of all time, I hope you're happy together, and have many litters of adorable kittens..." she leans in, her smile uncontrollably wide and her psycho-eyes flashing with instability " _...I hope to deal with them all one day._ "

Stampy and Stacy flush pale.

"Good... bye, now?" Stampy struggles not to cry.

"Goodbye!" Jesse laughs, nodding as she puts her mask back on " **...for now.** "

And with that, the villainous group turns around, runs away into the woods, and disappears, gone as if they were never there, and as Stampy and Stacy stare out after them, already this strange, mysterious group felt... like a dream.

"S-Stacy...?" Stampy chokes.

"That..." Stacy heaves, tense "was, somehow, even MORE terrifying than EVERY SINGLE GOD DAMN THING they did last night... _put together._ "

"...*sniff*." Stampy's upset.

"Lets..." Stacy just can't right now "go home... Stampy."

"Wait!" Stampy raises his hands, "I don't know if we should yet!"

"Why?" Stacy's eyes flash with concern.

"Th-they killed Dan..." Stampy reminds her, "that... that means..." Stampy looks back into the woods, "there's still the flint and steel back there..."

 **Poll Results!**

"What do you think of Dan's death?"

1\. I disliked Dan as a character and I'm glad to see him gone. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

2\. I liked Dan, but his death was suitable and satisfying. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

3\. I liked Dan and wanted to see him survive until the end, I'm disappointed he's dead. 1 Vote(s). (100%)

4\. I didn't really like Dan so much as I liked watching him get fucked over. I'm sad he's gone because I didn't want it to end for him yet. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

Total Votes: 1.

Total Voters: 1.

Awww, we're sorry, voter. We know what it's like to lose someone we wanted to see come out on top. On the bright side, it makes us very happy to know that you enjoyed Dan as much as we did. Thank you for voting, and loving our character.

And speaking of loving our characters...

It is time for the FINAL POLL. _Because Female Jesse is coming to an end._

This was the second last numbered chapter of the story. One week from now, on Saturday, February 16, 2019, we will upload the final numbered chapter. And then we will upload the ENDING CHAPTER (the ending equivalent of Chapter 0: Prologues) on the next day, Sunday, February 17, 2019, which is the ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY since Chapter 0: Prologues was published on February 17, 2018. One full year of Female Jesse. Oh where has the time gone? To all our loyal viewers who have been reading since then or similar early days, we want to thank you for your continued support. And to those who have joined less recently but have enjoyed it just the same, we welcome you to witness the conclusion of this epic 365 day saga. And to those who arrived too late, and are reading this long after the whole story has been completed, we say thank you for reading as well. We're sorry you missed out on the polls, but at least you get to read the whole thing as fast as you'd like! Thank you to EVERYONE who enjoys our work, from the bottom to the top of our hearts.

And now, the final poll. It is the reboot of our very first poll of all: Who are your FAVORITE CHARACTERS?

Originally running from Chapter 1: Stacy's Secret all the way to Chapter 9: Stampy's Interrogation, then again from Chapter 10: Jesse and Stacy and the Sexy EULA to Chapter 12: Three's a Crowd, and then coming back many times for a week when we had no other polls we wanted to do, the Favorite Characters poll has been extremely long enduring. And so it should be, as we stressed right from it's introduction that it is the greatest of all polls and we were excited to see how it may change over time as the story develops. (And the characters do too.) Now that the story is practically over, your opinions of each character should be similarly well developed.

The poll has been completely rebooted. That means newcomer PWNKANG has been added to the choices, and all the old votes have been set aside. So if you've voted on the poll before, then don't sweat it, you can totally vote again! We don't care, you at the beginning of the story is, for all intents and purposes that matter in this context, a completely different person than the you we have reading the story now. So go vote! Everybody vote! IF EVER YOU WERE GOING TO VOTE ON ANYTHING, THEN PLEASE VOTE ON THIS! Let's see if we can hit a new record of voters, right at the end for the finale! LET'S, GO, VOTE!


	57. Chapter 56: Closure

**Chapter 56: Closure.**

"Oh, crap!" Stacy's eyes widen "that's true... unless they took it."

"They would have said something though, right? I mean, they didn't know he had it, so they probably didn't check." Stampy reasons, "in any case, we should at least take a look, shouldn't we? we can't just let it lie there rotting away with him."

"Of course." Stacy agrees "let's go poking around and see if we can find the poor man's scalpless corpse."

"Okay." Stampy nods, "this way?"

Stacy nods.

They both take their first step forward, only for it to result in Stampy feeling his tightened pants push something hard and sharp into his junk that he hadn't yet noticed was there, it hurt like fuck.

"OW!" Stampy buckles, "ow, hell!"

"Urgh!" Stacy does the same "what the...!?"

They each grab their crotches inside their pants and try to pull whatever it was out.

Stampy pulls out a glowing green flint, and Stacy a glowing green steel.

Silence.

"Oh..." Stampy blinks, "I guess she did find them."

"Bitch...!" Stacy growls "why didn't she just hand them over!?"

"...you know this is Jesse we're talking about, right?" Stampy isn't that surprised.

"Ugh..." Stacy can't argue with that.

Stampy then realizes that there's a folded up little piece of paper attached to the underside of the flint.

"Hm?" he takes it off in interest, then unfolds it.

It says five words: 'Think' 'me' 'next' 'you' 'them'.

"What's that?" Stacy questions, curious.

"It was on the flint, but I don't know what it means..." Stampy flips it over and examines it more, "do you have one?"

Stacy flips over the steel, grabs the paper from there, and opens it, "Yep."

"What's it say?" Stampy asks.

They read it together, it also says five words: 'about' 'the' 'time' 'grind' 'together'.

"'Think about me the next time you grind them together'." Stampy reads outloud the merged version, "...do you think that's supposed to be like when she told us to think about her while we kissed?"

"...yes." Stacy nods "definitely."

"...what now?" Stampy wonders, "should we just go back home?"

"Yes." Stacy repeats "lets get out of here."

"I hope the mansion's fire spreads to this forest and everything here just burns the hell to the ground." Stampy grumbles, "I hate this place..."

 _THWIP!_ an arrow suddenly whooshes out of the woods and plunks into the ground at Stampy's feet.

"AHH!" Stampy jumps backwards.

 _Shing!_ Stacy draws her sword.

Silence.

"Who the hell did that...?" Stampy looks at his girlfriend nervously.

Slowly, Stacy points a shaking hand.

Stampy looks.

In the distance, Stampy can make out Lukas waving friendlily.

Stampy looks back down at the arrow.

There's a message.

"She sure is all about those today, isn't she?" Stacy remarks.

He kneels down and picks it up to read it.

It Reads:

 _Hey, guys! almost forgot to mention, I totally have one of those by the way, an enchanted flint and steel, like Stampy Kitten, which we found on Dan (dang rascal stole it from you, but you were too embarrassed to say, huh?) and as I'm sure you're aware by now I secretly returned to you. :)_

 _Anyway, me, Petra, and Ivor are all from a different world than this one, (Lukas is native), we're the best YouTubers in the world where we come from, so we made like Danny-boy and totally found our enchanted flint and steel, ever since we've been having lovely adventures, hopping from world to world, leaving a path of bloody parties in our wake, thank god WE found this thing and not someone who wouldn't abuse it's power, amirite? we might leave this world soon, but if you ever want to follow after us, simply leave a note in the portal network and we'll hook right up! I know the first murder-sex party can be pretty disgusting, but you'll learn to love them if only you'd join us._

 _Think about it, 'K? we could always use a cute couple to help gain victims' trust, two more people who've got our backs is great as well, just give it a thought, maybe even a try without us in your world or some other, you might be... surprised._

 _\- Love, Jesse. 3 3 3 XOXOXO XXX XXX XXX_

 _U 2 R gud._

 _\- Petra. XXX_

 _Please do not ever come looking for us._

 _\- Ivor. :(_

 _I will complete the collection... one day._

 _\- Lukas. ,'=)_

End of letter.

Silence.

In the distance, Lukas scurries away out of sight.

"FUCK! I should have just rubbed his dick!" Stampy curses, "now he's gonna make me do worse in the future!"

"NO." Stacy shakes her head "he won't, we're never going to be a part of their evil world again, Stampy."

"*sniff*..." Stampy nods slightly, "o-okay..."

"And I had a perfect plan to make sure, too." Stacy continues, thinking back to remember it "if we want, we could always...!"

She stops.

"...are you worried they're still listening?" Stampy asks.

"No..." Stacy shakes her head, disturbed "my plan... was that we... could always... run away to a different world..."

"Oh..." Stampy's heart immediately sinks as well.

"...we're at their mercy." Stacy just admits it.

"So... I should have just rubbed his dick?" Stampy reverts back to square one.

"Yeah, probably, since he's set on getting you now." Stacy guesses.

"Should we call for him?" Stampy asks.

"..." Stacy stares at him, reluctant but knowing the answer "...fuuuck, urgh, yes."

" _ **LUKAS!**_ " Stampy screams into the forest, "LUUUKAAAASSS!"

"Act like you just changed your mind and you're really happy to do it." Stacy instructs "we want him feeling happy with us."

"Okay." Stampy nods, "LUKAS!"

Stampy turns to Stacy again, "should I suck and lick his dick too for good measure, or just hope that the rubbing satisfies him enough?"

"Just rub." Stacy orders "he had that thing in my ass, DAN's ass, and Lizzie's ass, and who knows what with Cassie, or whatever else he might have done with it, so no, don't suck, keep it far away from your mouth."

" _Huhhuhhh!_ " Stampy shudders, "right! I almost forgot about the ass thing, I started thinking: oh, it's just a dick, BUT IT'S NOT JUST A DICK, so yeah, unless maybe he washes it, which probably isn't happening out here, no tongue, and no mouth."

Lukas comes walking smugly out of the woods to them, his mask off so they can see his grinning face and raised eyebrow, "You called?"

"NO MORE WAITING!" Stampy yells, running over to his blonde business partner, "I changed my mind, Lukas! take your dick out and I'll jack it off now!"

Lukas' grin stays the same, he knew this would happen.

"As you wish...!" the sadistic man promptly whips out his largest-at-the-orgy-but-it-isn't-an-orgy-it's-a-fuckpuzzle cock, bouncing it back and forth hypnotically for Stampy's gaze.

"Uh..." Stampy's starting to feel more awkward about this, "Stacy, could you like, beat box seductive music or something?"

"Like what?" Stacy questions.

"Da, da, da, da-da, da, da, da, da-da-da, do-da, do, do-da, gonna fuck tonight, aw yeah, gonna suck tonight, big dick, aw yeah...!" Lukas helps.

"That's good! that's good!" Stampy encourages, but gets kind of nervous at the 'suck dick' part, "did you want me to start now and have you just keep singing it?"

"That sounds lovely." Lukas approves.

"...okay." Stampy waits for Lukas to keep going before he touches his dick.

"Da, da, do-da, do, do, do-da-da-da..." Lukas continues along.

Stampy starts going at it, starting off pretty lightly, but slowly intensifying it, trying to make it smooth and sexy, and taking a lot of inspiration from their earlier stripping session.

"You get fifteen seconds, Lukas." Stacy informs him.

"Pwease gimme twenty." Lukas requests.

"Fine-" Stacy starts to answer.

"-mins." Lukas adds "oh! yay! thank you, Stacy!"

 _Fuck! now we're committed to twenty minutes!_ Stampy thinks unhappily.

"NO, not twenty mins!" Stacy quips, annoyed.

"Okay, okay, it was just a joke, just a joke." Lukas pulls that card.

"Enjoy your extra five seconds, bud!" Stampy force-grins up at Lukas, intensifying it more.

"OOH! yeah, get me right there, man!" Lukas cheers "twenty seconds? let's see if we can score the world's fastest climax! going for mega points, dude."

"Yeah! countdown, Stacy!" Stampy calls, still putting on the happy face.

"Stampy..." Lukas slaps his hands down on Stampy's shoulders overdramatically, looking into his eyes with a serious expression "don't hold back, I'll be fine, whatever you do, I can take it."

"Uh, okay!" Stampy nods, immediately going a lot harder, "I uh, could spit on it, if you're into that."

"Yes." Lukas nods.

"Nine... eight..." Stacy counts, obviously granting them more time.

"Pah!" Stampy spits and works the saliva all over Lukas' dick.

"Don't be uncomfortable, Stampy." Lukas encourages "remember the old saying: it's not gay if we're both straight!"

"OH, come on!" Stacy can't take this "Lukas, you are the gayest man I have ever met, don't even pretend you're fucking straight."

Lukas blinks, "But... what about that little fag, Dan?"

"It's okay, Lukas! I know you're just really, really bi." Stampy consoles him.

"Dan never wanted to be fucked by any man, he was into Lizzie, and possibly me." Stacy rejects "YOU, however, wouldn't shut up about how much fun it is to fuck the man ass."

"But I fucked more women's asses than I did men's." Lukas points out.

"And you never enjoyed any of them as much as that ONE man's ass you just wouldn't fucking let catch a break, you climaxed hardest on him, we ALL saw it, no matter where we were in the room." Stacy argues "...time up."

"MMMPH!" Lukas thrusts forward, almost sending his cock smacking into Stampy's face "oh yeah! almost made it, Stamps, that was like, a spiritual cumshot right there."

"Uh, great!" Stampy backs his face the fuck away, "I'm glad you liked it!"

"Thank you so much for your time and the experience, both of you." Lukas nods respectfully as he zips his pants partway up but leaves his wet dick hanging out "your ass was still very fine, Stacy, and your hands are soft like a kitten's paws, Stampy, I will enjoy adding both of you to my... collection."

"Well, you have all you need to do that now, right?" Stampy keeps smiling but is freaking out on the inside, afraid that Lukas might answer _negatively_ after all this.

"Yes, I will be up all night writing all this down." Lukas answers, taking out his journal and stroking it lovingly "oh! did I ever tell you what this is?"

"Uh..." Stampy's not sure he wants to hear it, "...no?"

"It's my dark journal, I write down everything bad I've ever done in here, then it doesn't bother me." Lukas explains "it's a trick I came up with after my mother got me a diary, I was such a sad child for so long, I was very naughty, and bad, and my behavior made me sad, but I couldn't seem to change, so one day, I wrote about some of the bad things I did in here, and then I discovered that afterwards, I no longer felt guilty about them." Lukas spreads his arms wide with joy "isn't that wonderful? I haven't felt guilty about any of my crimes in years, I'm able to live my life my way, without my conscience ruining it."

"Uh... wow..." Stampy tries to bury his horror beneath his nervous smile, "that's uh, great, Lukas."

He looks at Stacy for help.

"Yeah..." Stacy's eyes are locked murderously onto that little book "just... _great..._ "

"Well, uh, I don't think we'll keep you from it any longer!" Stampy decides, holding his hand out friendlily to shake Lukas', "have a nice lunch! I hope you sleep well after you've written down all your recent sins!"

"I always do..." Lukas nods dreamily "...goodbye, Stamps." he shakes Stampy's hand.

"Farewell." Stacy pushes.

"See ya 'round, **Stacy.** " Lukas puts his mask back on, turns, and leaves.

 **Poll Results!**

"Who are your favorite characters from Female Jesse and the Psycho Pumpkin Mansion?"

1\. Jesse. 4 Vote(s). (22.20%)

2\. Petra. 2 Vote(s). (11.10%)

3\. Ivor. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

4\. Lukas. 2 Vote(s). (11.10%)

5\. Stampy. 3 Vote(s). (16.65%)

6\. Stacy. 2 Vote(s). (11.10%)

7\. Dan. 2 Vote(s). (11.10%)

8\. Lizzie. 1 Vote(s). (5.55%)

9\. Cassie. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

10\. Captain Sparklez. 2 Vote(s). (11.10%)

11\. PwnKang. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

Total Votes: 18.

Total Voters: 6.

Notes:

1\. This included votes and voters from the previous, early version of this poll question as well as the votes and voters from the modern one.

2\. Both authors of the story, Brando and Pand, voted on this poll. We've voted on none of the past ones, since most of them are predictive, but in this case we don't see why our choices are any less valid. To anyone who does think this is in some way unfair, the poll is already imperfect as it allows regular voters who have been reading a long time to essentially vote twice, once before and once now. We authors had no such chance.

3\. For the early version of the poll, you were allowed three out of the ten choices. For the rebooted version, you were allowed four out of the eleven choices.

WOW! That was AWESOME, everybody! Bravo on all the votes, we love the results!

But, and here's the twist, that was only "sort of" the last poll. You see, it was the last one to last a week, AND, it was only part one of a two part set. Now is when the second part goes up, and it is...!

Who are your LEAST favorite characters!?

That's right! Now you get to vote for the reverse! But be warned: this poll is only going to be up for one day! Then the results will be published with the final chapter on the one year anniversary of the story! This is your one chance, so VOTE NOW!


	58. Ending

**Ending: Our Heroes.**

They wait a moment to make sure he's gone.

"Home?" Stampy proposes.

"Yes." Stacy agrees "hopefully they'll just move onto another world like they were thinking, get killed, and never return here to us."

"Yeah." Stampy concurs, "you wanna go back to the restaurant idea now that we're getting Dan's subs again, or just grab a ton of junk food from the store and order takeout and stuff?"

"We'll grab something quick to eat, go home, sleep, and have a much better meal later..." Stacy decides, stifling a tired yawn "I'm not feeling up to the restaurant idea right now."

"Alright then, let's go, baby." Stampy starts to reach for Stacy's hand but stops because Lukas' dick, then just stuffs his paws into the hoodie's front pocket and begins to walk towards their destination again.

"Stampy..." Stacy starts another conversation as they walk "if you could do one thing differently tonight, what would it be? besides going to the party, of course."

"Ohhh..." this stresses Stampy out, "I... suppose I can't take 'not leaving with you immediately after arrival' either?"

"No." Stacy confirms.

"I guess... hm... maybe trying harder to keep Jesse from getting in power, like, convincing Cassie not to vote for her." Stampy supposes, "...what would you do?"

"Same, keep Jesse out of power, I'd probably give up my 'campaign' and advocate that we all just try to find the killer together and have nobody push others around at all, while also stressing the obvious point that Lukas wasn't gonna be suspected for shit." Stacy answers "that's probably the best way to make sure that we both survive and don't get raped."

"But... what if they... came to the conclusion that _I_ pushed the button?" Stampy wonders, beginning to grow uncomfortable with this idea, "and then searched me, and found the flint and steel? surely many of them would be convinced then, right? what if they... executed me...?"

"Urgh, you know what? I think our biggest mistake was not just facing the damn zombies, we're top adventurers, we had diamond weapons and health potions, we run fast, we could've done it." Stacy changes her mind "better the monsters outside than the monsters within."

"Agreed." Stampy nods.

They walk.

"But it's done, and here we are now..." Stacy sighs "I don't know if I'll ever be able to look at humanity the same way again."

"Hm..." Stampy frowns, "I'll probably never go to another party as long as I live... not unless I or someone else I trust throws it, and even then, it could always be crashed by psycho rapists..."

"...THIS IS A THING." Stacy flips "psycho rapists who crash parties, turn everybody into sexslave-fucktoys, and kill them! this is something they've been doing for ages, and it just happened TO US."

"Do you think there are others besides Jesse's gang lurking around?" Stampy asks.

"Who knows? maybe not here in our world, but it could be commonplace where they come from, and possibly other worlds they've visited..." Stacy shrugs "they may also have started TRENDS of it in some worlds, where other killers now imitate what they did."

"Ughhhh..." Stampy feels sick, "I _really_ hope that doesn't happen here... when people hear about what happened in that mansion the news will blow up, especially because of the celebrity involvement, and it could give lot's of dodgy people the wrong idea..."

"And we're gonna be in the center of it." Stacy groans "there's going to be reporters swarming us, court cases, we'll be the biggest names for a long while, in all the good ways and the bad ways, I mean, I'm assuming we're not going to be able to pretend we weren't involved here, especially if Lizzie turns up and spills the beans."

"I know..." Stampy agrees, "you... don't suppose she's gonna... tell them, do you? about, our... allegiance?"

"Oh, she's telling about our allegiance, we're just too capable of defending ourselves to be harmed by it." Stacy claims "we were with our backs against the wall and did what we had to survive, at least, that's what we'll say."

"...alright." Stampy figures it'll work itself out.

"I mean, there's two of us and one of her, I think we can win the 'you're lying! no, you're lying!' game, even though we are lying." Stacy adds.

"Probably." Stampy shrugs, getting more comfortable with it, but then tenses, "...what if they have lie detectors?"

"Eh, no problem, we'll be rich and powerful." Stacy waves it off "we'll fudge the results."

"...okay." Stampy tries to relax again.

"And we can always put heavy questioning onto the validity of the lie detector's ability." Stacy keeps thinking of things to add "there's plenty we can do, really, lie detector's not a problem."

"Good, then." Stampy nods, "we'll do all the questioning stuff, get rich off Dan, and avoid parties at all costs."

"Pretty much." Stacy agrees "we also need to get some super-tight security systems up and running for home."

"Oh! I could design them!" Stampy suggests, "they should be pretty easy, considering my expertise in redstone systems."

"Yeah!" Stacy smiles "and I could train bodyguards, so we have machines and personnel protecting us, sure they may be a little pricey, but what does that matter when...!"

"DAN'S MONEY!" Stampy cheers, "...I just hope the personnel don't turn on us and reveal themselves to be psycho rapists." he trusts technology more than mankind now.

"...I'll be extremely thorough in who even gets a chance to apply." Stacy also has lost trust in mankind "there'll be intense background checks with required verification, physical tests, exams, personal scrutiny time between me and them, anyone even slightly suspicious, you know, like Jesse totally fucking was, will be rejected, and even those who AREN'T suspicious, I'll have them fucking kidnapped and questioned to admit their disloyalty or something, it'll all be a lot of work, but we'll get only the best of the best, and we'll pay them so well that even if they WERE psycho rapists, they'd want to go rape someone else and keep us around for the money."

"...that sounds good." Stampy agrees, "it'll be nice."

"For us." Stacy agrees.

Silence, they walk along, oblivious to the fact that they've pretty much just fallen into being villains again.

"I love you, Stampy." Stacy spits out.

"I love you too, Stacy." Stampy returns, "more than anything."

"I hope we'll be safe." Stacy laments.

"Even if we're not, we'll find our way out again." Stampy assures, "or die, but we would have done all we could at least."

"Yeah, it was a good call of ours to let Lizzie go, when she comes around I hope she won't be mad about our... choices, she has to admit that we would've joined her if it wasn't for Dan and Cassie." Stacy observes "I hope the three of us can all work together to brand Jesse as Public Enemy #1 and educate people on how to deal with the situation we survived, so even if she doesn't leave this world, she won't be welcome."

"Yeah, hopefully." Stampy nods.

"Wonder where she is right now..." Stacy gazes into the surrounding woods to her left.

"She could be anywhere..." Stampy shudders, "I just hope she's far away from us..."

"...I wonder where _Lizzie_ is right now." Stacy adds, raising an eyebrow "she's the only person we haven't run into out here."

"Maybe she just ran all the way home." Stampy guesses, "she seemed really desperate to leave here as fast as possible earlier."

"...I really want to work with her, but we need to be ready incase she makes herself our enemy." Stacy warns "she could be gathering a posse to come kill us and Jesse right now."

"Well, if she managed to overhear us running out on Jesse after her earlier, then she might not be too against working with us." Stampy points out, "we could try calling and sorting things out with her when we get home, if you want."

"Yes please." Stacy nods, slouching tiredly, her limp getting worse.

"Do you want me to try to help you walk?" Stampy offers.

Stacy immediately pulls her arm around him, so he can support her, that's a 'yes'.

"Thanks." she acknowledges.

"You're welcome." Stampy murmurs, "how much farther do you think it is?"

"A long, long, looong ways..." Stacy heaves.

The young couple continue along the path, the sun rising higher in the sky above them as Stampy supports Stacy throughout their journey to tranquility.

 **Ending: Our Villains.**

Jesse and Petra are sitting awkwardly in silence together on a fallen tree, Ivor is setting up a furnace and his brewing stand, Lukas is nowhere to be found.

" **...I'm sorry.** " Jesse admits.

" **4 wut?** " Petra growls, sounding upset.

" **For... the thing with Stacy's pussy...** " Jesse looks down guiltily, " **I, I needed to do it for my plan, Petra... I barely touched it, I swear, and I didn't mean it when I told them that I didn't care, I do, really, and... to feel like I was, fucking you, it just... it's something that I never want to experience again, and I want you to know that you mean so much more to me than that, and that you'll never, EVER even brush along the same level as any sexslave-fucktoy, I just, I just wanted you to know that I do care about you...** "

Petra softens, " **Buy Petra cake, and all is forgiven.** "

" **Thank you, Petra!** " Jesse hugs her sister eagerly, " **I promise you'll get your cake.** "

" **Ohhh, Jesssse...!** " Lukas comes wandering out of the woods, his arms full of various meats and a few other things like mushrooms " **I've brought lunch, and the message was delivered as you ordered.** "

" **Gooooood...!** " Jesse nods approval, " **I hope they... enjoyed it.** "

" **I know I enjoyed Stampy all over my cock.** " Lukas laughs.

" **Oh?** " Jesse responds, " **someone changed his mind, did he?** "

" **And how.** " Lukas teases as he gives the food to Ivor for the wizard to begin preparing.

" **Bleh!** " Ivor snorts in disgust at Lukas' promiscuity.

" **New man!** " Petra cheers, runs up, and hugs Lukas, lifting him " **you completed the set! and on your first time too.** "

" **It was totally fab.** " Lukas gives his opinion.

" **I wish I could have seen it.** " Jesse puts in, " **it was probably hot as all fuck.** "

" **You know it, he practically sucked me off, handjob with spit, mm-hm, came right in his face.** " Lukas illustrates it for them " **spiritually at the time, but then I kept jerking it afterwards until I did for real, imagining his face.** "

" **Fucking hell.** " Jesse comments, whatever that contributes to the conversation.

" **Lunch will be ready soon, Jesssse.** " Ivor informs her, trying to ditch the conversation about Lukas and Stampy " **what is our plan moving forward?** "

" **What else!?** " Jesse laughs, " **find more parties, and continue our path of destruction all across the portal web!** "

" **If U thought dis wuz gud, wait until we get a crop of 100% sexslave-fucktoys!** " Petra informs Lukas " **no holding back, it's FUCK TO DA MAX! don't hurt yourself, but enjoy tormenting the shit out of those worthless little fuckbags.** "

" **I would enjoy being a little more sadistic in our... conquests, I do believe.** " Lukas is warming up to the idea more and more.

" **Soon, a small piece of every world to ever exist, is going to die slowly while sucking our dicks.** " Jesse proclaims, " **it'll be a long, bloody, sexy adventure, one that we've been working on for a while now, but with Ivor taking part in the fucking, and the addition of Lukas, we're sure to be even more successful with it than ever! we'll take a short break to recuperate from the exertion of tonight, but we'll be back on it soon, we done good, you guys! enjoy your rest!** "

" **Aye!** " the crew cheer.

They sit down for their meal and relax for the day, regaining their strength and preparing for their next attack.

And so the cycle continues.

 **Poll Results!**

"What are your LEAST favorite characters from Female Jesse and the Psycho Pumpkin Mansion?"

1\. Jesse. 1 Vote(s). (25%)

2\. Petra. 1 Vote(s). (25%)

3\. Ivor. 1 Vote(s). (25%)

4\. Lukas. 1 Vote(s). (25%)

5\. Stampy. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

6\. Stacy. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

7\. Dan. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

8\. Lizzie. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

9\. Cassie. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

10\. Captain Sparklez. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

11\. PwnKang. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

Total Votes: 4.

Total Voters: 1.

...BEAUTIFUL! Seriously, we mean it. That is EXACTLY the characters we expected to get most, if not all, the votes. Jesse's gang have always been hilariously hated. (And not for bad reasons!)

...

And now, dear viewers...

...we can make...

...THE OFFICIAL FEMALE JESSE POPULARITY TIER LIST! Using the results of BOTH halves of the popularity poll!

 **Tier S for Superstar:**

Jesse! Stampy!

 **Tier A for Awesome:**

Stacy! Dan! Captain Sparklez!

 **Tier B for Better:**

Petra! Lukas! Lizzie!

 **Tier C for Crap:**

Cassie! PwnKang!

 **Tier D for Despised:**

Ivor!

OH, poor Ivor only ever got a single vote, and it was hate! So the old man gets no love. 😢

Cassie and PwnKang meanwhile, never got any votes in either direction! LOS-ERS, at least Ivor had an impact. 😝

Petra and Lukas got plenty of love but also some hate, bringing them at par with the weak but 100% positive feedback for our dear girl Lizzie! 😄

As for those who have received a lot of love, we have goody-goody Sparklez, goody-baddy Stacy, and victim-victim Dan! Sparklez enduring popularity has been very interesting, as he continued to get votes even looong after he had died and been out of the story since forever, either that or the same one person voted for him twice. The other two, meanwhile, have _got_ to be fan favorites. Stacy and Dan are incredible. 👏

And finally, at the top winning the whole thing, tied for first with A: four love votes and one hate vote, vs B: three love votes, we have the two most important characters of all. Jesse and Stampy ARE the main characters, this whole thing was their story, the tale of _their_ encounter, and how it evolved over time. Stampy as our protagonist, and Jesse as our antagonist. From the very beginning the plot has been primarily driven by Stampy's desire to survive and Jesse's desire to have him and kill others. Despite literally being THE hero and THE villain of the story, their relationship was still so much more than that, and by no means were they always in conflict. On the contrary, the majority of their time together was spent on finding ways to compromise and work together, and in the end, that's actually what they did. Our hero and our villain settled their differences and united against everybody else who opposed them, and in the end, they both got exactly what they wanted, and parted ways alive and well. So you see, dear viewers, by using teamwork, they eventually made the dream work, like Captain Sparklez had advised.

 **THANK YOU FOR VOTING IN OUR POLLS. ❤**

(Now, the story might be over, but there is still more to read for those who wish...)


	59. Credits

**Credits.**

...

Directed by:

Brandon Bullock.

Pand.

...

Produced by:

Greene Earth Productions.

...

Written by:

Brandon Bullock.

Pand.

...

Spellcheck Editor:

Brandon Bullock.

...

Character Designs:

Telltale Games.

Pand.

...

Original Story Inspiration:

The Darkest Depths of Our Minds.

...

Disclaimers:

Minecraft: Story Mode belongs to Telltale Games and Mojang.

The characters in this story are parodies based upon the Minecraft: Story Mode renditions of the YouTubers and original characters made by Telltale Games, any actions or portrayals of said YouTubers are not meant to be reflective or slanderous of their real-live counterparts, who we love all of, and hope that none of them ever experience anything even remotely similar to what takes place in this story. We also do not condone any of the different crimes depicted within this story, such as rape, murder, theft, ect., and although many of them may be portrayed as comedic or humorous within the contexts of the story, we take them very seriously and are strongly opposed to them in real life. (In short, we can enjoy black humor but despise real atrocities.)

The jokes concerning Stampy's flint and steel being mockingly dubbed 'Stampy Kitten' were simply jokes for a comedic scene where our villains drive Dan further insane, in reality we 100% support objectumsexuals and their partners. (In one of our other stories we happen to have an objectumsexual character, his relationship is treated with respect by most of the other characters and portrayed as being the same as any other loving relationship.)

...

Special Thanks:

Notch, Telltale Games, and Mojang, for their awesome games.

Stampylonghead.

StacyPlays.

Dan the Diamond Minecart.

LDShadowLady.

Captain Sparklez.

And YOU, the readers.

...

If you enjoyed this story, please consider supporting Greene Earth Productions on P-A-T-R-E-O-N, so we have the funds to create more incredible and hilarious stories like this.

If you do, then you individually will appear in credits like these in future works!

...

 **Thanx 4 readin' dis shit,**

 **it wuz gud.**


	60. Epilogue

**Epilogue.**

Over the rolling hills, past the thick forests, beyond the gleaming lakes, up the rocky cliffs, through the falling snow...

The last bit of bright sunlight shines over the tip of the horizon, soaring above the dark world below and coming to an end on the highest part of a monstrously tall mountain, giving the stone blocks a last tiny bit of warmth, it slightly peeked into the small entrance of an untamed, jagged cavern.

Two feet come lightly stepping their way up to the edge of this light, but remain in the shadows of the cave.

"Night is falling..." the soft, British voice of this person speaks "it won't be long before monsters start to appear."

The figure takes out two stone blocks, cobblestone that she had smelted for this very purpose.

"Whether they're the type who make their intentions clear, or the type who hide behind a friendly face..." she hisses.

 _Pt-pt._ she places the stone blocks so that they block the entrance, cutting off the outside world.

"...they're not getting to me tonight." she huffs, turning away and heading deeper into the cave.

In the center of this altitude of the mountain, she returns to her bed, crafting table, furnace, and a single torch to light the space.

"It may not be much..." she sighs "but this is home for tonight, and I'm so grateful to be here, instead of back in... *shudders* that mansion."

She sits down on the bed, throws a piece of mutton into the furnace, and selects her map from her inventory.

"Let's see..." she holds the map close to the torch for reading light "if I continue like this, I can make it back to the city in about four more days at the worst, it's hard, slow, and out of the way, sure, it won't be easy, and it won't be safe, but it's better than risking the short route and getting recaptured, not only will I be hard to get to, but they likely have no idea that I'm here of all places, my tracks are covered, they'll have to work as hard as me, and during my most vulnerable times I'll be secure within the body of the world itself, my chances are best this way, I'm going to make it."

She folds up the map and puts it away.

"Dan and Cassie are dead, I suppose..." she bows her head, a little sad and guilty "if only they had kept things together just a little stronger, we could have done it..."

Moment of silence.

"...but we didn't." she growls "and it's THEIR fault, if Stacy and Stampy-fucking-Cat hadn't decided to align with the tormentors instead of their fellow victims, Jesse and her cronies would have suffered a crushing defeat, what kind of friends are they? so much for 'I'm happy friendly Stampy Cat and I love and help everybody', he and Stacy betrayed us more than anyone, and it was only last week I was teaching Stacy how to make tipped arrows, out of the kindness of my little broken heart!"

 _THUMP._ she pounds her fist against the wood of her bed.

"I..." she breathes deeply "I suppose... they're... they're probably dead now too... as if Jesse would let any witnesses actually survive... *sniff*... it serves them right! trusting this, psychotic stranger! over their own FRIENDS, of course they deserve it! they should've died, just like Dan and Cassie, and Sparklez!"

Long Silence.

"...oh god." Lizzie rests her face into her hands " _all my friends are dead..._ "

The quiet sounds of her sobbing can be heard throughout the course of the night.


	61. Bonus Features

**Bonus Features.**

So! Stampy and Stacy are back home again, Lizzie is hiding out in the wilderness for the time being, Jesse and the gang are planning their next rampage, what will happen next? what will Stampy and Stacy tell the public? how will the people take the loss of so many of their favorite YouTubers? what, or who, is next in line for Jesse? what drama will unfold if Lizzie makes it back to tell her story? will poor Dan's soul ever find peace?

All of this and more may or may not be answered in... _**the sequel.**_

And now for, some FUN WITH STATISTICS.

...

...

Chapter List and Sizes!

For this story, chapters were allowed a minimum total of over 800 words and a maximum total of under 2,000 words.

 **(Author's Note: these do not include the words used in poll announcements, poll results, or author's notes. Some numbers may now be off by one or two words due to minor edits.)**

...

Chapters by Chronological Order.

...

0,007 - Story Title.

1,437 - Chapter 00: Prologue.

1,048 - Chapter 01: Stacy's Secret.

1,205 - Chapter 02: Planting Seeds.

0,875 - Chapter 03: Beauty Standards.

1,795 - Chapter 04: Lipstick.

1,078 - Chapter 05: the Romantic's Stability.

1,114 - Chapter 06: Rejecting the Devil.

0,928 - Chapter 07: Sparklez in Your Cold Dead Eyes.

1,555 - Chapter 08: Pushing Buttons and Casting Votes.

1,047 - Chapter 09: Stampy's Interrogation.

1,781 - Chapter 10: Jesse and Stacy and the Sexy EULA.

1,925 - Chapter 11: Stampy Chokes It.

1,516 - Chapter 12: Three's a Crowd.

0,942 - Chapter 13: It Begins.

1,241 - Chapter 14: Undressed for Success.

1,019 - Chapter 15: History Lesson.

0,801 - Chapter 16: Peaches or Cream.

1,440 - Chapter 17: Monster.

0,974 - Chapter 18: Danned If You Do, Danned If You Don't.

1,485 - Chapter 19: Undressed with Finesse.

1,241 - Chapter 20: And It All Comes Crashing.

1,924 - Chapter 21: Lukas X StacyPlays.

1,952 - Chapter 22: How Do Windows Help.

1,892 - Chapter 23: the Warlock's Fury.

1,005 - Chapter 24: Captive Conspiracies.

1,466 - Chapter 25: Lukas X Dan the Diamond Minecart.

1,017 - Chapter 26: Making Peace.

1,073 - Chapter 27: Something for Everyone.

1,146 - Chapter 28: Lizzie's Revolution.

1,997 - Chapter 29: Undressed all the Rest.

1,705 - Chapter 30: Planning the Puzzle, Part One.

0,976 - Chapter 31: Planning the Puzzle, Part Two.

1,044 - Chapter 32: Checking the List.

1,520 - Chapter 33: Fuckin' Dis Bitch.

1,999 - Chapter/Rule 34: the Climax.

1,791 - Chapter 35: Stampy's Secret.

1,975 - Chapter 36: the Revolution Lives.

1,910 - Chapter 37: the Killer Revealed.

1,629 - Chapter 38: Four-on-One.

0,996 - Chapter 39: a Heated Chase.

0,861 - Chapter 40: We Always Have Windows.

1,530 - Chapter 41: Fire with Fire.

1,303 - Chapter 42: Dan's Hitchhiking Adventure, Part One.

0,886 - Chapter 43: Cassie's Thorns.

1,996 - Chapter 44: Dan's Hitchhiking Adventure, Part Two.

1,400 - Chapter 45: the Wilting of Cassie.

1,998 - Chapter 46: the Duel.

1,060 - Chapter 47: the Great Stampy Race.

1,459 - Chapter 48: the Finish Line.

1,537 - Chapter 49: the Daring Escape.

1,581 - Chapter 50: the Final Confrontation.

1,986 - Chapter 51: Hateful Origins.

1,771 - Chapter 52: Battle of Lukas' Lovers! Stacy VS Dan.

1,995 - Chapter 53: Stampy's Greatest Moment.

1,803 - Chapter 54: Off the Rails.

1,999 - Chapter 55: the Aftermath.

1,999 - Chapter 56: Closure.

1,999 - Ending.

0,329 - Credits.

0,604 - Epilogue.

1,276 - Bonus Features.

1,423 - Average Chapter Size.

86,843 - Whole Story.

...

Chapters by Size. (Largest to Smallest.)

...

86,843 - Whole Story.

1,999 - Chapter/Rule 34: the Climax.

1,999 - Chapter 55: the Aftermath.

1,999 - Chapter 56: Closure.

1,999 - Ending.

1,998 - Chapter 46: the Duel.

1,997 - Chapter 29: Undressed all the Rest.

1,996 - Chapter 44: Dan's Hitchhiking Adventure, Part Two.

1,995 - Chapter 53: Stampy's Greatest Moment.

1,986 - Chapter 51: Hateful Origins.

1,975 - Chapter 36: the Revolution Lives.

1,952 - Chapter 22: How Do Windows Help.

1,925 - Chapter 11: Stampy Chokes It.

1,924 - Chapter 21: Lukas X StacyPlays.

1,910 - Chapter 37: the Killer Revealed.

1,892 - Chapter 23: the Warlock's Fury.

1,803 - Chapter 54: Off the Rails.

1,795 - Chapter 04: Lipstick.

1,791 - Chapter 35: Stampy's Secret.

1,781 - Chapter 10: Jesse and Stacy and the Sexy EULA.

1,771 - Chapter 52: Battle of Lukas' Lovers! Stacy VS Dan.

1,705 - Chapter 30: Planning the Puzzle, Part One.

1,629 - Chapter 38: Four-on-One.

1,581 - Chapter 50: the Final Confrontation.

1,555 - Chapter 08: Pushing Buttons and Casting Votes.

1,537 - Chapter 49: the Daring Escape.

1,530 - Chapter 41: Fire with Fire.

1,520 - Chapter 33: Fuckin' Dis Bitch.

1,516 - Chapter 12: Three's a Crowd.

1,485 - Chapter 19: Undressed with Finesse.

1,466 - Chapter 25: Lukas X Dan the Diamond Minecart.

1,459 - Chapter 48: the Finish Line.

1,440 - Chapter 17: Monster.

1,437 - Chapter 00: Prologue.

1,423 - Average Chapter Size.

1,400 - Chapter 45: the Wilting of Cassie.

1,303 - Chapter 42: Dan's Hitchhiking Adventure, Part One.

1,276 - Bonus Features.

1,241 - Chapter 14: Undressed for Success.

1,241 - Chapter 20: And It All Comes Crashing.

1,205 - Chapter 02: Planting Seeds.

1,146 - Chapter 28: Lizzie's Revolution.

1,114 - Chapter 06: Rejecting the Devil.

1,078 - Chapter 05: the Romantic's Stability.

1,073 - Chapter 27: Something for Everyone.

1,060 - Chapter 47: the Great Stampy Race.

1,048 - Chapter 01: Stacy's Secret.

1,047 - Chapter 09: Stampy's Interrogation.

1,044 - Chapter 32: Checking the List.

1,019 - Chapter 15: History Lesson.

1,017 - Chapter 26: Making Peace.

1,005 - Chapter 24: Captive Conspiracies.

0,996 - Chapter 39: a Heated Chase.

0,976 - Chapter 31: Planning the Puzzle, Part Two.

0,974 - Chapter 18: Danned If You Do, Danned If You Don't.

0,942 - Chapter 13: It Begins.

0,928 - Chapter 07: Sparklez in Your Cold Dead Eyes.

0,886 - Chapter 43: Cassie's Thorns.

0,875 - Chapter 03: Beauty Standards.

0,861 - Chapter 40: We Always Have Windows.

0,801 - Chapter 16: Peaches or Cream.

0,604 - Epilogue.

0,329 - Credits.

0,007 - Story Title.

...

 **Sexytime Scores.**

 **Number of Cumshots.**

Jesse: 2.

Petra: 4.

Lukas: 6.

Ivor: 2.

Stampy: 1.

Stacy: 0.

Dan: 0.

Lizzie: 0.

Cassie: 0.

PwnKang: 1.

 **Number of Partners.**

Jesse: 5. (Stampy, Stacy, Dan, Lizzie, Cassie)

Petra: 4. (Stampy, Stacy, Cassie, Dan)

Lukas: 5. (Stacy, Dan, Lizzie, Cassie, Stampy)

Ivor: 3. (Lizzie, Cassie, Dan)

Stampy: 3. (Petra, Jesse, Lukas)

Stacy: 3. (Lukas, Jesse, Petra)

Dan: 5. (Lukas, Jesse, PwnKang, Petra, Ivor)

Lizzie: 3. (Ivor, Lukas, Jesse)

Cassie: 4. (Petra, Lukas, Jesse, Ivor)

PwnKang: 1. (Dan)

 **Total Connections. (these are the Fuckpoints)**

Jesse: 6. (Stampy, Stacy, Dan, Lizzie, Cassie, Dan)

Petra: 5. (Stampy, Stacy, Cassie, Cassie, Dan)

Lukas: 7. (Stacy, Dan, Dan, Lizzie, Cassie, Dan, Stampy)

Ivor: 3. (Lizzie, Cassie, Dan)

Stampy: 3. (Petra, Jesse, Lukas)

Stacy: 3. (Lukas, Jesse, Petra)

Dan: 9. (Lukas, Jesse, Lukas, PwnKang, PwnKang, Petra, Lukas, Ivor, Jesse)

Lizzie: 3. (Ivor, Lukas, Jesse)

Cassie: 5. (Petra, Lukas, Jesse, Ivor, Petra)

PwnKang: 2. (Dan, Dan)

 **Total Enjoyed Connections.**

Jesse: 6/6. (Stampy, Stacy, Dan, Lizzie, Cassie, Dan)

Petra: 5/5. (Stampy, Stacy, Cassie, Cassie, Dan)

Lukas: 7/7. (Stacy, Dan, Dan, Lizzie, Cassie, Dan, Stampy)

Ivor: 3/3. (Lizzie, Cassie, Dan)

Stampy: 0/3. (Petra, Jesse, Lukas)

Stacy: 0/3. (Lukas, Jesse, Petra)

Dan: 0/9. (Lukas, Jesse, Lukas, PwnKang, PwnKang, Petra, Lukas, Ivor, Jesse)

Lizzie: 0/3. (Ivor, Lukas, Jesse)

Cassie: 0/5. (Petra, Lukas, Jesse, Ivor, Petra)

PwnKang: 2/2. (Dan, Dan)

 **Most Popular: Dan.**

 **Least Popular: Ivor.**

 **Most Passed Around: Dan.**

 **Least Passed Around: PwnKang.**

 **Biggest Enjoyer: Lukas.**

 **Weakest Enjoyer: Dan.**

 **Ultimate Overall Total: 46 Fuckpoints.**


End file.
